Taking Chances (BYC #3)

5. Anne

5

ANNE

O nce again, I wake up to a thumping head. My alcohol intake over the last two days is probably concerning, but with the emotional rollercoaster I’ve been on, I’d say I’m handling it pretty well.

Today, though, is a real test to my sanity. A brunch at my sister’s where I’m supposed to inform her I lost the one thing she respected about me—Bryce.

I pull up my hair in a low, feminine bun and put on foundation in hopes of looking presentable, but there’s no way to hide the dark circles beneath my eyes.

Every Sunday, I have brunch at my sister’s, and once a month we have dinner with our father. Ever since I introduced them, Bryce has been accompanying me, so my stomach is in my throat as I wait for my sister to open the door.

“Annie,” Kaitlyn says, taking me in a half-hearted hug. I really hate that nickname. “Where’s Bryce?” She glances behind me, as if he could have hidden behind my five-foot-five frame.

“He couldn’t make it.” I know I have to tell her. But it doesn’t mean the whole neighborhood has to hear.

I enter her picture-perfect house, straight through to the kitchen where I find Brad reading the newspaper and Maddie eating pancakes. They’re all dressed like they’re visiting a country club rather than a Sunday brunch at home, and the scene seems like it could be featured in a lifestyle magazine.

“Maddie, I brought something for you.” I smile, hugging her from behind and she turns to me with wide, expecting eyes.

I take out a Hot Wheels car from my purse and put it in her hand. She loves looking at interesting cars, and one of the first meaningful noises she made was ‘vroom vroom’. Eric, Rina’s son, has been collecting them for years, so I thought she’d like it.

And by the look in her eyes, I would say I was right. Her puffy cheeks widen into a grin, and I notice the syrup stain on her pink dress.

“Thank you, Auntie Annie,” Kaitlyn says in a saccharine voice. “Come on, sweetie. Go get cleaned up.”

Brad gets up to help Maddie. A three year old probably shouldn’t be eating breakfast in formal clothes, but I’m not nearly brave enough to suggest that to my sister.

“You know I don’t support this,” Kaitlyn scolds me.

“Sorry, support what?” Maybe my head’s still fuzzy, but I have no idea what she’s talking about.

“She’s a little girl ,” she says through clenched teeth. “If you wish to buy her a doll, you’re welcome to, but a car? I don’t want to put strange ideas in her head.”

“It’s just a car, Kaitlyn. And she loves them.” My sister is. . . particular. I don’t agree with a lot of her opinions, but the ones limiting my niece’s childhood are the hardest for me to stomach.

Today, I have no fight left in me, so I let it slide. I’ll buy a bunch of Hot Wheels for her to play with when she visits me.

“You know my opinion on it. So, where’s Bryce?”

Here goes nothing.

“We broke up.”

“What? Why? What did you do?” She looks at me with utter shock painted on her face.

“Why do you think I did something? Maybe I’m the one who broke up with him?”

“Well, that would be stupid.” She eyes me for a second. “Is that what happened? Has another silly, romantic idea popped into your head, and you decided he wasn’t for you?” Her words slice through me. She’s referring to the time when she thought I shouldn’t have broken up with a guy that was cheating on me because he had a bright future ahead of him.

“No. He broke up with me because he fell in love with someone else.” No matter how many times I say it, it doesn’t get easier. It doesn’t make me feel less worthless.

“Oh, Annie. Is that why you look like this today?” She motions at me, as if I’m such an obvious disaster.

“I just had a couple of drinks with friends yesterday.”

She practically flinches at my words. “Getting drunk is not very ladylike, Annie. It will be hard enough to find someone on Bryce’s level without doing yourself a disservice.”

Tears sting my eyes, but I push them back. I knew it would be like this. My head hadn’t hoped for anything more. My heart did, though.

My heart hoped for a sincere hug from my sister, the only adult female member of my family. A shoulder to cry on.

But no, it’s project ‘find Annie an appropriate mate’ time.

“I’m not looking for anyone right now. I plan to take a break from relationships.” Maybe have some fun, but I don’t tell her that.

What Lennox said last night stuck with me. Was I really so desperate for love that I convinced myself Bryce was perfect for me?

“You aren’t getting any younger.” Her words, though not surprising, sting.

Thought I don’t consider twenty-eight old, I always thought I would be married by now. Maddie was already one when Kaitlyn turned twenty-eight.

I tune out for the rest of the brunch, nodding and humming when appropriate. This was a disaster, just as I expected, but at least it’s over with.

And I have a new dark romance book prepared for the afternoon. It has a trigger list a mile long, so I think it’s safe to conclude it will help me dissociate from my own problems to deal with the trauma the characters go through.

I always loved reading romance, but as I’m getting older, the books get darker. Not sure why. It’s not like I’m hoping for the things that happen in the books, but something in them draws me in.

Something about the basic primitiveness of desire and need. Of passion and love. Of the freedom to be a 100% yourself with the person who loves you, good or bad or morally gray.

Not that I ever experienced it. The all-consuming passion is a fictional thing to me. And after last night, I don’t know if I ever felt real, romance-book love.

I loved Bryce, of course.

But was that love the reason for my first breath in the morning and the last breath before I fell asleep? Probably not.

Natalie’s chocolate brown eyes stare me down as soon as I enter the office. “How are you doing, babes?”

“I don’t know, to be honest.”

“Come on, we brought you coffee.” She takes my hand and leads me into the break room of our office. By we , she means Matt and her.

They are head over heels in love and got married this summer, even though they had a rough start. Natalie wasn’t open to the idea of relationships while he wanted nothing more, so after a passionate night, they spent over a year hating each other. It took Matt a lot of time to convince her he’s worthy of her trust.

“You should have come to our place yesterday,” Rina says, sliding the reusable coffee cup toward me.

“I was at Kaitlyn’s,” I respond and Rina winces.

“Just to be clear, nothing she said was correct,” Natalie states.

“How would you know? You weren’t there.” I turn to her on the white, plastic chair. The break room is a tiny kitchenette with a table and four chairs, but it works for us. Hopefully, we’ll soon be moving into a new office space, anyway.

“Yeah, but I know enough about Kaitlyn.” Natalie takes a sip of her coffee. I stay silent because she’s right, even though it’s hard for me to admit.

“It wasn’t your fault he cheated.” Rina takes my hand in hers, her eyes emphatic.

“That’s the thing. I don’t even think he cheated. He told me nothing happened physically between the two of them.” Rina and Natalie share a look. “I mean it. He really was a good guy. I don’t think he’d do it.” I sigh. “I think it’s time to acknowledge that maybe I’m the problem. It’s obvious I wasn’t enough to keep any of my boyfriends around,” I say to my fidgeting hands.

“Told you not to listen to Kaitlyn,” Natalie huffs, her hands dropping to her lap.

“It’s not her.” Though she did insinuate the same thing. “It’s how I feel.”

“That’s just crazy talk. . .” Natalie starts speaking when our boss, Kiara Reyes, opens the door.

“Meeting’s starting, guys.” Her gaze pauses on me before she leaves for the conference room. I guess I look as good as I feel.

“Listen to me.” Natalie takes my hand before we get going. “You’re incredible and it’s not your fault those assholes are unable to appreciate it.” I squeeze her hand gratefully, though tears are now threatening to reappear.

We make our way through the open office. Other than the conference room, there are two separate offices. One is Kiara’s, and the other we share when we need it. Our desks sit in the open office space, and while some people might not like it—we love it.

“Good morning, everyone,” Kiara greets us, her kind brown eyes welcoming us. She’s a Latina woman in her late fifties and the best boss you could ask for. “As you all know, year after year, our galas get bigger and more successful. This year, we had a record number of donations, so all our current programs will be able to continue.” We all cheer and clap, though we already heard the news last week. “But today, I’m glad to inform you that we’ll be able to fund new programs going into the new year.” This time, we all cheer louder, and my face even manages to pull into a smile. “So, I’m looking forward to hearing your ideas in January.”

BYC is a non-profit that works with immigrant families in the US. I work in HR, which in the BYC means I mostly work with volunteers who teach after school programs we offer to the kids in our care.

“. . . you can go back to work now. Again, great job!” Kiara claps for us, showing her appreciation. Even though my love life is a crime scene, I’m privileged to have this amazing job.

Of course, my father and Kaitlyn think I’m wasting my time here. They’d rather I sell my soul to a corporation and chase money or titles.

Bryce was the same. Though never pushing me to quit my job, he made it clear he considered his way of climbing the corporate ladder to be the right way.

Maybe Natalie is right. Maybe he wasn’t as perfect as I imagined him.