Tamed By You (Always & Forever #2)

54. Chapter Fifty-Four

Chapter Fifty-Four

Ali

The night I showed up at Harry’s apartment drenched, cold, and feeling vulnerable changed everything. I ended up spending the night, lying in his arms and it was the safest I had felt in months. It’s been nearly two weeks, and I have spent every night at his. Nothing physical happens, nothing more than a kiss on the forehead, but he holds me.

Every night he presses his body to mine, reminding me he’s not going anywhere, that he’s got me. When I’m with him, the nightmares fade. I sleep, really sleep. I even dream. We’ve fallen into a comfortable routine. I go home when he’s at work and he picks me up on his way home. Even if it’s 2 am.

It’s a risk for sure, trusting him with my heart, my secrets, but he’s proving every day he’s a man of his word, and I desperately want to hand my heart over fully to him, but I need to get today out of the way. I only told Ria and Gabby the confirmed court date. I know Harry would have been here if I asked, but I didn’t want to put him in that situation. It’s bad enough I’ve dragged Gabby and Ria here, but I wouldn’t be able to do this without them.

I step into the courthouse, the day I have been dreading for months, finally here. I walk down the long corridor to the courtroom where I will be giving my statement. The same corridor I walked down at just fifteen years old, with no one to hold my hand, no one to support me. I never got my day in the room with him, never got to look him in the eye and see if he acknowledged what he did. I was taken to a separate room. But today I get to face him, and I think it's what I need to finally heal and move on. I want to look him in the eye and tell him he didn’t win. As I walk, I wonder what these walls have seen. If walls could talk, what would they say?

“You doing okay?” Gabby asks, concern in her tone. Not able to find the words to reply I simply nod. I know I’ll need to save my strength for what I am about to do and see behind that solid oak door. My shaking hands adjust the ribbon tie of my white blouse and smooth down my black suit pants. I’ve paired them with my black pumps, and I feel as ready as I’ll ever be. My long blonde hair secured in a low ponytail I anxiously twirl my fingers through.

“I’m going to go get us some coffee,” Ria announces, and again, all I can do is nod. The shrill sound of a ringtone makes me jump. I really am on the edge here. I let out a slow breath watching as Gabby scrambles around in her purse, pulling out her obnoxiously loud phone. She bares her teeth in that awkward way and mouths the word ‘sorry’. I give her a small smile before she turns to take her call. I walk over to the wooden bench outside courtroom 6. The bench feels hard and cold beneath me. Titling my body forward, I grip the edge of the seat with my fingers. Closing my eyes, I try my hardest to steady my breathing.

You can do this. Don’t let your fear win.

I feel a presence beside me, a familiar scent floods my senses, and my stomach somersaults. My eyes spring open, my head slowly turning to see Harry. Dressed in a crisp white dress shirt and navy suit pants, he gives me that famous Walker smile and my body instantly relaxes just a little.

He came.

“Hey, Ali Cat,” he says just loud enough for me to hear.

“Hey,” I manage to say on a shaky breath. “You didn’t need to come.”

“I wanted to, we all did.” I furrow my brow unsure what the “ we” means. He gives a pointed stare with his eyes over to where Gabby stands. I turn my head and there, beside Gabby and Ria stand Jack and Brad. They each give me a smile and I return the gesture. Squeezing my eyes closed, gripping tighter to the bench an overwhelming feeling takes over my body. I’ve never had this, people who want to show up for me. All those years ago I had to do this alone. Not a single person was here to hold my hand, reassure me or share words of encouragement, and today I have an abundance of love and support. I want to show him how grateful I am, but I am too stunned to speak.

Tears trickle down my cheeks and a tiny wave of panic hits me, sending my heart racing. “I don’t know if I can do this,” I whisper.

“Look at me,” he says, his tone firm but kind.

My tear-filled eyes meet his and that panic begins to fade again. It scares me how quickly he’s become the one person I want to reassure me and to keep me safe. To be there for me in the toughest moments. I’ve never wanted or needed anyone the way I need him.

“You can do this; I’m going to be right in that courtroom with you. You show them that he messed with the wrong girl, go up there and show them that Ali Hart confidence I love, and when you’re done, come back to me. I’ll be right here waiting for you.”

I close my eyes as more tears fall, letting his words sink in. Then I feel him, he hooks his pinky finger with mine and gives it a gentle squeeze.

He looks at me like he’s staring into my soul. Like he needs me to believe every word he’s saying. The pad of his thumb wipes away my tears and I lean into his touch.

“I promise,” he says.

“Okay,” I say with as much determination as I can muster. “Thank you… for being here.”

“Always, Ali. Always.”

I take a seat, and I wonder how many women, girls’ lives changed at the hands of this one man. I know there are others, and I may not know who they are, but I understand them. I am them.

“Hey,” a familiar voice whispers beside me. I turn to see a face I haven't seen in a very long time. My heart stops in its tracks.

Grace.

A lead weight drops into my stomach.

Not her too.

“Hey.” My words are barely audible. I haven't seen her since I was fifteen. We both had Peter as an agent and did the same boot camps and tours. She was my only real friend. But after the attack, I never saw her again, and truthfully, I wanted to move away from anything and everything that was connected to him and that world. Grace continued competing and won every crown. She’s heavily involved in charity work, and I’ve been a silent follower of her career. On the outside, she looks like she is thriving, but if she went through what I did, I have no doubt she carries a huge weight around with her daily.

I have so many questions, so many things I want to say to her, but I can’t get my mouth to move. I look into her beautiful brown eyes that look almost golden just like her hair. She still looks the same and it breaks my heart that she is here. She places her hand in mine, and we turn to face the front. A silent gesture of solidarity. We don’t need to say anything.

The room falls silent as he’s led into the room, hands cuffed in front of him, wearing an ill-fitting gray suit, I feel sick at the sight of him. He’s aged, his face wrinkled with a noticeable scar along his left cheek, it’s clear prison has not been kind to him.

Good. I hope he’s miserable.

I bounce my right leg up and down anxiously, adrenaline pumping round my body, knowing I am just meters away from the man who tore my world apart. My fight or flight response kicking into high gear.

You can do this.

The panel and the judge enter the room and Grace is called to the stand.

I sit and listen as she tells a room full of people what it would do to her if he was to be released. A dull pain hits my stomach listening to her broken words. I hate that she feels the same way I do, that she’s lived through this hell too. As Grace makes her way back toward me my name is called, and on shaky legs, I make my way to the stand, glancing over my shoulder to see my family , who all give me nods and smiles of encouragement. My eyes meet with Harry’s, and he mouths, “You can do this.”

I reach the stand, clearing my throat, and taking a deep breath before starting. Good afternoon, my name is Alice Hart, and fifteen years ago I was sexually assaulted by Mr. Andrews after winning a pageant. I…”

I pause. Suddenly the words I’ve written don’t feel enough. Too staged, too put together. I need this to be raw and real. I need to make them see, make him see the impact he has had on my life. I fold the paper and rest it on the wooden podium, noticing the chips within the wood as I do. Little dents that have no doubt been made by the men and women who have stood before me to tell their stories. Fear and anxiety pulsing through them. I rub the pad of my thumb over the dents in the wood. Tempted to use my nail to chip away at the ridges some more. I could chip away at that wood the same way that day has chipped away at me.

“Miss Hart, do you need a break?” the Judge's voice calmly asks.

I lift my head, my eyes meeting his. Squaring my shoulders and holding my head high, I confidently say, “No, your honor, I’m okay.”

He nods. “Okay, please continue.”

“I am here today to try and explain the impact the release of Mr. Andrews would have on my life, what having him walk the same streets as myself would do to me. Truthfully, I don’t know where to begin. I came prepared with words that felt right, but now standing here before you all and in the same room as the man who took so much from me, none of those words feel enough. How do I accurately convey the impact the events of that night have had on my life? How my innocence, my choices, my voice, a life, were taken from me.

“How I am plagued by nightmares of him, how I have issues trusting people, how my entire world crumbled beneath me because of the choices and actions taken by a man that had no right to do so. He used his power, his position, and his strength over me…

I let out a shaky breath, looking down at my hands that grip the podium with white knuckle force as tears prick my eyes.

I turn back to face the jury, catching a glimpse of him with his head hung low, not able to look up at me.

“You may think it’s just one night, one moment, in the midst of so many, just minutes of your life. So how can that make such an impact? But it does. I think anyone who has gone through what myself and Grace have, will tell you, it does, it changes your life in ways you could never imagine. It alters your thinking, changes your brain chemistry. Life for us was never the same after.

“It is my understanding that Mr. Andrews has been a model prisoner, that he conducts himself in such a way he has become eligible for an early release, but see, that’s the thing about Mr. Andrews. Like the woman who stood before me today, I was primed to be pretty. Trained to be the perfect version of myself. To never put a foot wrong or speak out of turn, so it comes as no surprise to me that the man who taught me to be fake has manipulated the system into believing he is a changed man. I have no doubt in my mind that Mr. Andrews will use his power to take advantage of another young person should an early release be granted to him.”

“Before you make your decision today, please ask yourself this. Why should this man be rewarded for breaking the law? Where is our reward? The ones who had their choices stolen from them. Where is our early release from the daily battles that we face due to his actions? For us, it is a life sentence and I ask that you deny this man the ability to be able to offend again.

“And Mr. Andrews…” I turn my body to face him. Determined that one of the last things he sees today is me. I want to show him that he may have broken me temporarily, taken my youth, but I won’t allow him to steal my future.

He lifts his head, and his green eyes meet mine, the eyes that have kept me awake at night for so many years. Ones that were once filled with evil now look vacant. His sallow-looking skin now ageing him beyond his fifty-five years. He looks pitiful, a shell of his former self and a little fire in my belly re-ignites, knowing he’s suffering and it's all the courage I need to utter my next words.

“Peter, Pete.” I practically spit his name and narrow my eyes, determined he will look right at me as I say, “Just to be clear, we didn’t win…I won.”

The minutes feel like hours, days even, as we wait for their decision. I anxiously twist at the ring on my middle finger, and then rub the pendant of the necklace that Harry gave me, needing to do something with my hands to distract me. Our case worker asked us to stay in the courtroom whilst the decisions were made, so they could explain how the next part of the hearing would go, and the rest of the viewing gallery went outside. I don’t take in what they say. It all sounds like white noise to me. All I can think about are my words. Were they enough, will he walk away from this courthouse a free man, or will he return to the cell that’s been his home for the last fifteen years?

“Penny for your thoughts.” Grace’s soothing voice echoes around me, bringing me back to focus.

“I don’t think you want to know,” I huff.

“You did great.” I look at her and smile.

“You too. I just hope it’s enough.”

A loud bang startles us as the panel and the judge, along with Peter and his lawyer return to the room. I turn behind me, shoulders sagging in relief when I see familiar faces have also returned to the room.

Grace’s hand slips into mine and I clutch it tight. I may not have seen Grace in over fifteen years, but in this moment, I feel connected to her. We share a bond, part of a club no one wants a membership for. But all we can do is hold each other up in this moment.

The judge begins to talk. The more he talks, the further away he sounds. It’s muffled and I don’t take in anything until the words “Parole denied” are uttered and my body sags in relief and I fall into Grace. She sobs against my shoulder, wrapping her arms around me, and I do the same to her. Clinging to each other as we process those words.

“We did it, Grace, we did it.”

The next moments pass by in a blur of hugs, tears and handshakes with our caseworkers. As much as I feel a bond and pull to be with these women right now, there is a stronger force pulling me towards a certain person that I hope is waiting for me on the other side of that door.

“Don’t be a stranger, Ali,” Grace pleads, her tear-stained face still looking every bit the perfect beauty queen that she is.

“I won’t,” I promise, clutching her hands in mine.

“I go to a therapy group. I think it would help you if you were interested?”

“I’ll think about it, for sure, thank you, but I promise to call.”

“You better.” She chuckles as I pull her in for a final hug, before turning on my heel and heading up the courtroom aisle.

I burst through the doors, frantically looking between the crowds of people bustling past, and then I see him. Hands in pockets, head hung low. I take two steps and it’s as if he senses me. His head springs up and a smile that has my heart fluttering spreads across his face. He charges towards me as I hurry to reach him, not questioning anything because I know I don’t need to. He did everything he promised he would. He didn’t leave, not once. I throw my arms around him, his muscular arms encasing my tiny frame, holding me so tight and lifting my feet off the ground.

“You did it, baby. I’m so fucking proud of you.” His words are everything and all I need. He sets me back down on my feet and I pull back to look at him. His gorgeous blue eyes sparkle with pride, and I don’t think, I just do.

I press my lips to his and sink into his touch. His hands embrace my face, warmth spreading through me, awakening every nerve and parts of me that have been dormant for so long. It’s true what they say, it’s always darkest before the dawn and in this moment, it feels as if I am seeing the light in full color for the first time in a long time and it's because of him.

We break the kiss and arms and hands surround me, huddling us in one big hug. Looking up, I am surrounded by Ria, Jack, Gabby, and Brad. I have never felt so loved, so wanted, so free.