Strength of Desire (Vesperwood Academy: Incubus #2)

16. Noah

16

NOAH

T en minutes later, I was at the Balsam Inn, knocking snow off my boots and pushing open the front door. Tom, the bartender, looked up from where he was polishing the bar on the left. I nodded to him and let my gaze sweep the rest of the room. It was dim, but I could see Lew hunched over a beer in the corner, in the fluorescent blue glow of the Bud Light sign in the window.

Tom held up an empty pint glass and nodded at the taps, but I shook my head. I didn’t want alcohol. I wanted—no, I needed —to satisfy a deeper urge. I crossed the room to Lew and jerked him out of his seat by the arm. His beer sloshed in his glass, but it was mostly empty, so it didn’t spill. It was probably warm by now anyway.

“Let’s go,” I told him.

“No ‘ hello ?’” Lew said, his voice angry.

“Hello. Let’s go.”

He wrenched his arm out of my grasp. “No.”

“No?” I said roughly.

“No.” Lew looked at my defiantly. “Fucking no. You don’t get to show up here after weeks of no contact and throw me against a wall like no time has passed. No.”

“You like it when I throw you against a wall,” I growled. I was getting annoyed. I’d come here to get my fix, not to talk about feelings with Lew. The whole point was that we didn’t let feelings get involved.

“Yeah, but I have a life. You shouldn’t assume I’ll always be at your beck and call.”

“You’re here, aren’t you? Sitting at the same table, nursing the same beer for over an hour.”

“Well maybe I don’t want to tonight. Maybe I’m just here to drink.”

“You gotta be fucking kidding me.” I bit the words off. Yeah, I usually came down to the Balsam Inn more frequently than I had recently. But since when did Lew give a shit how often I showed up? Since when did he have anything better to do?

He glared at me. I glared back. After a moment of silence, I made a disgusted noise in the back of my throat and turned away.

“Suit yourself.”

I was pissed, but I couldn’t make him want to hook up. Lew liked it rough, sure, but I didn’t get off on forcing people.

I stalked back to the door, already planning what I’d do when I got back to campus. Maybe I’d run the five-mile loop, unencumbered by a gaggle of students trailing after me. Maybe I’d hang up a punching bag in the gym and work my energy out that way.

Tom looked at me when I reached the door, holding up the key to the room upstairs—the single room that made up the ‘ inn ’ part of the Balsam Inn. I shook my head. I wouldn’t be needing that tonight.

I was still on the wooden steps outside when I heard the door open behind me. I turned to see Lew framed in the doorway. We stared at each other for a long moment, and then he bit his lip.

I knew in that second that I had him. A current of energy ran through me. I arched an eyebrow.

“Maybe I changed my mind,” he said.

“Should have fucking known. Go get the key from Tom.”

“No,” Lew said. “Fuck that.”

He was down the steps before I could take a breath, and he tugged me by my jacket cuff. He pulled me across the parking lot until we were leaning up against my 1979 Buick Skylark. I looked at him in surprise when he pushed me against the driver’s side door.

Lew bit his lip again, and two things happened at once: the same current of energy shot through me, and a cascade of images of Cory rushed through my mind.

Cory, rosy-cheeked and breathing hard after a run. Cory, alone and determined, trying to cast a spell in Nat’s classroom. Cory, staring at me, eyes wide and fearful after the moraghin attack. He’d looked up at me as I’d felt his body, checking for injuries, for blood. And he’d bitten his lip, just like Lew was doing now.

I shook my head, forcing the images out of my mind. I brought my attention back to Lew. He slid his left hand down my chest, his right one groping at my groin. He palmed across my crotch, feeling my cock, and his eyes went wide in surprise.

It wasn’t until that moment that I realized I wasn’t hard.

I blinked, staring at Lew, who was staring at me. His eyes were a deep brown, with dark circles below, sunken into sallow skin. Nothing like Cory’s gorgeous blue-gray.

And just like that, my mind was on Cory again, on the way he’d looked tonight, in the light of the bonfire. His haunting eyes, his nostrils flared as he breathed in sharply, his lips parted as if to ask a question—or preparing for a kiss.

Please God don’t let us be related .

The words floated into my mind out of nowhere, and I shoved them away, then gestured for Lew to get on his knees. I didn’t care if I was related to Cory, because nothing was ever going to happen between us. I’d let myself get too close to him, care too much. But I needed to put a stop to that.

I wasn’t going to think about him tonight. I certainly wasn’t going to let him ruin this thing with Lew. I didn’t care if he was gorgeous. Didn’t care if he was an incubus. Didn’t care if my cock had no trouble getting hard at thoughts of him .

He was off-limits. I’d made that rule myself. I wanted nothing to do with him.

I jerked my chin at the ground, waiting for Lew to kneel. He gasped as his knees hit the dirty mix of gravel and snow, cold likely soaking in through his stained jeans. I would have felt bad, if I hadn’t seen the hunger in his eyes.

Besides, he knew the drill. I came first. Always. Only then would I touch him, only then would I get him off. Sometimes.

Sometimes I left Lew to take care of himself, knowing that being used and left wanting was as much a turn-on for him as my hands or cock ever could be.

Lew licked his lips, his hands rising to my waist. As one hand worked to undo my belt, the other slid across my cock again, and fuck, I still wasn’t hard. I closed my eyes, leaning back against the car. Come on, come on .

I liked hooking up with Lew, and this was practically a fantasy come to life. Him on his knees, semi-public, exposed to anyone who came into the parking lot. Not that the Balsam Inn got a lot of business on Thursdays in February, but still, the thrill of discovery, Lew’s humiliation—that should have done it for me.

I shook my head again, eyes still closed, willing myself to get into this. But all I could see was Cory. Cory begging for me to touch him in my trances with Isaac. His slim body beneath my hands. His mouth around my cock. His ass ready to take me in.

Dammit.

Lew got off on being bossed around. Maybe that’s what was missing. I opened my eyes and grabbed a fistful of his hair. It was a little greasy. I wondered when the last time was that he’d washed it. Didn’t matter.

I tilted his head back, pulling hard enough that his eyes tightened, a grimace appearing on his face.

“Is this what you want?” Lew panted, his hand working its way inside my jeans. “Want to use me? Shove your cock down my throat?”

His eyes were desperate, shining. Spots of color popped out on his cheeks. He licked his lips, staring up at me.

“Teach me a lesson,” he said, and I was so shocked, I dropped my hand.

Cory had said that. Not in real life, but in the first trance I’d been in after meeting him. He’d asked me to teach him a lesson, and I had.

Lew was the one kneeling in front of me, but my mind kept replacing him with Cory. I flashed back to the first night I’d seen him, right around the corner from where I stood now. He’d been framed in the door of that bathroom stall, cock out, staring at me with undisguised desire. He’d come at the sound of my voice.

“Fuck,” I groaned.

“What?” Lew asked, eyes searching my face. His hands were still busy at my waist, his tone desperate, but I stepped away. “What did I do?”

“Fuck,” I said again. I couldn’t do this. Couldn’t do the one thing I needed, because my brain wouldn’t fucking let me. I turned and kicked the side of my car.

“What’s wrong?” Lew said, still on his knees. “Did I do something wrong?”

“It’s not you,” I growled. “It’s—fuck, just get up. I have to go.”

I tried not to glare at him. It wasn’t his fault. But it was hard to moderate my tone, and my gaze.

“Go?” Surprise filled Lew’s features. “But we haven’t even—”

“Just leave,” I told him, zipping myself back up before fishing my keys from my pocket. “It’s not gonna happen tonight.”

Maybe not ever , said a little voice in the back of my mind. I slid into the driver’s seat and slammed the door so hard the car shook. I jammed the keys into the ignition and turned them like I was trying to rip the ignition out of the dash. I flicked on the headlights and looked out the window. Lew had gotten to his feet, but he was still standing there, confused and unsure.

The sight made my stomach turn. I didn’t like using him—not like this , anyway. None of this was my intention. But I couldn’t be around him for another second. Not when his presence just underscored how much he wasn’t who I really wanted.

God, what a fucking mess. I slipped the gear shift and drove out of the parking lot, leaving Lew behind.

I drove. Not back to Vesperwood. Not to anywhere in particular. I just drove, waiting for the anger, the confusion, the need to drain out of my body. I felt pent up, like I mighty burst from frustration, and I didn’t trust myself around anybody until I was in better control.

The night slid by around me, tall pines and firs making cathedral halls of the twisting roads, my headlights barely piercing the gloom. I don’t know how long I drove, but I didn’t turn the car back to Vesperwood until I’d made a decision. Until I had a plan.

When I arrived back on campus, I stalked into the manor with determination. I needed to find Isaac. The party was still going in the ballroom, so I checked there first. It was just as crowded as earlier, if not more so, and it took me a while to search the room to my satisfaction. Isaac wasn’t there.

I checked his office next, but it was empty. With a frown, I walked back to the foyer. If he wasn’t in the ballroom or his office, Isaac could be—well, anywhere. Vesperwood was a big place, and he was never that forthcoming about his actions.

I needed to clear my mind. I was heading for the back entrance, ready to do a quick check of the grounds, when I ran into Seb. Literally ran into him. He had to take a step back and steady himself on the door to keep from falling.

“Have you seen Cory Dawson?” he asked as soon as he was stable.

“What?” A bolt of fear stabbed through me. Did Seb know ? How could he? Were my feelings about Cory that obvious? Had I been that transparent?

“Cory Dawson,” he repeated. “One of the freshmen. Short, brown hair, kind of frail looking.”

“I know who he is,” I said, heat filling my chest. “But no, I haven’t seen him. Why would I have?”

I sounded way too defensive, and Seb’s brow furrowed.

“Were you in the ballroom? I thought you might have seen him in there.”

“Oh.” The tightness between my shoulderblades eased. He didn’t know. Of course he didn’t. There was nothing to know. “Yeah, I was there. But I haven’t seen him.”

Not in a while, anyway. Not if you mean outside of my own fucked up imagination.

I didn’t say that last bit out loud.

Seb looked worried. “He was supposed to meet me for a lesson for Fifth Hour, but he didn’t show up. He’s never missed before. I waited for half an hour, then checked his room and the rest of the manor. I even checked outside. I’m sure some students decided to hunt for that ridiculous spring tonight, even though they’re supposed to stay inside. But I wouldn’t have thought Cory was foolish enough for that.”

“So he misses one night,” I said, forcing myself to talk about Cory calmly. “He’s obviously around somewhere. Just talk to him about it in class tomorrow.”

“It’s not like that,” Seb said. “These lessons are important. He can’t miss one, or—” he broke off, shaking his head. “I need to find him.”

It dawned on me, suddenly, what Seb was talking about. He was the one helping Cory learn to control his powers, because I’d refused to do it when Isaac had asked. This wasn’t just any lesson Cory was playing hooky for.

Maybe Cory needed to dream every night. Argus had said it was often like that, in the beginning. I wasn’t sure how much that piece of information could be trusted, given the source, but my tolerance had grown with time. But if Cory’s hadn’t—

My gut twisted. If Cory missed a scheduled lesson, that could be very bad. I ought to help look for him. Seb was only in this position because I’d forced Isaac’s hand. But I needed to find Isaac, too.

I opened my mouth to apologize to Seb, but before I could speak, something cracked through the air around us, shattering the stillness. Seb’s head whipped around.

“Was that—”

“A gunshot,” I said, my stomach dropping. I knew that sound too well. “Yes, it was.”

Seb looked uncertain. “Should we find Isaac? Or go see…”

He trailed off when he saw me shake my head. “I’ve been looking for Isaac for the past twenty minutes. I can’t find him anywhere.”

A second shot split the air, and my whole body tensed. Seb was right. More than likely, a group of students who didn’t believe they were in any danger, or thought they could handle it, had decided to hunt for the Spring of Irylis, despite Isaac’s insistence that all Imbolc activities were to be held inside this year. Which meant that who knew how many of them were out there in the woods right now—as shots were being fired.

Would Cory be in that group? There was only one way to find out.

“You stay here,” I told Seb. “If you can find Isaac, good. If you can’t, find Hans and Autumn and the other wardkeepers and let them know what’s happening. I’m going out to check.”

“You can’t go out there alone.”

“I’m not going to stand around arguing with you,” I said. Isaac was missing. So was Cory. I’d found one of Argus’s coins in Sheridan’s room today. And now, there were gunshots in the woods. “Do what you want. I’m going to look.”

I pushed past Seb and settled into a run, my legs carrying me down the path towards the gym. Whatever was happening out here, my gut told me it was no good. A few seconds later, Seb caught up to me, his breath coming out in hot little puffs that disappeared in the night air.

“You can’t—” I began, but he didn’t let me finish.

“I care as much about this school as you do,” he said. “And you could use some backup.”

“Fine.”

Behind the gym, the path split, and I jerked my head, nodding towards the left. “You take that one. I’ll go right.”

“But if you need—”

“We can cover more ground this way,” I snapped, and after a second’s hesitation, Seb nodded.

“Okay.”

I didn’t bother to respond. I just peeled off to the right and into the night. I made myself breathe through my nose, forcing the breath to come in slowly, to keep myself calm. It was hard, though. Cory could be out here.

Isaac, too, but the thought of Isaac getting shot didn’t pierce my heart the way Cory did. Isaac could protect himself. But Cory—fuck.

I couldn’t deny it anymore. The thought of Cory hurt made me want to scream. Made me want to hurt somebody else. I couldn’t let that happen.

A third shot rang out, and I stopped, trying to work out where it was coming from. I grimaced. It sounded like it had originated in the direction I’d sent Seb. Shit.

I veered off the path, angling to intercept Seb’s path closer to the source of the gunshot. I had to slow down as I moved through the trees. I cursed each second of delay as I dodged boulders or picked my way over thick roots.

A light appeared in the woods in front of me, and a high-pitched voice came through the trees.

“We have to get back to the manor,” the voice said. “We have to let them know.”

“It could be a trick,” said another voice, a little lower. I could hear the fear in it. “Maybe it’s just a joke. To scare us off and improve the odds.”

“I know what gunshots sound like, Adenike,” said the first voice. “Those weren’t a joke.”

“Stop!” I called out. I heard a startled yelp, and the light ahead of me bounced wildly. “Calm down. It’s Noah. I’m coming to help you.”

Twenty feet farther into the woods, I reached Adenike and Meredith. They were in the same class as Cory. Not that that made a difference…unless it did.

“What the hell are you doing out here?” I demanded.

Adenike’s eyes went wary. She pointed her flashlight down at the ground. “Nothing. We were just—”

“No lies,” I said. “Meredith was right. Those were gunshots. I don’t have time for you guys to lie to me.”

“The Spring of Irylis,” Meredith said. “It’s this magic spring that’s supposed to—”

“I know what it is,” I said wearily. Damn Seb for being right. “How many of you decided to hunt for it? How many of you are out here?”

Adenike frowned. “I don’t know. Maybe twenty-five, thirty?”

Fuck. That wasn’t good. None of this was good. Any decision I made would have drawbacks. But I’d heard three gunshots tonight, and I didn’t want to hear a fourth. I needed to find the shooter before things got worse.

I pointed to my right. “There’s a path about fifty yards that way. You’re going to walk there, then run back to the manor. Tell the first professor you find what’s going on out here. Tell them to keep the rest of the students inside with half the faculty, and to send the other half out for backup. You got it?”

Both girls nodded fervently, and for once, I thought they might actually follow instructions without me having to stand around and watch.

“Where are you going?” Meredith asked.

“To find out what’s going on.”

“Here,” Adenike said, holding out her flashlight. “Take this.”

I considered that for a moment. I didn’t like leaving them without a light, but once they made it to the path, they’d have clear footing. And if I had a light, I could move through the trees faster. I took it, then pointed to my right.

“Go.”

They went, and as soon as they were moving towards the path, I headed off through the trees again. I don’t know how far I’d half-walked, half-jogged through the forest when I heard a fourth shot, but it stopped my heart for a moment, before sending me forward at a run.

Too many people were missing, and it was my fault. I should have insisted that Isaac question Sheridan immediately. Should have stayed on campus to keep guard tonight. Should have kept Cory safe.

I could only hope that I wasn’t too late.