Chapter 40 Zandra
FORTY
Zandra
“What do you think, Zandra? Can we call Smokejumper Stout a success?”
I looked over at Russ and grinned. “Definitely. People loved it. Great job with the name too.”
“Thanks. Wasn’t too on the nose?”
“It was perfect.”
Around us, the remnants of the street fair lingered in the golden-hour light.
A few families still sat at picnic tables or on curbs, finishing the last bites from the food truck offerings.
Neighbors clustered in small groups. Children meandered between the adults, their faces sticky with ice cream and their energy finally starting to flag, while the cleaning crew picked up.
Rosie had already headed home with Jimmy, and Callum’s siblings had said their goodbyes not long after he was called away to the fire.
The thought of him out there sent a familiar twist through my stomach, but I was learning to live with it.
Being with a firefighter meant accepting that danger was part of his duties.
I was so proud of him for stepping up the way he did.
A lot of my terror during that first call had been tangled up with losing Jessa in high school.
But letting go of that old pain had made it easier to face the reality of Callum’s volunteering now.
Some things really did turn out okay, and sometimes, a girl like me got her happy ending.
Winnie approached us, her cheeks flushed from the heat and her smile bright. “Did you see all the donations for Hearthstone’s repairs? I couldn’t believe how generous everyone was.”
“It really was amazing,” I agreed. Russ nodded along with me, hands dipping into his pockets. “I’m looking forward to working some shifts with you again behind the bar.”
“Even when you’re the general manager?” Winnie asked with a raised eyebrow.
I huffed a laugh. “I don’t have the job just yet.”
Winnie grinned knowingly, like she didn’t believe me for a second.
Russ wandered off to help the cleaning crew, and Winnie bit her lip, her expression growing more serious.
“Everyone’s heard about Leo Mackenzie’s big confession.
How Paula set the fire, and how she’d been harassing you after Jessa died.
” Her voice dropped. “I was shocked when I heard. I just wanted you to know I had no clue any of that was going on back in high school. Leo never said a word.”
“I never thought otherwise,” I assured her. “Leo told me you tried to be there for him, but he didn’t tell anyone what was happening.”
Relief flickered across her face. “I know you have Callum now, but if you ever need to talk about any of that stuff, I’m here.”
“Thank you. That means a lot.”
After Winnie headed home, I spent the next hour helping return tables and equipment to the brewery.
The donation jar felt heavy in my hands as I carried it inside and placed the money in the office safe.
The burned section near the back of the building was blocked off with plastic sheeting, but I could smell the smoke.
For a moment, I was right back in that terrifying night. Heat and flames. Smoke choking off my airways.
But then I thought about the donation jar, about the community that had rallied around us today. The money represented Hart County’s unwavering support. Hearthstone would be back in business before we knew it. Better than ever.
And more than anything, the thought of Callum helped me breathe easy again. His bright smile and steady hands. Always there when I needed him.
I was closing up the office when Russ appeared in the doorway. “Hey, you busy?”
“I was just finishing up. Mostly I’m waiting to hear that the fire’s contained and Callum and the other guys are safe.”
“Of course,” he said quickly. “But if you have time, I was hoping you and I could have a chat.”
“You and me?” Something in his tone made me look at him more carefully. Russ’s hands fidgeted with his keys, and he kept glancing away from me. “Of course. Is something wrong?”
Russ didn’t answer me as I locked up Manny’s office. We started toward the front door. The rest of the building was quiet. We were the only two people left.
“I heard you and Winnie talking about Leo Mackenzie,” Russ finally said.
“Okay.” I waited for him to continue, but his nervousness was starting to rub off on me.
“There’s something about Jessa you should know. Something about the night she died.”
Shock hit me like cold water.
“Russ, you’re freaking me out.”
“I don’t mean to. But I’ve meant to tell you this for a long time. I just didn’t know how.” He took a shaky breath, and then the words rushed so fast they slurred together. “I was supposed to meet Jessa by the creek that night.”
I’d heard what he said, but it didn’t make sense.
“That can’t be right. Jessa had a thing for some football player. That’s who she was meeting at the creek.”
He stuck his hands deep in his pockets, a red flush creeping up from his neck into his face. “I was on the team for a little while at the beginning of that year. Just because my dad wanted me to play. Jessa and me, we were talking. Texting some. I…I liked her.”
I found myself glancing around the brewery’s front area, taking in the hostess stand and benches as if I could anchor myself to the familiar.
Just minutes ago, Russ had been my goofy friend from work. Hearthstone’s brewmaster.
Not Jessa’s secret crush.
He was still talking. Rambling on, though nothing he’d said was sinking in. “I was warming the bench, and after Jessa died, I couldn’t bring myself to keep going. I quit the team. I felt so guilty. I still do.”
“Guilty about what?”
He gripped the bridge of his nose, squeezing his eyes shut.
“Guilty for not showing up! I was at the bonfire party, and Leo was there. He was half drunk already. Angry and trying to start something with the football players. Nobody could tell what he was going on about, but I figured it might have something to do with his sister. I…”
“You what?”
“I chickened out about going to meet her. I was afraid Leo would find out and get upset that I wanted to date his sister.”
“But why? Why keep it a secret at all? If you were her crush, why wouldn’t Jessa tell me?”
“It was the football thing. It took forever to even get her number because she dismissed me as being a jock, even though I was barely one of them.”
Breathe, I told myself. Think this through.
Jessa had said she didn’t want me to hate the guy for being a football player. But was there something more she’d been hiding? The secret she’d mentioned in her diary. Had that been something darker, like Leo feared?
My hands shook at the thought that Russ might have hurt her.
“Did you do something to her? Something else she would’ve wanted to keep secret?”
“No. Never.”
“And you weren’t there at the creek that night? You swear?”
“I wasn’t there. That’s what I’m trying to tell you, Z. I chickened out, and I didn’t show up, and then she was just…gone. I felt horrible.”
“But I heard another voice. I thought someone else was there.”
He shrugged, confusion clear on his face. “Then it wasn’t me. I didn’t leave the bonfire party. I’m honestly not trying to upset you, and Callum’s probably going to give me hell about it when he hears. But I wanted you to know how sorry I am. About everything.”
“Zandra?” Suddenly Winnie was there, glancing between Russ and me with concern. “What’s going on? You okay?”
I hadn’t even heard her come inside. My nervous system was going haywire. Cold sweat running down my sides, my heart skipping like a stone across a stream.
Russ’s expression closed off. “We were just talking.”
I took a sharp breath. “I need to go.”
He took a step toward me. “Wait, Zandra—”
“Russ.” Winnie stepped into his path. “Maybe you can finish whatever this is later? Come on, Z. Let’s go.”
We walked outside onto Main Street. Night had fallen, and the street was open again to traffic. All the stragglers from the fair had gone. Chilly air nipped at my skin, yet the cold inside me was far more intense. I rubbed the center of my chest, trying to ease the tightness there.
My phone buzzed, and I glanced at it. Callum had just texted that the fire was contained. He’d be home in another hour or two. I exhaled with relief, about to write back when Winnie grabbed my arm.
“What on earth was all that about with Russ?”
“It was about Leo Mackenzie. And Jessa.”
“But what did Russ say that got you so upset?”
Everything about those last days before Jessa died seemed different now in hindsight. I’d barely even known Russ in high school.
But how well had I known my own best friend? What other secrets could Jessa have been keeping?
“It’s a long story,” I said.
“You’re welcome to try me. Is your car here? Or do you need a ride home?”
“I rode here with Callum. He took his truck.” We were back to living at the house with Darius, Connor, and Niko. It was pretty far to walk, especially when I was feeling like this.
Like a hurricane was inside me.
“I’ll take you home,” Winnie said soothingly. “You look way too pale.”
We walked to her car, which was parked on a side street off Main, and I stuck my phone back in my purse. I’d text Callum back as soon as I was home.
It was getting darker by the minute, all the colors of the downtown commercial district bleeding away into shadow.
“So, what’s this long story?” Winnie asked as she started the engine.
I did my best to convey what I remembered, fitting in the parts Leo had shared with me. How Jessa had a crush on a football player but wouldn’t tell anyone the guy’s identity. How Leo had read Jessa’s diary and had a huge fight with her afterward.
“I remember that fight,” Winnie said. “Leo told me his sister was keeping something from him, and he thought it was about a guy. He was worried about her.”
“Well, Russ just told me tonight that he was Jessa’s football crush.”
Winnie swerved slightly as her hands tightened on the steering wheel. “Russ? For real?”
“That’s what he said. He was a football player at the beginning of the year and quit right after Jessa died. He said he’s felt guilty about her death for all these years.”
“Why would he feel guilty?”
“Because he was supposed to meet her at the creek that night, but he didn’t show.”
Yet talking about this didn’t make me feel better. Only worse.
My whole body was shaking now, confusion and dismay swirling through my insides. All this time, I’d thought if someone else was really there at the creek that night, it had to be Jessa’s crush. But Russ had sworn he wasn’t there.
Was he lying?
Had the police been right that I’d imagined that other voice?
Too much of that night was flashing through my mind. Garish still images. Jessa sipping the beer I’d brought. How she’d kept checking her phone. The moonlight on the creek, and the slash of red on her forehead.
Bile rose in my throat. Ugh. I was going to be sick. “Winnie, I’m sorry,” I choked out. “I need you to pull over.”
She pulled us off the street and onto the dirt shoulder. I shoved the door open, leaving my purse in the car. I took a few steps, bending over and coughing, as if everything I’d learned the past few days was too much. Like every part of me wanted to reject it. Just push it far, far away.
So much for letting go of what happened that night. I’d been fooling myself.
My blood rushed in my ears, but I still heard the car door open and close, and then Winnie was beside me. “Probably adrenaline,” she said. “This is really messing you up, huh?”
I was heartsick. I wanted Callum. Everything had seemed good the other night when we went to the field of sunflowers. I’d genuinely believed I could move on from the night of Jessa’s death, but here it was again, tearing me apart from the inside out.
Because I still didn’t know the truth, and I never would.
When I stood up, I realized that rushing sound wasn’t in my head at all.
It was the creek.
We’d pulled off the road just before the bridge, and the water was right below us at the bottom of a shallow slope. This wasn’t the stretch of the creek where Jessa had died. That was miles from here. But in the dark, it looked so much the same.
“I remember that night too,” Winnie said softly.
I turned to look at her, but she was mostly in shadow.
“I was with Leo at the bonfire party. For days, he’d been upset about that fight he had with his sister. That big secret she’d been keeping. He was getting drunk and going on and on about it. He barely noticed I was there.”
Her voice was a monotone. Like she was in a trance. And I felt the same thing. A strange vibration in the air, that cold seeping into my bones. I looked back at the water, as if the creek was pulling me. Forcing me back to that night. Making me relive all the small details I’d avoided for so long.
“I loved Leo, even if I wasn’t always a perfect girlfriend,” Winnie went on. “I had no idea everything was about to fall apart.”
I nodded absently. So many lives had been affected by that one night. Paula and Leo’s family had been shattered. I’d lost my best friend and my sense of safety here in Silver Ridge. Only Callum had given that back to me.
Callum. He’d texted. I needed him. I knew I should go back to the car for my phone, but I couldn’t budge from that spot. Couldn’t stop staring at the darkly moving water.
“If one small thing had been different,” I said, “maybe everything would’ve been different. If we hadn’t gone to the creek that night. If I hadn’t left her alone. Or if I’d been able to find her phone to call for help.”
“If she hadn’t dropped it in the water,” Winnie muttered.
Those words echoed in my mind. Replayed.
And every time, they sounded stranger.
“How would you know Jessa dropped her phone in the water?”