12. Noah
12
NOAH
I tried to avoid Cory as much as I could.
Obviously, I had him in Combat, but I did my best to have only cursory interactions with him there. My conscience wouldn’t let me ignore him entirely. He needed instruction as much as my other students, if not more. But I tried never to address him one-on-one.
But it was like learning a new word. Ever since I’d decided to avoid him, he’d started popping up everywhere I looked, like mushrooms after rain. It got so I started ducking my head and turning corners in the manor whenever I saw Cory and his friends coming, or worse, Cory alone.
Thank God he was so close with Felix and Ash, and to a lesser extent with Min, Keelan, and Erika. The six of them were a tight-knit little family, and it was rare to see Cory without one of the others. That made it a little easier to avoid eye contact when I did have to pass him. Made it feel less personal.
But it was personal. I’d been lying when I told him it wasn’t. It was true that I wasn’t in the habit of befriending my students, but I wasn’t in the habit of hiding from them either. Being close to Cory made my body hum, though, made every cell inside me explode in little fireworks.
It wasn’t just that he was gorgeous—though, he was. But he made every other one of my senses light up as well. His scent invaded my nostrils if he was closer than ten feet to me. His voice lingered in my ears long after class ended. I was sure that if I could touch him, his skin would be softer than silk.
And tasting him—God, I shouldn’t be thinking about that. If I needed to have sex so badly, I had Lew. Though, to be fair, I hadn’t been out to Pointe Claudette in weeks. But Cory showed up in every one of my trances with Isaac, and in those trances, he wanted me as badly as I wanted him.
I knew it was wrong. Cory was so much younger than I was. And he was a student. I was in a position of power and authority. I knew his secrets, while he knew none of mine. Nothing could happen between us. For so many reasons, including the fact that I wasn’t sure I could handle being so close to another incubus without losing my mind.
And yet, I wanted it. Wanted him . Maybe it was wrong, but I wanted him anyway.
A few days after searching Teresa’s rooms, I was putting the freshman through a new sequence of moves in Combat. I’d set up five punching bags around the gym, but for starters, I had all the students grouped around one in the front of the room so I could demonstrate the combination. It involved a kick, spin, and two punches, and required power, speed, and balance.
We’d worked on each of those moves in isolation over the past couple of weeks, but now it was time to bring them together. I demonstrated each component first, then moved in front of the bag.
I raised my fists, shifted my weight onto my non-dominant left leg, then raised and drew in my right leg, and kicked explosively at the bag. It swung away, then back, but I spun out of the way. Finally, I hit the bag with a quick two punches.
It wasn’t hard, but working on moves in isolation was always easier than putting them together. I knew my Hunters would catch on quickly, though, and I hoped they would help the other students with the trickier bits as I circulated.
Because I wanted the Hunters distributed among the five groups, I asked the class to count off. Cory ended up in Group 4, and I told myself I would visit that group second. No putting it off and dragging out the discomfort. I would get it out of the way.
But first, I went to Group 3, which included Adenike Odediran and Tim Kim, along with Ash and two other students. I asked Adenike to go first, and sure enough, she mastered the sequence on the first try.
“Good. Everyone else, come a little closer. Adenike, I’m going to ask you to do that again, and I’ll call out each step as you perform it.”
The little group clustered closer to the mat where Adenike stood.
I nodded at her. “Whenever you’re ready.”
She nodded back and began. She moved a little slower this time, separating each move slightly. It was like watching slow-motion replay of a football game—something I hadn’t done since coming to Vesperwood. I named each step as she completed it, and she beamed when she was done.
This was one of the first times I’d seen her in class without Rekha and Meredith at her side, and it turned out, she shone when she was on her own. Ruben Whitaker was the next to go, and Adenike remained at the front of the group, giving him pointers on his stance.
I was surprised, but pleased. I’d never have guessed Adenike had such inborn teaching abilities. It was almost a shame she was a Hunter, because she’d make a great professor someday. But most Hunters didn’t stay in one place long enough for that type of job. They didn’t like to be tied down. Leon Zi was certainly qualified to be the head of Hunt. But he also filled that role because Isaac couldn’t convince any other Hunters to join the faculty.
I watched Ruben finish, then Tim, then Holly Fletcher, and then Ash. Ash was small, and not the strongest student, but he was incredibly agile. He almost danced with the punching bag, his moves were so deft and quick. I nodded, then turned towards Group 4.
I was an adult. I was in control of myself. I could do this.
Cory was just squaring up to the punching bag when I joined Group 4. I watched silently from the back of the group as he brought his fists up. He was holding them too low, but at least his thumbs were in the right place. He took a deep breath, shifted his weight to his left leg, raised his right—and promptly fell over.
Sean, who was in Group 4 as well, snickered. I was still at the back of the group, but I could see Cory’s cheeks flush from where I was standing.
“The mat’s really wobbly, isn’t it?” Erika said as she helped Cory to his feet.
He flashed her a tight grin and faced the bag again. He held his fists even lower this time, where they’d do no good in an actual fight, and shifted to his left leg again.
Just as he lifted his right foot off the ground, Sean called out, “Don’t fall!”
And Cory fell over again. Sean’s laugh was even louder this time, and Paolo Webb, another student, joined him.
Cory pushed up from the mat, ignoring Sean again. “Well, that was my two tries,” he said to the group at large. “Someone else’s turn.”
“Oh, we’ve got plenty of time,” Sean said. “You should try again.”
“I think I’m okay.” Cory shot him a dark look. “Wouldn’t want to hold things up.”
“But learning is important, Cory.” Sean’s voice was solicitous, his face pious and earnest. “The rest of us might only need two tries, but if you need more, there’s no shame in that. Or are you too chickenshit, even for this?”
I found myself wishing Cory would tell him to fuck off. The truth was, Cory could stand to try the sequence again. It was worth learning how to do it correctly. But I knew that wasn’t what Sean cared about.
I could feel Cory’s anger and embarrassment build, as if it were happening in my own body. When his jaw jutted out, I knew he’d decided he wasn’t going to let Sean bully him. Instead of backing down like he clearly wanted to, he placed himself in front of the punching bag again.
His fists were even lower this time, and he didn’t take the time to ground himself. He shifted to his left foot immediately and raised his right leg. He didn’t fall this time, and I let out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding.
Instead, he kicked the punching bag, and then seemed paralyzed with surprise that he’d managed it. So paralyzed that he failed to get out of the way as the bag swung back and knocked into him, making him fall over backwards.
Sean was laughing openly now, elbowing Paolo. “Did you see that?”
Cory’s face was red with fury and shame, and before I’d fully thought it through, I’d pushed through the group and joined Cory at the mat. His eyes widened as he saw me looming over him, but I didn’t wait for him to say anything. I just extended a hand.
“Here. Let me help you.”
His eyebrows rose, and he looked at my hand like it might bite him. He didn’t take it, and pushed up to standing on his own.
“Sorry,” he muttered, stepping off the mat. “I didn’t mean to waste everyone’s time.”
“It’s not a waste,” I barked, and Cory looked like he wanted to jump back. I softened my tone. It wasn’t Cory I was mad at. It was Sean—and under that, myself.
I turned and glared at the rest of the group.
“The point of this exercise is to learn. Not everyone’s starting from the same place, and it will be harder for some of you than others. That’s fine. I don’t care if you succeed. Not at first, anyway. I care that you follow directions, and that you try.” My gaze narrowed in on Sean. “Some of you might not struggle to learn the maneuver, but you definitely need to learn how to be decent to your fellow classmates.”
Then I turned back to Cory. “We’ll do it again. Together.”
He shook his head. “It’s okay. I don’t want to slow things down for the rest of the group.”
“They’ll get their turns. But I want you to get the full benefit of yours. You’re trying, and you’re almost there. I want you to feel what it’s like to do this the right way.”
Successfully completing the combination would help instill some muscle memory into Cory’s body. But I also wanted him to get a win. After Sean’s heckling, he deserved it.
I motioned for Cory to join me on the mat. He eyed me warily, then walked forward. I directed him in front of the bag, then took a deep breath and stepped up behind him.
This close, his scent was intoxicating. Clean and fresh, with a hint of dark berry sweetness. Standing behind him, I had a view of his neck and shoulders, and the beginning of his left collarbone where it poked out of his shirt. I ached to touch him there, to bend down and press my lips and teeth to the soft skin of his neck.
I closed my eyes for a second, reeling from the heat between our bodies. How was Cory not feeling this? Or maybe he did feel it. Maybe he was just better at controlling himself than I was.
Get a grip , I told myself. You’re acting like some lovesick teenager, and the actual teenager is the one who’s calm and composed.
I raised my hands. Much as I wanted to stroke them along Cory’s shoulders, I moved them to his hands instead. I still felt a shock wave run through me when our hands met. This was the first time I’d touched him since the moraghin attack, and my body cried out to prolong the contact.
“Make fists,” I said as my hands closed around his. He did, and I raised his hands to just above chin height. “Good. Now take a minute to center yourself before you move to your left foot. Take a breath, let it out, then move.”
I let my hands fall away from Cory’s. Or perhaps I should say, I forced my hands to fall away from Cory’s. It wasn’t easy. He looked over his shoulder nervously.
“Don’t worry,” I told him. “I’m right here. I won’t let you fall.”
He nodded and faced forward again. I watched his shoulders rise as he inhaled, heard the audible exhale. He shifted his weight to his left foot, raised the right one off the ground, and immediately started to wobble.
My hands shot out. I was about to grab his waist, but corrected myself at the last instant and took hold of his shoulders instead. Nothing I was doing was out of bounds for helping a student, but I really shouldn’t be touching Cory’s waist. No matter how right I was sure it would feel to hold his slim frame there, to slide my hands down his hips and onto his ass.
I held his shoulders lightly. “I’ve got you. Just breathe. You don’t have to raise the other leg yet. Just center yourself.”
Even just holding his shoulders was enough to make me ache with need. I wanted to wrap him in my arms. Wanted to press his body to mine. Wanted to hold him close until we’d both satisfied ourselves.
A shudder ran through his body, and I had no idea if it was because he was reacting to me, or if he was just concerned about what came next.
“When you’re ready,” I said, “and only then, you’re going to raise your leg like you did last time. Bend your knee, bring it in towards your body, and then kick out with all the force you can muster. You’ve done it before, so you can do it again. But this time, you’re going to spin out of the way of the bag when it comes back towards you. Got it?”
“I—I think so.”
Was he afraid? Of making a fool of himself? Or of me? I wasn’t sure.
“Okay. When you’re ready.”
Cory nodded, inhaled and exhaled again, and raised his foot higher. I loosened my grip on his shoulders, my fingers just barely grazing the fabric of his shirt. His leg came up and in. I tried not to think about what he would look like in bed, both legs bent and spread as he lay on his back and I fucked him in the ass. I moved my hands back another inch as he kicked. His foot made contact with the bag.
“Good.” The bag swung back, and I grasped his shoulders again. “Now you spin to the side to get out of the way.” I guided him out of the bag’s path, turning him around, and stopped him when he was facing the bag again. “Then it’s a quick one-two punch. Right, then left, right on the bag and—perfect. You did it. That’s great.”
Was it actually perfect?
No, not even close. Cory’s punches had glanced off the side of the bag, rather than hitting it in the center, and he’d stumbled a little coming out of the spin, but he’d stayed on his feet.
The grin on his face was one of pure joy. His eyes beamed, and his smile took up his whole face. I’d never seen him smile like that before, and it only made him more beautiful. I smiled back—how could I not, in the face of that delight and triumph?
Then I heard Sean mutter behind my back about how real fighters didn’t need hand-holding, and my smile faltered. Partially because I wanted to punch Sean in the face, but also because I’d just realized what I was doing. What I’d done.
I’d allowed myself to get close to Cory. Given myself an excuse to touch him. And I’d nearly been swallowed up, pulled in by the riptide of his body.
I wrenched myself free. Forced my face back to its normal, stoic expression. Cory’s smile faded.
“Good,” I said a final time, but my tone was cooler now. Disinterested. I had to keep it that way.
I took a step back, then another, and turned to look at Sean.
“I care less about whether someone needs help, and more about whether they’re willing to persevere when things are hard. Be careful, Sean. When things come too easily to you, you get complacent. Lazy. Take things for granted. I’d rather fight alongside someone I can count on not to give up in the face of adversity than someone who’s never truly been tested, and might crumble when something doesn’t go their way.”
He glowered, but didn’t say anything. I held his gaze until he broke the stare, his eyes dropping down. Then I scanned the rest of the group.
“Everyone got that?” I barked.
“Yes, Professor Braverman,” came a chorus of tremulous voices.
“Good. Now who’s next?”
Erika stepped forward, and I stepped to the back of the group again, putting distance between myself and Cory. He was still staring at me, like I was a tricky math problem he was trying to solve.
Stare all you want , I thought. And think what you will. I’m not letting my guard down again.
I made it through the rest of class without getting anywhere near Cory. I couldn’t risk it. My control was so shaky, I wasn’t sure I could keep myself from pulling him in and kissing him, right there in front of everybody. I didn’t even know if he’d want that, but I knew I did.
It was a relief when the bell rang out, thirteen peals signaling the end of Fourth Hour. I watched the class stream towards the gym doors. My eyes focused on Cory’s back, like a wolf watching its last meal disappear into the snow. But I needed to be okay with that. I needed to learn how to starve.
I rarely ate in the refectory, so at least I didn’t have to see Cory at dinner. But I did have a meeting with Isaac at 7:15, which put me in the entrance hall when dinner ended. Students streamed up the stairs from the refectory and on to their Fifth Hour classes, or to one of the libraries or common rooms to study.
I leaned against a marble column and watched Cory and his friends make their way through the crowd. They crossed the hall and began walking up one of the staircases. My feet moved of their own accord, and I found myself walking up the steps after them.
It was too crowded to hear what they were talking about until they reached the third floor, where Felix, Keelan, and Min peeled off, presumably to go to their rooms. Ash, Erika, and Cory continued to the fourth floor. I trailed behind them, leaving distance, since the crowd had thinned out.
“Meet in the first library in fifteen minutes?” Erika said as they reached the top of the steps.
“Why must it always be the library with you?” Ash grumbled.
“Where would you rather meet? The kitchens?” She rolled her eyes.
“At least it would be somewhere different.”
“But a lot louder, and probably hard to study.”
Ash laughed. “Well, yeah, that’s kind of the point. And it’s not like you need to study. You’re like, the top student in our class.”
Erika shrugged. “I don’t know, Rekha might be ahead of me. And Felix wouldn’t be far behind, if he kept his assignments on topic instead of wandering down so many tangents.” Then she turned to Cory. “You’ll come, even if Ash won’t, right?”
“Sorry,” Cory said. “I have another lesson with Romero tonight. But tomorrow?”
Ah. So that was what his evening plans included. I filed that piece of information away—not that I cared, of course. But it couldn’t hurt to know.
“You’d think you’d be caught up by now, with all the lessons you’ve been taking,” Erika said.
“Well, not all of us can be geniuses.” He smiled to take the sting out of his words. “Have fun studying, though.”
He waved and turned right, while Erika and Ash went to the left, Ash still enumerating the benefits of studying in the kitchen.
“Just think of the snack potential. You have to feed the brain, Erika.”
I ignored them, but lingered at the top of the stairs until I judged Cory was far enough down the hall not to hear me as I followed. There was still the danger that he’d look behind him for some other reason, but I reminded myself that it would be fine if he did. I was a professor. I had as much reason to be in the manor as he did.
Anyway, there was no reason for Cory to think I was following him. That was something a stalker or crazy person would do. And I was neither of those things.
Still, I was grateful that through all the twists and turns, he never once looked over his shoulder. He took a final turn to the left, then right, and when I made the same turns a few seconds later, I saw a door at the end of the hall closing behind his figure.
Silently, I walked until I stood in front of that door. It had to lead to his bedroom. Most of the freshmen were scattered around the third and fourth floors of the manor, usually in doubles or triples.
Soft sounds came from inside the room. I put my ear to the door and heard Cory say, “Hush, you. I can pet you for a little bit, but then I have to meet Professor Romero. Joy of joys.”
I wondered who he was talking to. Probably not a roommate. An animal of some kind, most likely.
I thought about the lesson he was about to have. Could Seb really be making any progress? He was supposed to teach Cory how to enter and manipulate the dreams of others—but how could he do that when he wasn’t an incubus himself?
For a second, I wished I’d told Isaac yes, when he’d asked if I would teach Cory. But I wasn’t an incubus anymore. And I didn’t need to spend any more time with Cory than I already did. I didn’t want to watch him sleep and wonder what he was doing in his dreams.
Abruptly, I stepped back. I shouldn’t even be this close to Cory. What excuse would I have if he opened the door and saw me standing here? None.
I was being creepy, and plain pathetic, pressing up against his door like it was the next best thing to pressing against the kid himself. I forced myself to turn around and walk away. I needed to clear my head, not follow him around like a lovesick dog.
I heard the soft noise of a door unlatching behind me, and my heart leapt into my throat. I turned, excuses jumping to my lips, but it wasn’t Cory’s door that had opened. Instead, it was an unmarked, almost invisible door, cleverly hidden in the wood paneling of the hallway.
I stepped back to close it and felt cold air coming through from the other side. It felt good on my skin—I’d been too hot all evening. I wondered where the door led, and opened it wider.
On the other side, a set of wooden steps climbed up into deep darkness. I knew Vesperwood had attics. Maybe this went to one?
With a shrug, I stepped inside and shut the door behind me. Darkness surrounded me, but it looked a little lighter at the top of the stairs. Feeling for the railing, I began to climb.
The staircase smelled musty. I sneezed, and wondered how long it had been since anyone else had used it. Just as I reached a landing, I heard the door open again behind me. The latch must have been broken. I would tell Isaac about it, when I came down.
I put it out of my mind and followed the stairs. They turned left at the landing and kept going up. It was a little lighter up here, and it got lighter still—well, less dark, anyway—when I reached another landing to find a narrow window set into the wall.
I peered out. The window was tucked in between peaked roofs and crenelations, shrouded by the night sky. I was level with the attics now, but the stairs kept going, so I kept climbing.
The journey up felt almost dreamlike, though I hadn’t actually dreamt in seven years. The staircase turned two more times before dead-ending at another wooden door. The sound of wind was louder here, and the door was cold when I put my hand on it. I turned the knob and pushed it open.
I stood on a narrow platform, looking out across the rooftops of the manor. I’d never been up here before, and seeing Vesperwood from this point of view was eye-opening. The attic roofs made peaks and valleys below me. In the distance, I saw the massive bell tower that sat front and center over the manor, right above the ward room.
The night was cold, and I took in a deep breath of frigid air, relishing the way it chilled my lungs. Chimneys poked out of the roofs in every direction, scattered like spilled candy on a bedspread. The slate tiles of the attic roofs were dark under the night sky. Here and there, dormer windows peeked out to say hello. A thin walkway, no wider than two feet across, ran along the crest of the roof directly below me.
The view, the night, the emptiness—it was all so peaceful. I stepped away from the platform, walking along that narrow stone walkway as it led north. My cabin was out there in the woods somewhere. I should have gone there after my meeting with Isaac, instead of following Cory and ending up here. But instead of turning back for the door, I followed the walkway as it turned around one chimney and then another. When it reached a third, I sat down and let my legs fall over the edge, lying against the roof tiles.
I closed my eyes and tilted my head up to the sky, letting the cold air scour me. I did need to clear my head. Even up here, Cory haunted me. His eyes, his lips, his hands. I’d held his hands today, felt their slimness as I’d covered them with my own. I ached to touch them again—to touch every part of him.
My cock stirred, but I ignored it. It was bad enough I had to see Cory in Isaac’s trances. I wasn’t going to sink so low as jerking off to thoughts of him in real life. I flexed my fingers and deliberately laid my hands along the cold stone on either side of me. I was just going to sit here and cool down.
I’m not sure how long I stayed there, but at some point, I noticed the sky had clouded, and it had begun to flurry. I knew I should go inside, but again, I found I had no desire to. It was almost like some force were keeping me here, holding me under its spell. The bell pealed out the end of Fifth Hour, so loud up here that it made my teeth vibrate.
Was Cory that force? I didn’t want him to be, but I couldn’t free myself of thoughts of him. They kept me pinned. I was still hard, and I groped at my crotch, trying to readjust myself, making it easier to ignore. But the touch of my hand only made me harder, only made it more clear what my body so desperately needed.
I closed my eyes, disgusted with myself. I couldn’t believe I was doing this. But up here, it was just me and the snow. If I did this here, I could pretend it had never happened. Better than giving into my desire back in my cabin.
“Fucking hell.”
I slipped a hand inside my joggers. It was freezing, but even that wasn’t enough to stop me. Cory filled my mind, and I found myself focusing on his lips. His soft, plush, kissable lips. Fuckable lips.
I pictured Cory kneeling in front of me, and began to stroke myself.