Chapter Forty-one
Abby
“What the hell took you so long?” I cry as I open up the door and pull Jenson inside.
“Ma’am, I came as fast as I could. You were so frantic on the phone that I rushed over. I’m pretty sure I forgot my wallet,” he says, patting down all of his pockets. “Guess you’re buying lunch.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”
“What is wrong with you? You’re usually a little high-strung, but this may be a new level for you.”
“I’m pregnant,” I blurt.
His eyes go wide. “What?”
“Well, I think I’m pregnant. I’m not sure.”
“You’re not sure?”
I start rambling, knowing damn well I’m not making any sense. It doesn’t take long for him to stop me.
“Baby girl, I need you to calm down and breathe.” He takes a couple of deep breaths, instructing me to do it with him.
He leads me over to the couch, and we sit down before he says, “Okay, now, tell me what’s going on.”
“This morning, I looked at the calendar and saw that I was late.”
“Well, that’s not that big of a deal, right? Girls are late all the time,” he argues.
“Not me. I’ve never been late. Ever. The rest of my life may be a complete mess, but my uterus always has its shit together. It’s beyond prompt.”
“Still. Maybe it’s just a one-time thing. A fluke. A day or two late isn’t a big deal.”
“Jenson, I’m two weeks late.”
“Oh.” His face falls a little, but he tries to hide it. Grabbing my hands in his, he says, “Are you okay?”
“No!” I say a bit louder than I mean to.
“It’s Don’s, right?”
I look at him like he’s lost his mind. “Are you serious? I was lucky to get one hunky guy to fall for me. I sure as shit wouldn’t mess that up by sleeping with someone else.”
“Don’t you two use protection? Or are you on the pill?”
“We use condoms,” I reply. “But Don’s cock is a beast. I wouldn’t be surprised if it busted through the condom like it was the Hulk or something.”
“Well, what did he say?”
I run my hands through my hair. “I haven’t told him yet. I called you first.”
“No offense, but why? This is Don…Mr. Perfect. Don’t you think he would be super happy and supportive?”
“Supportive? Yes. Of course. But happy? I don’t know. We haven’t really discussed the whole kids thing. We love being together, but we haven’t talked about the future too much. Before I open that door, I want to go to the doctor and make sure. No need getting him worked up if I don’t need to.”
“You’d rather just be worked up all alone?” He asks.
“No. That’s what I called you for.”
“So, what now?”
“I called the doctor to get an appointment. I thought I’d have to wait a while, but because of the endometriosis, they said they needed to see me today. I guess I’m considered high-risk or something. I don’t know. But my appointment is in an hour.”
“How are you feeling?”
“I told you that we haven’t really talked about anything like this—”
“No,” he interrupts. “I didn’t ask about Don. I’m asking about you. If you take him completely out of the equation, how do you feel about this whole thing?”
“Honestly, I have no fucking clue.”
I adjust myself on the uncomfortable table in the doctor’s office, listening to the paper crinkle underneath me. So far, I’ve done a urine test, a blood test, and an ultrasound. In all of that, I haven’t actually seen the doctor as of yet.
The entire time I’ve been here, I’ve been thinking of Jenson’s question and trying to figure out how I feel about this whole thing.
I’ve never put much thought into motherhood—mainly because I’ve never even been remotely close.
Pregnancy has always kind of freaked me out. The thought of something inside me, swimming around in my belly unnerves me. It sounds more like a scene from a horror movie than something I would be completely elated over.
But as I sit here, I set my hand on my stomach and think about how there may be something inside there. Somehow, now, it doesn’t seem so alien-like.
What would it be like to have a little munchkin running around? Man, I hope they get Don’s good looks. And his sparkling personality.
Matter of fact, I hope they come out exactly like him. Hopefully, they don’t inherit my awkwardness or health issues.
I love this man. Would it be so bad to have a baby with him? I’ve seen him with Kaylee, and he’s amazing. I can only imagine how wonderful he would be with his own kid.
Our own kid.
Man, that sounds fucking crazy.
We could have a kid. We could be parents.
How weird is that?
As absolutely terrified as I am, I have to admit that there’s a little part of me that feels a little excited. With anyone else, excitement wouldn’t be part of this equation. With Don, it’s a bigger part than I thought it would be.
A knock on the door startles me. I assume it’s the doctor, but it’s Jenson who pokes his head through.
“Hey, beautiful. Can I come in?”
I nod.
“What did they say?”
“Nothing yet. I feel like I’ve been poked and prodded, but no one is giving me any answers.”
He sits in the free chair next to the table. “Have you thought any more about what you want to do if you are?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you think you’re going to keep it?”
“You know, I always told myself that if I did manage to get pregnant, there would be options. But now that I’m here, I can’t think of anything besides keeping the baby.”
“You’d make a great mom,” he says with a smile.
“And you’re full of shit.” I laugh. “But I’m good at figuring things out, so I guess I’ve got that going for me.”
Another knock interrupts our giggle fest. This time, it’s the doctor.
She walks over and takes a seat in front of me. “Hi, Abby. How are we doing today?”
“Okay, I guess.”
“Well, I have all of your test results.” She flips through the papers in my chart. “Looks like you’re not pregnant.”
I let out a deep breath, unsure of whether I feel relief or disappointment.
Or a mix of both.
The doctor’s eyebrows furrow as she continues to read. “I’m glad you came in, though. Your tests show…” She stops talking and looks at Jenson. “Are you family?”
Anyone can take one look at him and realize that we aren’t a couple.
I answer before he can. “Yes, he’s family. You can say whatever you need to in front of him. Is everything okay?”
“Your ultrasound showed that your endometriosis has gotten worse. Not only do you have tissue growing outside of your uterus, but some polyps have developed inside as well.”
I interrupt her. “What does that mean, Doc? I need you to spell it out for me.”
She pushes her glasses onto the top of her head. “It means that having kids probably isn’t in the cards for you. It would be extremely difficult for you to get pregnant, and if you managed to, I doubt you’d be able to carry a pregnancy to full term. Because of the polyps, I recommend that you have surgery for a hysterectomy. I know you’re young, and it’s not ideal. But if we do the surgery, then, all of the symptoms you experience every month would be alleviated.”
I’m still listening, but honestly, it sounds like the doctor is in a tunnel. Her telling me I would never be able to have kids made everything else seem less important.
She dumps some more information on me but ultimately tells me to take some time to think things over.
Jenson leaves me alone to get dressed, and we don’t say much on the way home. When we reach my apartment, I walk inside and throw my purse down on the couch before heading straight for the bedroom.
Jenson follows me. “Do you want to talk?”
“About?”
“You just got some pretty big news. I thought maybe you’d like to talk it out.”
Clearing my throat and trying to fight back the emotion that I feel, I say, “There’s nothing to talk about. I should be relieved. I didn’t even want kids, and now, I don’t have to worry about it anymore.”
“Abby—”
“J, please. I’m fine. I just am really tired and want to lie down for a while.”
“Okay, I’ll just go hang out and watch some TV or something.”
I stop him. “I don’t think I’m going to be great company tonight. I’ll probably just sleep, and I don’t want to ruin your night. So, why don’t you get out of here and go have some fun?”
He doesn’t look convinced, so I say, “Please. Go. Just try to salvage what’s left of your evening. I know I monopolized a lot of your day.”
“You know I don’t mind.”
“I know.” I give him a hug. “But I’ll be okay. I promise.”
“You know I love you, right?”
“Yeah, J. I love you, too.”
After a little more convincing, I finally get him to leave. Once I’m alone, I kick off my shoes and crawl into bed, pulling the covers up all around me.
Just a few hours ago, I was actually coming around to the idea of having a baby with Don. I was, dare I say it, excited. And now, any excitement has faded.
I just admitted to myself how great of a dad Don would make, and now, I have to tell him that he can never be one with me. Will that be a deal-breaker for him? Will he want someone who he can have his own little Dons with?
I don’t know.
Right now, all I want to do is sleep. When I sleep, the world disappears for just a little while.
But as I lie here, sleep doesn’t seem to be anywhere close. The only thing I can seem to do is cry.