Chapter 36
36
Finn relayed this conversation to Jade, Ray and Dorrie as they sat in the Red Lion later that evening. Sarah, Ben and Callum had called in for a quick drink earlier in order to raise a glass to what had turned out to be a very successful day, but Sarah had since taken Ben off home to bed, having declared he was totally worn out.
‘I had no idea Bridie was interested in art,’ Finn told them quietly now. ‘Although from what Eleanor was saying it’s more her father-in-law who’s interested.’
Jade could see he looked pained and she touched his arm. ‘You seem troubled. Is that because you think they haven’t bought your paintings on merit?’
He met her eyes and gave a hint of a nod. ‘I must admit it did cross my mind.’
‘But you sold other paintings too, didn’t you?’
‘Only a couple of small ones.’
‘You’re beating yourself up unnecessarily, lad,’ Ray said fiercely. ‘No one pays out that kind of money for art unless they think it’s good. Even the price tags on the small ones made my eyes water.’
‘I guess only time will tell on that score, Dad. We’ll have to wait and see.’ Finn sipped his Guinness. ‘As far as my art career goes, this is just the beginning. All I can do is paint the best pictures I can and cross my fingers. Even Eleanor said there’s loads of luck involved. I am going to have to sort things out with Declan though. He may not be the only one of the family who’s none too happy to have a brother turn up. My half-sisters might feel the same.’
‘Or they might not,’ Dorrie put in brightly from across the table. ‘They might be thrilled. You must think positive, Finn.’
‘I agree,’ Jade said. ‘Declan’s probably still sore about you flattening him the first time you met. Not that he didn’t ask for it,’ she added quickly when she saw Finn’s face.
‘Even so, I should probably apologise to him.’
‘It might be an idea, love,’ Dorrie said softly.
Finn turned towards his father. ‘What do you think?’
‘Up to you, lad. From what I’ve heard, he’s the one who should be apologising. Not you.’
‘But in the interests of keeping the peace, it might be the diplomatic thing to do,’ Dorrie said. ‘Be the bigger man.’
‘Yeah, you’re probably right.’
Finn looked so weary and worn that Jade ached for him. ‘Why don’t you sleep on it and see how you feel in the morning,’ she suggested. ‘A good night’s sleep always makes things better. I can do the puppies.’
‘Ray and I will feed the puppies,’ Dorrie said firmly. ‘You two need your beauty sleep and it’s too late for us.’
‘Speak for yourself!’ Ray said, but he was grinning, and a lightness returned to the table.
Finn squeezed Jade’s fingers and Jade squeezed his back. A letter had arrived for her this morning. A letter she hadn’t yet told anyone about. Her heart had leapt with optimism when she’d seen the unfamiliar handwriting on the envelope, and she’d sneaked into the bathroom to look at the contents in private.
She’d been glad she had because when she’d opened it she’d found that inside was her own letter, which had been opened, but then stuffed back into its envelope and the words ‘RETURN TO SENDER’ written in block capitals in red ink on the outside.
Her heart had crash dived. So that was that then. Either the occupier of The Rookery, Ashton Point, Devon wasn’t her father, or he was and he wanted nothing to do with her. Red capital letters were pretty categoric. The more she’d looked at the writing, the more she’d felt the anger vibrating off the page.
Maybe a good night’s sleep would make that feel better too. After all, it wasn’t as though she’d lost anything. You couldn’t lose what you’d never had, could you?
* * *
The next day, Jade got up just before six as she always did, leaving a sleeping Finn in bed, and slipped out of the back door of Duck Pond Cottage. It was still dark as she made her way up the yard, tiptoeing past the kennel dogs so as not to set them off barking, and on past the equine shadows in the paddock.
As September drew closer to October, the mornings had grown a lot cooler. Dew quite often sparkled across the grass and the fresh country smells filled her nostrils. Autumn was well and truly here.
It would be harvest festival next – Ben always took in fresh eggs to school for harvest festival. Then it would be Halloween with pumpkin pie and trick or treat – that was another day Jade loved. Guy Fawkes night wasn’t good for the animals but luckily they were too far away from the organised displays for them to be a problem, and not long after that it would be Christmas.
Jade couldn’t wait for Christmas. As a child, she had hated Christmas because her mother had always worked. The hotels were open at Christmas and Elizabeth had always gone along to show her face.
In the whole of her childhood, Jade couldn’t remember a time when she and Elizabeth had done what other families did. They’d never had a normal Christmas. They’d never been able to decorate the tree with tinsel and decorations that were family heirlooms or watch the night skies on Christmas Eve for the chance of spotting Father Christmas’s sleigh. They’d never been able to eat a roast dinner on the day itself and open presents around the tree afterwards. They’d never been able to go to a pantomime in January and shout, ‘He’s behind you,’ at the tops of their voices.
All of these things were reserved for the paying guests away for their Christmas breaks and Elizabeth would be at one or another of her hotels, making sure the punters got their magical Christmas. Making sure they knew their hostess really cared.
The family Christmas came second and would be held sometime after Twelfth Night when everyone else had taken their decorations down and gone back to work. The time when everyone else was sick and tired of Christmas was the time that Jade and her mother would sit down to celebrate it. They’d pull crackers and pretend the atmosphere was the same as it was on 25 December.
Jade had always told herself she didn’t mind because she quite often snuck off to Sarah’s for Christmastime anyway. Sarah’s adoptive parents were deeply traditional and they did all of the classic stuff, and they always made Jade feel very welcome. But it wasn’t the same.
Somewhere in Duck Pond Rescue, a cockerel crowed a welcome to the new day and Jade gave herself a little shake. It wasn’t quite October. Why on earth was she thinking about Christmas? She had a good idea she knew exactly why it was.
Her mind flicked back to the letter that had come yesterday. It had stirred everything up, and memories of long ago, which she usually managed to keep locked away in tight little boxes, were swirling about in her head.
Maybe it was never a good idea to take a long pointy stick and dig around in the murky puddles of the past. After all, while Finn had discovered his mother had been pleased to see him, Declan certainly hadn’t been happy. And the rest of Finn’s extensive family were still an unknown quantity.
What if they all felt the same way that Declan did? That Finn was simply some unwanted interloper who’d gatecrashed into their lives in order to steal their mother/inheritance/peace of mind – delete as appropriate.
Jade’s head swirled with ‘what ifs’.
That letter that had carried with it the hot sting of rejection had been bad enough. Maybe it was a blessing that Jade’s father hadn’t replied to her. It would have been so much worse if they’d met and discovered they didn’t like each other. Or if they’d met and Jade had discovered that she, too, had a pile of relatives out there who wouldn’t welcome her.
She tried to push these thoughts away as she began the routines of the day, starting with the geese and the hens, letting them out, feeding them, collecting the eggs, but it was difficult, and by the time it was fully daylight she already felt as though she’d been through an emotional wringer.
At seven fifteen, she saw Finn heading across the yard to the kennels where she’d just finished feeding the dogs and was starting on their morning walks.
‘Hey, lovely. I overslept. Why didn’t you wake me?’
‘Because you had a long day yesterday and I thought you were probably tired out.’
‘You look pretty tired yourself.’ He studied her face. ‘Did you sleep OK? You were tossing and turning quite a bit.’
‘Was I? Sorry. I hope I didn’t wake you.’
‘You didn’t. I think I was a bit strung out on adrenaline still from the day.’ He paused. ‘So what’s going on with you? Are you OK?’
‘Grab a couple of dogs and come across to the dog-walking field and I’ll tell you.’
‘OK.’
A few minutes later, as they walked three greyhounds around the outer track of the field, Jade told him about the letter she’d sent to the address that she thought was her father’s. Then she handed him the response she’d got back.
Finn listened, then read the pages in silence before finally turning to her and asking quietly, ‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
‘I think for the same reason you didn’t tell me when you started the search for Bridie. In case nothing came of it.’
‘I meant about this one. When did it come?’
‘Yesterday. But I didn’t want to spoil your day.’ She felt her eyes fill with tears and then Finn was taking the greyhounds’ rope leads from her and dropping them onto the grass.
‘Oh, my love, I’m so sorry. I would have been there for you. It must have been terrible seeing this.’
‘It wasn’t the best start…’ She hated that her voice was thick with tears and her throat so tight with emotion. ‘I was trying not to care,’ she managed to get out, and in answer, Finn took her in his arms.
‘Of course you would care. It’s impossible not to care about this stuff.’ He held her close while she sobbed on his shoulder. It took a minute or so before she could stop.
‘The greyhounds,’ she managed.
‘They’re fine. They can’t get out of this field.’
‘Milo can,’ she contradicted. ‘That’s why I keep them on the lead. If he sees a rabbit he’ll be through the fence. Where are they anyway?’
They caught up with Milo, who was sniffing around where the grass grew long and wild in the centre of the field. The fawn-coloured greyhound gave them a doe-eyed look that implied butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth and that of course he had no intention of chasing any rabbits.
Finn grabbed the rope handles of the leads and they walked back to the five-bar gate.
‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,’ Jade said again. ‘Do I look like I’ve been crying?’ Two volunteers were heading their way.
‘Not too bad.’ Finn was hopeless at lying and she glanced at him suspiciously. ‘OK, just blame it on hay fever,’ he amended.
‘At the end of September.’
‘I think you can get hay fever any time, these days.’ He looked up at the white sky over their heads. ‘We can talk more about this later, can’t we?’
‘There’s not much else to say,’ Jade said ruefully. ‘I don’t have any more leads at all as far as my biological father goes. Besides, I’m pretty sure it was him who sent that letter. Don’t you think the red capitals were a giveaway? Surely if it was just a random person that lived there they’d have put in a note or something. They wouldn’t have just scribbled that curt message in red pen.’
‘Maybe they only had a red pen to hand?’ he said, lifting an eyebrow, and she knew he was trying to make her feel better and she loved him for it.
They greeted the volunteers who’d come in early to walk dogs, which Jade was very grateful for, and then just before they reached the back door of Duck Pond Cottage, Finn pulled Jade close again. ‘We have each other and we’ll have our own family one day. And until then, you’re very much part of my family. Ray and Dorrie love you. Ben adores you – that goes without saying – and I worship the ground you walk on. I can’t wait to marry you.’
‘Thanks.’ Jade smiled at his passionate sincerity and tried to swallow the well of emotion still in her throat. It should have been enough; it was enough on so many levels, but there was still a fragile insecure part of her that yearned for someone who shared her blood to love her, too.