Chapter 16
16
SOPHIE
S ophie felt every beat of her heart as she watched Gavin from her stage-left vantage point at the Palladium. It turned out that Gracelyn’s uncle had connections at Rogue’s label, and so getting both tickets and backstage passes was far easier than she thought it would be.
Watching Gavin command the stage was fascinating. She had always thought he exuded that rare kind of star power that makes others stop and pay attention, but this performance was on another level. In just the last couple of years, he had grown into a true frontman who could own the stage. The audience was in his thrall, responding to his slightest command as he gripped the microphone and sang with that distinctive, slightly raspy, and intensely passionate voice. Sweat dripped down his face, and his eyes were wide as he implored the fans to sing with him.
It wouldn’t surprise her if those fans, especially the female fans, were hoping he was singing directly to them. The first time he’d sung to her—just a few lines from a Bowie song—she’d been intoxicated by it. But when he sang a song he wrote just for her, complete with the band backing him up, she’d fallen so hard for him that she didn’t think she’d ever recover from it.
As soon as the house lights came up, she and Gracelynn used their VIP passes to wind their way backstage and into the room where the after-party was already in full-swing. It was crowded with Hollywood wannabes trying to talk over the music, and the air was a pungent mix of perfume, weed, and sweat. They stood just inside the doorway, absorbing it all.
“Wait, is that who I think it is?” Gracelyn said, pointing out an up and coming actor.
“Yeah, it is. And it looks like he brought his whole crew.” Sophie nodded her head toward the group of guys who were lingering near the actor. The gang of them unapologetically called themselves the “Pussy Hounds.”
“Yuck, let’s steer clear of them.”
Sophie was glad that Gracelyn wasn’t impressed by the actor or his boys. They were infamous for how they openly used women. Them being here made her wonder why they were even let in because they were the opposite of who the lads of Rogue were. But she soon realized that a good portion of the room was filled with a certain type of person. They were an attention-seeking crowd, looking to get any kind of publicity they could. That they wanted to be seen here, at Rogue’s after party, meant the band was on its own upward trajectory.
“So, this is your big moment! You get to see your ‘husband’ again after all this time,” Gracelyn said with a wink. “But you also have to introduce me to the guitarist. What’s his name again?”
She opened her mouth to respond but a sudden sharp burst of laughter made her instinctively look for Gavin as the source. He was the type of person others flocked to, and his stories usually resulted in such delighted outbursts. But as she scanned the room, the first thing that caught her eye was a pair of scantily clad girls dancing provocatively and kissing each other with elaborate tongue.
It wasn’t the girls who interested her, as much as who they were performing for. Their current audience of one was Conor Quinn. He was sitting by himself on a sofa, a bottle of Beck’s in his hand as he stared at the show before him. He wore clean, faded jeans and his well-defined chest was bare. His short black hair was carefully askew, a striking contrast to his deep blue eyes. He had always been the most conventionally handsome of the group, and now that he had grown into his looks, he wouldn’t have been out of place on a catwalk modeling the latest fashions.
Just as she was thinking he would be perfectly happy to ogle the pseudo-lesbian dancers forever, he glanced up and met her eyes.
The recognition was instantaneous. He smiled broadly and stood, stepping past the girls without hesitation. Their faces fell in disappointment but it only took a moment for them to rebound as they were soon scanning the room for other band members.
“Sophie Kavanaugh, I don’t believe it!” Conor said and surprised her with a quick kiss on the lips and a long, tight hug. “I adore that you’re here,” he murmured into her ear as he pulled away.
“I was so excited when I heard that you guys were in L.A.,” she replied. “I had to come, to see …”
“Good you did. God, you look amazing!” He eyed her up and down.
She wore form-fitting, low-rise jeans with sandals and a shrunken peasant top left untied at the neck to give a hint of cleavage. It was tame compared to the girls he had just been watching so she was surprised by the hungry way he appraised her. She’d left her long blond hair down and nervously toyed with it.
“I can’t believe you were telling the truth,” Gracelyn said into her ear.
“Oh, um,” Sophie said, “Conor, this is my friend Gracelyn.”
“Good to meet you,” he said quickly. Gracelyn was a tall, slim Chinese-American beauty but that didn’t stop him from turning his attention back to Sophie. “So, you saw us play? What’d you think?”
“Oh my gosh. You guys owned that stage. It was amazing.”
“Thanks. It’s lovely to hear you say so.”
She shook her head in awe. “It’s weird but I’m just not surprised that you made it this quickly.”
He gave her a small smile that was definitely on the sexy side. “You always were our number one fan.”
It took her a moment to understand the flirt in his words. In his eyes. And smile. As attractive as he was, though, she needed to see Gavin.
“Conor, I really want to catch up with you, but I need to find Gavin. I have to just … see.”
Disappointment fell over his face before he made the effort to shrug it off. “Yeah, sure.” He glanced behind himself before turning back to her. “Maybe just give me a minute and I’ll bring Gav ‘round?”
That suggestion confused her. The room was crowded, but she was sure she could find Gavin on her own well enough.
Gracelyn soon explained Conor’s hesitation, saying, “Sophie, Gavin is hanging out with Robbie Vera and his ‘Hounds.’”
Sophie looked past Conor and saw Gavin at the far end of the room near the makeshift bar. He was telling the actor and his friends a story and they were hanging on every word. At the same time, there was a blonde hanging on Gavin, leaning into his side with her arms caging his waist as if trying to keep him from leaving without her. She wore skin-tight jeans and a leather top that was no more than a bra, displaying breasts that were clearly surgically enhanced. Not that anyone in that group minded as their eyes ping-ponged from her chest to Gavin and back again. Even Gavin’s eyes dropped to get a glance.
This wasn’t what she expected. Still, she wasn’t going to be deterred from seeing Gavin again after all this time.
“It’s okay, Conor. I see him,” she said.
“Hang on,” he said and grabbed her hand, pulling her to him in an unexpected embrace.
He buried his mouth into her hair, whispering in her ear, “This might not go how you think, honey. The timing is rough, you know? He’ll be hyped up on the post-gig, after-party vibe.”
She pulled away to look up at him, her free hand on the hard ridges of his bare abs. “But, it’s me . It’ll be okay.”
“Sophie—”
But she was already walking away, though Conor held onto her fingers until the last second as she gravitated toward Gavin.
Even as Sophie soaked in the sight of Gavin, she could feel the heat of someone else’s gaze on her. Out of the corner of her eye, she realized that it was the actor Robbie Vera. Still, she couldn’t stop the primal reaction she felt from seeing Gavin again. He’d filled out his frame with a muscular torso and broad shoulders. His longish, wavy brown hair was pushed back from his face and the sensual shape of his mouth was exactly as she remembered.
“Would you look at this tasty bit?” Robbie murmured. “Fellas, I call dibs.”
“Damn, she is a fresh young thing,” one of his crew replied.
“I’d hit that,” another said.
Sophie barely heard the bro-banter. Instead of acknowledging it, she said, “Gavin?” and held her breath.
After a prolonged moment, he met her eyes.
She waited for him to break out into a grin. To grab her and hug her. To level his unique brand of intense attention upon her so that it felt like they were the only ones in the room.
But he did none of that. Instead, his blue eyes were flat, indifferent. And he didn’t seem surprised to see her. Had he already seen her and decided to ignore her? Incomprehension and disappointment coursed through her.
“Hi,” she said brightly, forcing herself to go through with this reunion whether he was interested or not. “I saw the show. You guys were great.”
“Thanks,” he said shortly and adjusted his arm around the blonde, who in turn smiled triumphantly at Sophie.
“You know this girl?” Robbie asked, taking a step closer to her.
“Used to,” Gavin said.
“Used to?” Sophie repeated in a disbelieving whisper.
“Sweet. That means I’m all in,” Robbie said, oblivious.
Again, Sophie ignored the actor and kept her eyes on Gavin. “Are you in town long?”
“Few days, then we’re off to the next city, next show, next girl,” he said and squeezed the blonde. She rewarded him with a high-pitched giggle.
Sophie was frozen silent for a moment, her heart aching at his callousness. It didn’t seem possible that this was the same guy who had spent a year loving her.
“Well, good for you,” she finally said, ignoring the taunt of his response. “Do you have time to catch up? I’d love to talk.”
“Em, I don’t know. Our schedule is pretty crazy.”
That answer was so cold. He was so cold. It wasn’t like him. Something was off, but she could see in his blank expression that he wasn’t going to back down from this frosty reception of her.
She eyed the girl at his side. “Yes, I can see how busy you are.”
“Listen, ‘lil bit,” Robbie said, stepping in between her and Gavin, “rock stars are cool and all, but you know actors are where it’s at in this town, right? You wanna get out of here? I got a sick new place in the Hills. We could break in the pool. I won’t even mind if you keep your panties on. At first.” His gang laughed obnoxiously at this.
Did this kind of pick up line actually work? Because all it did was annoy her. She realized that he would keep persisting, if only to get a reaction out of his friends, so she finally looked the actor in the eyes. “I’m. Not. Interested,” she said firmly and his friends let out a chorus of “oohs” and laughs.
Robbie wasn’t a good enough actor to hide his irritation at being shot down in front of an audience. “Shit, I didn’t want your flat-chested ass anyway.”
She was flat-chested only in comparison to the girl still claiming Gavin. Still, his jab made his friends howl. Sophie looked at Gavin, hoping he’d come to her defense. But at the same time, the others seemed to sense the tension between them and looked expectantly at him. They clearly wanted him to back up Robbie.
Gavin held up a hand to Robbie but that was as far as he went to defend her. Instead, he told her, “I can’t do this. Okay? I can’t do it.”
Her eyebrows came together in confusion. “What do you mean? Can’t do what?”
“ This . I can’t do this.”
“You hear that?” one of Robbie’s boys said. “Buh-bye!”
They were laughing and Gavin was just standing there, letting them. He, of all people, should know how sensitive she was to this kind of bullying behavior.
She wanted to understand why he was acting like this. Why he was basically dismissing her. But she could see that he wasn’t going to relent and become the boy she’d once known. He was someone else now. Someone who didn’t have any interest in revisiting the past.
Still, she wanted to try one more time to get through to him, asking, “Do you even understand what you’re doing?”
When he simply shook his head with a blank expression, anger and hurt rose up in her chest.
“You’ve,” she started, ready to tell him off. Ready to tell him that he just single-handedly ruined what they once had, tarnishing the memories of their time together that she had cherished. But then tears clouded her vision and strangled her throat and she looked down, struggling to regain her composure.
This finally got a genuine reaction out of him, as he pulled away from the blonde and moved closer to her.
“What have I done, Sophie?” he asked softly, tilting his head in an effort to meet her eyes.
But she lost her nerve, suddenly feeling foolish for imposing on an old high school boyfriend who had obviously moved on. Her friend Felicity had understood what rock star ambitions meant all too well. She should have listened.
“Forget it. Never mind. This,” she said and gestured first to herself and then to him, “was my mistake. But at least now I know the truth about us.” She turned away before he could see the tears fall from her eyes.
“What a jerk,” Gracelyn said.
She must have been close enough to hear everything and while Sophie appreciated the support, she just wanted to get out of there. She glanced around and through unfocused eyes saw that Shay was watching her from one corner of the room, a sympathetic look on his face. Martin wasn’t far either and was also watching her. It seemed her interaction with Gavin had garnered everyone’s attention. At least that hadn’t changed, she thought and laughed bitterly.
She and Gracelyn were halfway down the long hallway in the backstage maze of the venue when someone called her name. For the briefest second, she imagined it to be Gavin running after her with apologies.
Instead, it was Conor who was by her side in a moment, offering her a cloth bandana for the tears welling in her eyes. In addition to donning a long-sleeve T-shirt, he had also obviously witnessed her disastrous encounter with Gavin.
“What was that about? Why did he act like we never meant anything?” she asked as she took the cloth and dabbed at her eyes.
“Soph, I tried to warn you,” he said gently.
“It was such a mistake to come here.” She blinked back more tears. “I have to go.”
“Don’t leave like this. Hang out with me. I’d love to catch up with you.”
“I, uh, I can’t stay here.”
“Then take me out of here. Show me Los Angeles.”
“That could be fun,” Gracelyn suggested hopefully.
It could, Sophie knew. If her heart wasn’t in agony.
“Sorry, I just can’t. Thanks for checking on me.” She kissed him on the cheek before turning away.
“Sure,” he replied with a sigh as she and Gracelyn moved away.
Sophie sensed both Conor and Gracelyn’s disappointment but she really couldn’t stay. She needed the space to try to process the confusion and heartbreak of her encounter with Gavin.
The fact of the matter was that they hadn’t seen each other in two years and his first instinct had been to deliberately hurt her.
She had no idea why.
Maybe it was just bad timing with catching him all hyped up after a show like Conor said. But that blasé rock star persona wasn’t like him. It couldn’t have been the real him.
Still, there was no excusing how he’d treated her. And she would have to accept that she’d never know why he’d acted that way. Because she was done chasing Gavin McManus.