Chapter Twelve Things Best Left in the Past
April 1991
Cindy squeezed a dollop of sunblock on her palm and rubbed it into her skin. The sun was unseasonably high and hot, and if she and Aneesa sat out on their beach blanket for much longer, they’d turn into puddles.
“What’s taking them so long?” Aneesa whined from beside her.
Cindy shrugged. “Chris said his mom wanted them to help break down some things after the parade.”
“More like she wants to keep you two away from each other.”
Cindy nodded. “Truth.”
“Well, she’s got the wrong twin,” someone said from above them.
“Another truth.” Cindy looked up, squinting into the sun. “Indigo.” She patted the blanket, motioning her to sit. “You escaped Christine?”
“Oh yeah. Since I’ve got no prospects, she leaves me alone. Now, you... you better watch out.”
Christine hadn’t spoken a word to her, but Cindy had received plenty of dirty looks whenever she hung out with her sons.
Although she truly hadn’t seen much of Chris lately since he joined the military. Cindy still couldn’t believe her best friend had done something so impulsive without discussion. They talked about everything.
“I’ll be fine. Your mother doesn’t worry me.” Cindy had more bravado in her voice than she felt. But she wouldn’t give CJ up. Not after all the years of chasing him. From walking alone on the beach where she knew CJ jogged to making sure she ran in the same circles through invites to parties.
Back then, he didn’t budge and in fact seemed oblivious to her affection. In that low voice of his, he’d say hello and find the farthest spot away from where she stood or sat.
She bitched and moaned to her best friends, Chris and Aneesa, about CJ ignoring her. Even though they were twins, Chris claimed to not understand his brother’s surly attitude toward Cindy.
Then two summers ago, when he dated a rich girl visiting from California, Cindy gave up. CJ and the girl sat on a blanket at a beach party, and when she whispered something in his ear, he let out a low laugh.
With tears in her eyes, Cindy left the party and stayed close to her apartment. When Chris wanted to hang out, they avoided Highland Beach. But then Aneesa had convinced her to go to a party, because she needed Cindy to entertain her date’s brother, Kevin. They talked and flirted, and soon the uneasiness Cindy felt about seeing CJ melted away.
Toward the end of the night, when they walked down the beach, Kevin tried to kiss her. Cindy liked him, but she wasn’t in the mood to kiss a stranger. Even after she said no, he’d wrapped his large hands around her forearm and jerked her close. Out of nowhere, someone bumped him from behind. It had shocked Cindy to find CJ standing there, his fists clenched, and with an angry scowl that reminded her of a thunderstorm.
Kevin was just about to make a fuss, but then a group of friends crowded around them. Kevin pushed past the group of locals, grabbed his brother, and left the beach.
But CJ wasn’t done with his anger. He grabbed Cindy’s hand and marched her away from their curious friends.
“How are you?” he grunted.
“Fine. Thanks for your help back there. I don’t know what...” Cindy trembled. “I don’t know what would’ve happened if you weren’t there.” She squeezed his hand. “I can’t thank you enough.”
He jerked his hand back. “Well, yeah. Chris wasn’t here, so I had to step in.”
“Where is he, anyway?”
“Sick. He’s got a cold. You should be careful, especially if you two are kissing all the time.”
“Kissing!”
“Yeah... because you’re together.”
“We are not together.” She crossed her arms.
“You went to the movies last weekend.”
“As friends. I think he’s dating that Lacey girl, anyway.”
He gave her that familiar look of disdain. “Trust me, Chris is not dating anyone.”
Cindy shrugged. “Regardless, who your brother dates has nothing to do with me.”
“Doesn’t it?” His eyes narrowed. “You aren’t jerking my brother’s chain, are you?”
“Did Chris tell you we’re dating?”
“No, never.” CJ shook his head. “I just assumed since you’re always together.”
Cindy exhaled. “A boy and a girl can just be friends, and that’s all we are. Don’t be so old-fashioned.”
He shrugged. “I guess so.”
“You don’t have to guess. I just told you, and it’s a fact. Besides, I like someone else. Chris knows this.”
“Does he?”
“Yeah. In fact, he’s tried to help me from time to time. But I don’t need his help anymore because the guy I like... well, liked ... is too dense to notice me.”
“I’m sure he noticed you.”
Cindy snorted. He truly is clueless. “No, I’m very sure this guy doesn’t like me. He’s made it clear, and now I’m moving on.” Cindy drove the point home by walking away. She needed to find Aneesa and get the hell out of Highland Beach.
CJ kept pace with her. “Who is he?” he asked in a small, soft voice. “Maybe I can help.”
Cindy stopped in her tracks, then turned around. Suddenly bold, and definitely annoyed, she finally snapped. “It’s you.”
“Me?” He pointed to his chest.
“Yes, fool. But like I said, I liked you. Past tense.”
“Why don’t you like me anymore?” He had the nerve to look offended at Cindy’s comment.
“You’re a little rude. I understand you get annoyed with people who say harsh things and make mistakes, so I know you’re not mean. But you’re mean to me. I say hello, you mutter under your breath, wave, and then rush off like I’m contagious. And I know you told your brother that we hang out too much, because he told me.”
CJ shrugged. “I stand by my statement.”
“He’s my best friend!” Cindy shouted. “You know what, you’ve made it clear you don’t like me, and right now I really don’t like you, either.”
“I never said I didn’t like you.”
“You don’t—”
“I like the way you look, for one. And I like it that your eyes sparkle when you’re about to make a smart-assed comment. I like that your smile’s a little lopsided.”
Cindy covered her mouth. “It’s not.”
“It is, and I like it.” He pulled her hand away from her lips. “I like that you always bring my favorite snacks when we have a party on the beach.”
To be fair, she brought things for Chris, too. Chris liked sour and hard candy like Jolly Ranchers and Skittles. CJ much preferred salty snacks like chips.
“I like that you listen before you speak. Mostly you do it to find a fault in my argument, but you’ll still hear someone out. I like how your mind works, too. You know how to explain complex things and break it down like it’s natural.”
Cindy clasped her hands. She’d gotten that trait from her mother. Cindy noticed that sometimes folks with a little money—whether they were Black or white—enjoyed sounding superior to their peers. She could recognize someone with true intelligence versus someone mimicking another person’s intellect.
“I like it when you nibble your lips when you’re thinking. Or chomp on your bottom lip when you’re pissed off. Right now, you’re thinking. Hopefully thinking about what I’m finally confessing to you.” He moved closer to Cindy, grabbed her hands, and wrapped her arms around his back.
“W-what are you doing?”
“Showing you how much I like you,” he whispered into her ear. “Do you get me now?”
“I... I guess.”
“I don’t want you to guess. I want you to know. So I’ll keep going.” He pulled her closer and whispered a few more of his favorite things about Cindy.
“I like how you treat my baby sister. She worships the ground you walk on. And I... I like the way you look at me.”
“You already said that,” Cindy reminded him in a teasing voice.
“Because I really like it.”
Cindy stepped out of his arms with heat flooding her cheeks. God, did he notice how much she stared at him? Aneesa told her she was doing it too much.
“How do I look at you?”
“Like I could sprout wings and hang the stars in the sky. Like I’m important to you.”
Cindy’s heart went ka-thunk in her chest. She shook her head. “It doesn’t make sense. You’ve never made me feel welcome. You make me feel like a... a pest.”
“Because I thought I was in love with my brother’s girlfriend. I fought like hell to stay away from you. But now that I know you and Chris aren’t together, now that I know how you feel...”
“Felt. Past tense,” she lied to him—and herself.
“I feel confident in my ability to convince you otherwise.” He pulled her back into his arms. “I want to kiss you. Is that okay?”
“I... I guess that’s okay.”
He lowered his lips to hers. Warmth flooded her. She knew from that moment on, she’d never be cold or alone again.
From that night on, they’d been inseparable. Well, except for the times when she and Chris hung out. It was important to her that Chris not feel like the odd man out.
“Earth to Cindy.” Indigo snapped her fingers, bringing her back to the present.
“Hey, yes, sorry. What were you saying?”
“When is CJ coming back from Morehouse?”
“Should be next week Friday. Maybe Thursday if his last class lets out early.”
Indigo twisted a trio of silver rings around her fingers. “Okay. That’s good.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Indigo shrugged. “Just family stuff.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“Absolutely not.” Indigo shook her head.
“I’m sorry if I’m overstepping, but you can talk to me about anything.”
“I know that, trust me, but I’m just... embarrassed.”
“Okay, fair enough. You can call him on his dorm phone if you need to speak to him sooner.”
“No, I... I just want to see his face, you know?”
“Yes, I know. I miss him. I miss Chris, too, but I imagine it’s hard for you not seeing your brothers every day.”
Indigo sighed. “I feel like an alien, and nothing I ever do is good enough for my mom.” She pouted, looking despondent.
“You’re an accomplished athlete and you make straight As. You’re the perfect daughter.”
“Are you willing to write a testimonial for me?” Indigo batted her pretty eyes.
“I don’t think my opinion will go a long way with Christine.”
Indigo snorted. “True. But she’ll have to get over it by the time you two get married.”
“Married? Please, I’ve got too much going on.”
“Well, it needs to be soon. Otherwise it’ll look weird if I’m your flower girl.”
“It would be weird now. Besides, I’ll make you the bridesmaid. Aneesa gets maid of honor.”
“Meh. I really wanted to throw flowers on the ground,” Indigo insisted.
“You can hold them instead.”
Indigo nodded. “Not as fun, but I accept.”
“We’ve got some time yet.” Cindy wouldn’t deny that the thought had crossed her mind. She hoped, in another five years, she and Christine could have formed a healthy relationship.
“Oh, that’s right. You’re leaving me for college, too.”
Cindy was just about to finish her associate’s degree at Anne Arundel Community College. After that, she planned to get her bachelor’s from the University of Maryland so she could teach middle school English.
Indigo glanced at her watch and then scrambled. “Oh, I’ve got to go meet my new friend Bree.”
“Who is she? I’ve never heard of her.”
“She’s here for the summer to visit her dad. I met her at a... an event.”
“You mean a party?” Aneesa called her out.
“Yes, but don’t tell my brothers.”
Aneesa waved off her worry. “Of course we won’t. We partied with your brothers at your age, so why would we snitch? Besides, I believe in gender equality.”
Indigo focused her large brown eyes on Cindy. “Please don’t tell CJ... or Chris.”
Cindy crossed both fingers. “I promise, so long as you aren’t drinking.”
Indigo rolled her eyes. “I’m not. I’m training for a swim meet, anyway. Now, I’ve really got to go. I’m ten minutes late.”
“Okay, see you later.” Cindy cupped her hand over her eyes and waved as Indigo stood up and then watched her leave.
“That girl is always running around,” Aneesa said.
“Yeah, she is. It’s good she’s keeping busy. Things don’t sound too good at home.”
Cindy would talk to Chris and CJ about it, though Indigo would hate that she had talked about her behind her back. But sixteen-year-olds shouldn’t have bags under their eyes. They shouldn’t fidget or look stressed. Especially not rich sixteen-year-olds who needn’t worry about their next meal.
“Dang, girl, you’re eating all the popcorn.” CJ moved to grab a handful, but Cindy slapped his hand.
“I bought you salt and vinegar chips.” She pointed to her purse.
“But I’m in the mood for popcorn.” His pout was so cute. She gave in and held the bowl out to him. He kissed her, then paused the movie on her television.
“Why are you pausing the movie?”
“Because I want to kiss my girl.”
“Oh, well, then, you have my permission,” she replied in a prim voice.
He flicked his attention to the door. “What time is your mom coming home?”
“Late.”
“How late?”
“Overtime.”
“Oh good.” He grabbed her hand.
“Wait. Let me clean up, just in case.” Cindy dumped the popcorn and washed the dishes in the sink. While she cleaned, CJ rearranged the sofa and moved the table back to its original position.
“Oh, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about Indigo.” She’d already spoken to Chris about her concerns, but in the past week Indigo had seemed even more rattled. Chris had plans to come home in a week to check things out.
“What about her?”
“She seems a little... off.”
“How so?”
“I think she misses you and Chris, and with her being the only kid at home, she’s struggling with Christine.” As she spoke, Cindy realized that CJ could have been spending time with his sister instead of with her.
“Maybe you should go home early and spend time with Indigo? Take her to the music store, or maybe just hang out on the beach.”
CJ shook his head, a frown indented his forehead. “You know, I haven’t seen her since I came home yesterday. She was out with a new friend.” He crossed his arms. “Has she said anything to you?”
“We spoke a few days ago. She said there were some family things going on and she was too embarrassed to tell me about it. She said she would talk to you this weekend.”
He glanced at his watch. “Yeah, maybe I should head back.” His brown eyes glittered with worry. “You don’t mind, do you? I know we were going to... lie down.”
Cindy snorted. “Is that what they call it back at Morehouse?”
“I wouldn’t know. I’m always studying.”
Cindy rolled her eyes. Though CJ would never be the life of the party like Chris, he was social enough. “Please. I know those Spelman girls are all over you.”
“No, not anymore anyway. They said I’m rude.”
Cindy laughed this time. That she could believe.
“Now go home and take care of your sister. Tell her I said hi.”
He squeezed her waist. “No matter what, I’ll see you tomorrow night, okay?”
“Of course.” Cindy nodded. “But if you need more time with Indigo—”
“Then she can be our third wheel. It’ll be a pleasant change from Chris.”
Cindy kissed him goodnight and closed the door. He was such a great brother to Indigo, and she knew that, whatever bothered her, he would fix it.
Between Chris and CJ, Indigo had the best brothers, but she often ran to CJ if she had a complex problem that needed solving. He also was the peacemaker between her and Christine.
The following morning, CJ called.
“How did it go with Indigo?”
“Well, good morning to you, too.”
“Yes, good morning, Sunshine. Now, how’s my Indigo?”
“Indigo...” He huffed over the receiver. “She didn’t want to talk. She was being evasive. Said she had to figure out some things first, and that she wasn’t sure if she was right.”
“Right about what?”
“I don’t know. I’m taking her to the music store today and then lunch at her favorite restaurant.”
“Good idea.”
“Yeah. Maybe she’ll comb her hair and shower.”
“What?”
“By the look and smell, she hasn’t done either. I told her I was going to hold her down and spray her down outside if she didn’t get her shit together.”
“Something is definitely wrong.” Indigo usually showered twice a day since she swam so much.
“Yes. And Christine is no better. She jumps at every little sound. She stares at Indigo like she wants to say something, but she hasn’t said a word.”
“What does your dad say?”
“He’s so busy with his job, he’s pretending not to notice. I confronted him last night, and he said she’s just going through teenage drama.”
“That’s more than drama.” Besides that, Indigo had experienced bouts of sadness even before her brothers left the house. She was extremely competitive, and on the rare occasion she didn’t place in a swim meet, she would lock herself in her room and cry for hours. Then there was the time she broke up with her boyfriend. She barely ate for weeks.
“I think there may be a larger issue with Indigo. I know it’s hard to imagine, but maybe she’s depressed.”
“That’s what I said to my father, and you’d think I cursed at the man. He told me she’s just sad about me and Chris, but she’ll be just fine.” CJ sighed. “I don’t know... maybe I should transfer closer to home.”
Cindy’s heart soared at the thought. “Do you think it would help?”
“Someone needs to be around. Christine will never acknowledge Indigo needs help. Dad is great, but sometimes he’s so damn busy. And shit, Chris could deploy at any moment.”
“Where would you go?”
“Maybe University of Maryland. With you.”
“Christine would have a conniption.”
“I don’t care. Maybe that’ll push her to take care of her daughter and stop worrying about appearances,” he snapped. “Sorry. I’m not mad at you.”
“I know.”
“CJ!” someone called in the background.
“That’s Indigo. She’s out of the shower now.”
“Good.”
“All right, I’ll see you later tonight.”