39. Ashlie
CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
ASHLIE
T here’s no denying the passionate devotion in the air as Chase dedicates his entire existence to my best friend. He speaks brazenly, as if he was born to protect her happiness at all costs. I wipe away a sappy tear and glance at Hunter, but the intensity in his eyes feels like he’s silently shouting those same words at me.
Shit. He is .
My heart threatens to beat out of my chest as I’m pinned by his longing, a look I now realize I’ve been seeing for years. More so over the last few months, but in this moment, it’s undeniable. Love .
Hunter’s been the one encouraging me to get back in the pool, to find a job I enjoy. Grad school, the bet, dating Trevor—Hunter’s been concerned with my happiness through it all. Maybe for much longer than I’ve been willing to admit. I know I have issues, but how did I miss this ?
Suddenly, the unspoken stakes of our situationship skyrocket, and I’m reeling. There’s not enough air in this doorway to clear the panic infused haze from my mind. It’s one thing for my easily won heart to be in love; it latches on to guys quickly and often. But that four-letter word is consequential coming from him. He’s never attached himself to anyone in that way. Until now . This silly little bet, a facade I’ve been clinging to for dear life, has the potential to shatter our friendship. Failing with a new man is bad enough. But failing with Hunter would be devastating. No. Worse than devastation; I’d be gutted. He’s the most important person in my life. My rock. I can’t lose my best friend .
Chase guides Kayla from the room, heading toward Willa. Dread washes over me when I glance at Trevor. What do I do now ? I’m completely aware of Hunter’s eyes on me, but I can’t deal with this—with him —right now. Love changes everything .
My eyes sweep the speckled floor as I walk toward the table, and I shake my head to fend off my thoughts the entire time. Willa was right . I’m scared . I’m so absorbed in this newfound shame, I’m surprised when I’m stopped by the handsy mustache who’s been trying to get my attention all night.
“Hey, sexy. You leaving already?” Mustache grabs my elbow and pulls me toward him.
Sneering, I rip my arm from his grip. “Don’t touch me, asshole.” I take a step and feel his hand around my hips, fondling the waist beads under my crop top.
He tugs them, pulling me back to him. “These are hot.” The pungent smell of liquor and cigarettes wafts over me. “Come on, baby, just one drink.”
“I said, don’t touch me !” Driving my elbow into his gut, I knock him back a step before whipping around to face him.
“Ooh, you’re a fiery one. Just how I like?—”
“Touch my girl again, and I’ll rip those fingers off your hand and choke you with them.” Hunter puts himself between us, the acrid rasp in his voice rumbling down to my toes. This calculated energy isn’t the Hunter I’ve seen get into fights before. He’s usually quick to hit first and ask questions later. But this is controlled and calm. The only reason I hear what he says is because I’m right next to him.
“Hunter, don’t…” I warn, pulling on the back of his shirt.
“You hear her? Mind your business, man.” Handsy Mustache pushes Hunter’s shoulder, knocking him into me. I stumble, failing to catch myself as I land on the ground with a thud. Pain shoots across my ankle.
“Naw, she is my business.”
“Maybe you should tell your business to cover herself up instead of giving a peep show to the entire bar.”
“The fuck did you say?” Hunter has him by the collar faster than I can scramble back to my feet.
Hobbling forward, I wince against the pinching. “Hunter, don’t !” I grit out right as he slams the hairy hipster against the table.
Chase reaches them just before Hunter’s fist smashes into the man’s lip, pulling back on Hunter’s arm. “Let him go, Hunt. Come on.” Hunter doesn’t move, the muscle in his jaw fluttering wildly. The air is thick with his rage, his labored breaths coming out in spurts. “Hunter, she’s safe. It’s over. Let’s get some air,” Chase urges.
There’s several tense seconds before Hunter drops the guy. He throws Chase’s hand off his arm and walks out the door.
All eyes are on me, and I want to crawl in a hole. That secret I’ve been adamant on keeping between us just exploded in my face. What the hell did you expect ?
Glancing at the table, I catch Willa’s wide eyes as she holds on to Kayla’s drunken body. The rest of the bachelorette party is gone. At least I have that going for me .
A hand on my shoulder makes me jump. “Hey, you alright?” Trevor asks.
“Maybe… I fell on my ankle.”
“Can you walk on it?”
“Not well.” I titter nervously. My hands shake from the drop in adrenaline as I try to steady my breathing.
Trevor squats, peering at me with concern in his eyes. “Can I help you into the chair to look at it?”
I nod, and he lifts me at my hips, setting me on the nearest barstool. You’re using Trevor as a distraction .
“I don’t think it’s broken… I’m gonna grab some ice. Are you okay by yourself for a sec?”
“Yeah.” I hope my smile is convincing. Handsy Mustache retreated to the corner with his friends as soon as Hunter dropped him, so I don’t think he’ll be a problem anymore. “I’m fine.” I wave him off like my thoughts aren’t pulverizing me from the inside. Love changes everything .
When Trevor returns, he drags over another barstool and props up my leg, positioning the ice around my steadily swelling ankle. He’s caring for me in all the right ways, but I’m so numb right now, I can’t dwell on it. “I’m gonna pull my truck around. Do you want to ride along while I drop off Chayla? I can take you back to your hotel after.”
“Yeah, that’s…” It’s probably for the best, really. My mind is moving at warp speed, and I need to sort through everything from the last thirty minutes. I need to calm down . “That’s a good idea,” I say.
Trevor smiles. And I don’t feel anything ? “Stay here. I’ll help you to the truck when I get it out front.” He squeezes my shoulder and walks to the table, stopping to talk with Willa before heading out the door. Willa pulls out her phone, juggling it while holding a weeping Kayla.
Willa
You okay?
Me
Landed on my ankle.
Willa
Girl, you know I don’t mean your ankle… That was intense.
Me
Trevor’s going to drive me back to the hotel. Will you make sure Hunter’s okay?
Willa
You need to talk to him.
Me
I can’t right now.
“Ready?” Trevor holds out both of his hands to help me from the stool. I land and immediately groan as the familiar twinge pulses around my ankle. Clamping my lips around my teeth, I squeeze his fingers and groan out the pain. “Nope, you’re not walking on that. I’m gonna carry you to the truck.” He waits for my nod before picking me up in his arms, grabbing the bag of ice off the chair shortly after. He’s such a good guy. So why don’t I feel anything ?
A cool breeze blows through my hair when we get outside, and I realize my shirt is clinging to the sweat on my back. Watching Hunter jump to defend me like that was intense. Willa was right . About a lot of things . Just like everything else that’s happened tonight, I have no idea how to feel about it. I’ve seen him get in fights before, but never with that hard-set jaw and focused rage. Never over me… for me.
Chase and Hunter sit on the curb, and upon seeing us, Chase stands and opens the doors of Trevor’s SUV. Hunter’s eyes grow wide when he glances at us over his shoulder, before he turns back to stare at the ground. Trevor sets me down in the front seat and props my leg on the dashboard, laying the ice on my ankle. He’s perfect for me, but I feel nothing ? Squeezing my arm, he tosses a smile my way, which only makes it all worse. He and Willa head back inside the bar, and I focus on the melting ice. That shameful feeling grows in my chest, a clear acknowledgment that I’ve been using him clanging loudly inside my head.
“Is your ankle okay?” Hunter asks. I see him watching me out of the corner of my eye, hear the concern in his voice, but the thought of looking at his face right now churns the anxiety in my stomach. I can’t make my head turn in his direction.
“Uh, not really…” I bite my lip, dropping my focus to my lap. Why can’t I look at him ? The confusion waging war between my head and heart is so loud, I’m not even sure what my problem is right now.
“Shit, Ash, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were still behind me.”
“It’s okay… Trevor took care of it.” I lift a finger toward the ice and try to ignore the defeated sigh that slips out of him. Reacting like this to avoid talking to him is wrong. I know it is, especially when he defended me the way I’d expect my boyfriend to in public. But he isn’t .
Annoyance surges in my chest, trampling over my anxiety as I remember the embarrassment of everyone’s eyes on me. We’re not together, technically, and he couldn’t give me the one thing I asked for with this dating bet: keeping it a secret . That bothers me more than my throbbing ankle at the moment, and I’m latching onto it, as wrong as it may be. Channeling my anxiety into petty anger feels a lot safer than addressing the shame I felt earlier, so I let it fester. “He’s taking me back to the hotel.”
“Ash, I can take you.”
“I don’t want you to take me.” With my vulnerability safely tucked into a shoddy little nook, I finally look at him. He holds my gaze for several seconds, then slowly drops his eyes to the ground, stroking his chin with a sullen nod. The unsettling dejection creeping into his shoulders threatens to extinguish the flames growing in my chest. Fight back, damn it . Show me the old you . I know how to fight with Hunter. We’re good at it. Fighting would give me just a little hope that we can go back to how it was. Maybe, if we stop all of this now, we can salvage what’s left of our friendship. But he doesn’t take the bait. He lets me have my way. How am I supposed to handle that? Love changes everything .
Staring straight ahead, I cross my arms over my chest, hoping it will stop the crack in my heart from growing. I can’t move, can’t breathe, and can’t find the courage to take it all back. When Willa and Trevor reappear, juggling the supplies from the party, I reach forward and slam my door shut. Through the mirror, I watch Hunter flinch at the sound, then I keep my eyes forward until we pull away from the curb. When I look back, Willa’s sitting next to Hunter, his head hanging low. This shit just got messy .
The radio fills the silence as we drive to Chase and Kayla’s place. I think everyone in this truck has a lot to process about tonight. When we pull up to the high-rise, Chase waves us off and ushers Kayla inside.
“How’s your ankle?” Trevor asks when we get to the hotel parking garage.
“I think I’ll live… Might need help walking though.” I grin. It’s a fake one, but it’s dark enough in the truck that I hope he doesn’t notice. When I glance over, he’s studying me, drumming his fingers across the top of the steering wheel.
“It’s Hunter, right? The other guy you’re seeing?”
I blow out a puff of air and nod. Not only is the cat out of the bag, but it shredded its way out and left me with a giant mess.
“It all makes sense now… Look, we have a lot of fun together, but I can’t compete with that. He’s intense about you, Ashlie.” Trevor’s voice is as warm and friendly as ever. There’s no anger in his eyes as he smiles that sweet, comforting smile. “In my experience, when a man is that passionate about someone, it means something.”
“Yeah. It means he needs anger management.”
“ Or ”—he turns in his seat—“it means he cares about you. Maybe more. Righteous anger while defending you is worlds away from punching anyone who looks at you.”
“I just don’t like controlling men.” It’s such a weak defense, I think I’m trying to convince myself more than him.
“There’s a thin line between control and protection, and it lies within the motivation. A controlling man wouldn’t have stood by quietly while you drove off with another guy. His display at the bar was protection, Ashlie. Are you really upset about that?”
With a sigh, I shake my head. I don’t think Trevor’s wrong about any part of what he says. I did feel protected by Hunter… do feel protected by him. He’s always had my back, but the protection tonight felt significant. Steadfast and committed. It felt like love . I was smacked in the face with a reality I’ve been skirting around for months, and it’s clawing at my deepest insecurities, making me defensive in the worst way.
My eyes sweep over Trevor, and I realize he’s a really good friend. Only a friend. A sweet, caring, good-natured guy who I don’t have feelings for. “You’re not supposed to be talking up the competition, Trev,” I joke, trying to lighten the serious turn of our conversation.
He laughs, showing off those dimples that used to make me swoon. “Hey, I can tell when I’m outmatched. Is it safe to say we’ve become friends at least?”
“Yeah, definitely.”
“ Yesss .” He pumps a cheery fist in the air, eliciting another giggle from me. “Well, I hope you and Hunter figure it out.”
I take a beat, coming to terms with letting Trevor go. I’m more surprised I don’t feel a sense of loss about this breakup—if you can even call it that after a handful of dates. “This is probably the nicest I’ve ever been dumped.” A quiet laugh lilts my voice. “It beats an email by a mile.”
He throws his head back, chuckling. “Well, good. So what are you going to do?”
“I don’t really know.” I shrug, rubbing my forehead. “I’m so confused.”
“Yeah, I get it…”
“You do?”
He nods and shifts in his seat, leaning against the door. “Jumping into a romantic relationship with someone you’ve only seen platonically can be a pretty daunting step. Reconciling the person you know as a friend with a partner who’s now asking for your heart, wondering if it’ll work out, or if everything will end up ruined—it’s a leap into the unknown. All of the dynamics change. The stakes are higher. You have the ammunition to hurt each other, but need to trust that you won’t let it happen. They already know you so well, you have to face your own shit. It’s a scary transition. Maybe that’s part of your confusion…”
Chewing my thumbnail, I drop my eyes to my lap. Without knowing it, Trevor took the mess in my brain and turned it into a palatable dose of introspection. Made it seem normal. He explained it all in a way that makes it less shameful to admit to myself. I’m terrified to take that leap with Hunter and ruin it because of my issues. So many issues . The chance of us not working out looms over me like a dark cloud, the anxious drizzle threatening to turn into a destructive downpour. Losing him would be devastating .