23. Evangeline
Chapter 23
Evangeline
“ P hoenix, nooooo.” My voice is strained, the words scratching up my throat. I gulp in a deep breath, trying to eliminate this suffocating pressure in my chest that feels like it will crush my rib cage.
I yank the blanket off me and swing my legs over the side of the bed to stand. My steps are wobbly and uncoordinated. Baby deer steps.
But it doesn’t matter. I need to get to him. I need to see him.
A sob interrupts my accelerated breathing at the very moment the door flies open. Holden rushes toward me, immediately wrapping me into his arms.
“Shh, Princess. You’re okay.”
“Phoenix. I need to . . . I need him.” Loud and ugly sobs ricochet through my entire body. My brain is still halfway stuck in the nightmare that just ripped me out of my sleep.
While Holden’s embrace is soothing, it’s not the one I desperately need.
“I’m here, Angel. I’m right here. ”
I’m maneuvered between them until Phoenix’s familiar scent envelops me, and he gently cups my face with his large hands.
“Nightmare?”
I nod and look at him through blurry eyes, reaching out to touch his cheek. To make sure he’s really there and in one piece.
“You’re safe. I swear to you, I’ll kill anyone who tries to hurt you.” He leans into my touch and closes his eyes.
I hiccup. “I was so scared he took you from me too. I wouldn’t survive it.”
His eyebrows almost touch as he stares down at me. “Who is he?”
The desperation in his eyes is a living thing, and the urge to tell him about Freddy, about everything, is even stronger than it was earlier.
I open my mouth, but no words come out. The fear coursing through my body is an invisible hand around my throat, cutting off all of my oxygen until I gasp.
Phoenix shares a look with Holden and says, “Let’s get you back in bed.”
My chest squeezes at the mere thought of this happening again.
The images flash behind my eyes. Me getting the text message but being too late. Phoenix glancing at me a nanosecond before the bomb explodes. Phoenix lying on the ground in a pool of blood. Dead.
Why does it have to feel so real?
My limbs shake, and I try to get closer to Phoenix, seeking his comfort and warmth. “Not here. I can’t stay here after the nightmare. ”
After a moment of confusion, Phoenix nods. “Of course.”
He says something to Holden before he picks me up gently and exits the room. I rest against his chest and listen to his heartbeat. It’s erratic, but focusing on it slowly calms my breathing.
Phoenix moves slowly, with caution. Why does he have to make me feel like I’m precious cargo? We walk down the long hallways to get from one wing to another. In his room, he lays me down carefully on his bed and pulls the covers up to my neck.
Before he has a chance to get up, I grab his arm and hold on to it with the bit of strength I have. “Please don’t go.”
His gaze on me is intense and laced with something. Pain? No. That wouldn’t make any sense.
“I wasn’t planning on going anywhere.” He glances behind him. “I’ll just talk to Hold for a moment by the door.”
Shifting forward, he presses his lips to my forehead. “I’ll be right back.”
My dying soul weeps in anguish at the gentle contact. To have the man I’ve wanted for most of my life so close to me, while also having done the most unspeakable and irreversible damage and loss to his life, is its own kind of twisted cruelty.
It’s funny how the same person can be part of your life's happiest and worst memories. Almost like the universe can’t decide if it wants to punish or reward you.
Maybe it’s trying to teach me that life is as beautiful as it is ugly, and without the ugly, we couldn’t experience the beauty.
Since I’ve been stuck on the ugly side of life for way too long now, I’m ready for the beautiful side .
I reluctantly release his arm, listening to his muffled footsteps as he crosses the carpeted room. My eyes close of their own accord, my body and mind dead tired. I try to listen to Phoenix and Holden, until I can’t hear them anymore.
When I wake up, it’s still dark outside, and Phoenix is right in front of me. He must have left a light on somewhere because the room is softly illuminated, allowing me to see him. His closed eyes, his steadily moving rib cage. I gaze over our bodies, with me under the blanket and him on top of it, close enough to touch, yet so far away. Except for one part. Phoenix’s hand is resting on my hip as if he hoped his touch would keep my nightmares from returning.
Using this unexpected opportunity, I scan over his peaceful form, starting at the stubble on his chin. My hand aches to reach out and touch it, to find out if it’s still prickly, or if it has reached that level of softness yet. I want to brush my finger down his straight nose until I reach his full lips. They’re slightly parted, and I yearn to run my fingertips over them. Even more so, I want to kiss them. I want to kiss him .
My body hums at the memory of the two kisses we’ve shared. One passionate hate-kiss and a gentle we-just-escaped-death one. Both very different, both leading straight to this moment and the realization I’m attached to this man in ways that can never be undone.
There’s still so much unsaid between us, so much pain and loss we can only hope to overcome one day, but right now, one thing is undeniable: I can breathe easier when he’s nearby.
I also want to be stronger for him because he deserves it. He’s already lost so much, and it’s not his fault some psychopath decided to make me a target, inevitably dragging him down with me.
My eyes fixate on the bandage on Phoenix’s forehead.
Will this ever end? How many more people will die or get injured?
In a twisted way, the explosion made me realize something crucial: people get hurt no matter what. Either Freddy has escalated for some reason and doesn’t care anymore if anyone dies in his sick game, or this was his plan all along, and I was just stupid enough to believe he wouldn’t hurt anyone ever again if I did what he asked me to do.
I stare at Phoenix for a while longer, calmed enough by his close proximity to fall back asleep.
When I wake up the next time, I’m alone in bed. Reaching out, I feel the warm sheets beside me. I blink, trying to adjust to the daylight streaming in through the windows. My gaze roams around the room until it settles on the bathroom door that’s slightly ajar.
As if I’d willed it, the door moves and Phoenix steps out with only a towel wrapped around his narrow hips.
Heat grows in my chest and works its way toward my neck and face.
His surprised gaze meets mine. “You’re awake. ”
I swallow and watch him walk toward me. “Just woke up.”
He brushes a hand through his wet hair. “Sorry, I was hoping you wouldn’t wake up while I was in the shower.”
“It’s okay.” My voice is barely a whisper. I try to smile at him, but it feels more like a grimace, so I avert my gaze somewhere past him. Somewhere that isn’t his beautiful face, or his toned chest, or his nipple piercing that glints in the light, or his intriguing tattoos, or the ‘V’ shape of his hips. Anywhere but there.
“Are you hungry?”
I tune in to my body and nod. “Maybe a little?”
“Did you eat your dinner last night?”
I lose my focus and look back up at him. “My dinner?”
“Yeah, after we returned from the hospital, Huxley brought you something, right?”
My brain isn’t as fuzzy as before, but it still takes me a moment to remember what I did last night. “He did. I ate then texted Ruby, Mason, and Tyler, as well as my mom because surprise, she actually messaged to see if I was alive. I was planning on taking a bath, but I passed out before I could.”
I peek down at my clothes. That would explain the oversized shirt and loose sweatpants I was still wearing, the same ones Holden dropped off for me at the hospital.
Phoenix ignores my snide remarks and asks, “Do you want to take a bath right now?”
“A bath?” More heat creeps up my neck at his question, and I want to hide under the blanket.
He nods. “You said you wanted to take one last night but fell asleep. ”
Stop being so weird. He didn’t ask if you wanted to take a bath with him. He probably just wants to be nice because you saved his life.
Wait. Never mind, you put him in prison, so does that make you even?
You know, I put you in prison, but then three years later, I saved your life—that sort of thing.
Oh my God. Please, stop.
Great, now I’m yelling at myself inside my head.
“Eve?” Phoenix is giving me a concerned once-over.
I sigh and push up to a sitting position, wincing at how my entire body aches. “Uh, sorry. A bath actually sounds nice.”
Maybe my muscles will relax in the hot water.
“I’ll draw you one.”
Phoenix’s voice reminds me I’m not alone, regardless of how much time I spend in my head. His words finally process, and I open my mouth to tell him I can take one in my room, but the words die on my tongue.
My eyes go wide, and I cover my mouth with my hand. “Oh my God, Phoenix.”
His name comes out all muffled, but I know he heard me because he stops and glances at me with a questioning expression.
I pull my hand off my mouth and point in his direction. “Your back.”
Understanding crosses his features, and he lifts a shoulder. “It’s nothing. I’ve had worse.”
With that, he spins around and disappears into the bathroom.
He’s had worse? His back looks like someone went at it with a sharp rake, and the goal was to leave as little flesh unharmed as possible.
I’m still trying to sort through my muddled thoughts when he returns. This time, he’s dressed in black sweats and a gray T-shirt that stretches across his broad chest.
He points his thumb toward the bathroom. “Do you need help?”
I blink and chuckle awkwardly. “Uh, no. I’m okay. Thank you.”
His mouth draws into a line like he doesn’t believe me.
To prove my point, I push my hands into the mattress and will my legs to hold me upright.
Thankfully, they do, or I would be screwed.
“Let me walk you into the bathroom, at least. I don’t want you to fall.” He sighs like I’m the most stubborn person he’s ever met.
“Fine.” I mutter the word, not admitting I’m secretly grateful for the help.
I’m pretty sure he knows it too when I cling to his arm like he’s my life jacket and I’m about to drown if I let go.
He doesn’t just deposit me at the door but takes me to the massive tub in the corner. It’s one that doubles as a Jacuzzi and could probably fit several people.
“Thank you.” I sit on the edge, letting out a relieved breath.
“No problem. I’ll be in the bedroom if you need me.”
“Okay.” I watch him leave.
He stops in the doorway and turns around. “Eve?”
I swallow at my name on his lips. It has slipped out before, but now I can’t remember when he last called me by my full name like he did at first. He’s the only one who’s ever called me Eve. Most other people call me Evie.
But not Phoenix. Never him.
My gaze is on my fingers as they tap on my leg.
I inhale deeply and say, “Can we talk when I’m done?”
Although it’s just a simple question, the intent behind it turns my stomach sour. But I knew this wasn’t going to be easy. I’m pretty sure this will suck pretty badly. But nothing has changed about my earlier epiphany or resolve. It’s time. We both deserve some honesty, and I’ll figure out the rest. I only hope I won’t destroy his life even more.
His throat works on a swallow before he opens his mouth. “Of course. But will you answer one question for me before I leave?”
“Yes.”
“Is the person who’s responsible for the bomb also the reason why I was in prison?”
Our gazes lock, and I’m incapable of breaking eye contact. At this moment, I realize he doesn’t need me to respond to his question because he already knows the answer. It’s written all over his face: the disbelief and acceptance, the anger and sorrow.
The air in the room is stifling, threatening to pull me under, but I do what’s been long overdue and what he deserves to happen: I give him a sliver of truth.
One word.
One word that will change everything.
“Yes.”