Chapter 6
“Where the fuck have you been?” Mitch barks, aggressively throwing the basketball at me. I catch it, but my palms sting from the impact. “And where the fuck is Max lately, huh? What the hell is going on with you two?”
I shrug, feeling my body heat at the angry words falling from his mouth. I don’t blame him though. But where I’d feel hurt and maybe demand answers, Mitch just explodes. He’s close to that point, or he’s tipped over it entirely. I won’t know until I’m hit with the debris of his emotional outburst.
“You’ll have to ask Max what’s up with him,” I hedge. “But me, I’ve been busy with life, man.”
“Yeah, but you’ve been ignoring my fucking calls.”
“I’ve been busy, Mitch. I’m sorry.”
He scoffs as I shoot a basket, the whoosh of the net satisfying to my ears.
“Yeah, well I thought you were like sick or some shit. So I went by your apartment to check on you and the landlord was inside cleaning your place out.”
I freeze and glance at him, trying to play it cool. “Yeah, I moved.”
“Since fucking when?”
“A few days ago. Shit, Mitch. The truth is, I’m drowning in debt, okay? I found a roommate to try and pull myself out of the hole I’m in.”
Mitch’s eye twitches, but he nods. “You know, you can always come to me for this stuff.”
Do I know that? I don’t know. And even if I did, would I go to him in a crisis? Probably not.
“I’ll be fine. I’m working it out.”
He nods and then runs a hand across his shaved head. “You and Max just fucked off out of nowhere, and I…” His voice trails off. “It doesn’t matter. Let’s just play some ball.”
He grabs the basketball from me and lobs it at me once more, less aggressively this time, but still with some pent-up frustration.
“Did you join the soccer team?” I ask, trying to make conversation.
“No. Found something better to do with my time. I have Dad’s company shit keeping me busy.”
Guilt crawls up inside of me. I’m the reason he didn’t sign up, not that he’ll ever admit it, but I know it’s true. I didn’t grow up with this guy not to know his tells, and the twitch in his eye says everything. I know things with our dad can be stressful. It’s one of the reasons why I never went to work with him.
“So, what have you been doing in your free time?” I ask, and he glowers at me.
“None of your fucking business,” Mitch grumbles and shoots the ball. It tilts on the rim and falls to the ground, making him swear. “You have your secrets, and I have mine.”
“Mitch, come on. It’s not like that.”
“Yeah, it fucking is. Doesn’t matter. Let’s just play.”
So we do. We play for the next hour and a half before we part ways. Mitch is quieter than normal, and I can tell that my absence has been bothering him. Max’s too. I should warn Max, lest Mitch shows up at his place and hurls insults at his husband.
I made that mistake.
Still feel shitty about it, like I need to grovel more, despite spending my last dollar on that gift card I got for them.
Maybe I’ll convince Coop to send them somewhere nice and he can add it to my tab. What’s a few more months being married to a man if it makes my brother happy? It’s not like I’m suffering. No, this morning, I woke up at the crack of dawn to the smell of pancakes. Coop was standing over the stove, wearing my white t-shirt and an apron, a full breakfast sitting on a plate in the warmer.
“For the love of my life,” he’d teased when he set it in front of me. He even made me coffee in a to-go cup, and before I left, he handed me keys to a Range Rover and told me I was already on his insurance plan. I’d protested, but he forced me to take it, telling me I’d be late if I took the bus.
So that’s how I started my morning, full and comfortable, and arriving at the gym in luxury.
But arriving back at his place, Coop is nowhere in sight, and I feel my spirits sink.
Where the hell is he? Perhaps he doesn’t plan on spending the day with me.
I hop in the shower and wash the sweat off of me, then throw on some jeans and a t-shirt.
Maybe I’ll take this time to walk down to the beach. I mean, I live close enough to it now, should probably take advantage.
I grab a light jacket and toe on my shoes before making my way outside. The breeze is cool, the sky blue. This morning when I left, it was foggy, but it’s all receded into the distance now, giving me an unfettered view of the horizon. My feet hit the boardwalk and then the sand, and I walk along the beach, bending down every few feet to collect some seashells.
I’ve lived within driving distance of the beach all my life and rarely ever went, too busy with school and work and life. But now that I live so close, I make a promise to myself to visit the beach daily, to ground myself. There’s just something about looking out at the vast, blue horizon and remembering how small you are.
My pockets are stuffed when I finally begin to make my way back to Coop’s place, full of little treasures that I’ll tuck away in my drawer and not show a soul.
That’s so gay, man. Seashells are for pussies.
My hands clutch the small shells in my pockets as I pass by some shops on my trek back, and in the distance, I see a familiar figure.
Coop. His hair is more red in the sunlight, making him almost glow as he throws his head back and laughs at something someone says. There’s another man walking beside him.
I spin the ring on my finger, the one I put back on after my shower and suddenly feel incredibly stupid for doing so. Why I keep dragging it around with me is beyond comprehension. I’m not gay. I’m not really married to a man of my own volition.
And now, I’m living with him to pay back some imaginary debt. All to get a divorce sometime in the unforeseeable future. It all feels surreal and a bit ridiculous. It doesn’t stop me from moving toward him though.
I approach Coop and this unknown man with his stylish hair and his neatly trimmed beard. He’s bigger than me, wider, stronger, but he looks at Coop like Coop owns the sun and the moon and all the stars in between. Why Coop insists on keeping me around is confusing as fuck. I don’t look at him that way and I most likely never will.
“Hey,” I say as I come to a stop near them. Coop’s gaze swivels to mine and his lips twitch.
“Hey, lover. This is my friend, Russell.”
“Just a friend?” I ask, not entirely sure why I need to know, and Russell’s mouth breaks into a wide smile.
“Unfortunately. Apparently Coop found someone else.” His gaze slides down my torso and then back up to my face. “Don’t blame him though. You’re quite the catch.”
“He is, isn’t he?” Coop croons, and I feel my cheeks heat.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell Russell that Coop and I are just friends as well, probably even less than that. Roommates, platonic husbands. But the words don’t come, so I let them lie, buried deep inside my throat.
“How was meeting Mitch?” Coop asks, and I roll my lips between my teeth and shrug. I don’t feel like discussing my brother with this stranger nearby, and Coop must sense it because he lets it go.
“Ah, well, I was out shopping,” he says, holding a bag up. “Got you some new undies and socks. Yours are atrocious.”
“Did you get me new undershirts too?” I ask, noting that he’s wearing one of mine once again.
He grins at me and shakes his head. “No, I need to know where you buy these though.”
“That’s a secret, only for poor people.”
Coop laughs loudly and then places his arm through mine. “See, Russell, you never stood a chance.”
Russell beams good-naturedly and then leans down, brushing a soft kiss to Coop’s cheek. “You know where I am, if things ever go south.”
I bite back unbidden words, a denial of sorts, like nothing will ever go south with the two of us. But I know that’s not true. Once this agreement is up and the divorce is on its way, the two of us will part. This will all just be a silly blip in the timeline of our lives.
“Good to run into you. I’ll message you. We can grab coffee.”
Russell nods and then tilts his chin at me before walking away, and Coop watches him, his eyes on Russell’s ass.
“There’s nothing stopping you from banging him,” I say, causing his gaze to snap to mine.
“Oh, Matthew. I would never. I’m as faithful as they come. And I expect you to be as well.”
I roll my eyes and scoff. “That’s not too hard. I don’t have anyone anyways.”
“So, it’s just me then? What a lucky man.”
I let out a small laugh and then peer over at him. His golden eyes meet mine and positively sparkle.
“So, what did you do on the beach? Pick up shells? Talk to the birds?”
“I have a pocket full of them, actually.”
“Birds?”
“Seashells,” I say, and he stops walking and holds his hand out.
“Oh, show me. I love a good seashell.”
My heart races as I stare at him, waiting for him to mock me, but when I pull the handful out, he just oohs and ahhs over them, his eyes bright and alive.
“These are fantastic. Oh, and look at this sand dollar. Next time, bring me with you. I have a jar for sea glass. I’ve collected it since I was a kid. I have extra jars that you can put these in, if you’d like. So you can look at them whenever you want.”
The thought of it makes my eyes sting and my nose sniffle.
What the fuck is he talking about? I don’t need to stare at my treasures. I usually tuck them away where no one, not even me can see them.
“Come on. I’ll show you.” He pulls me eagerly back to his loft where he shuffles around in a cabinet and pulls out three mason jars. “Oh, you know what we can do? Let’s organize them. One for sea glass, one for sand dollars and shells, and one for rocks.”
I empty my pockets and we spend the next half hour sorting them, and then he brings them to my room and sets them on my dresser.
“I think you need more,” he says, assessing each one. “We’ll go out in the evenings after you get home from work and look for more.”
I nod, unable to say a word because I feel slightly choked up. What the hell is happening to me? Is this really my life? This can’t be fucking real.
If Coop notices my wet eyes, he doesn’t say anything. Just leaves my room and returns with the bag he had in his hand earlier.
“Okay, since I have your attention now, go try on these undies and these socks. Just that, nothing more. I want to admire what I bought my husband.”
Well, it’s the least I can do, I think as I grab the bag and disappear into the bathroom. For all he’s doing for me.
Those fucking seashells stare at me every night for an entire week, winking at me in the moonlight as I toss and turn on my uncomfortable mattress. I know it’s not the mattress’s fault, but nothing feels right. Nothing. I’m crawling out of my skin—it’s too tight for my body and I want to peel it off.
My gaze settles on the door leading out to the hallway, and I feel my eyes sting from not blinking for minutes on end. He’s out there, probably contently asleep in his bed. Not a care in the world. While I’m here being tortured to death, my mind a jumbled mess.
What is Coop’s motive? Why’s he being so nice to me? What does he want from me in the end? Is this all just a weird game to him?
I fucking hate it. Hate not knowing what he’s thinking, and feeling like he’s laughing at me behind my back. Probably talks with his friends about his pathetic straight husband.
It causes my dreams to reek of self-doubt, and I can’t get any restful sleep. This past week, I’ve been irritable and grumpy at work, the ring I should be wearing on my finger settled against my chest, slipped through a chain I picked up after we got back from Vegas. I don’t want anyone knowing my little secret.
I don’t want to have to explain.
But right now, in this sleep-deprived moment, that’s the furthest thought from my mind.
My tired brain just wants to sleep for once, just wants to doze off without a care in the world. I shift onto my side and close my eyes, my mind continuing to whirl.
Coop wouldn’t do that. He’s kind. He’s not laughing at you. It’s all in your head.
I open my eyes and stare at the ceiling. A loud sigh escapes me, and I sit up.
I grab for my phone and pull up the email the PI sent me. I already read it all earlier, realizing there’s nothing in those documents that tell me more about Coop than I already know. He’s right. He’s an open book, and anything new I want to learn about him, I’ll have to figure out the old-fashioned way.
By spending time with him. And I can’t do that by fidgeting around in my bed all alone.
This is absurd. There’s an obvious solution, and I need to just do it.
With a groan, I stand up and move into the hallway without another thought. Enough is enough. I need to sleep or I’m going to lose my mind.
My bare feet slap the ground as I make my way to Coop’s room, pushing the door open without warning. It whooshes audibly, and I immediately see Coop propped up in bed with multiple pillows. His phone is hovering near his face, and when he sees me, he drops it to his bare chest.
“Hey there,” he says with a smile. “You okay?”
I don’t know what to say. What the fuck do I say? I don’t know the answer, so I say nothing. I just move toward the bed and crawl inside, facing him.
“Ah,” Coop says and then places his phone on his bedstand and scoots toward me, his knees bumping mine, his fingers reaching out and caressing my shoulder.
No more words are spoken as our gazes clash. He knows. He knows my secret, the one I won’t admit. It’s why he’s touching me right now, caressing me gently. It’s making my eyelids droop and my heartbeat steady.
“My poor Matthew,” he coos, and I scoff, even though my rapid thoughts are slowing and dissipating. “You can sleep now. I’m here.”
A disgraceful sigh exits my mouth as I pull his hand to my chest, keeping it against my beating heart, my tired, overworked brain shutting down one cell at a time.
And within minutes, I’m asleep.
I wake up practically glued to Coop. Our bodies are cinched together like a stitch, our legs entwined, our arms holding each other close. His face is tucked into my neck and mine rests on the top of his head.
I haven’t slept this well in ages. And I’m loath to move away from him now.
Unlike my ex, Coop seems to enjoy cuddling in bed, which is a relief.
“Morning,” Coop says, his voice raspy. His hand slides down my back and grabs my ass, squeezing it gently. It’s morning delirium making him do this, I’m sure. He’d never grab my butt otherwise. Not that I’m really complaining.
Honestly, I kind of like it.
“Morning,” I say as he arches into me, and I feel our hard lengths brush against each other. Just morning wood, that’s all, I reason as he groans softly against my neck.
“You are the perfect body pillow,” Coop whispers, his lips tracing the vein in my neck as he speaks. “So comfy. I don’t wanna move.”
I don’t either, but I don’t admit that out loud. I just keep those thoughts buried deep. It’s safer that way.
“I need you to sleep in my bed every night, okay?” he says as his hand massages my ass cheek. It feels real nice, real fucking good, so I don’t ask him to stop and I don’t pull away. Never had a butt massage before, but I like it.
My dick does too for some weird reason.
“I can’t make any promises.”
“But we sleep better when we’re together,” Coop whines and then nibbles on my ear. “I love waking up next to you.”
My heart flutters in my chest, and I feel like I’m short on air. Where did it go? I can’t fucking breathe.
Pulling away from him, I roll and sit up, his hands falling to the mattress as I shift off the bed.
“I need to pee,” I say, making an excuse. Really, I need to splash my face with water and get a fucking grip. I can’t sleep with Coop every night, letting him hold me like I’m a child, like a needy wretched man. And I most certainly can’t have him touching me like that, especially with morning wood between us.
It feels too good.
It’s too damn tempting.
I walk into the bathroom and stare at my reflection in the mirror. I look relaxed, happy even. Maybe that’s what cuddling does for me. It’s unaged me. I look at least a decade younger. What if he continues to hold me, touch me? How young will I end up looking?
At this point, at least twenty-one again.
Splashing my face with water and brushing my teeth, I take a long piss before going back to the bedroom. Coop is still lying in bed, pillows all around him. His eyes are droopy and tired. As I approach, those arms reach out for me, beckoning me back to him.
“Come on, let’s cuddle for a bit longer. I’m not ready to get up.”
I shouldn’t. I should walk away with my man-card intact. But I don’t. I just let my legs lead me back to him. I crawl into his embrace and tuck myself against his heart and lean into it. I can do this for just a little longer, I think. Just a bit longer before I pull away.