14. Evangeline
Chapter 14
Evangeline
I should have stopped one champagne ago. Okay, two.
But I needed the boost after I got back from the restroom. I don’t know what happened, but Phoenix suddenly started acting weird. Well, more bizarre than usual. He was distracted during conversations, kept frowning at me half the time, and I constantly felt his gaze on me, as if he was afraid I’d suddenly pull a gun out of my purse and shoot him.
The champagne helped calm my nerves, maybe too much. My laugh is louder, my grin wider, but at least that bubble of anxiety and dread in my chest has slowly disappeared.
So when the photographer from earlier comes around again sometime later, I’m ready to prove to myself and the entire world Phoenix and I are a couple in love.
The older man smiles at me. “I forgot to congratulate you earlier. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw the announcement yesterday.”
Ah yes, the announcement our parents couldn’t wait to make on our behalf. I had to hear about it from my friends. Thanks, Mom and Dad.
The photographer doesn’t seem to feel my mood shift, still wearing the same cheerful expression. “When’s the big day?”
Phoenix grumbles next to me, “We haven’t set a date yet.”
The photographer’s smile falls at Phoenix’s tone, so I playfully shake my head.
“The engagement was such a surprise; we just want to enjoy our time together for now.”
The man nods as if my statement makes total sense. “You must be busy with school. It’s your last year before you graduate, right?”
I take the breadcrumb eagerly. “Exactly. I want to be able to give my full attention to our wedding, which will be hard to do during the school year.”
He smiles as if I’ve given him an invitation to our wedding. His gaze lowers for just a second to roam over my body. At this point, I don’t even care. I’m too relieved he isn’t bringing up Phoenix’s prison sentence or my sister’s death.
But Phoenix stiffens beside me and turns to face me. I automatically gaze up at him, stunned because he’s much closer than I thought.
He frowns at me, but I’m not sure if that’s in reaction to the photographer or me. Next thing I know, he cups my face and brushes his thumb over my cheek.
My breath hitches.
Oh my God, why is he touching me like this?
My mind is in overdrive, quickly distracted again when his warm breath fans over my face .
Something flutters in my chest.
His hand stills as he stares deep into my eyes. “Or maybe I should drag you to the courthouse right now to make sure everyone knows you’re mine.”
“Phoenix.” His name sounds like a plea on my lips, and I don’t know why.
His gaze shifts to my lips, and he says, “Fuck it.”
Then he closes the distance between us and kisses me.
At first, it’s only a press against my lips.
Firm, almost angry.
A low and pleasant hum warms my blood, quickly heating up my entire body.
I gasp, and several things happen at the same time.
Phoenix’s other hand joins my face, now both cupping my cheeks, with his fingertips digging into the sides of my skull. He draws me closer, and I blindly reach out to steady myself. My hands land on his warm chest, where his heart beats wildly under my palm, almost a replica of my own.
The sensation becomes a distant memory when his tongue delves into my mouth and claims mine in a way I’ve never experienced before. The fact that he isn’t exactly gentle in his approach only sends an extra spark of heat between my legs.
Without thought, I let out a quiet whimper, and Phoenix pulls back with wide eyes.
The noise around us slowly breaks through my daze.
We stare at each other, my panicked gaze resembling his.
Someone clears his throat close by. I move my head toward the sound, heat rising to my cheeks when I stare at the photographer .
I swallow my groan. Why is he still here? Did he watch us this whole time like a creep?
Before I can offer an apology, Phoenix grabs my hand and tugs me away.
I give the photographer a half-assed chuckle and wave, barely able to keep up with Phoenix as he marches across the room and toward the exit.
With my hand still firmly clasped in his, we reach the coat check. Phoenix wordlessly hands my ticket to the employee and then types furiously on his phone. I’m still too stunned to speak, my brain busy replaying what happened in my head. Over and over and over.
That did happen, right?
Phoenix just kissed the ever-loving shit out of me . . . at our first outing as an engaged couple.
In a room full of people. With a photographer watching—and probably recording—the entire moment.
And worst of all . . . did I actually kiss him back?
Phoenix holds out my coat for me, and I slip my arms into it on autopilot, utterly lost in my head. Without a word, he drags me out into the cool night air to the already waiting car at the curb.
When on earth did Holden manage to get that?
Phoenix opens the back door for me and motions for me to get in, but I pause and look at him for the first time since our kiss and immediately wish I hadn’t. His eyes are cold, his jaw locked tight, and he stares at me with such disgust my stomach plunges.
With a hard swallow, I manage to avert my gaze and climb into the vehicle. Phoenix follows, and Holden pulls into traffic. I keep my gaze solely trained on the busy New York streets that fade away once we leave the city. Freeways and dark scenery replace skyscrapers and packed streets.
Eventually, we reach the long driveway I’ve already become so used to.
Holden parks in the garage, the car barely coming to a halt when Phoenix yanks the door open and slams it behind him. Holden stares through the windshield as his friend storms through the vast space and disappears inside the house with another door slam.
He shifts my way with his eyebrows drawn together. “What did I miss?”
“He didn’t tell you?”
He shakes his head. “He only messaged me to get the car, and that was it.”
I roll my lips together. “Well, you need to ask him then because I have no clue either.”
It’s not a lie. Well, not really. My brain is still trying to figure out what happened or how what transpired was possible in the first place. Because while I agreed to be his fiancée, or rather was forced to agree, I never said I’d be okay with any kind of public intimacy. Holding hands is one thing, kissing on the cheek bearable, but a kiss like that ? That’s an entirely different thing.
That wasn’t just a kiss. He devoured you. He made a statement.
Shit.
I shake my head and open my door. “I can’t deal with this right now.”
Holden jumps out of the car too, his gaze scrutinizing. “So something did happen.”
I shrug. “Yes, but I won’t tell you what. Ask Phoenix. ”
He grumbles under his breath, “Fine.”
Once inside, he activates the security system and follows me.
“Miss Caldwell. Ah, there you are. I’m so glad I could catch you.” Huxley appears out of nowhere, carrying a rectangular black box. “This was left for you while you were out.”
I don’t move a muscle. I can’t.
After an awkward moment of silence, Holden says, “Thanks, Huxley. I’ll take it for her.”
“Of course, sir.” Huxley hands Holden the box, and disappears with a little head bow.
Poor man did nothing wrong. I’ll need to make sure to apologize to him tomorrow.
Holden holds out the box for me, and I lift the lid. I already know what’s inside, but I check anyway. A bouquet of withered red roses. Just like the ones he sent after Connie died.
Fully aware of Holden’s gaze on me, I grab the small card tucked inside and close the lid.
Congratulations on the engagement. You’ll make a beautiful bride.
My head spins.
I need to get away.
I school my features the best I can and look at Holden. “Someone must have sent these as a prank. Would you mind tossing them in the trash for me, please?”
He narrows his eyes at me, probably not buying my bullshit, but nods. “Okay. Just wait here for a second. I’ll be right back. ”
I shake my head. “Holden, I don’t need a babysitter. I’m a big girl and can walk upstairs by myself.”
He raises an eyebrow. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. But have it your way, Princess.”
With that, he spins around and stalks off in the opposite direction.
Way to go, Eve. He was just trying to be nice.
Maybe that’s the problem. When this arrangement started, I thought I knew what I was getting into. Not just with Phoenix but also with Holden. Now, all lines are blurred, and I’m constantly confused, especially with Holden. Besides kicking down our door at my old house—which Ruby and Mason assured me was fixed before the end of the day—Holden hasn’t been mean to me or mistreated me in any way.
Is this a twisted form of deferred Stockholm syndrome?
With a sigh, I take off my heels. My feet are killing me. I trudge up the stairs, the smooth feel of the rail under my fingers calming me. I tap it the entire way up. At the top, I turn toward the left where my room is, but something stops me.
Maybe the flowers—an absolutely unnecessary reminder from Freddy that my life isn’t really my own—finally pushed me over the edge toward insanity.
My chest heaves, and my heartbeat quickens in tune with my shallow breaths. Without overthinking it, I follow the invisible pull and stride in the opposite direction.
Once I reach my destination, I stare at the open door. The soft carpet soothes my aching feet the moment I take a cautious step into the room for the first time. My gaze dashes past the seating arrangement to the grand piano in front of the windows. Last I knew, Phoenix didn’t have a musical bone in his body, so I wonder if his grandfather added this music room.
The piano’s polished surface shines in the moonlight, the night sky bright enough to illuminate the stark contrast of the white and black keys from the rest of the body. I walk over to it in a daze and circle the black beauty once, twice, sliding my fingers along the glossy sides, a weird mix of panic and anticipation filling my chest at touching the instrument. Familiar, yet foreign. It’s been so many years since I last played, and now that I’m this close, I can’t resist the draw of it.
I place my purse on the extensive body and sit on the bench.
The magic that used to encompass my entire being whenever I was near a piano slowly weaves its way back into my essence.
Play for me, Angie.
My sister’s voice drifts into my mind like she’s with me in the room. Although Connie wasn’t musical, she shared my love of classical music. She loved to listen to me play, either live or via a recording, which helped her focus better on her school assignments and work. She was such a workaholic, just like my father and brother. There were days when I wondered if I was adopted, but the family resemblances were too uncanny to deny.
I felt about music the way Connie felt about work. It was my favorite escape from life, my way of dreaming about the future, my only way to create that unique spark that lights up my soul like nothing else does.
I move my fingers over the keys.
Connie would have loved tonight.
She wouldn’t have had too much champagne and inappropriately kissed her fiancé, not only because of the large crowd but also because she’d have known the media would have a field day with it.
But it’s Phoenix’s fault, he kissed me first.
My sister’s fiancé, who is now my fiancé.
I kissed what was hers.
My lower lip trembles, and I bite it.
The room is dim but fully disappears behind my closed eyelids.
My fingers fly over the keys, acting solely on muscle memory. I try to keep it together. Try to hang on to that thin thread of sanity that has been unraveling for so long now, it’s a miracle it still exists at all.
Kissing Phoenix tonight opened up a can of worms I thought I’d had a tight lid on.
Pictures of my sister fly through my head, the last glance she sent me over her shoulder before she left the house. If I’d only known it would be the last time I’d ever see her. The things I said to her, and she wasn’t even angry at me, only disappointed and sad, which was even worse. I just wanted to understand why she was throwing away her life the way she did. I needed to understand what I ever did to her that she’d hurt me that much on purpose.
“Angie, I know it’s a surprise, but please trust me. Phoenix is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
She gives me a pleading look, silently begging me to understand, but I don’t. I can’t. I yank my hand out of her grasp and watch in horror as she places her fingers on her stomach. She rubs it almost absentmindedly, and we both freeze. Her gaze finds mine again, but I’m already shaking my head and backing away.
“Are you—” I draw in a sharp breath. “Are you pregnant?”
She presses her lips together and nods.
My hands go into my hair, and I pull at my strands. “No, that can’t be. How . . . how long have you been seeing him behind my back?”
My voice rises with every word that comes out of my mouth until I’m yelling.
Her hand reaches for me, but I step out of her reach with an ugly snort. “I bet you had a good laugh together about your stupid little sister being in love with your fiancé. With the father of your child.”
She stares at me with tears brimming her eyes and shakes her head. “No, Angie. It’s not like that at all.”
I hold up a hand and turn away from her. “I can’t . . . please don’t. I can’t even look at you right now.”
The words ‘I hate you’ are on the tip of my tongue, but I bite them back for some reason.
She sniffles. “We’ll talk tomorrow. Let’s cool down, and I’ll explain everything tomorrow. Please.”
I stay quiet, staring at a hole in the floor while I listen to her retreating footsteps. When they stop and she calls my name, I’m compelled to glance at her, forced to see her beautiful face wholly shadowed in sorrow.
“I love you. I hope one day you can forgive me, Angie.”
She waits for another moment, but when I don’t say anything, she steps out of the door, closing it quietly.
I snap back to reality with a gasp. The pressure on my chest is so heavy, it feels like my rib cage is going to collapse at any moment. Every inch of skin tingles. All of these emotions rushing through my body. It’s too much.
They don’t have anywhere to go, so they continue to grow until it feels like I’m going to implode. I want to scratch at my skin, this need to find an outlet impossible to ignore.
I grind my teeth and breathe loudly through my nose.
What am I supposed to do?
I clench my hands into fists so hard, my fingernails dig into my palms. But it’s not enough. I stare straight ahead at the piano keys, and without taking a second to think things over, I grip the lid and slam it closed.
The bang echoes around the room. It feels good but doesn’t keep my body from getting hotter by the second. A bead of sweat runs down my nape.
I stand so abruptly, the bench topples over behind me.
But I don’t care.
I’m tired of these stupid recurring thoughts circling almost nonstop in my head.
I’m tired of people using me as a puppet.
Of all the lies and secrets.
Of the people and things I’ve lost and can never regain.
Of Freddy.
My sister’s death.
Phoenix’s prison sentence.
The threats to my friends.
The text messages.
The wilted roses.
The kiss.
The touches.
The longing.
The attraction .
The engagement.
Our future marriage.
Losing the possibility to escape this life, the only thing that kept me going.
In one big swoop, I push the sheet music off the top of the piano and watch them scatter across the floor.
My entire body is shaking, my heart dancing at an irregular beat. It’s too fast and out of control.
I walk to the seating arrangement, grab the vase from the coffee table, and throw it against the wall. It doesn’t smash into a million pieces like I’d hoped, so I pick up the larger piece and fling it at the wall once more, this time with even more force. It does the trick, and glass shards fly everywhere, enabling a whoosh of pent-up air to hiss out of my lungs.
Finally, a small relief.
Fast footsteps come toward me from behind, and I spin, just as strong arms band around me.
Phoenix.
My body tenses, and I try to wiggle out of his hold. “No, let me go. Please. Let me go.”
He only holds me tighter, pulling me against his warm chest.
Tremors shake my body almost uncontrollably. “Phoenix, I need to . . . I . . . I can’t keep this in. It’s too much.”
His hold loosens enough for me to hammer on his chest with my fists.
He doesn’t stop me or complain. “It’s okay, Angel. Let it all out.”
His old nickname is like the final stab to my heart, the pain too much, ripping me wide open.
So I do what he says and let it out. All of it .
I don’t stop pounding on his chest until this angry energy finally dissipates and my hair sticks to my neck and forehead. I feel like I just ran a marathon and sag against his body, utterly exhausted.
Phoenix holds me for a moment, before he picks me up and cradles me tightly. “Are you okay?”
I try to shake my head, but it’s too heavy to move. “I don’t know if I’m strong enough to survive all of this. It’s so much. Too much. Too damn much. Sometimes, I wish I could just disappear. I bet you’d like that.”