Chapter 72
72
GAVIN
G avin tried to keep his cocaine use to a minimum at first. He only used when he was out with his new friends a couple times a week. But then his occasional nights out became more frequent. He would leave the house by nine o’clock in the evening and return at seven the next morning, take a sleeping pill to come down from the high, and wake up at four in the afternoon.
Rinse and repeat.
The surprising thing was seeing Sophie become resigned to it.
As the weeks wore on, Sophie gave up trying to get him to see that he was using the drug as an anti-depressant when he should be seeing a psychologist to talk through his issues. She gave up suggesting that he finally swallow his pride and track down his mother in order to get some kind of closure. She even gave up suggesting that he lean on her, that she could be his lifeline like she had been for so many years.
They were drifting apart.
It occurred to him that their lack of time and intimacy together combined with his irritability when he was coming down from his high probably wasn’t all that pleasant to be around.
It wasn’t like this all made him happy. But he needed the escape more than anything else. He needed the relief from his own miserable self and this was what allowed him to get outside of his head.
And so, he did a poor job of hiding his relief when she let him know she would be away for work for almost five weeks. After stops in Los Angeles and New York, she’d have back-to-back fashion weeks in London, Milan, and Paris. Gavin agreed to meet her in Paris, where he would watch some of her runway shows, and then they would stay a few more days for a mini-vacation.
He suspected she was ready to have a mini-vacation from him and he couldn’t blame her.
Still, as he drove her to the airport for her flight to Los Angeles, he knew he had to make an effort.
“I’ll see you in Paris before you know it,” he told her, slowing the car at the departing flights curb.
“Promise me I won’t have to worry about you,” she said.
“You don’t need to worry, darlin’. I’m?—”
His cell phone chimed with an incoming text. It was mounted to the dashboard, and a message from Julia O’Flaherty appeared. Julia had been a sporadic presence in his life over the years, but had become a near constant lately, having found her way into his group of cocaine buddies. He knew Sophie had always suspected Julia of trying to latch on to Rogue’s success. There was probably some truth to that, as although he and Julia had produced a hit duet single for charity a few years back, she had never made it beyond indie status.
“Her again,” Sophie muttered.
He quickly cleared the screen. “Never mind that. Listen, you still want me to come meet you, right?”
“Yes, of course I do, baby.” She paused, clearly struggling with what she was going to say next. “Maybe you can try over these next few weeks to stop, you know?”
He dropped his eyes from hers and her shoulders sagged with disappointment. The pressure of being what she needed was more than he could bear lately. He knew she wanted him to bounce back from the public humiliation of his mother’s abandonment and her subsequent crushing silence. He was expected to ignore the media attention that had lambasted him for “deceptive” lyrics, followed by fans rushing to support him with pity for what he had been through as a child. Their album sales had soared as a result, all while he had crashed. Cocaine was the only way he could force an imitation of his old self.
“Gavin?”
He met her eyes again. “Yeah, Sophie?”
“You don’t need it. You’re better than that. Please, please don’t get caught up in that stuff.”
The earnestness in her voice made him smile, then laugh. “Relax, pretty girl. I’m doing okay.” He leaned toward her and held her face in his hands as he kissed her. “Now, you have a good flight and ring me when you get in.”
She nodded and took a deep breath. “I love you so much, baby. Know that.”
“I do,” he said, too quickly.
Resigned, she nodded again and opened the car door.
“Sophie,” he said, stopping her, and she looked at him. “Just give me some time. I’ll be okay.”
“Of course you will,” she replied, before giving him one last kiss.