37. Ashlie
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
ASHLIE
“ G irl, we’re only going for the weekend. Do you really need that big ass suitcase?” Willa cocks her head to the side as my struggle-grunts fill the room. The stuck zipper made it perfectly clear I packed too much, but I’m not giving her the satisfaction of being right.
“Look, you never know.” I collapse on my bag as the last couple inches finally zips. Blowing a stray curl from my forehead, I stand with hands on my hips, breathing heavily. “I could spill wine on myself on the plane, or trip again and break my shoe.”
An unamused snort leaves her nose as she leans against the door frame. “Why are you always creating problems in your head?”
“You call it creating problems ; I call it preparing for the worst .”
“Shit’s exhausting, Ash. No wonder you’re always so stressed…” she says. Exasperated, I shoot her a glare, and she throws her hands up in a truce. “Okay, okay…”
I slide past her and head for the bathroom. Hunter should be outside any minute so we can catch our flight to San Francisco. I’m running behind, as usual. “Did you need an extra toothbrush or anything?”
“Nope. Some of us don’t wait until thirty minutes before the trip to pack.”
“Sounds fake,” I murmur, digging through my medicine cabinet for deodorant. My phone goes off in my back pocket. A smile tugs at my lips as I dig it out, preparing for a snarky message from Hunter about my always being late. But it’s Trevor, telling me how excited he is to see me.
“So, how’s Trevor?” Willa asks from the door, snapping my attention from the disappointment rifling through my chest.
“How did you know it was Trevor?”
“You do this thing with your face whenever you get messages from him. Kind of like an upside-down smile. What’s the word for that again?” she teases.
I scoff as I grab toothpaste from the drawer. “No, I don’t.” I was only expecting it to be Hunter because he’ll be here soon. The message from Trevor was fine. Sweet, even. My phone buzzes, and I feel Willa’s eyes on me as I tap the screen.
“You did it again,” she says with an annoying smirk. “Do you even like him?”
“Of course. What kind of question is that?” Trevor’s great. Caring and attentive, the opposite of what I’m used to. He’s who I should want . I try to focus on finding my toothbrush cover, but her know-it-all “mm-hmm” sends my eyes back to her. “Why don’t you just say it, Wills?”
“You’re using Trevor and this bet to avoid your feelings for Hunter…”
Using Trevor ? No. Well…I don’t think so. How I feel about him has nothing to do with Hunter. And the bet wasn’t even my idea, so I can’t possibly be using that as a crutch. Just because I’m still a little worried Hunter will revert to his old ways doesn’t mean I’m evading my feelings for him. I’m just being cautious. Protecting my heart.
“Oh, so dating Hunter is the same as avoiding feelings for him? Got it,” I quip sarcastically, breezing past her to get to my bedroom.
She follows me and flops onto my bed. “You know that’s not what I’m saying.”
I toss my toiletries into my carry-on tote before facing her. “Look, I like both of them and?—”
“Mmm, nope, let’s fix that. You like one of them. You love the other.”
With a sigh, I prop my tote on my suitcase and sit next to her. “Why are you making this such a big deal?”
“Because it is a big deal, girl. For you, especially. When was the last time you were in love?”
“Marc—”
“Not that shallow, codependent shit you hide behind. Actual love.”
My skin prickles from her blunt veracity. She’s the relentless lens magnifying my shadows, and I’m just the puny ant running for cover. She cocks her head, and I know she already knows the answer. Bryan . “I don’t talk about him.”
“I don’t blame you.” She gives a playful grimace, and we both giggle. “Now, when was the last time someone was so crazy about you, they’d do anything just to see you smile?”
“Trevor…”
She rolls her eyes. “Okay, fine, I’ll give you that one. Let me rephrase… When was the last time you were loved?”
“Wills, we don’t have time for this…”
“Humor me.”
“I just told you I don’t talk about?—”
Willa holds up a finger. “Bryan and his weird obsession with you don’t count. That wasn’t love. I’m talking about the last time you were with someone who really knew you. Someone who accepted you as you are, despite”—she waves a hand over me with a teasing smirk—“all of this.”
“Hey!” I push her shoulder, stifling my smile as she laughs. “You know, for a sister, you’re really mean to me.”
“You call it mean ; I call it honesty . Now answer the question.”
I shrug. None of my boyfriends cared enough. “Never, I guess.”
“Until now.” She leans back against the headboard, eyebrows raised like she just proved a point. “You have someone who meets the criteria right now .”
“Umm, yeah, I guess Trevor’s?—”
“ Ash !” She smacks my arm with the back of her hand.
“ Ow ! What the hell ?” I rub the sting away with a sneer.
“You know damn well I’m not talking about that man. What’s with your Hunter-shaped blind spot? You’re so dedicated to avoiding your feelings for him, you didn’t even consider he’s the one?”
The one ?
Snorting a laugh, I reach for my bonnet and stand from the bed. How can I have a blind spot for someone I’m actively seeing ? I have doubts. That’s it. “I’m not avoiding anything. I literally just said I like?—”
“ Love .”
“Stop that!” My hand slams to my hip as I whip around. She keeps bringing up that little fun fact, like it’s some kind of “gotcha.” It’s annoying.
“Why?” She laughs. “You’ve already told me you love him.”
“ Exactly ”—I angrily stuff my bonnet in my carry-on—“I’ve already admitted it. What’s the point in saying it again?”
“ It ? ”
“The thing…”
The smirk on her face only grows. “ Thiiing ?”
“ Ugh , the L word thing!”
“You can’t say the word, can you?” Her cackle bounces off the walls, and all I can do is glower. She’s right. I can hardly say it to myself, let alone out loud. “Point proven.”
“Stop looking at me like that.”
“No.” If smug had a spokesperson, it would be her close-lipped smile. “Every time I bring up how you feel about Hunter, you change the subject. Are you scared?”
“Of Hunter? No.” Okay, maybe . But it’s confusing, and I don’t want to think about it. Denial is safer. “Why would I be scared of him? He’s my best friend.”
“Your semantics game is getting old, Ash. I know you’re not scared of him.” She raises her eyebrows condescendingly. “You know what I think?”
“I’m sure you’re about to tell me…” I murmur as I reach for my phone charger.
“Hunter makes you feel the way you’ve always wanted. That carefully crafted front you show everyone else doesn’t exist around him. He knows you in all the ways you won’t allow anyone else to, and that scares you.”
Her words stop me in my tracks, threatening the thing inside of me that feels too daunting to acknowledge. She doesn’t quite get to the source of my fear, but it’s close enough that panic flashes across my face before I can control it. Based on the sympathetic expression on hers, she saw it too.
Shaking my head, I bury the little seeds of doubt she’s been sprinkling in front of me. I don’t even know why she planted all of this in my head, knowing how much I overthink. She’s already made it clear she doesn’t agree with my dating life right now. This is probably her way of looking out for me. “Whatever, Wills,” I say, pushing my suitcase toward the door. “Hunter should be outside soon.”
“Yeah…whatever.” She follows me to the living room, her disapproval chasing me as we go.
A knock on my door makes us turn toward each other, her face looking as confused as I feel. Hunter always meets me outside. I reach for my phone, double checking that I didn’t miss a message as I turn the knob. “What are you doing up here? Did I miss a text or something?”
Hunter smiles and shakes his head. “Naw, I just figured you probably packed that big ass suitcase, and I wanted to carry it to the car for you.”
“You—oh…” I stumble over my words, my heart fluttering wildly as I get stuck on his crooked smile. Willa’s lecture taunts me. You already have someone who knows you .
“ Oh ?” The amusement in Willa’s voice isn’t lost on me, and I flash a shut-the-hell-up look at her. “That’s so thoughtful of you, Hunter. Isn’t that so thoughtful , Ashlie? And he just knew you packed your suitcase. Wow… ” She ribs me with her elbow.
He juggles a confused look between us. “So…your suitcase?”
“It has wheels. I can just?—”
“Give it to me, Ashlie.” Eyebrow arched, he assertively wraps his hand over mine, and my coochie flutters like his command was a personal invitation. I give it over dazedly, my brain lagging at the spontaneous shiver that runs through me. I may not like being told what to do, but something about that was sexy as hell. And when did I bite my lip ? “…Ready?” His eyebrows dip as he watches me recalibrate. I nod quickly, glancing at Willa, who’s barely containing her laughter.
Grabbing my keys, I usher everyone out, fumbling a little when I lock the deadbolt. I’m not avoiding anything…except his eye contact right now. But that’s just because he caught me off guard with that “Yes, sir” boyfriend move he made with my bag.
Boyfriend ? Shit .
As we walk to the car, Hunter’s arm grazes mine, and I surprise myself by flinching away. “You good?” he asks.
Chuckling nervously, I pull out my phone and increase the distance between us. “Yeah. Just…tired, I guess. I’m gonna make sure our flight is on time.”
You’re avoiding your feelings .
He glances at me a few times, his gaze burning into my skin. I act like I’m unaffected, but focusing on our flight details does nothing to silence my sister’s taunt echoing in my head.
When we get to the car, I slip into the backseat, and both of them look at me like I’ve lost my head. “Can we go? We’re gonna be late!” I sneer, hoping they’ll think I’m just in a bad mood. Willa covers a laugh, and I ignore her know-it-all ass as I scroll through my phone.
When Hunter gets behind the wheel, he looks at me through the mirror. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Yep. Just ready to go.” I buckle up and try to ignore the festering dread in my stomach that Willa might be right. I’m avoiding him…and myself. What the hell is my problem ?