Chapter 27
Tara awoke slowly, taking a long time to surface from a very deep slumber. As she lay there, her eyes still closed, the memory of the awful events of yesterday cascaded through her mind in a terrifying kaleidoscope. Her limbs were heavy, and she felt like she’d gone ten rounds with an Olympic boxer. She was aching in so many places that it was probably easier to list the places which didn’t hurt.
She was wondering what the time was and how soon she could be on the road if she heaved herself out of bed now, when she froze.
She wasn’t on her own.
Someone else was in bed with her.
Cautiously, she opened one eye, then the other and very gently turned her head so as not to disturb—
Bonnie? The child was curled on her side, her hair fanned across the pillow, her breathing even and deep.
Tara rubbed her eyes and looked again.
Bonnie was still there, which begged the question, where was Cal?
She managed to get out of bed without waking the little girl and shuffled in a rather ungainly manner into the corridor.
She found him in the living area.
He was sprawled on the sofa, a cushion under his head, one arm dangling, sound asleep.
Tara studied him: the way his hair was sticking up, the stubble on his jaw, his long limbs. He looked younger in repose, the man he used to be superimposed on the man he had become. Her heart ached for the love that had slipped through her fingers for a second time. Or had it?
Yesterday he’d told her again that he loved her, and she believed him, but it didn’t alter the fact that he had to put Bonnie’s happiness first.
Tara glanced back at the bedroom where his daughter lay sleeping, and wondered whether Bonnie had forgiven her dad, or whether sharing a bed with Tara had simply been preferable to sharing the couch with Cal.
Cal’s eyes were open.
Startled, Tara put a hand to her chest, her pulse hammering as his amber gaze bored into her.
He cleared his throat. ‘How did you sleep?’
‘Better than you, I suspect.’
‘Is Bonnie awake?’
‘No. Why is she in my bed?’
‘Because she couldn’t settle on the sofa.’ He sat up, running his hands through his hair, making it stick up even more.
‘I’m not surprised. It isn’t big enough for both of you.’
‘I was on the floor. I didn’t think you’d appreciate waking up to find me in your bed.’
‘I don’t think Bonnie would have approved, either.’
‘Oh, I don’t know…’
Tara frowned. Moving away from the doorway, she took several steps towards him before halting. Something was going on, but she wasn’t sure what.
‘When I was out looking for you, Mhairi had a chat with Bonnie,’ he said. ‘About me and you.’
‘And?’
‘Let’s just say, Bonnie isn’t going to hold me to my promise.’
‘She isn’t?’
He smiled. It was tentative and there was a wariness in his eyes. ‘No.’
‘What if Bonnie changes her mind?’ she asked, the words catching in her throat.
‘I don’t think she will, but if she does, it won’t alter anything between us. I love you. I always have, and I always will. Please give me another chance – give us another chance.’
She thought he might be close to tears, but he wasn’t the only one.
It took everything Tara had not to fall into Cal’s arms. She desperately wanted to forgive him but was terrified of being even more hurt than she was already, and she didn’t think she could. She was numb. Exhausted. Frightened he would break her heart again. Once had been bad enough. Twice was unforgivable. And although she understood his reasons, she hated herself for resenting them.
Cal’s father hadn’t been able to help being unwell, but Cal should have told her. She would have waited, however long it took. As for Bonnie – what mother would use such a flimsy excuse to prevent a father from seeing his child?
Tara was fairly certain she knew why that was. Yvaine was still in love with Cal. Her reaction when she’d confronted Tara in her studio proved it. Yvaine had made it her mission to ensure Cal broke up with her. She’d succeeded, and it had nearly cost Tara her life.
Wearily, her heart aching more than her body ever could, Tara shook her head. ‘I love you, Cal, but I can’t do this.’
He paled and the anguish in his eyes almost made her change her mind. But she had to remain strong.
‘I’m going to get dressed, then I’m leaving,’ she announced, surprised how calm she sounded. The car was packed. The outfit she intended to travel in was the only thing left in the wardrobe. She could be out of here in a matter of minutes.
‘Tara—’
‘Stop,’ she hissed, keeping her voice low, not wanting to wake Bonnie. ‘I’m leaving, and there’s nothing you can say to make me change my mind. We’re over, Cal. We’ve been over for a decade. Getting back together was…’ She didn’t know what it was. But she did know she wished she’d never set foot on Skye.
Calan turned away, to stare through the picture window. Yesterday’s storm had blown itself out and the loch was calm once more. She would miss it. Heck, she’d miss the little boathouse, her studio, the castle and the friends she’d made. Most of all, she would miss Cal, and she knew she would love him for as long as she lived.
Quietly she retrieved her clothes from the bedroom and retreated to the bathroom to dress. With a splash of water on her face and a quick brush of her teeth, she was ready.
Cal hadn’t moved.
‘I’ve left a note for Mhairi,’ she told him. ‘Please see that she gets it.’
‘I will.’ He still had his back to her, and she was thankful she couldn’t see his face.
She said, ‘Thank you for saving my life when you could so easily have lost yours.’ Not waiting for a response, she whirled on her heel, snatched up her bag and her keys, and ran for her car before she crumbled.
Tara had crossed the bridge between Skye and the mainland before she managed to stem her tears. But no amount of distance could repair the damage to her heart.
‘Daddy, are you crying?’
Cal jumped, and hastily swiped at his eyes with his arm. ‘Hay fever,’ he fibbed.
‘Where’s Tara?’
‘She’s gone.’ He was struggling to believe she’d walked out of his life, and he’d never see her again.
As he’d heard her car start up, he’d considered chasing after her. There was only one road off the island, and if he put his foot down he might catch up with her. But he had Bonnie to consider, and by the time he found someone to look after her, Tara would have had too great a head start. After she crossed Skye Bridge, she could go anywhere: back to Edinburgh perhaps, or Glasgow where she had grown up, or to the other side of the world.
The pain of her loss stole his breath. His heart was as raw as an open wound, and he felt utterly sick with grief.
Bonnie said, ‘I’m hungry. Will she mind if you make me breakfast? Could you make pancakes, and we can take some to the studio for her.’
Cal pressed his lips together as he struggled to compose himself. ‘She’s not at the studio. Bon-Bon. She’s left Duncoorie for good.’
‘Why?’
‘Because.’ What could he say that would make sense to a nine-year-old?
‘That’s a silly answer. Didn’t she want to be your girlfriend?’
‘No.’
‘Why not?’
He rubbed a hand across his face. ‘Can you please stop asking so many questions?’
Bonnie pouted. ‘My teacher says you learn best by asking questions.’ She plopped her backside onto the sofa, her expression serious. ‘Is that why you were crying?’
‘I wasn’t crying.’
‘You were. It’s wrong to lie.’
‘OK, I was crying, but I’m not now.’
‘You’re still sad.’
Cal was beyond sad. He was devastated. He didn’t blame Tara for leaving. The blame lay entirely with him. Ten years ago, he’d been swayed by his mother’s entreaty that no one should know how ill his dad was, but he should have confided in Tara. Instead of thinking it would be better for her if he ended it, he should have talked it over with her, laid his cards on the table and let her decide.
Cal snorted. At least he’d explained his reasons this time. However, he should have stood up to Yvaine and her ridiculous insistence that she allow their daughter to call the shots.
He’d blown it for a second time. How could he have been so stupid? He’d had a second chance at happiness with the woman he loved, and he’d messed it up.
‘Dad, I’m hungry.’
Cal forced his thoughts away from his misery. ‘Get your things. We’ll go back to the cottage and I’ll cook you those pancakes.’
As he slipped his feet into his boots, he remembered the letter Tara had left for Mhairi. Tenancy agreements and studio lets were his remit, so he opened it in case there was anything he needed to know, and his chest constricted when he saw her handwriting.
He scanned it quickly and was about to put it in his pocket when he noticed she’d included a forwarding address. She was going to the Isle of Wight.
Suddenly, he knew what he had to do. He had to go after her.
First though, he had to find someone to look after Bonnie. He reached for his phone. ‘Yvaine? Hi, something’s come up and I need to bring Bonnie back.’
‘Is she OK?’ Yvaine’s voice was filled with worry.
‘She’s fine. I’ve got to go somewhere, that’s all. And she can’t come with me.’
‘I’m at Lenn’s house, in Portree.’
‘No problem. I’ll drop her off on the way.’
‘On the way where?’
Before he could reply, Bonnie shot into the living room. ‘Is that Mum? Mum, Dad almost died yesterday.’
‘ What? ’ His ex-wife’s screech made Cal flinch. ‘What happened?’
‘It’s nothing,’ he said. ‘We’ll be there in forty minutes.’
However, when Cal pulled into Lenn’s driveway and Bonnie saw her mother waiting for them, she scrambled out of the car, launched herself at her and broke into noisy sobs.
Yvaine gathered her up and glowered at him. ‘Tell me,’ she demanded.
Bonnie got in first. ‘He went out in the storm to rescue Tara,’ she wailed. ‘Mhairi said Tara could have died, and Daddy could have died too.’
Yvaine pursed her lips and turned her attention back to Cal. ‘You’d better come in.’
‘I haven’t got time.’
Her expression turned from annoyed to horrified. ‘Is Tara OK? She isn’t in hospital, is she?’
He shook his head. ‘She’s fine.’
Bonnie sniffed, ‘She’s gone. She told Daddy she doesn’t want to be his girlfriend, and now he’s really sad. Mhairi said I was being selfish.’
‘Go inside,’ Yvaine said. ‘I’ll be there in a minute.’ She waited until Bonnie was out of earshot then said, ‘You need to explain.’
Cal didn’t have time for this, so he made it quick, finishing with, ‘She’s gone to the Isle of Wight, to her mother’s, and I’m going after her.’ He stared defiantly at his ex-wife, sick of letting her call the shots. If she wanted to make a thing of this, she’d have to wait. He had a six-hundred-mile drive ahead of him and the love of his life to win back first.
Yvaine surprised him by bursting into tears.
At a loss, he eyed her uncertainly, wondering whether he should give her a hug or call Lenn.
‘You almost died,’ she cried, her face in her hands.
Cal froze in shock. She didn’t still love him, did she? Oh, hell!
‘But I didn’t,’ he replied. ‘I’m still alive and kicking.’ He stepped towards her, then hesitated. ‘I’m sorry, Yvaine.’
She dropped her hands and sniffed. A wry smile appeared on her tear-streaked face. ‘For not dying?’
He huffed out a breath. ‘For everything. For not loving you enough, for not trying harder to make it work. I really did care about you. I still do.’
‘But you don’t love me.’
Filled with deep regret, he shook his head and repeated, ‘I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.’
‘I know.’ She swallowed and looked away. ‘You can’t help who you fall in love with.’
‘You can’t,’ he agreed sadly, his heart going out to her. He’d made such a godawful mess of everything.
She said, ‘We never should have got married.’
‘No.’
Yvaine brought her gaze back to him. ‘I always knew you didn’t love me the way I loved you, and when I realised why and that she’d come back into your life, I kind of flipped.’ Her eyes bored into him and he shuffled uncomfortably. This wasn’t easy to hear but he owed it to Yvaine to listen as she continued, ‘I’m sorry for being such a cow. It was wrong. I suppose I wanted to get back at you, and I was also cheesed off by your attitude toward Lenn. He’s no threat to you, Cal. You’ll always be Bonnie’s father.’
‘Are you happy, Yvaine?’
She looked surprised at the question. ‘I am. I love Lenn with all my heart. He’s a good man, and he thinks the world of Bonnie.’
‘I’m glad. You deserve to be happy.’
‘As do you. Go get her, Cal. Persuade Tara to come back to Skye.’
That was precisely what he intended to do – if he could convince her to give him another chance.
Tara woke feeling even more exhausted than when she’d gone to bed.
Her back ached, her shoulders and arms were in agony, and her hands felt
like claws from gripping the steering wheel for hours on end. To add to
her list of woes, her eyes were dry and gritty, her neck had gone into a
spasm, her head pounded, and her hips and legs felt like they belonged
to an eighty-year-old.
But those physical woes were nothing compared to the emotional ones.
Tara’s heart had been torn out of her chest, and the gaping hole was a throbbing, pulsing agony. Each time she thought of Cal, pain so intense that it made her gasp shot through her. Yet, not thinking about him was as impossible as not breathing.
Damn him! It had taken her years to get her life back on track after the last time he’d broken her heart. She had an awful suspicion she mightn’t get it back on track at all this time.
Snippets of yesterday’s long drive floated into her head – the endless motorway, the sun in her eyes as she headed south, the tears on her cheeks, then the safety of her mother’s embrace, and the feel of her cool hand on Tara’s clammy brow as she tucked her into bed.
A clock on the nightstand told her it was only seven a.m.
Maybe she would stay here for the rest of the day. Tomorrow, as well. What was there to get up for?
Then she guessed that her mum wouldn’t allow her to slip back into her old ways. And neither should she. She’d survived having her heart broken once; she could survive it a second time. But she vowed never to let it happen again. No more falling in love, and no more relationships. How could she give herself to another man whilst she loved someone else? Her love for Cal wasn’t going to go away. But even if it did and she found herself able to love again, she wanted a man who was prepared to go to the ends of the earth for her, who would fight tooth and nail for her, instead of letting her walk out of his life with barely a murmur.
Reluctantly, she forced herself to get out of bed, smiling sadly when she saw that her cases had been brought up. Goodness knows where she would put the rest of her stuff, but no doubt she’d find a spare corner to store it in until she felt up to making doll’s houses once more.
She staggered to the bathroom on stiff legs, and hoped she’d feel better after a shower. Unsurprisingly she didn’t, although she did look marginally more respectable with her hair freshly washed and clean clothes on her back.
Despite having consumed very little food yesterday, Tara didn’t feel hungry. Aware she should eat something, she ventured downstairs to head for the kitchen, but paused in the hall when she saw a vehicle pull up in front of the office. She noticed the make. Her heart clenched, missing a beat before thumping again as it caught up with itself.
Tara gave herself a shake. There must be thousands of black Range Rovers in the country, and quite a few with similar number plates. Cal was going to haunt her for quite some time to come, and although there might be fewer triggers here on the Isle of Wight, there would inevitably be some. She would never escape them completely, just like she would never escape her memories. Huh! Even the guy getting out of the car looked like him.
Tara caught her breath, her heart hammering. The guy didn’t look like Cal. It was Cal.
She saw him stretch, glance around, and then head inside the office.
Rooted to the spot by indecision, Tara didn’t know what to do. She put a hand on the newel post for support, breathing in short gasps, and sank onto the last but one stair, her legs unable to bear her weight. Her treacherous heart leapt, joy sparking through her, but she quickly dampened it, beating it down with the pain he had caused her not once, but twice.
Closing her eyes, fearing she was about to pass out, she inhaled slowly, held the breath, then let it out. On the third repetition, her eyes snapped open as she heard the front door open, and saw her mother enter the hall.
Cal was with her.
Her mum was livid. ‘He won’t leave without speaking to you. Should I call the police?’
Tara hauled herself to her feet. Her voice unsteady, she said to Cal, ‘Say what you’ve got to say, then go.’
He glanced at her mum, looking worried. And so he should. Her mother wasn’t a woman to be trifled with. He also looked haggard, exhausted and dishevelled, and Tara assumed he must have been on the road all night.
To his credit, he didn’t ask to speak to her alone. Or maybe he sensed that her mother intended to stay put.
With another cautious glance at her mum’s resolute face, he said, ‘Tara, I’ve been an idiot. I love you with all my heart and I should never have let you go.’
Her mum snorted. ‘Yet you managed to let her go twice.’
‘I know.’ Cal’s cheeks glistened. His eyes were on Tara and she realised he was crying. ‘If I could spend eternity making it up to you, I would.’
‘It’s OK, Mum. I can take it from here.’
‘No police?’
‘Not yet.’
‘I’ll be in the office if you need me.’
Tara waited for the door to close, then said, ‘I’m not sure an eternity would be long enough.’
‘You’re right. I don’t have eternity, but I do have the rest of my life. I want to spend it with you.’ He got down on one knee, and she gasped. ‘I don’t have a ring to give you, just my heart. But you’ve already got that. It’s yours. It’s always been yours, and it always will be. Marry me, Tara. Please . Let me show you how much I love you.’
She stared at him as he balanced awkwardly on one knee, his expression pleading, adoration in his eyes, and she knew he meant every word.
Could she bring herself to give him another chance? Ten years ago, she would have said yes in an instant. A week ago, her reply would have been the same. Now, though…
But if she didn’t, she had a feeling she might always regret it. He was fighting for her. He hadn’t allowed her to walk out of his life. He was here, now, begging her to be his wife. And when she imagined all the years to come, years without Cal in them, she didn’t like the look of them one little bit.
‘Yes, I will.’
He didn’t appear to hear her at first. He looked puzzled, a frown creasing his brow. Then his face lit up with the widest of smiles, and he got to his feet and walked slowly towards her.
Tara’s heart skipped a beat and thousands of butterflies took flight in her tummy. She was shaking from the force of her love for him, and as she looked into his eyes, he gently took her face in his hands and kissed her.