Chapter 43 Callum #2
“Speaking of secrets,” I said, “Russ was keeping a doozy, right? After Connor reminded me that Russ was on the football team the beginning of that year, and that he’d been hanging around Jessa, I got nervous.
Then after I couldn’t find you and you wouldn’t answer your phone, I convinced myself he’d done something to hurt you. ”
“I was shocked when he told me about him and Jessa. Hard to believe he was keeping that secret for all these years. I just…” She gripped my T-shirt right above my heart.
“I don’t think I’ll ever be okay with the fact that Jessa kept those secrets from me.
Makes me feel like I wasn’t a good enough friend, even though I know she had other reasons.
But now that I really know the whole truth, it’s strange. I’ve never felt closer to her.”
Zandra sat up a bit, reaching for something under the blanket. She pulled out her small diary from high school, the one she’d found in that box at her parents’ house. She must’ve taken it the last time we were there. Stowed it at some point tonight in her sweatshirt pocket.
“I’ve been thinking all day about closure. When you suggested sitting out here with a fire going, my first thought was this diary. How it would feel to throw it in the flames and let it burn. As a symbol of letting go of it all, you know?”
I watched Zandra’s face. She caressed the cover of her diary with her fingertips.
“But I can’t. I think there’s no moving on, at least not the way I thought before, as if I could suddenly wake up one morning and not miss Jessa anymore.
I’ll always miss her. But now that I know everything, and I’ve remembered every awful thing about the night she died, I can finally hold the rest of my memories of her close too.
” A tear slipped free, and I brushed it away.
“I think she would be happy for me, because I really am happy now, Callum. I’m so happy to be in love with you. ”
Fuck. I didn’t cry easily. I wasn’t counting those commercials with adorable animals, because those didn’t count.
But right now, I was on the edge. My nose burned.
Then my damn phone rang.
“Shit, sorry.” I fumbled for it. “Thought it was on silent.”
I caught sight of the caller ID and hesitated.
“Callum, it’s your brother.” She nudged my hand. “You should talk to him. Answer it.”
“You sure?”
“Talk to him.”
No time like the present, right?
I held the phone to my ear. “Grayden?”
“Hey. Is this a bad time?”
“It’s fine.” No denying this was weird, though. I was actually talking to my brother for the first time in forever. “I’m here with Zandra. My girlfriend.”
“Yeah, Grace told me about her.”
“Can I put you on speaker? Introduce you?”
“Absolutely.”
I pressed the button, then said, “Grayden, this is Zandra. Z, my oldest brother.”
A long, slow exhale left my chest. As if I’d been holding it in for way too long.
Zandra sat closer. “Hi, Grayden. It’s great to meet you.”
“Likewise. I heard about the fire. Are you doing better?”
The three of us talked for a little while.
It sounded like Grace had been filling him in on what was going on in our lives, but she hadn’t told him about the events of last night.
And that was fine by me. Zandra didn’t bring it up either.
That was too much of a painful saga for her to tell it all over again right now.
As we spoke, I put my arm around Zandra again, pulling her up against me.
It meant everything that she was here. Sharing this moment with me.
In a way, I was sharing a key piece of myself with Grayden too.
Zandra was the most important thing in my life right now, and I hoped my brother understood that.
Not just that she was my priority, but that this was my way of inviting him in, too.
“What about you?” I asked. “Are you seeing anyone out there in Seattle?”
My big brother’s low, gravelly laugh was the same as I remembered. “Nah, not me. But I’m good. I’ve got my own business here. It’s a freelance thing, but…yeah. I’m a tattoo artist.”
“That’s not what I expected. I thought you hated art class.”
He laughed again, brighter this time. “It seems it was the class part I hated. When it’s my own art, it’s different. Figured that out after… Well, after.”
I gripped the skin between my eyes. That word said a lot. After. The part we were all still struggling to figure out.
I almost brought up his last visit to Silver Ridge. The things I said and my regrets about that. But Grayden headed off that subject, as if he could sense I’d been about to get heavy.
“It’s getting late there,” he said. “I’ll let you go. I just wanted to say I love you, Cal. I’m different now, okay? I need you to know that.”
“Same here,” I choked out. “A lot’s changed. But, uh…I love you too.”
I hadn’t even known I would say that until I did. But I’d spoken from the heart.
After we said goodbye and I lowered my phone, Zandra cupped my cheek. “What do you need?”
“I think I need to take you to bed.”
“Snuggle sex?”
“Hell, yeah.” Couldn’t imagine anything better.
I switched off the fire, and we carried the mugs and blanket inside. Stripped off our clothes the moment we were back in my bedroom. Kissing her gave me breath, soothed the ragged edges of my soul. I lifted her up and carried her to the bed with our tongues still tangled together.
For a while, I lay back with Zandra on top of me, her hair a dark curtain closing us off from the world. Then I rolled her to the side and rubbed my erection against her butt cheek. “You ready for me?”
“Show me who I belong to,” she murmured, and gasped as I entered her.
She was spooned in front of me, my cock deep inside her and my arms holding her tight. So peaceful and perfect and right, even as my heart raced with anticipation for what was next.
After all the false starts and stops we’d had, this truly felt like our beginning.