41. Annie
Chapter Forty-One
ANNIE
M e: Blinking with incomprehension.
T he change of subject was jarring and it takes a moment for me to understand. Looking down at my bag, I stretch it open to discover a large stack of bills inside. “What’s this?”
His eyes darken and his voice is somber as he explains, “It’s the money you threw at him. We picked it up from the floor.”
“Oh,” I whisper, looking back at the crisp, neatly stacked currency, the perfect rubber band.
“We took the liberty of exchanging the bills for new ones. The ones we recovered were…not pretty.”
Flashing before me is Brendan’s chest wound held shut only by my red fingers, the bloodstained money splayed on the ground around us. It’s so clear it’s as if it’s happening now. The urge to see him alive and well and talk to him when he regains consciousness, is so strong that I feel sick.
“Thank you,” I whisper. “That was very kind of you. What’s your name, sir?”
His lips form an uncomfortable line as he looks at me. He can see I’m fighting the vision. He’s seen people like me before. “Sergeant Lewis.” He reaches out and shakes my hand. “You need some sleep, Ms. O’Brien.”
Nodding, I whisper, “I know. I um…have to clean up first. Anyway, I can’t get my brain to stop racing so this will help. I need to do this.”
He nods somberly. “Have a good day.”
Everyone says goodbye and just as he’s about to walk out of view, he turns. “You’re new to the area, right?”
I nod. “Just opened up six months ago.”
His heads shakes. “Damn shame this happened.”
I shrug and one corner of my mouth turns up as I say with comic sarcasm, “I wanted to open with a bang?”
“Keep that sense of humor.” He points at me, gives one last wave to the room, and leaves.
I can’t stop staring at the money. The night’s images are on shuffle, just like Taryn’s playlist, but so much louder—horrible and wonderful moments skewed out of order, each as intense as the last.
“That was really nice of them to change the money out,” Taryn says, quietly, pulling her soft, hazelnut brown hair into a ponytail so she can work.
Laura mutters while removing her bracelets and placing them on the bar, “I guess it must have been pretty bad for them to do that.”
I nod and say, without feeling, “Yeah.”
Manny wrings excess water from a bar towel until it's almost dry. “Makes me want to like cops. Almost.”
“If 911 didn’t exist, Brendan would be dead.”
Taryn reaches over and picks up her pint glass. “Let’s toast to cops.”
We all raise our glasses up and touch them together. Death Cab For Cutie’s Follow You Into The Dark plays in the background and while I love them on a normal day, no thank you. “Can we change this?”
“Something more cheerful,” Manny mumbles.
“Sorry. Got it.” Taryn slides off her barstool and jogs over and puts on Florence and The Machine’s Shake It Off. She calls over with a wink, “Better?”
Mutual agreement all around. Laura touches my back. “You sit for a little while.”
I look at her and she repeats it. I hadn’t heard her. She guides me to a bar stool and I let her, like I’m one of her children. She puts the pint glass in my hands and I cling to it. I feel so numb. The images have stopped. My mind’s gone blank. It’s like someone emptied it. The three of them clean around me, but I’m not even here. All sense of space and time is lost to me as I stare ahead at nothing.
The muffled sound of a phone ringing from my bag startles me more than it should. I don’t know how much time has passed. Christiano’s name is on the screen and his photo kills me even though I’ve seen it hundreds of times. It’s of him making omelets, shirtless, his hair disheveled from a morning fuck we’d had before our friends were to arrive. He’d flipped the spatula with extra zing, the omelets perfect. I’d tossed his shirt to him. Put this on or Sophia won’t be able to focus on her meal. He’d winked at me. But will you? Knowing the table is where I’ll take you, tonight? I’d grinned. I wish they weren’t on their way now. Before he’d plated the meal, I’d run to grab my phone so I could take this picture. I want to remember this moment, baby. Then I froze time forever with the miraculous push of a tiny, magical button.
I watched the call go to voicemail, aching for him. He doesn’t know I was held up at gunpoint. He doesn’t know Le Barré is closed for business until who knows when. He doesn’t know I’m scared and hurting. And I can’t tell him. Because I brought this on myself. What could I say, I was here with the man I left you for… only you don’t know I was in love with someone else the whole time I loved you, too?
“Was that your boyfriend?” Taryn asks, the broom in her hand now.
“I don’t have a boyfriend,” I mumble, staring at the dark screen.
“Oh...right.” Taryn says.
Laura’s not one to hold things in. She motions to Taryn to join her and they both come to sit to the left and right of me. Manny wipes his forehead with a napkin. I glance around to all of them, then look around the bar. It’s clean.
“Wow – look at this place, you guys. Thank you! Oh my God! It looks amazing.”
There’s no more glass, no more blood, and the window has been shut off from the public. They taped large sliced-open, black garbage bags together, forming a boundary. People could break through, but they’d be less inclined to.
Manny points to it. “We kept the police tape on the outside. I figured that would help keep out looters or squatters.”
“It looks incredible you guys. Thank you so much.”
Taryn shrugs and puts on Swedish House Mafia’s Don’t You Worry Child. “I guess we’ll be using the real door now.”
“That’s the one downside,” Laura says, smiling ruefully.
Manny pours us another round, the mood much lighter now, one hurdle overcome. The first step on the path to recovery.
Taryn hesitates, wanting to say something. “So…you rattled off a few gory details on the phone.”
“I’m sure I made a lot of sense, huh?”
Laura snorts. “Hardly. So fill us in, please. Who’s this guy Brendan? Did you just meet him?”
“Are you a slut, is what she’s getting at.” They’re teasing me and Taryn’s face is hilarious.
“I’m a complete whore. But let me be clear, that if I had just met him, I get to fuck whomever I want to. There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s my body.”
“Hallelujah!” Manny says under his breath, cracking the three of us girls up.
Taryn leans in like she’s got a secret. “Oh good, because I hooked up with some guy at a party last weekend.”
“You did?” Laura slouches, comically overdoing it. “I’m jealous. I’ve been married forever.”
“Happily married forever,” I correct her.
“Don’t rub it in,” she mutters. “So Taryn. How did you manage to do that at a party?”
Taryn pretends to wipe beer off her mouth, making us wait for the answer. “Bathroom. I dragged him in there.” We all start laughing. She bows. “Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you.”
“What happened? Are you dating him now?”
“Hell no!” She shakes her head like the idea is distasteful. “He wasn’t too bright. I need a guy who’s a bit quicker on the uptake. Intelligence is probably more appealing to me than looks even, so the guy I end up with is going to be smart! But I couldn’t help myself. This guy’s body was soooooo hot.” She melts. “A total man. Broad shoulders, little hips. Tight ass. Cowboy boots.”
Laura and I make a noise that sends Manny to the far side of the bar.
Taryn laughs. “Manny! We’re sorry. Come back.”
Laura cuts her glance sideways to me. “So… what about this guy you were here with?”
“His name is Brendan Clark and I’ve been in love with him since college. There. I said it.” I haven’t talked about Brendan with anyone. Not one single person since Corinne. I exhale, swiping one hand across my cheek. “Can I have a napkin, Manny?”
“Sure.” He rushes to the stack and hands one to me.
“Thank you. I haven’t seen him since back then. I'm sorry. I thought I was all done crying. Apparently I'm not. It's just that, last night he walked in here like a gift from heaven. He flirted with me and didn't remember me from before and thank God because we got into a horrible fight back then. So he asked to help me clean and he was late. But then he showed, right Manny?”
Manny nods and the girls glance at him.
“He helped me clean up the booths. The chairs are up because he put them there.”
We all look around, knowing the man who put up these chairs, nearly died last night. I take a deep breath. “And voila. The universe proceeded to give me the biggest fucking-never-gonna-happen ever. Gunshot. Surgery. Girlfriend at his hospital bedside. The works.”
Taryn winces. “Girlfriend at his bedside? Oh no…how awkward.”
“I walked into the room and there she was holding his hand.”
Manny closes his eyes and the girls make sounds like the wind is knocked out of them.
“She’s gorgeous. Elegant. An older woman. Taller than me in every way. I felt like I was a barefoot redneck with no teeth, holding a dead chicken, next to her.” I wave my near-empty glass in the air. “So, yeah. If awkward means: heart dragged down to hell and stepped on by forty laughing demons… then yeah, it was awkward.”
Taryn is staring ahead. I can see her face in the mirror against the backbar wall trying to process what I’ve yet to understand, myself. “He just walked in… by accident?”
“There are no accidents,” Laura mumbles.
Ruefully, I smile. “I was thinking the same thing. But then we both almost died, so there’s that.”
Laura taps her pint glass with a single fingernail over and over. “That’s bullshit. Let’s go. Get up. Come on.” She jumps off the barstool and starts sliding on her bracelets; she means business.