Chapter Twenty Two
Christopher
I sit with Tyler, eating a croissant as I watch Tyler drink coffee.
I look momentarily at the other patrons drinking coffee and eating little sandwiches. They all seem so carefree.
Just a few weeks ago, I felt that carefree feeling.
Julie was somewhere else in the world, far away from me, and Hannah was just Tyler’s little sister. Now, it’s all complicated.
I wish I’d never called Tyler.
Sometimes, all you want is your best friend. But the way that I’ve complicated this relationship, I can’t look at him without a twinge of guilt.
The confusion and hurt that I saw washed over Hannah’s face has been haunting me. It haunted me all night, and it haunted me all morning, and finally I had to phone a friend, unable to handle it anymore.
Still, even with all the secret strings from me to him that he doesn’t even know exist, his face and voice are full of the usual cheer and camaraderie that has defined our friendship since our college days at UCLA.
”All right, Chris,” he says, his goofy demeanor helping with my mood already.
“I’ve been watching you nurse that croissant for a half hour now. I can’t take it anymore. Tell me about your woman troubles, dude. I know you’ve got them.”
I snap my head up to face him, my fingers twirling crumbs around in circles.
“How do you know I’ve got woman troubles?”
“Because I’m a man, and I know when a man is having issues with a girl.”
I cringe at girl. Even though Hannah is an adult woman, Julie’s voice echoes in my head, the way she’d mocked me for being intimate with her.
She’d got me wondering if the age difference was too much. She also got me wondering how Tyler would take it.
I feel guilt eating at me that I hadn’t really considered him.
But Tyler’s always been astute. We’ve known each other so long that he feels like an extension of my brain sometimes, like a friend and a journal and a brother all in one.
“Yeah…” I trail off, unsure how to continue without revealing too much.
Tyler laughs, his green eyes sparkling the same way Hannah’s do sometimes.
“So spill, dude. What’s going on? Wait, no, let me guess. Julie’s back in the picture?”
Terror seizes at my heart, a sudden fear that Julie made good on her covert threat, that she called him before he came over and he’s play-acting, playing the part of my best friend who doesn’t know. I look at him warily, hesitantly.
“Sort of. I did see Julie yesterday.”
Tyler’s strawberry blonde eyebrows shoot up into his hairline.
“Please, no more Julie. We barely got you back after the last time.”
”Well, it’s not that…you don’t have to worry about her coming back…in that way.”
“What do you mean?” he asks, spilling a splash of coffee on the front of his shirt and wiping it haphazardly.
“She”s stirring things up.”
“So, in other words, being Julie,” he points out, lifting the front of his shirt and dabbing it with a wet napkin.
I laugh thinly. He got me there.
“It’s…yeah. I’ve been seeing someone, and I think she’s... Well, I think Julie’s jealous, and she’s been lying, saying things to try and get me to break up with this other girl.”
I tread carefully, pulling on a wayward curl, pulling it down so that it’s a tight strand and then letting it go so that it coils up again.
“You’re seeing someone? Who?” His curiosity kicks in, and he leans forward eagerly.
“Just a girl I’m seeing. Don’t worry about it.”
“Well, you have to tell me who, come on.”
“Just someone from the gym. You don’t know her,” I lie, tearing off a piece of croissant and stuffing it into my mouth, trying to fill my mouth before I say too much.
“I thought you vowed never to date someone from the gym. Didn’t you say it was a conflict of interest? I specifically made fun of you for it because you’re not a lawyer.”
Tyler’s pointing an accusatory finger at me as though he’s caught me in a grievous lie.
“Well, she was really hot, so I broke my vow just this once.”
“So give me a name.” I have a feeling that he’s got a feeling, that the two of us are in a game of cat and mouse.
“God, you’re relentless. It’s Samantha.” I give the name of the woman who’d given me her number long ago, just anyone to shut him up.
Tyler leans back, satisfied that he wrangled my “secret” from me.
”Man, Julie always was a drama queen. What are you going to do?”
I sigh, rubbing the back of my neck.
”I don”t know, Ty. It”s delicate, you know? Samantha saw me with Julie and she…well, she thought we were on a date, I think. But then Julie had told me something that made me a little nervous about Samantha. It”s a mess.”
”Hm.” Tyler’s shoulders droop as he takes it in.
“Well. It’s Julie, you know? Julie’s hardly trustworthy. I would always give someone else the benefit of the doubt before I would believe Julie. Maybe you’re overcomplicating it. Just call Samantha up and explain it. Explain that you’re a deeply fucked up man and that you’ll need continual therapy for years to get over it.”
Tyler grins at me, pushing his cheeks up into his eyes.
His words ring true, and guilt washes over me. He’s right. It’s Julie.
There’s no way she’s telling the truth. And Hannah would understand. I just have to call her and explain.
”Yeah. You’re right. Yeah! It’s Julie, dude, what am I getting all tied up in knots for? Thanks, man. Thank you. I just needed someone to talk to, you know? I needed to work it out by talking it out.”
”Anytime. You’re my best friend. And hey, if you need a break, come over tonight. We can grab a beer, watch the game. Distract yourself a bit.”
I agree, grateful for the offer, though I know my mind will be anywhere but on the game.
“Yeah. But I think maybe I should call Samantha first, yeah?”
My thoughts drift back to Hannah. I need to explain things to her, to clear up the misunderstanding before it grows into something insurmountable.
“Yeah, you do that. I’ll be right here.”
I sneak away to a corner of the coffee shop and pull out my phone. Usually, my mind would be full of all the usual thoughts of rejection.
What if she won’t listen? What if seeing me with Julie poisoned this before it started?
But this time, I feel at peace.
I know I can trust Hannah, that she’ll listen and understand the way she has every time I’ve needed an ear or a shoulder.
I pull out my phone and dial Hannah”s number, my heart beating a rapid tattoo against my ribs as the phone rings. Once, twice, three times. She picks up, and my heart leaps at her voice.
“Chris?”
“Hannah! Can we talk?”
“Why are you whispering? Are you with her right now?”
The fear from just a moment before leaps back into my throat.
I hadn’t realized I was whispering. Something about the quiet corner had me quietly talking directly into the phone, my hand cupped around it.
“I’m just in public. I’m trying to be polite.”
“Oh yeah? Then say something in a normal voice.”
Sighing, I raise my volume. “We need to talk. I think there’s been a misunderstanding. Can we talk?”
Silence at the other end. But only for a moment.
“Of course. I’ll be at yours in an hour.”