Tamed By You (Always & Forever #2)

43. Chapter Forty-Three

Chapter Forty-Three

Harry

It’s been weeks since I’ve seen her. Everything that brought me some sort of joy means nothing now. Everything means nothing without her. Maybe I should have listened to her, maybe my ego took over, and I was convinced I could change her mind about me, give us a chance. She never promised me anything. I was just a fool who hoped she would give us a chance. Everything reminds me of her, every song on the radio makes me think of her, the scent of my body wash that she used when hers ran out in London, the tea I’ve taken to drinking as part of my morning routine, the movies I seem to be endlessly watching, even the sunrise reminds me of her.

Is this what it feels like to love someone?

I haven’t left my apartment in days, haven’t worked out, haven’t done much of anything. Nothing is the way that it was. I spend my days torturing myself with reminders of her and wracking my brain with thoughts of why she won’t talk to me, why she’s pushing me away, and it’s a dark place to be. I mindlessly fiddle with the keychains she left between my fingers, replaying our time together in Paris and London, flitting between feelings of happiness, anger, and sadness. How could she just push me away, like all that meant nothing? There’s an emptiness inside me. I could go out, get drunk, find a girl to pass the time, to help take away this feeling, but she’s the only one who can fill this empty space.

I glance out my floor--to-ceiling window over the New York skyline, the gray, wet September afternoon matching my mood. I lift the remote and point to the big screen TV mounted on the wall, finding another movie to torture myself with. That was our thing, movie afternoons and facemasks, but I need to draw the line somewhere. I know I have truly lost it and need a shake when I start applying a facemask and crying into my popcorn.

A knock has me peeling myself off my leather couch and heading for the door. I don’t care that I’m only in my briefs; I am past caring about anything that doesn’t involve her. Expecting it to be my second DoorDash delivery of the day, I am disappointed to see Jack and Brad stood in the doorway, suited and booted, ready for a board meeting.

“Oh, so you are alive then?” Jack’s tone is clipped.

They both scan me up and down, no doubt noting my disheveled appearance, my messy hair and unkempt beard. Knowing they won’t go without questioning me, I leave the door open and turn on my heel, walking back to my couch and sinking into the spot I have been rotting in for the past four days.

“It smells like ass in here.” Brad winces scrunching up his nose. “What’s with all the trash?” I look over at my kitchen counters that are covered in endless takeout cartons and boxes of half-eaten food.

Shit, I really have let everything go.

“Right, what’s going on, Haz?” Jack asks in an accusatory tone.

“Nothing, I’m having a mental health day,” I answer, avoiding his gaze.

“This is more than a mental health day. This is a cry for help.”

“Don’t be dramatic. So, there’s a little mess, and I took a day off work. Fire me, why don’t you?” I say with a roll of my eyes.

“I’d have to agree, man. This is more than a mental health day,” Brad calls from the kitchen area. He’s already taken his jacket off, opened a trash bag and is throwing all the takeout boxes in it.

“Look, if you need some time off, that’s fine. You just say, but you haven’t shown up to the club in nearly a week. No one is managing the London club. We’ve had several calls from our contractors wondering where you are, and it's 2 pm on a Tuesday and you are in your briefs eating a bucket of fried chicken watching The Notebook,” he says pointing at the TV.

“It’s Dear John actually,” I answer back like a petulant teen.

“The movie is irrelevant,” Jack says, despair in his tone. “What is going on, Haz?”

I ignore him. Why I’m not sure. It’s not like he will get up and leave. I know he won’t go until he has answers, yet I don’t speak.

“Harry,” Jack shouts, and I continue to ignore him, my stare vacant and lost. He sits in the armchair to the side of my bookcase and lowers his voice. “Is it to do with the girl you were seeing?” My body stiffens, and he must notice as his eyes widen when he realizes he’s bang on the money.

“What happened?” he asks softly.

“Nothing, nothing happened. We fooled around. It’s done. Nothing more to say.”

“You’ve fooled around with girls and then moved on, but never have been like this. This is more, this is— “

“Don’t say it,” I bite, not wanting him to finish that sentence.

The look on his face is one of shock. “Why didn’t you tell us? I didn’t realize it was that serious. Who is she?”

I avoid his eye contact, throwing the remote back and forth between my hands.

“Do I know her?” His eyes narrow, pinning me. I glance up and then look back down at my hands. Guilt must be written all over my face. Suddenly, he leaps up off the chair and claps his hands in excitement.

“Oh, my god, I know who it is.”

“No, you don’t.” I shrug, glancing over at Brad who thankfully has the faucet running and so doesn’t hear our conversation. God bless Brad and his OCD ways. He will have my apartment sparkling before he leaves.

“Do you know where Ria is right now?” Jack says pointing at me.

“No, I don’t. Weirdly enough, I don’t keep tabs on your wife, Jack, because that would be fucking odd,” I say.

He ignores my jab and continues his talk, pacing up and down, like a prosecutor in a courthouse. “Ria is over at Gabby and Ali’s apartment.” I stare at him, trying to keep my face devoid of any emotion.

“So?” I mumble.

“Apparently, Ali hasn’t been at work. She’s not been able to get out of bed. Gabby thought it was the flu at first but called Ria, all worried this morning…”

“That’s terrible. I hear honey and lemon tea is great when you have the flu, maybe drop some of that over to her.” My words sound robotic as they leave my mouth, but it’s because I am trying to bury the pain in my gut, knowing she’s hurting. She’s in pain, suffering, and there’s nothing I can do to help her because she won’t let me in.

“After the wedding, Ali had a trip to Paris for work,” he says still pacing, hands on his hips.

“Really? That’s nice. I hope she had a great time,” I reply flatly.

“And Gabby told Ria that she hadn’t been the same since she got back.”

“Look, as interesting as it is hearing a play-by-play of Ali’s life, I’m a bit busy here. Could you hurry this along?”

He stops right in the way of the TV, a grin widening across his ridiculously good-looking face that I want to wipe off.

“It’s Ali, isn’t it?” he says, folding his arms.

I clear my throat. “Nope,” I reply, popping the P.

“It is, and you did something and fucked it and now you are moping around and—”

“Hey, why did I fuck it up, huh? What if it was her?” I shout and then stop, realizing what I just said. Hating myself because I knew he said what he did to get a reaction out of me.

“Ah ha,” he yells. Pointing a finger at me. “I am right? It is Ali. Ali is the girl you’ve been fooling around with.”

Brad joins us and flops down on the couch next to me, and I glance between him and Jack. There’s an awkward silence and I need to fill it. I start clapping, “Well, shit, Sherlock, it seems you’ve cracked the case. Congratulations, take the rest of the day off.”

Brad snorts a laugh next to me, and I still stare at Jack as his grin falls from his face and is replaced with a softer expression. “Haz what happened?” There is concern in his voice as he lowers himself into the chair.

“I don’t want to talk about it. If you don’t mind seeing yourselves out, I have movie and my fried chicken to get back to.”

“We aren’t leaving till you tell us, and why aren’t you looking more shocked at this revelation.” Jack gives Brad a pointed stare. “Did you know? Am I the only one in the dark here?”

“I caught Ali leaving Harry’s office a few months back and, well, they had to confess. They didn’t want anyone knowing, plus they feared you and Ria would have them walking up the aisle behind you.”

“Well, not right away.” He sniffs, shrugging his jacket off and resting back into the chair, sensing he’s here for the long haul.

“Start from the beginning. Harry, I’m not leaving till you do.”

So, I do. I open up and tell them everything from the beginning to the gut-wrenching end. They are both silent, no one knowing what to say.

“Wow, I, I wasn’t expecting all that,” Jack says, running a hand through his hair.

“Me either,” I mumble.

“If there’s one thing I know about Ali, it’s that she has her walls up, and for good reason. Those girls had a rough start in life. It took Ria a long time to open up to me, to trust me. When you’ve been hurt in the way they have, it takes time. She’s going to keep pushing you away but going off what you’ve said and how she’s acting right now, I think she feels the same way about you as you do for her. She likely doesn’t believe she’s worthy of your love.”

I nod. He’s right, she’s been pushing me away. She hasn’t said what, but I know something has happened to her to make her so guarded. I just want to help her, make it better, take all the bad things away, and replace them with good.

Jack continues, “But I promise, if you don’t give up on her, it will all be worth it. You just need to be patient and show her you aren’t giving up on her, the way everyone else in her life has.”

I let Jack's words sink in and I know he’s right, but I can’t help but worry I’ve already lost her.

“Come on, go shower and we are taking you for food. Something that isn’t deep fried and comes in a box,” Brad says tapping me on the back.

I give them both a smile, one I hope that conveys my appreciation to them both. We’ve all pulled each other out of the darkness many times and I should have known this time would be no exception. I know they will always be there for me, but never has my darkness felt this bleak.

I take a shower and put on clothes for the first time in days. We head out in search of food. I’m lucky I live in central New York, and we are minutes from some of the best bars and restaurants.

I sense they are planning on taking me to my favorite steak restaurant when we pass by Aurora’s cocktail bar. We cross the street, Brad slightly in front and Jack behind me on a call to Ria. Suddenly, without warning, Brad stops in the middle of the street, and I slam into his back, jolting us forward.

“What the fuck?” I huff, stepping away, looking at him ready to go off for being so clumsy when I look up at the building in front of us to see what got him stopping in his tracks.

My stomach drops, that painful ache returning to my body, my legs feeing like they might give out and I am thankful for the strong arm that wraps around my shoulder to steady me. My eyes focus on the large billboard in the middle of Times Square as image after image of familiar icy blue eyes and a face that’s haunted my dreams for weeks now lights up the place.

She looks incredible. Perfect in every way, but I know her As I watch as the billboard repeats the montage of images for a second time, I can see the emptiness in her eyes, the broken smile. I notice all of it because I’ve seen the real Ali, not the Ali she shows the world like the one casting over New York right now.

It feels like a punch to the gut watching her beautiful face flicker before my eyes and I can’t touch her, can’t hold her.

Jacks soothing voice echoes around as everything begins to feel dark. “Come on, buddy, we’ve got you.”