Structure of Love (Gay 4 Renovations #2)

Chapter 1

Gage

It was Gym Day, therefore I was at said gym promptly so I wouldn’t keep Zar waiting. We were accountability buddies, but it was also a nice way to catch up with him. Sometimes, getting Zar one-on-one was more difficult than finding a missing sock, especially after he and Asher started dating.

Zar was already on the mats on the left side, stretching, so I joined him with nothing more than a wave. The second I started stretching my quads, my knees protested. Loudly. Sounded like Rice Krispies in a bowl of milk.

“My joints need to stop betraying me like this.”

“You have to learn how to listen to your body,” Zar intoned like some wise monk.

“Oh, we’re not on speaking terms.”

“You’ve swallowed too many kids, that’s why everything you say sounds childish.”

I stuck my tongue out at Zar. “Says the man who’s no longer straight. How are you and Asher doing, anyway?”

“Fabulous. Despite the drama.”

About a month and a half ago, Zar and Asher had publicly come out to their families, with mixed results.

Zar’s family had been immediately delighted, embracing Asher with joy.

Asher’s family was extremely homophobic—with the exception of his eldest brother—and they’d accused Asher of “corrupting Zar,” which hadn’t gone down well.

The whole thing had been posted on social media, thanks to Zar’s brother filming the event, and the backlash had been intense. Neither of Asher’s parents were willing to show their faces right now because people—random strangers, mind you—would stop and chew them out for being so homophobic.

Personally, this outcome delighted me, but I was also a petty person. My stripper name would be Petty Betty.

I would never admit this out loud, not even with the proper application of lye and thumb screws, but watching Asher and Zar be cute together made me feel jealous as hell.

I didn’t want either of them—I was not at all attracted to my childhood best friends—but watching them be so happy together made me fervently wish I had someone, too.

Did I want a boyfriend badly enough to wade into the dating pool?

Eh, debatable.

I could neither confirm nor deny I’d been halfway through creating an online dating profile last night before I’d thought better of it.

Zar paused in his stretching, one leg straight out, his hand casually on his foot like that didn’t hurt or anything. His dark brown eyes rested on me, his expression thoughtful, and I was a little scared to ask what he plotted over there.

“You. No scheming.”

“Gage, I know you’re super against blind dates—”

“I am, so do not suggest one.”

“But have you considered maybe online dating?”

I grimaced. “I actually did try once a year ago, briefly.”

“How briefly?”

“Lasted a whole month. The internet is scary. Dating online somehow ups the scariness to horror show levels.”

“Ah. Wait, is that where the two-pump chump came from?”

“Good guess. It’s almost like you’re a cop or something, putting the pieces together.”

He ignored my sarcastic dig. “I thought you knew your worth better than that. It’s why that guy was such a surprise.”

I made a face at him, peeved at the reminder of that particular idiot. “I do know my worth. It’s just sometimes I go on sale.”

Zar snorted a laugh, switching legs to stretch the other way. “Is that what happened?”

“I was just…really needing someone then.” I had also learned my lesson.

Trying to turn a hookup into a boyfriend wouldn’t work because both parties had entirely different expectations.

It had fallen apart quickly and left me with a firm resolve to never, ever try online dating again.

It wasn’t true dating, just hookups, and hookups were the last thing I wanted.

Zar’s eyes narrowed, brows drawn down into concern. Dammit. I wasn’t that bad.

Maybe. Maybe I wasn’t that bad.

I was also excellent at denial.

“Gage, you’ve got to try something.”

I stood, stretching my hamstrings, all while glaring in exasperation.

“Look at it from a potential date’s point of view—sure, I’m good looking, and have a good career, so I’ll pass the first level of inspection.

But then you get to the baggage I’m hauling around.

An absent father, a mother who can’t and won’t get her shit together, and a little brother who constantly needs my attention.

It’s too much for most people. They don’t want more burdens on top of what they’re already managing, and I don’t blame them.

Me being hot isn’t enough to make up the difference. ”

“I think you’re selling yourself short.”

“My point is made,” I said loftily, wanting to move past this topic.

“Incorrectly.”

“With evidence.”

“That’s not corroborated.”

“Says you.”

Zar abruptly grinned. “It’s good to know some part of us will never grow up.”

I snickered. Yeah, there was something reassuring in that. No matter what changes occurred in life, part of me would always be a bit immature, and Zar would banter exactly like he had when we were twelve.

We were done stretching, so I switched to running, as it was cardio day. Zar hopped up onto the machine next to me, and we warmed up with a brisk walk.

“I do actually have a thought.”

“You have thoughts?!” I gasped in wonder.

“Smartass.”

“No, it’s just, I thought your brain was still waiting on parts before it was installed!”

For that, he poked me in the ribs, making me laugh. Ah, Zar was fun to tease. I could see why Asher teased him all the time.

“As I was saying”—he gave me a measured look, silently daring me to start up again—“I wonder how people used to meet? Before the days of online dating.”

“I think most of it was networking. Either parents or friends would introduce you to potential dates.”

“Networking, huh?” Zar mused. “But all my gay friends were introduced to me by either you or Asher.”

“Yeah, doesn’t work in this case. Why are you so focused on this, anyway?”

“Because you’re clearly lonely and want someone.”

“How dare you read me so easily.”

“I know, right? It’s almost like I grew up with you or something.”

I stuck my tongue out at him, then reached over and increased the speed on his machine. Maybe if he was running, he’d stop chattering.

Zar smacked my hand away. “Quit that!”

“More running, less talking,” I said.

Zar ran but gave me the stink eye.

I had to focus while on the treadmill. Mostly because I was graced with the balance of Humpty Dumpty. I’d fallen on my ass before after carelessly turning my head at the wrong moment. Zar, being a good friend, had immediately taken a picture before helping me up. He did not need two pictures.

I finished up with cardio, did a bit of weight training—because why not?—then went back to the mats to stretch and cool down. It felt good to get my limbs moving, which was why I liked working out with Zar. Even if he was being pushy today.

Well, he wasn’t wrong about his concerns.

I didn’t like being single. I tried not to complain, because I’d just be a broken record, but it was true I didn’t like being alone.

Ironic, considering I’d never had a supportive, steady boyfriend in my life.

I think I yearned for a fantasy. My entire life, I’d never had support from family.

Friends, yes. My chosen family had always been there for me, but they also had their own partners, their own families, and I couldn’t keep them with me all the time.

I wanted someone solely for myself. I wanted a rock-solid relationship where I had the love and support I’d craved but never fully experienced.

Did that make me desperate or just pathetic? Hard to tell some days.

Zar joined me to stretch, eyeing me sideways. “Now what’s that face for?”

“I’ve realized I might have unrealistic expectations of men. I blame Disney movies.”

Zar snorted. “Like you watched those much to begin with. Why do you think you have unrealistic expectations?”

“Well, I want a boyfriend who’s hot, only has eyes for me, but also has good EQ. Someone who is responsible, doesn’t have commitment issues, and knows how to support me when I need it. I don’t know, is all that unrealistic?”

“No. Frankly, you shouldn’t settle for less.”

“Ah, for a second I forgot who I was speaking to.”

“What does that mean?”

“You have Asher, so of course you can say that. You managed to find your person.”

“No, Gage, it’s because I have Asher that I can say this. I beat the odds, in a sense. I figured out who I’m meant to be with. If I can do it, you can do it.”

I understood what he was saying, but at the same time, it wasn’t that easy. Zar had experienced an awakening, an epiphany that he was attracted to Asher, and it was the only reason they were together now. Asher had been next to him the entire time.

I didn’t have an Asher in my life, someone I had merely failed to notice. I wished. It would make dating easier. Unfortunately, my best-friends-to-lovers plot had never been approved for production, shall we say.

No, if I wanted a boyfriend, I’d have to find someone, somehow. Where, was the fucking question, because there was nothing I hadn’t tried. Except maybe a matchmaker, but did matchmakers even handle gay clients? I’d have to Google.

On second thought, let’s not.

Perhaps, with the right sacrifices to the dating gods, a hot man would simply land in my lap.

Hey, weirder things had happened.

But yes, I was that desperate, thanks for asking.

Shaking off the mood, I headed for the locker room. I took a quick shower to wash the sweat off, put some gel in my hair, and then I was back in street clothes with no other goal than Lulu’s for breakfast. Bacon called my name.

Zar followed me to the diner, and I let him enter first so Sandi could rattle off his order, as per usual.

Sandi barely glanced up before she started writing it all down on a pad. “Two Eggs Benedict Arnold, side of bacon, hashbrowns, biscuit, and coffee!”

Zar leaned lightly on the counter. “I actually want my eggs scrambled today.”

“Cops shouldn’t lie,” she said, not missing a beat. “Next!”

Zar snickered before pushing off the counter and heading for our usual booth.

I shook my head but stepped up to the counter to place my order. “Breakfast skillet, Sunrise juice.”

“I appreciate you, Gage.”

“Why? Because I actually try new things on the menu?”

“Exactly. Trying to get these fools to try something outside of their norm is like I’m sentencing them to APA Style or some shit.”

I laughed. “Speaking as someone who got an MBA, APA Style is a horrible thing to subject people to.”

“You, go. You’re holding up the line. Wait, you want coffee?”

“Naw, I’m good, but thanks.”

I headed for our usual booth, but Zar wasn’t there.

For some reason, he was pinning up a note card on the town’s community board—a.k.a.

, the betting board. I didn’t know what he was doing, but it was probably involved mischief.

I quickly crossed to that side of the diner and slid up behind him, resting my chin on his shoulder. “Whatcha doing?”

Zar pointed at the card.

I obediently read.

Gage gets a boyfriend by January 1st. Open bet, placed by Zar.

I stared at the card, unsure what to make of it. “Uh…why?”

“Well, when I realized the bet about Asher and me was up there, that’s when things changed for us.”

“What do you think that board is, a magical wish fountain? A Ouija board of dating?”

“If it works for you like it worked for me, then yes? You got any better ideas of how to attract some hot boyfriend who doesn’t resort to online dating?”

He had me there.