Chapter 23
23
GAVIN
T he night passed in a dreamlike daze as they alternated between making love, talking about the events they had missed in each other’s lives, and sleeping for brief periods. Gavin couldn’t bear to bring up the real world and whether they would exist together in it. For the time being, he was content that their reality was contained in his small room at the Chateau Marmont.
They got hungry at four in the morning and Gavin charmed room service into providing a random and indulgent assortment of things: French fries, pancakes, and buttermilk fried chicken. They made a picnic out of it on the bed, and as the sun was beginning to rise they ate and talked.
“You remember right before you left we heard a bootleg of ‘Day’s Done’ on the radio?” he asked as he pulled the crispy skin off a chicken leg.
“Yes! Did you ever figure out how that happened? Did they play you again?”
He smiled at her excitement. It was as if the band was still hoping for their big break and she thought this could be it. She was right back in the moment.
“Well, Conor and I went down to the radio station, is what we did. But after waiting for over an hour to see the station manager, the first thing he told us was that we were just one of dozens of U2 wannabes out there.”
“But, wait—had he even heard Rogue?”
“He admitted that he’d never listen to our demo. But I told him all about our sound. And that we don’t go on about religion and politics like U2. I told him that my songwriting is about exploring the beauty and cruelty of the heart.”
“I love your lyrics because of that. You explore people and relationships so honestly. It’s raw and complex. Just like life.”
The way she understood him, even after these years apart, made him catch his breath. To cover for it, he leaned over the spread of food and kissed her, pulling away just as she reached for him.
“Tease,” she said with a laugh.
He cocked his head, examining her. “Me? A tease?”
“You know the effect you have on girls.” She bit the bottom corner of her lip, letting it release slowly as she watched him.
“What kind of effect is that, darlin’? As I recall, you’re the one who had an effect on me from day one.”
When she smiled, he knew she was remembering him telling her that very thing the first day of school.
“All the girls at school wanted you, you know?”
“What did they matter when I had you?”
“See? Tease.”
He laughed. “It’s not a tease if it’s the truth. When I’m with you, nothing and no one else matters. You’re my whole universe.”
“Gavin,” she whispered, her cheeks going pink.
He’d worshiped her when they were together, spending every possible second with her. And if he wasn’t with her, he was writing lyrics to her on scraps of paper. She was both his escape and his home. He invested everything he had into her. In return, she’d made him her life, supporting his musical ambitions and providing a safe place to land when he would run out of his house after fighting with his father. He had big dreams for the future, but she was a grounding influence that he needed just as much. So, he wasn’t exaggerating when he said she was his universe.
“Well, the way you do that—make someone feel like they’re the center of your universe? You bring that energy to the stage, too. You’re … magnetic . You must know that. With all those screaming girls in the audience?”
There was a bit of jealousy in her voice and it made him smile.
“Ah, it’s all part of the live show experience. Clapping, shouting.”
She arched a skeptical brow but let it go. “So, then what happened at the radio station?”
“Oh, em, we basically got thrown out of the guy’s office with no hope about being played.”
“Oh, that sucks.”
“Yeah, it did. But on our way out, we ran into Sean Reynolds—the very same fella who played our bootleg to begin with. We introduced ourselves and he was shocked to see how young we were. We gave him the demo and basically begged him to play it.”
“Did he?”
“No,” he said with a laugh. “Not even after he said he was impressed with our confidence and that if we were as good as we claimed, he’d want to be able to one day claim to have discovered us.”
“His loss.”
“Well, the thing is, he’s been trying to act as if he had some hand in our success. When we hooked up with James—our manager—and got signed, Reynolds made the biggest noise over our album. He’s fucking obsessed with trying to say he discovered us. Of course, playing a bootleg one time on a whim doesn’t make it true. Still, he’s our biggest fan to this day.”
“As long as it works in your favor, right?” she said. She dipped a French fry in ranch dressing before taking a bite.
She wore nothing but the white bathrobe provided by the hotel. Her hair was tousled and her makeup was smudged. He had never seen a sexier woman in his life. The look in his eye must have given him away as she returned his gaze with her own open desire.
He leaned toward her and the trays of food slid to the center of the bed. Rather than take the time to clear it away, he took her hand and pulled her with him to the aqua-tiled bathroom. As she watched, he adjusted the hot and cold tub faucets to get the right temperature.
She poured a stream of Kiehl’s bath and shower gel into the water and bubbles quickly multiplied.
“I got you dirty,” he said. “Time to clean you up.”
She smiled and let her robe fall to the floor.
The tub was small but they fitted themselves together, her back to his front. With inordinate care, he wet her hair with a washcloth and proceeded to lather it with the shampoo. Ensuring that no soap got into her eyes, he rinsed her hair and then conditioned it as well. He massaged her scalp and the base of her neck as he went.
“That was another first,” she said, leaning back into him when he was done.
“What’s that, darlin’?”
“Having my hair washed that way. That felt so nice.”
He wrapped his arm around her and squeezed her to him. “It all feels so fucking good, being with you again.”
She looked back at him with a smile and he leaned forward to kiss her.
“What did you mean by ‘another’ first?” he asked as he trailed a soapy washcloth over her belly and between her breasts.
“Just, you know, because you’re my first. And only.”
That took a moment to register in his sleep-deprived mind. When he looked at her, she averted her eyes. He touched her chin to turn her face up to his.
“Really?”
She nodded and he couldn’t hide his confusion.
“What?”
“I just, em, I don’t understand how you couldn’t have been with anyone else. You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.”
“Well, it’s not because no one wanted me,” she said with mock incredulity and he laughed. “I just never found the right connection.”
“Interesting.”
He still remembered well the way she’d undressed herself for him without any nervousness the first time they were together. The thought that no one else had touched her with this kind of intimacy was enormously satisfying to his male ego. And though he didn’t say it out loud, he was overcome with the desire to be not just her first, but her last.