Strictly Pretend (The Salinger Brothers #6)

Chapter 27

CHAPTER

TWENTY-SEVEN

EMMA

I hold Granddad’s hand for the entire drive to the hospital. The EMTs have him on a gurney, all kinds of pads on his chest that are hooked up to a monitor that one of the EMTs is watching. He has one of those big plastic masks on his face, feeding him oxygen.

He looks so scared and it takes every inch of strength I have not to show him I’m just as petrified. He’s the only family I have left. I can’t lose him, I’m not ready.

I send up a prayer, begging for more time. I’ll do anything for it. The time I didn’t have with my parents, the time that wasn’t enough with Grandma.

“Emma?” His voice is frail. “Is that you?”

A tear rolls down my cheek and I wipe it away, annoyed at myself. He needs me to be strong. “I’m here, Granddad,” I tell him. “It’s okay, you’re going to be okay.”

When we arrive at the hospital they wheel him through some big doors, then point me toward the waiting room. “Someone will come talk with you just as soon as they can,” the EMT tells me, patting my hand. “Why don’t you go register your granddad, that would be great.”

“Can’t I stay with him?” I ask. “What if…”

She catches my eye. “We’re not there yet. We need to get him stable. You’ll see him just as soon as he is.” She gives me a soft smile. “Try to relax. He’s going to need your strength later.”

My phone buzzes in my pocket as I walk toward the waiting area. There’s a line of people waiting at the desk. I pull my phone out of my pocket and see Brooks’ name on the screen and that’s when I start to really cry.

I can’t talk to him. Not now. I don’t have the energy to be angry, and this waiting area, full of scared relatives, isn’t the place to ask him the questions I have.

Truth be told, I’m scared. Because I trusted him with everything I had and it hurts that he didn’t at least give me the courtesy of a heads up about the lawyers. I get that business is important. If he would’ve asked me, I would’ve told him that just because we’re sleeping together it doesn’t mean he has to treat me and Granddad any differently when it comes to the shop lease. I’d already agreed to go look at the new facility. After Granddad started talking about being too old to run the shop, I was even starting to think the new place could be a good thing. We could go fully online, and we’d have more space and a lot more organization.

But now I can’t think straight at all. And the hurt is so painful that it’s getting harder to breathe.

So I reject the call and then turn my phone off, because the only important person right now is in the ER about a hundred yards from where I’m standing. Rita is closing up the shop for me and then she’s driving over here.

Everything else can wait.

It takes ten minutes for Granddad to get fully registered. It feels like I have to answer a thousand questions, most of which I can only guess at answers to.

“Okay, we’re good.” The clerk gives me a reassuring smile. “Take a seat, and one of the medical staff will call your name when they’re ready.”

I sit on the hard plastic chair and stare into space. I can’t look at my phone, I can’t pick up one of the old tattered magazines that are scattered on the tables around me. It’s all I can do to bite my lip and stop the tears from flowing.

I’ve never felt so alone in all my life.

After another ten minutes I walk over to the clerk to ask if there’s any update. He gives me a sad shake of the head and promises me as soon as they’re ready somebody will talk to me.

“Is that bad news?” I ask him. “It has to be bad news.”

“Honestly, it’s just no news,” he says. “They’re hugely busy and understaffed back there, but your granddad is getting the best attention money can buy.” He gives me a sympathetic look. “There’s a vending machine over there if you’d like a coffee.”

I think about the cups of coffee that are sitting cold in the bookshop. I shouldn’t have gone to get the coffee. I should have been there when the man came with his stupid letter. Granddad didn’t need to know about any of this.

Or maybe he did. Maybe if I’d told him about the whole situation he wouldn’t have been taken by surprise. I thought I could manage it myself without him worrying. But now look at what’s happened. This is my fault.

My face crumples.

“Go sit down,” the clerk urges, pulling up a packet of tissues from beneath the counter. “And take one of these.”

“Thank you,” I sniffle.

Another ten minutes passes before the doors open and Rita runs in. Or rather, she hobbles because she’s wearing an amazing pair of vintage Mary Janes that I know for a fact are half a size too small for her. As soon as she spots me she heads straight to where I’m sitting and envelops me in a bear hug.

“Everything’s fine in the shop,” she tells me. “All locked up and the closed sign is up. I told Mark to call if there are any problems.”

“Did you get served after we left?” I ask her. It had taken too long for the EMTs to arrive. The lawyer actually knew a little about medical emergencies and put Granddad into the recovery position while I sat on the floor and held his hand.

After that it’s all a blur. But I assume Mr. Smith already left for Manhattan.

“Yep,” she says, her nose wrinkling. “I told him to go fuck himself.”

Our eyes catch and when she sees how full of tears mine are she hugs me again. “He called Mark, by the way.”

“Who did?”

“Your man. Brooks Salinger.”

Just hearing his name makes my heart do a little leap. And I don’t want it to. I don’t have the energy for leaps, or to think about him at all. I’m confused and I’m frightened and I’m mostly blaming myself.

“What did he want?”

Rita rolls her eyes. “You know what Mark’s like. For a therapist he’s terrible at talking. The gist of it is that Brooks was trying to find you because you’re not picking up his calls.”

“I just…” I look at her and shake my head.

“I know, honey.” She pats my hand. “Mark told him you were at the hospital. I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing but he did it anyway.”

“He’s been calling my phone nonstop,” I say. “I turned it off.”

“That’s okay,” she says. “You don’t need to talk to him now. We’re here for Walt. Speaking of Walt, is there any update?”

“Nothing yet. I went to the desk to make sure they hadn’t forgotten about me.”

She slides her arm around me. “I’m sure they’ll update us soon. Your granddad’s a fighter. Remember that time somebody tried to walk out with a first edition without paying? I’ve never seen somebody run so fast. He tackled him to the ground.” She smiles softly. “He could have been a rugby player in another life.”

“The book was the only thing that didn’t get scraped,” I say, an almost-smile pulling at my lips. And then I start to cry, because I need him too much. I already miss him and he’s still here.

“He’s gonna be okay, honey.” She takes the tissue from my hand and wipes my tears away. “Have faith.”

It’s another fifteen minutes before my name is called and I’m not sure how I get through those minutes without losing it. A doctor is standing next to the desk, and when I walk over she gives me a soft smile.

“Miss Robbins?”

I nod. “Is he okay?” I say quickly, because that’s what I need to know.

“Let’s go somewhere a little quieter to chat,” she says, leading me and Rita to a little room off to the side. My hands are shaking. “Let’s take a seat,” she says, pointing at two upholstered chairs that look way more comfortable than the plastic ones I’ve been sitting on. And of course now I’m panicking again because is this the room they give bad news to people in?

Have they run experiments and found that people grieve better when their ass isn’t stuck to a hard seat?

“Your granddad is stable,” she tells me. “He had a tachycardic arrhythmia.”

“An arrhythmia?” I repeat. “What does that mean? Did he have a heart attack?”

She shakes her head. “No, he didn’t have a heart attack. The reason he collapsed is because his heart rate went up too fast and caused him to black out for a moment.”

She must see how confused I am because she takes the explanation down to a more understandable level. “It’s like there’s a problem with the electrical wiring in his heart. There was a power surge and his heart started beating too fast for the rest of him to keep up with. It can feel a little like a heart attack. He likely had palpitations and may have been breathless and a little clammy. He might even have felt pain in his chest. And sometimes this can cause blood pressure to drop, which is what happened with your Granddad. And that made him faint.”

“He didn’t have a heart attack?” I repeat, because that’s pretty much all I get out of her explanation.

“No, but we’ll need to run some more tests to be sure exactly what’s going on in his heart. Once we’re sure, then we can arrange for treatment.”

“What kind of treatment?” I ask.

“That’s for the cardiac doctors to decide.”

“Will he need surgery?”

“There’s a possibility. But there are a lot of tachycardic conditions that can be managed with lifestyle changes or medication.”

I nod my head. “He had some bad news today. Could that have caused it?” I ask her.

“If it’s sinus tachycardia, then very possibly. Stress is definitely a factor. Alcohol and caffeine can exacerbate the problem, too. Part of managing the condition will be him making some lifestyle changes. But the cardiac doctor can go through all that with you when we know his diagnosis for sure. Would you like to come and see him now? Only family is allowed back at this point.”

I nod. “Yes please.” I look over at Rita who gives me a nod.

“I’ll wait out here. Give him my love,” she tells me.

“Okay then.” She gives me a smile. “Follow me.”

brOOKS

As soon as we land at the helipad and the pilot tells me it’s safe, I climb out of the helicopter and run to the elevator to get in the car that Myles ordered and messaged to say is waiting. I check my phone – again – to see if there’s any reply from Emma, but there’s nothing.

So I call Emma and leave another voice message – my fifth, if you’re counting – and slide into the back seat of the town car.

I’m finding it hard to breathe, wondering whether she’s hurt, or her granddad is. Either way, it’s killing me.

The driver leans in. “I’ve been given instructions to take you straight to Mercy Hospital, is that correct?”

“Yes that’s right.” My jaw is so tight I can barely get the words out.

“On it.” He gives me a nod and gets into the front seat, starting the engine up. I’ve only just slid the buckle in when he pulls out of the parking lot. I like that he knows this is urgent. We don’t have time to waste.

My phone pings and I look at it hopefully, trying not to feel disappointed when I see it’s the group chat. Sighing, I open it up.

Holden: I’ve spoken to the ER doctor at Mercy. It’s her granddad who’s been taken in, not Emma.

A tortured breath escapes my lips. Emma is okay. I quickly type out a reply.

Brooks: What’s wrong with him?

Holden: Apparently, he collapsed. There’s not a whole lot of information except that he’s stable. I assume it’s something to do with his heart because they’re moving him to a cardiac unit for obs and tests. That’s all I’ve got right now, but I’ll keep trying.

I thank God for having a brother who’s a doctor. I have no idea how I’ll repay him for this.

Brooks: Thanks, man. Do you know which doctor will be treating him? Should I arrange for an expert to see him?

Holden: I already asked that. The doctors at Mercy are good. Best option is to wait and see. I’d want to see the results of the tests before making any decisions.

Brooks: Do you have any names for me just in case?

Holden: Yes I do. I’ll send them over.

Brooks: I appreciate that. Thank you. I appreciate all of you. More than you know.

Myles: We love you. We want the best for you. Thank you for letting us help.

That last one hits hard. Because I know I’ve been pushing them away for way too long. Maybe I needed the time, to work out what it is I want from life. But now I know.

I want Emma. I want her smile every morning. I want her to talk about books as I kiss my way down her neck. I don’t want to be alone anymore. Not because I’ve been lonely, but because I’ve finally found my better. My best.

I lean forward and hit the button that brings down the screen between me and the driver.

“How long until we get there?” I ask, aware that I could pull up Google Maps on my phone and find out myself. But I want to hear another voice that isn’t my own.

“Another ten minutes, sir.”

I nod and sit back in the seat, pulling my phone up and sending Emma another message, even though I have no idea if she’s getting them.

I’m on my way to be with you at the hospital. I’ll be there in ten minutes. Is there anything you need? – Brooks.

But like the last god knows how many times I’ve messaged and called, there’s no reply.