Chapter 10
10
GAVIN
G avin never looked forward to Christmas. There was no warmth to the holiday with it being just him and his father and brother together. But it was especially bleak this year because Sophie was in Paris with her parents over the school break. It was his first taste of what not having her might be like and it made him so anxious he wanted to crawl out of his own skin.
During that time he busied himself by pulling together his bandmates to focus on music: writing it, playing it, listening to it, and brainstorming about how to produce it. He was more determined than ever to make something of their efforts.
“I’ll talk to Tommy O’Leary about helping us get into The Basement for a gig,” Gavin said during one of those sessions. They were crammed into Conor’s bedroom with Gavin giving directives. “Con, you scout out some of them tourist pubs in Temple Bar. One of ‘em is bound to need more entertainment and give us a break. Marty, what’s the word with that girl of yours up north?”
Martin shrugged. “Don’t know.”
“Come on, man. I need you to step it up. You said she had a cousin with a recording studio, yeah? We need to use all our connections.”
“I’ll go back to her,” Martin said.
“Good. Then we need to come up with a setlist. Our four songs aren't enough. We need to decide what covers to do. I’ve made a list,” Gavin said, holding up a battered journal.
Conor laughed. “Don’t you get productive when you’re not spending all your time fucking your girlfriend?”
“Fuck off,” Gavin replied but not without a hint of a smile.
“When’s she back, then?” Shay asked.
“Two days. I’m going to take her out for New Year’s. Proper, like. Not just watching fireworks on the Strand.”
“What’ll you do when she goes back home, Gav?” Conor asked.
He winced. “I’m not thinking about that. All I know right now is that we have to make a go of this band. We have so much potential to really get somewhere.”
“You really think so?” Martin asked.
“Yes, Marty. I’m dead serious, so don’t any of yous start making other plans. This is our future.”
“I’m with you all the way,” Conor said.
“Same,” Shay said.
“What else have I got to do?” Martin said with a laugh.
When Gavin arrived at Sophie’s house to pick her up for their New Year’s Eve date, her hosts, Lynne and Malachy, invited him in and even offered him a drink while they waited for Sophie to finish getting ready. The three of them chatted easily until Sophie made an appearance, silencing their conversation.
“Is it too much?” she asked. “It’s Christian Dior by John Galliano. I got it in Paris.”
The ruby red dress hugged her body, was low cut enough to show a hint of the swell of her breasts and was shorter on an angle in front and longer in the back. She wore it like a dream. With her long blond hair down and styled into loose waves and wearing more makeup than she usually did, she was stunning.
Gavin gulped down the beer he’d been given, stood, and went to her. “I thought from day one that you were too good for me and now it’s been proven.”
She laughed. “Don’t be silly.”
“You do look lovely,” Lynne said. “Shall I get a photo of you both?”
They posed and Gavin hoped his dark jeans, button-up shirt, and borrowed blazer would pair up with her well enough.
“Now, I know it’s New Year’s Eve,” Malachy said, “but let’s get her home by half-twelve.”
“Absolutely,” Gavin promised.
He helped Sophie with her coat, another new and seemingly expensive item that made him feel even more outmatched, and they stepped out of the house.
“Listen, darlin’, I should maybe, em, set your expectations about tonight. I mean, I think it’ll be grand, but you know I haven’t any money. So, this may not be the kind of date you’d?—”
“Being with you is all I need. I don’t care what we do. But it is fun to dress up, so thank you for that.” She kissed him and then wiped her lipstick from his mouth.
“Did I tell you that I’ve missed you?”
“Just now you did. And I missed you. I couldn’t wait to come back home to you.”
He couldn’t contain his smile at that. To think that she considered Dublin home was a great comfort.
“Let’s be on our way, then.”
The plan for the evening was to go dancing. Of course, with it being New Year’s Eve, every club in Dublin had raised their rates to ridiculous levels. Gavin did some research and found an inexpensive option. It just required an open mind.
“We’re the youngest people here,” Sophie whispered to Gavin as he led her into the church hall.
“Yes, but there’s a live band,” he told her, nodding to the octogenarian mini orchestra on the small stage.
She squeezed his arm. “You’re sure we’re welcome? Everyone’s staring.”
“I did ask about age restrictions when I learned of this New Year’s Eve celebration and was told there were none. Sure, this is put on by a charity group geared toward providing pensioners opportunities to socialize and combat loneliness, but I’m up for helping on that front. What about you?”
He watched her take in the room, her eyes scanning over the silver and blue streamers, scattered white helium balloons, and haphazardly strung twinkle lights. Instead of being disappointed by the imperfect and homemade décor, a smile transformed her face. This gamble he had taken to bring her here had worked. She was charmed.
“Yes, I’m up for it.”
Dinner was a bland buffet, but it didn’t matter since it was just the prelude to the main event. They spent the next two and half hours on their feet, dancing with each other to old standards played surprisingly well by the orchestra, dancing with the elderly guests, and chatting with those who would not or could not get on the dance floor.
It wasn’t yet midnight when this crowd did their own countdown and blew noisemakers for an early celebration before slowly filing out and calling it a night. When they were alone, Gavin hopped up on stage and pulled out the guitar he’d stashed away with the organizer’s permission before bringing Sophie here.
“What’s this?” Sophie asked.
“I have a little something I want to play for you, darlin’.”
Smiling, she pulled a chair close and watched him as he took the acoustic guitar and sat on the edge of the stage. He strummed it a few times, made a couple of adjustments, and then continued playing with intention.
He always liked playing for her because she couldn’t hide her emotions as she watched him. Most often, he recognized admiration in her face, but if he was off, he could see that too. She had an innate sense for music, something more than mere appreciation. That’s what made it even more important for him to impress her.
What he played now was something he had tinkered with for weeks and really got serious about when she was away. Conor helped him sharpen the main guitar line and suggested a chord progression that brought it all together. He’d composed it with Sophie in mind and had just a few lines of lyrics but he sang them to her now.
You broke something in me
I had everything in a cage
And it’s all been unleashed
I’m wide open and unafraid
He saw tears shimmer in Sophie’s eyes but kept playing and singing.
‘Cause, darlin’, you make me feel it
Feel all the things I’ve been denying
All the things I don’t want to admit
But in your arms I’m alive and trying
“Oh, Gavin,” she said softly when he’d finished. She stood and went to him, taking his hand as he helped her onto the stage. She wrapped her arms around his neck. “You are going to be the biggest rock star in the world.”
He smiled. “Why do you say that?”
“Because you’ve got talent and passion, and you’re not afraid to expose your heart. That’s all any girl wants.” She ran her hand through his hair and examined him. “And they’ll all want you.”
“But you’re my girl.”
“I’ll always be your girl.”
But he knew that wasn't true and his whole body ached because of it.
He held her face in his hands and took her mouth with his in a long, searching kiss.
How could it be that after this short time together she was his absolute everything?
How could it be that in a matter of months, she would be gone from his life as if she hadn’t become a part of his very soul?
He hated to think of this eventuality, had trained himself to avoid it at all costs. But he wasn’t a complete idiot. They were still kids, and their lives were destined to go in different directions.
“I know, baby,” she murmured to him, clearly sensing the desperation in his kisses. “I know.” She pulled away so she could look into his eyes. “Let’s focus on this amazing night, okay? Dressing up and going out with you on a New Year’s Eve date has been the best night of my life. I just want to dance with you until midnight.”
She was steering him back into his defense mechanism of denying what he didn’t want to feel or confront. She was willing to do that with him so that they could not only enjoy the night but the rest of their time together. And he was grateful, not just because she recognized his need for that denial, but for not judging him for it and for being ready to conspire with him toward it. He grabbed her around her waist, picked her up, and spun her in a circle, making her laugh.
When he put her down, he said, “We haven’t any music now that the band has gone.”
“You can make amazing music. Just hold me and sing to me.”
And so he did. They held each other, swaying as he sang his own songs, along with other favorites of his, until it was midnight.
“Happy New Year, darlin’,” he said, stroking her cheek.
She leaned into his hand. “The happiest new year, baby.”