27. Hunter
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
HUNTER
I f I clench my jaw any tighter, I’ll crack a few molars. As I sit here against Ashlie’s front door like the lovesick dummy from the lodge, wearing the same clothes I had on at the club, it’s undeniable that I’m jealous. This is torture, waiting for her to come home from an overnight date with some guy. No. Not some guy. Trevor , the goddamn gentleman. My imagination runs wild as I battle the images in my head of what an overnight date likely entails.
I’ve never been the type to worry over what some other guy has. It always seemed like a waste of energy when I could blink and find someone new. I wasn’t ever jealous of the other guys Ashlie’s been with. They were idiots, and watching them touch her was aggravating, but game recognizes game. I could spot the end of her relationships before they even began. This Trevor thing is different. He’s persistent and focused. Doesn’t play games. I can acknowledge that threat for what it is: a real one.
And Ashlie’s still not answering her phone. I’ve been sitting out here since 5:30 a.m., after waiting in my car since two, trying to get ahold of her. She took off without a second thought about me. I know I’m acting irrationally right now, but I’m going insane about all of this and don’t know what else to do.
The sun crests over the horizon, and I check my phone for what feels like the thousandth time. It’s seven in the fucking morning, and the only thing keeping me from shivering in the coolness of the dawn is this obnoxious, nagging envy coursing through me. It should be me having overnight dates with Ash, not some Boy Scout fuckstick.
I squeeze my fists tightly over my eyes, trying to scrub out the images of them pressed tightly together on the dance floor last night. No matter where I was in the club, I was hyperaware of their proximity to me and their closeness to each other. I sulked all night, knowing I wasn’t who she dressed up for.
“Hunter?” Ashlie’s voice snaps me to attention, the soft breeze tousling her curls. Holy shit . She’s a goddamn vision, just as amazing as last night . My entire purpose for sitting out here all morning becomes as clear as the sky above. “What are you doing here?”
“You weren’t answering your phone.”
“It died. I left my extra charger in your car… Have you been out here all night?”
“You weren’t answering your door either,” I say stupidly. It’s got to be the sleep deprivation, or the jealousy, because I’m not even making sense to myself.
“Because I wasn’t home… Hunter, it’s freezing.” She nudges me out of the way to unlock the door, then ushers me inside her apartment. “What are you doing here?” Her back is turned to me as she plugs in her phone.
“Did you sleep with him?” I ask, steeling myself for an answer I’m going to hate. Why beat around the bush ? Direct will get me the information I need before I confess everything to her.
“ Excuse me ?” Ashlie whips around, eyes narrowed as she slams a hand on her hip. “How is that any of your business? Is that why you’re here?”
“You disappeared last night. I was worried about you. What happened to ‘leave the way you came’?”
“That applies to leaving with strangers. You knew I was with Trevor. I texted you before I left.”
“Naw, not me.” I jam my hands in my pockets.
“Yes, you . I sent a group text to you and Willa.”
I shake my head, and she smugly checks her phone, eyes widening as she scrolls. “I thought I sent… Hunter, I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t leave without telling you.”
“Okay.” I slide my eyes to the floor and kick the shaggy white rug, watching the corner curl and fall with each tap.
“Hey,” she says quietly. “I wouldn’t just leave. I know that’s a thing for you.”
“Okay.”
Ashlie walks toward me and wraps soft fingers over my forearm. “To answer your question, no. Trevor was a perfect gentleman. We watched a movie and fell asleep. Didn’t even kiss.”
“Okay.” I nod quickly, unable to meet her gaze. Being a “perfect gentleman” makes this infinitely worse. Those are the guys who land a woman like Ashlie with no effort. Perfect gentlemen are on the opposite end of the spectrum from me.
“Hunt…” She searches my face, her voice full of regret. “Look at me.”
I do, and if she isn’t the most beautiful woman in the entire world, I don’t know who is. I could drown in her. All of her. Suddenly, my hand cups her cheek and I’m drawing her in, brushing my lips against hers. I want this—want her —more than anything I’ve ever wanted before. She’s a necessity. I’m aching to be the one she leaves the club with and the one she wakes up next to. Hiking dates through the forest and weekly lunch dates in the middle of the workday. The football game with flirty eyes and the water fights while doing dishes. I want it all—with her.
“Hunter…” Her breath stutters as she tries to pull away from our embrace. “W-what are you doing?”
“Ash, I want you.”
Her body goes rigid in my arms, and her gaze drops, leaving my precarious words hanging in the air. “You already had me. At the lodge.” She shakes her head, and I lift her chin until her eyes meet mine.
“I don’t…mean like that. Ashlie, I want to be with you.” Crashing into her lips again, I lose myself in their soft warmth. Her hands snake around my shoulders, nails scratching the back of my head. A quiver dances up my spine as I memorize her touch. She kisses me back, gently at first, then with a desperation that threatens to crack my heart in half from the euphoria. This is really happening .
But then she pulls away, pushing me with a palm on my chest.
“For how long?” she whispers with a fierce indignation that punches me in the gut.
“W-what?”
“How long until you toss me in the pile with the rest of them, Hunter? Huh? And how’s Ava?”
“I…no. I want?—”
“Why now?” The steel in her eyes hits me like a bollard to the chest. “Because Trevor’s in the picture? Is that it?”
“I…don’t know. I just do.”
“You don’t know ?” Her humorless chuckle waves over me as the realization hits that I’m horrible at communicating my feelings. What a shitty time to find out. “We fucked in a cabin one time and, now, magically, you want?—”
“That was more than just fucking , and you know it.” The spark of frustration that hits when she reduces our night together to one meaningless word makes my head pound. There’s no way in hell she feels that way.
“You’re telling me you want a relationship? When was the last time you had one? Because in the five years I’ve known you, I’ve never seen it.”
“…It’s been a while.”
“When?” She takes a couple of steps back, far enough away that I can’t comfortably keep her in my arms. The full range of her anger glows in her eyes before realization crosses her face. “Don’t tell me it was high school…”
It was . Right after my mom left, and I realized I was the only one who could protect that dependent part of myself. “Why does it matter?”
“Because you don’t do this, Hunter!”
“But I could…maybe…with you.” My mind races to understand everything I’m feeling right now. Hope? Fear? Desperation? Fuck !
“ Maybe ?” She balks and pokes a finger into my chest. “You think everything’s going to be sunshine and rainbows if I say yes to your ‘ maybe ’? That’s not enough when I see how you treat every other woman, Hunter!”
Trying to avoid shutting down, I shake my head. I’m losing this battle. “I know it won’t be rainbows all the time. It’ll be scary and frustrating, and we’ll drive each other crazy while we figure it out. But you and I could be great together. Every single ounce of confidence I have knows that life would be amazing with you.”
She takes a deep breath, closes her eyes, and hangs her head. I give her one, five, ten seconds, and right when I’m about to say something, she whispers, “I can’t do ‘maybes’ anymore, Hunter. Not when there’s someone willing to give me an ‘absolutely.’” She walks to the door, using it as a barrier between us when she opens it. “I want you to leave.”
I nod quietly, my feet shuffling across the room while my brain screams at me to beg her to reconsider. Convince her . Show her you can be whatever she needs . But I don’t. I can’t . She clearly told me what she wants. I would be just like everyone else if I walked all over it. As much as I don’t want to, I go.
I tried sitting at the beach, hoping the sounds of the waves would help rid me of this pit in my stomach. Sleeping it off at my apartment did nothing but make the black hole exponentially larger. So now I’m here, at the house of my childhood best friend, hoping he can help me categorize the dusty, unused emotions tenderizing my heart. The white Mediterranean-style mansion was my second home growing up, just a few blocks away from Dad’s. Dark barrel tiles line the roof, with four stately columns framing the porch.
Slipping through the side gate, I walk past the covered fountain in the courtyard, going underneath the grand staircase to avoid the pool. When I get to the guest house where Chase and Kayla are staying, I knock with a sigh. Kayla answers, takes one disgusted look at me, and slams the door in my face. Great . She’s already talked to Ashlie, I’m sure. Blowing a breath to the sky, I groan. Fuck this entire day .
The door opens again, with Chase standing to the side, inviting me in. “Hey, man,” he says, closing the door behind me.
“I messed up.”
“Yeah, no shit. Kayla just got back from Ashlie’s place…”
Kayla rounds the corner, folding her arms in a huff. “Leave, Hunter.”
“No,” I say simply, knowing it will only add fuel to the fire blazing from my sister.
“ No ? Ashlie’s inconsolable. What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Look, I don’t know, but yelling at me isn’t gonna help me figure it out. And that’s the only reason I’m here.”
“Like you didn’t know what you were doing. First the lodge, and now whatever shit you pulled this morning? Get out of here with that, Hunt!”
“You told her about the lodge?” I turn to Chase, and the daggers he shoots from his eyes as he shakes his head make me take a step back.
“Oh, you knew ?” Kayla sets her blazing glower on her fiancé. “You knew, and you didn’t tell me?”
“…Yep…” he says tersely, nodding and shooting another glare at me in the process. He scrubs a hand over his face, stopping to stroke the hair on his jaw.
“Here.” Kayla walks to the coat rack and tosses Chase his jacket and keys. “You can go with him. Both of you, go somewhere else.” She opens the door, staring us down until Chase walks through and I follow. When I pass her, she stops me with a hand on my shoulder. “Fix this.” Her indignation softens as sympathy flickers crosses her face. Somehow, that’s even worse.
The air from the slamming door fans over our heads like a tidal wave, and I turn to Chase with a nervous grimace.
“Come on, Casanova. I’ll drive.” He clicks the remote with a sigh, and we climb into his silver crossover. The engine roars, but he makes no moves to drive. “What happened to leaving her alone?” His exasperated tone has me dropping my head in my hands.
“I can’t.” I groan, dropping my head back against the seat. “I tried, and I can’t make the feelings go away. She’s everywhere, even if she’s nowhere near me. The only highlight to my week is seeing her. Hell, even texting her is a high point. I don’t notice anyone else when I’m with her. It’s just her.”
“And you told her this?”
“…No?”
“Bro, what ?” He laughs, shaking his head like I’m the biggest dummy on the planet. I might be . “You feel all of that for her and didn’t tell her? What did you say?”
“I said I could maybe try with?—”
“ Maybe ?” His eyes widen at my daftness. “Man, you really are bad at this.”
“Bruh, you think I don’t know that? I fumbled my way through this morning. I can’t blame her for kicking me out.”
“Listen, man… With women like Ashlie, you can’t dangle a ‘maybe’ in front of their faces and expect them to follow you into the unknown. You have to be focused and intentional. Make plans and follow through. She spooks easily, so you need to go slow. You can’t expect her to believe a word you say when you haven’t shown her you’re willing to put in the effort.”
“So what the fuck do I do? I’m not good at this shit like you are.”
“You date her.”
“Huh?”
“I really have to spell this out for you?”
I blink at him, completely at a loss.
Chase taps his fist on his forehead in frustration before taking a breath. “You take all the complicated things out of the equation, and you date her. Woo her. Show her you’re serious. And most importantly, tell her how you feel .”
“How do you know any of that shit will work?”
“Have you met your sister? Do you remember how many hoops I jumped through just so she’d give me the time of day? I knew she was worth it, and I did everything I could think of to let her see that.”
“And what if I put in all of this effort, and she still walks away?”
“That’s the risk you take, man. But at least you stop wondering. At least you tried.” He lets his advice soak in for a couple minutes, then, without warning, throws the car in reverse.
“Where are we going?”
“I’m not walking back into that house without Kayla’s favorite ice cream. Since you dragged me with you straight into the doghouse, you’re coming with me.”