Nineteen
Whit
M y head is throbbing so bad, I feel like I was in a fight. What the fuck happend? I try to think back, but everything is a bit blurry.
The last thing I remember is getting ready for rehearsals. I don’t even remember playing a show. Did we play? I hear a loud banging on the door, it’s Nicolas.
“Wake the fuck up, asshole!” Why is he here? And where is here? I look around my room and wonder how the hell I got here.
“Fuck off, I’ll be out in a minute,” I yell back. I sit up slowly, the room is spinning. My clothes are all over the room. And I see Scarlett’s things, but where is she? I get up slowly, trying to make my way to the bathroom. My head feels like someone hit me with a baseball bat.
The door slams open and Nicolas walks in. He looks pissed, but he won’t make eye contact with me. “Get dressed and come out, now,” he says through clenched teeth.
“What the hell is your problem, Nic? For fuck’s sake, I’m hungover or some shit,” I say to him, my voice raspy. “Where is Scar?”
“Get dressed, Whit,” Nic says, looking at the ground. I see something pass over his features, and I wonder what’s going on. I pull on a pair of black jeans and a white t-shirt. Then I slip on my black combat boots.
“Nic, is she okay? Is something wrong?” The thought of something being wrong with Scarlett makes my blood run cold. I wouldn’t survive losing her. I rush past Nicolas into the hallway, and run into Blaine. He has dark circles under his eyes. He looks like he hasn’t slept in days.
“Whoa, bro. What the hell is going on?” I ask him. He doesn’t answer me, just pushes me towards the back door. I try to push him off, but he’s surprisingly strong for a string bean. “Where is Scarlett? Where are we going?”
“Just shut the fuck up and get outside, Whit,” Blaine says, his voice is rough and filled with anger. “And then you’re going to fucking explain yourself.” I have no idea what the hell he is talking about. I just want to find Scarlett. When we get outside, I see the rest of the band waiting by the SUV. They are all glaring at me and I’m still confused as hell. “Will someone just tell me where Scarlett is?”
Blaine shoves me against the side of the vehicle and pulls his fist back. He hits me square in the jaw. “That’s for hurting her, you fucking asshole!” he yells at me.
I hold my jaw and stare at him, confused and pissed. “What the fuck, Blaine?”
Nicolas grabs my shoulder and turns me around to face him. “We all saw you last night, Whit. What the fuck happened?”
What the fuck are they talking about? I don’t remember doing anything last night except going to the venue to practice and then get ready for the show. “I have no idea what you assholes are talking about. Where the fuck is Scarlett? And where is my car? I want to go find her and make sure she is okay.”
Blaine starts laughing. “Your car is at the venue, you fucking idiot. You really have no fucking clue, do you?”
“No, I don’t. Now, will you stop with all the riddles and shit? Just tell me what’s going on,” I say to them. My headache is getting worse, and now I’m starting to feel nauseous.
Nicolas sighs and looks at me, then hands me a tablet. On the screen, I see a picture of me kissing another woman. I am so fucking confused, because I know I didn’t kiss anyone except Scarlett. I would never do that, not after everything we’ve been through.
“You kissed another woman, Whit. Scarlett was on her way and saw you two.”
I shake my head, unable to speak for a minute. My chest is tight and I can’t seem to breathe. This can’t be true. I wouldn’t have done that to her. I love her. I could never hurt her. “No, this isn’t me. I didn’t do this. I would never. This is not me, Nic.”
He shakes his head at me. “I’m sorry, but it is you. I saw you. We all saw you, Whit.”
“Here,” Nic drops my grandmother’s ring into my hand. “She threw this at you last night before she stormed out of the building. She was yelling at you, telling you how much she hated you. Then she left.” He turns around and walks away. Lennox follows suit, neither looking back at me.
“Oh, and since the show was postponed, so is the tour. Thanks for fucking everything up for us. That’s always what you’re good at, right?” Blaine shakes his head and follows the others.
My chest is tight, and I feel like I can’t breathe. I don’t remember any of this. I don’t remember her leaving me or throwing the ring at me. My memories are blurry but some begin to surface and I don’t know what’s real or fake. It feels like I’m in a nightmare that I can’t wake up from. How could I have been so stupid?
12 hours earlier…
“Tonight’s the night, boys.” I hold up my shot glass to theirs, clinking before we down our poison of choice. “We are going to make history at that show.”
My bandmates, Lennox and Blaine, nod eagerly in agreement, excitement written on their faces. We’ve worked hard for this moment and the anticipation is killing us all.
I smash some Addys on the table and snort a line, passing it to Lennox. He takes it, his breath hitching slightly as he stares at me.
“You’re such a bad influence.”
“Am I? Or am I just the best kind of influence for an unforgettable night?” I chuckle, already feeling the room spin, the edges of reality blurring. We’re on the edge of something exhilarating.
Outside, the sky starts to swoon into twilight, the pinks and oranges bleeding into deep blues, like watercolor paints splattered across a canvas. My mind wanders outside, where the world goes on unaware of the revolution brewing within our little trio.
Nothing can stop me. Chaos Theory is about to take the world by storm, and I can’t wait to see what happens next.
“Did you see how many tickets we sold?” Blaine grins, his eyes bright with enthusiasm. “We’ll have a packed house tonight!”
Lennox leans back against the wall, crossing his arms with a smirk. “Yeah, and they’ll all be waiting for us to blow the roof off. No pressure, right?”
“Just wait until the crowd goes wild,” I reply, the tingling rush of adrenaline mixing with the drugs coursing through my system. “We’re ready for this.”
“There’s still a couple hours before we go on. Where’s Scar?” Lennox asks me.
I pull out my phone and check my text messages and see that Scarlett texted me a little while ago saying that the movers are almost done loading our things on the bus and that she had a few things to do before coming to the venue.
The letters on the screen are a little blurry. I rub my eyes and try to focus again. “She’ll be here soon. Don’t worry.”
Blaine pulls out his phone and starts texting. “I’ll make sure security knows she’s coming. The crowd is already starting to gather out front.” He taps away on his phone, and I watch him, trying to keep my eyes from drooping shut.
I’m lounging on the couch in the green room when the door bursts open and groupies start pouring in. My head is fuzzy and I can’t think straight. I see red hair and I think it’s my little flame.
“You’re so fucking sexy, Whit. You look like a god.” She bites her bottom lip and I think it’s Scar. But her voice sounds different. “I love how your lips feel against mine,” she moans softly. She leans over and kisses me. I try to push her away, but she digs her nails into my arms.
“I’m your fiancé, baby,” she says, kissing my neck. “I’m Scarlett, silly. Someone must have had a little too much fun before I got here,” she chuckles softly but the sound is off. It’s almost distorted. “Don’t you remember what we talked about?”
“What the fuck?” I pull back from her and look at her. Her face looks like Scarlett’s, but it doesn’t at the same time. “I have no clue what you’re talking about.”
My head is pounding and I’m so fucking dizzy, I feel like I could vomit any minute.
“Don’t worry about it,” she says, leaning over to kiss me again. “I’ll remind you when we leave after the show.”
I look up for a moment and see another Scarlett at the door, watching me. I blink, trying to clear the fog in my brain and double vision.
“I think I need to lie down,” I say, pushing her away from me, but she grabs my shirt and kisses me.
“You’re making a huge mistake, Whit. You know you love this.”
I shove her back and stand up.
“Get the fuck away from me. I don’t want this.” I feel something hit my chest and fall to the floor. I look down and see my grandmother’s ring on the floor, then I hear Scarlett scream.
“I hate you!” she yells, tears streaming down her face. “You aren’t the man I thought you were.” She turns around and runs out the door.
I push the other girl to the floor and stumble after her, tripping over my own feet. I can barely breathe, and my head feels like someone is squeezing it, then darkness surrounds me.
I open my door, my mind reeling, and my heart sinking. How could I have done that to her? How could I have been so careless? As I step inside, the familiar smells of my home greet me, but they offer no comfort.
The place that used to cradle me in warmth now feels like a prison, the walls seeming to close in on me, the weight of my actions suffocating.
I stumble towards the couch, the room spinning, my body feeling unbearably heavy. My pulse thunders in my ears as I collapse onto the cushions, my head falling into my hands. The silence is deafening, the emptiness of the room mocking me.
“What have I done?” I whisper into the stillness, a question I can’t bear to answer. I pull the ring from my pocket and stare at it, the diamond glinting cruelly in the daylight. Tears well up in my eyes, the pain in my chest becoming too much to bear. “How could I have been so fucking stupid?” I murmur again, this time more resigned.
I grab my phone with trembling fingers, desperate to reach her, to explain, to plead. I call Scarlett, but the call goes straight to voicemail. An icy tendril of fear wraps around my heart. I send her a text, heart racing, thinking every second wasted is a second too long.
Whit:
Scarlett, I don’t know what happened last night. I would never hurt you. Please, come back to me. I love you. Please, little flame.
I stare at the message, willing her to read it, to feel the sincerity that pours out of the screen. But the silence of the room echoes my heartache. I check her location, hoping it will provide me with some guidance, but her phone is off.
A wave of panic washes over me, and I feel like I’m drowning. I can’t lose her, I won’t.
This is my doing. The realization hits me like a sucker punch. The failure I’ve been running from has always been me. I’m the architect of this chaos, my life a house of cards built on lies and addiction. Each mile I drive, each icy patch I navigate, feels like a descent deeper into my own personal hell.
The weight of my actions crushes me, my drug use, my broken promises—they’re all threads in the noose tightening around my neck. This isn’t just a moment of panic—it’s the culmination of my self-destruction, career suicide, and I’m spiraling into the abyss. But I can’t stop. Even in the darkness, a flicker of hope drives me. I have to see her. I have to make this right, or it’s all for nothing.
Suddenly, her dot appears on my screen, but it’s bouncing in a subdivision that’s not close to her apartment. Confusion grips me. “Why would she go there?” Is she seeing someone else already? The thought makes me sick.
“No. She wouldn’t. She loves me. She has to know I’d never do that,” I mutter, determination igniting in my veins. My heart is pounding in my chest with every step towards the door.
I jump into my Audi and connect my phone so the directions will blare over the speakers.
Racing toward that side of town, the engine roars in sync with my racing heart. It’s freezing out, and I have to watch for icy patches on the road, each one a potential hazard. Every second feels like an eternity as I weave through traffic, my mind a whirl of fear and hope.
Through my urgency to find Scarlett, I didn’t realize where I was heading. Dread pulls in my stomach when I realize she parked two houses down from my father’s house. She’s going through with her plan to get information about him, but she doesn’t know how dangerous he is. I can’t let her face him alone.
I leave my car, my legs shaking, and run up the driveway to the house. I’m about to kick the door in but before I can do it, I hear a sound that chills me to the bone. Blood-curdling screams coming from inside. The sound sends chills down my spine, and my heart hammers in my chest. I need to act fast.