Summer at Fraser’s Mill

Decision

G race flopped down on the uncomfortable couch, hugging a pillow to her chest. Why did she feel so awful about this whole thing?

It didn’t even affect her. She normally came to visit her parents at Christmas and another time or two during the year. She could still visit them, and what did it matter if their house was different? Mom would set up the familiar furniture and hang the “Horse and Buggy Days” painting over the couch. She and Dad wouldn’t be so stressed, and she would finish her book and maybe get it published. It would be great for them.

Meanwhile, Grace had her life out in California. She had school work and National Board prep, which would kick into high gear once classes started and she could gather material to submit for the different components of the certification. She still needed to find a roommate to replace Jen, so that would keep her busy too.

Busy, but lonely. After a summer in a small town, where everyone knew everyone and there was always something going on, Grace’s L.A. apartment seemed boring. The myriads of strangers outside were still strangers. Grace’s roommate was going off and getting married. She didn’t know anybody else that would work to room with. And she didn’t have close friends at the school.

She ought to make some friends. She could find a young adult group or something. There was probably a Catholic group somewhere in the area. There was no reason she couldn’t meet new people and make new friends.

But hang it all, she wanted the old people and the old friends.

Alex and Charlie, Sam, Dorothy, Elaine, all the other friendly townspeople. She wouldn’t see any of them, with her parents moving out of Fraser’s Mill. She wouldn’t be there for Christmas or holidays. Now if she ever came back, she would be a visitor, and would have to stay at Alex’s. The town would be everybody’s home except hers.

Home.

Grace looked up from the couch and saw the wall calendar still sitting on that page and quote she had forgotten to change a long time ago: “There is nothing like staying at home for real comfort.”

It was still a stupid Mrs. Elton quote misattributed to Jane Austen. Well, Grace was staying at home, but it wasn’t real comfort—her head was angled against the hard arm of the couch—and she was beginning to think it wasn’t home either.

She didn’t like living alone. She didn’t want to live in this apartment without Jen. She didn’t even like this apartment. She was only here because she taught school here. And why was she teaching school here, exactly?

She taught because she liked English, and she liked teaching kids, and that was what she had wanted to do all through college. And the L.A. school was a prestigious job. She was on her way to becoming a National Board certified teacher, which was something lots of teachers didn’t even do. She was doing something worthwhile to help future generations. She had a big future ahead of her, maybe even becoming a principal. It was the big important thing she’d always wanted.

But that didn’t take away the feeling that she had reached a dead end, and that she had lost the only home she’d ever had.

This apartment wasn’t home. Her parents’ new house wouldn’t be home. She hadn’t even lived there. Fraser’s Mill wouldn’t be home, because her family wouldn’t be there anymore and the house and store would belong to strangers. She wouldn’t have anywhere to call home at all.

Grace’s stomach growled. She hauled herself off the couch and went to preheat the oven for a flatbread pizza. Good thing she had bought some easy-to-make foods the other day, because she couldn’t stand to cook right now.

At the kitchen window, Grace looked out over the streets and buildings outside. Concrete and traffic. She missed the fresh air of Fraser’s Mill and the neighbors who were always coming by the house. She even missed seeing Doc on his driveway, tinkering with his car.

She had to get out of her own head and focus on something else. Maybe catching up on her online notifications would help.

She logged onto her social media. The first post on her news feed was from the Fraser’s Mill town page, which she had followed earlier in the summer. The post advertised an upcoming church rummage sale. People could bring items to donate, or volunteer to work at the sale, or just come and shop.

That was sure to be fun. Grace could imagine the people bringing in all kinds of items, from furniture to clothing to books, and the volunteers sorting through it and joking around. Probably her parents would bring some things. Probably all kinds of friendly neighbors and townspeople would be involved.

There was a new video from Hannah about the Fourth of July. She had put together the video footage she and Doc had taken. Grace didn’t click on it. She didn’t care about seeing Hannah’s take on the Fourth of July celebration.

Why was she so down on Hannah, anyway?

Was it because Hannah was rich and got to spend the summer going around making videos? If so, that was petty, and Grace ought to be ashamed of herself. Was it because she was unfriendly? Hannah had never been outright unfriendly to her, just cool. And Grace hadn’t gone out of her way to be friendly to Hannah, either.

No, it wasn’t any of those things—it was because of Doc. From the beginning, Hannah had made it clear she was interested in Doc. And although Grace had said over and over that she didn’t care, and that Hannah and Doc deserved each other, something deep down told her she did care. After her argument with Doc, it had hurt to see Hannah and Doc together at the diner.

In any case, it didn’t matter, because she wasn’t going to see Hannah and Doc again.

The oven timer dinged, and Grace went to get the pizza out. While it cooled she set the table for one. She was sick of eating sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table. What she wanted right now was a nice dinner with family or friends, but Jen wasn’t back, and even if she had been, she and Grace had rarely eaten dinner together.

What kind of life was this? Grace didn’t want to eat alone in an apartment and work all the time and be thousands of miles from her family. Sure, she had a good job, and she wasn’t going hungry, but there was more to life than that.

“Dear Jesus,” she prayed, “please, show me what You want me to do.”

She couldn’t turn her back on a career she had spent years of time and money to build, could she?

On the other hand, Grace’s parents had spent thirty years working on that store, and they were letting it go for something they wanted more. Just because you had put a lot of time and money into something didn’t mean you had to stay with it forever.

What if she moved back to Fraser’s Mill and took over the grocery store herself?

It was a crazy idea. She didn’t have money to buy a house or a store. Besides that, she would have to take on the dollar store by herself. Grace thought she recognized a wild idea when she saw one, and this was too wild for her.

Plus, Grace’s supervisor, the principal, would be upset. School started in less than three weeks, and Grace had a contract for this year. She had signed the contract before leaving for the summer, and even if she hadn’t renewed the contract, the withdrawal deadline would have been the beginning of July. There were penalties for breaking your teacher contract. Grace had heard of people losing their teaching license for the next year by doing things like that.

Of course, if she did decide to go back to Michigan, what would she do with a teacher’s license?

It would be hard on the school, leaving like that and giving them such a short time to get another English teacher before school started.

On the other hand, Grace was about to lose the only home she’d ever had. Should she give up her home because of a teaching contract?

That, in a nutshell, was the question. Where did Grace belong: at this job in California, or at her home and her family’s store in Fraser’s Mill?

Put like that, the question wasn’t hard to answer. When Grace was younger, she had dreamed of life out in the big world, of having an important career. But what good was an important career—and being an NBCT didn’t even seem that important anymore—if you weren’t happy?

Besides, it wasn’t true that you couldn’t do anything big and important in Fraser’s Mill. Doc took care of the health of all those people. That was important. Dorothy volunteered for the church and the unborn and lent a helping hand wherever it was needed. That was important. And keeping Murray’s Grocery open, supplying the whole town with fresh food, was important too.

She had been wrong to think she would be happier outside of Fraser’s Mill. She would be happier—even if she had to do a lot of stressful work and fight the dollar store and scrape for money—in that town with the people she cared about. Fraser’s Mill mattered to her. She belonged there.

Grace picked up her phone and dialed her parents’ land-line.

“Hello?” Dad’s voice said on the other end.

“Dad, hi,” Grace said. “This is Grace. I have something I want to talk to you and Mom about.”

“I’ll get her on the extension.”

Grace had barely started explaining her idea when Mom interrupted.

“You can’t do this,” Mom exclaimed. “You’d be throwing away everything you’ve worked so hard for! I thought that was what you had always wanted to do.”

“Yeah, it was,” Grace said. “But it isn’t anymore. I don’t want to be stuck out here in California with nobody around that I know. And I don’t want the store to be bought by strangers or have to close down. Even if you got a good buyer for the store, it still might go under if the people weren’t able to compete with the dollar store. And also, I want our family to still have roots in Fraser’s Mill. If you and Dad move near Katie and Arthur, and we don’t have anybody in town, then whenever we go back we’ll just be visitors. I couldn’t stand that.”

“Are you sure?” Dad asked. “Just a few years ago, you couldn’t wait to get out of here. You wanted to go do something important.”

“The store is important,” Grace said. “And the people in town are important. Being in a big city doesn’t make anything more important. I know now that I don’t belong here. I belong in Fraser’s Mill.”

“Are you sure you’re not panicking because of our news?” Mom asked. “I was afraid you’d be upset, especially after all the work you put into the store the last few weeks. But your father and I agreed that it was the best thing we could do.”

“If we weren’t moving, would you want to stay in California?” Dad asked. “Think about it. If we were still going to be here, and you could come home on vacations, would you still move back?”

“Yes. Dad, I’ve been thinking about it all evening, and I know now that I don’t want to be out here anymore. I thought I would, but I don’t. I work a ton of hours for what isn’t the greatest salary, and I don’t have a community around me. It’s really lonely.”

“If you come back and work in the store, you might get bored,” Dad said. “A classroom of fifth graders will at least keep you entertained.”

“Well, I want to do it,” Grace said. “You know how stubborn I am. If you and Mom don’t think it’s a good idea for me to come back, that’s all right, but I’m going to come back anyway. Even if I have to find somewhere else in town to live and work. I’ll save a fortune not paying rent on this apartment anymore.”

“Of course you can come here if you really want to,” Dad said. “Your mom and I would want to talk about our plans, in that case. Don’t know if we’d still move if you came back. But no matter what, you’re always welcome to stay at the house and work in the store.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

“Wait a minute,” Mom said. “Haven’t you already signed a teaching contract for this fall?”

“That’s a bit tougher,” Grace said. “I did sign the contract, and it’s past the deadline for resignation, so I may have some kind of penalty. I might lose my teacher’s license for the next year. But I wouldn’t be teaching anyway, so even if I do lose my license it won’t matter.”

“Hmm.” Mom sounded dubious. “You’d better be sure you don’t make a decision you’ll regret. You can’t go back once you’ve quit, and they probably wouldn’t want to re-hire you at that school in any case.”

“I know, Mom,” Grace said. “I’ve been thinking about all of that. I don’t look forward to talking to the principal. But I know this is what I want to do. It’s not a snap decision. It’s been sort of creeping up on me for a long time, but I never paid attention to it.”