10. Amy
Chapter 10
Amy
T he Blood ‘til Dawn compound was quiet when I snuck back in, and the sun was just starting to peak over the horizon. Not a single living thing stirred as I crossed the great room, descended into the underground corridor of rooms, and crept to my bedroom in Tavia and Cyan’s apartment.
I got into bed and took out my phone, the screen lighting up the windowless darkness of the room. Feeling like a teenager writing to a high school crush, I typed out a text.
I’m home. Thanks again for letting me hang out tonight.
His reply came moments later.
Glad to hear it. And let’s do it again sometime. :)
I grinned so hard that my cheeks hurt as I hit the power button and turned to put the phone on the nightstand. I was really, really happy that I met him, to the point of feeling giddy. He was so cute and wickedly funny. On top of that he was smart, kind, and encouraged me to work things out with Tavia, despite being part of an enemy clan.
“Oh God.” Even though I was alone and in the dark, I groaned and covered my face with the duvet.
I had a massive crush on Novak. I liked him, and I also liked him.
What was I supposed to do about this? Even if Tavia and I repaired our friendship and she allowed me to bring him to her ceremony, she’d never support anything more between us.
And anyway, who was to say that he felt similarly? He was the last in a bloodline to an ancient clan and I was a nobody brusang. For all I knew, he was betrothed to some other vampire from a powerful clan.
We were friends. That much was clear. I was probably some kind of charity case to him. I’d nearly starved to death on his doorstep and still couldn’t bring myself to bite another person. Except…
Except I almost did tonight. I’d wanted to.
When he flexed his forearm and made his veins pop like that, it awakened a hunger I hadn’t yet felt at that point. I didn’t just want his blood—I wanted my mouth on his skin and to feel his on mine in return. I wanted to taste him , not just drink the hot fluid in his veins.
The feeling came over me so quickly, and then I was noticing everything about him. His broad back, the round shape of his shoulders. His collarbones just barely visible at the unbuttoned top of his shirt. I noticed his lips, his eyelashes, his fingers, even the shape of his ears. And naturally, I noticed his neck.
I didn’t just notice, but wondered how sensitive it was. Would he react to a nip on his Adam’s apple? Would his head fall back with a moan if I trailed my lips from his jaw to his shoulder, searching for that perfect spot to pull from his vein? Would he touch me if I straddled his lap to drink from his neck?
All of those thoughts, and even more inappropriate ones, ran through my head while he cut his arm and bled into a glass to feed me. The guilt of that was what sobered me. I stood there, lusting after him, while he hurt himself so that I wouldn’t be hungry.
Such a contrast definitely put our differences into perspective. Novak was sweet, selfless, and shrugged it all off like it was no big deal. Me? I was given a second chance at life, then wallowed about it and pushed away my best friend.
Sleep overtook me to thoughts of Novak and Tavia, and wondering why they chose me. Those two deserved better, but while they had me, I might as well make the effort to be better.
I woke up after the longest, deepest sleep I’d had in weeks. My body felt stiff, and I stretched with a groan. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had slept so well.
After slipping out of the immensely comfortable bed, which I had to admit was miles better than Bea’s couch, I looked at the time on my phone.
“What, really?” I rubbed more grit out of my eyes and blinked to stare at the time again.
It was almost sunset, which meant I’d slept the entire day.
And I felt… good. The most refreshed and energetic I’d felt since being turned. If I’d known blood could make me feel like this, I might have come around a lot sooner.
I left the bedroom not knowing what to expect, and my heart did a little stammer when I saw Tavia pouring a cup of coffee in the small kitchenette.
She startled when I came out, almost spilling the pot. “Oh! Hey.”
“Hey,” I returned. “Good mor—er, evening, I guess.”
“Evening.” She continued to stare at me for a few seconds like I was a stranger who magically appeared in her home, which I suppose I was. “Want some?” she gestured toward the coffee maker.
“Sure, thanks.” Desperate for no awkward silences, I piped up, “Cyan not up yet?”
“No, he won’t be conscious until after dusk.” Tavia poured a cup for me and placed it on the counter.
“Thanks.” I approached to take the coffee and lifted it toward my mouth.
“Might not want to drink it yet. It’ll scald your tongue.”
For a few moments, I warred between letting the warning go or snapping at her for treating me like a child. Tavia seemed to notice too, and she grimaced.
“Sorry,” she said, eyes lowering. “Trying to break the habit of… you know.”
Always protecting me, I thought.
Remembering that I was making an effort to do better, I set the mug down with a sigh. “It’s okay. I would have regretted that sip.”
Tavia nodded and there it was, that awkward silence I’d been trying to avoid. I stared at my cup, wishing I could drink just so I’d have something to do besides standing here like this.
In all our years growing up together, I’d never felt this with her. We were always jabbering about something, and what little silence we did have, it was always calm and comfortable.
“So.” Tavia broke the silence first. “You sleep well?”
“I actually did. Might be getting the hang of this nocturnal thing yet.” I glanced up from the counter and attempted to smile at her. See? Effort.
“Lucky,” she grumbled. “Took me over a month and I still don’t fully have the hang of it.”
I only nodded in response, silently speculating on things I was sure she didn’t want to say out loud. Like my quick adaptation to sleeping during the day was probably a result of no longer being fully human. I wondered if Novak’s blood had anything to do with it too. I felt like a brand-new person since last night.
“Anyway, you’re looking better,” Tavia said, her gaze roaming over me. “Healthier, for sure.”
“Thanks,” I said, choosing not to volunteer any information right then. She was clearly trying to fish it out of me.
“Good sleep really does wonders. You look alert, refreshed.”
“Mm-hmm.” I chose that moment to pick up my coffee, carefully blowing across its surface before taking a tentative sip. It was perfect, just hot enough to bite but not burn.
“If I may say, you even look,” Tavia took a long pause and I wondered if she would really go there, “well-fed.”
I set my coffee down and looked at her squarely. “You want to ask me, so just come out with it.”
To my surprise, she retreated. “No, sorry. I’ll admit I’m worried. But you’re clearly alive and well, and I said I’d give you space. If you want me to know anything, you can tell me. But I know I’ve been too pushy and overprotective, so I’ll just leave you be. Sorry, Ames.”
She picked up her coffee and made a beeline across the apartment, heading toward her and Cyan’s bedroom. Part of me was relieved to be left alone without any awkwardness or prodding, but I also knew it was on me to start repairing things.
“Wait,” I called to her. “I’m sorry too.”
Tavia stopped and turned slowly to face me. Once I had her attention, I kept going.
“I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting since, you know, all of this,” I gestured around my face, “happened. This change has been a lot to deal with, but I shouldn’t have lashed out at you. I know you meant well. I’ve always known that. And I was more cruel and entitled than I ever had the right to be. I hurt you, Tav, and I’m really sorry about that.”
She went eerily still as she listened, then took a long pause before saying softly, “You have every right to be angry with me.”
“Sure, I’m not denying that.” My palms wrapped around the steaming mug. “But I didn’t have to treat you like I did. I didn’t have to rot for two weeks on Bea’s couch and lash out when you tried to help. I could’ve handled my anger better.”
Tavia paused for a few moments before hesitantly approaching me again. “I appreciate you saying that. And I could’ve handled myself better too. I’m sorry for being overbearing.”
I nodded. “My behavior didn’t make you worry any less. I get it.”
A tentative smile touched Tavi’s lips. “Do you want to sit?” She held an arm out toward the couch.
“Sure.” I followed her lead and felt tension draining out of me as I relaxed into the couch cushions. We weren’t all the way fixed yet. I still had to drop the Novak bomb on her, but this progress felt good.
Tavia remained standing, looking nervous. “I… I got something for you.” She flushed, as if embarrassed.
I stared at her, confused. “What do you mean?”
“Just a little gift. Wait here.” She went into the bedroom, moving quietly, and returned with a canvas tote bag, which she held out to me.
I accepted the bag, noting the weight as I set it on my lap. When I peered inside, the threat of tears pricked my eyes.
“You got me knitting supplies?” I lifted the skeins of wool yarn, my fingertips already buzzing with satisfaction at the soft material. There were so many different colors, including my favorite shade of blue. A pair of knitting needles were already set in an inner side pocket. At the bottom of the bag, underneath all the yarn, sat a book of patterns.
“Not everything has to change,” Tavia said softly. “I remember how much you loved knitting. When I first moved here, it was my winemaking that kept me sane.”
“Thank you, Tav.” Emotion filled my voice as I carefully refilled the bag with yarn. “This is really nice and thoughtful. And you’re right. I can’t wait to make something.”
Knitting was my favorite hobby aside from reading, and yet I’d hardly given any thought to it after being turned. Without realizing it, Tavia had given me a part of myself back, one of the few pieces of my human life that I found genuine joy in. Already, I was eager to hold the pair of needles in my hands and get into that soothing rhythm of manipulating yarn into something beautiful.
“You’re so welcome. I can’t wait to see what you do.” Tavia laughed a little awkwardly as she took a sip of coffee. “So, back to your well-fed look. Did you end up giving the blood bank another try?”
I took a deep breath, my heart suddenly beating like a drum. Telling her the truth could undo this tentative peace we’d just found. But lying would only have bigger consequences later. And Novak was right. She had the right to know who would show up to her mating ceremony.
I also had to be honest with her if I wanted any chance of our friendship being repaired.
“I went to Novak’s house again, and took his blood,” I said in a single breath.
Tavia’s eyes widened, her mouth going slack. “You what?! ”
“I would also like to bring him to your ceremony as my guest.” I closed my lips against the urge to say, if that’s okay with you. Whatever permission she gave regarding the ceremony I would honor. But my friendship with him did not require her approval.
“Amy!” She hissed out my name and immediately glanced at her closed bedroom door, as if expecting Cyan to burst out any moment. “Are you crazy? Thorne forbade any contact between you two!” Her expression changed, concern pinching her brow. “Did he seek you out?”
“No, Novak didn’t do anything wrong.” I straightened, firming up my tone. “I sought him out. I went to his place and he wasn’t home, so his chef let me in. And I just kind of hung out until he got there.”
“And you stayed there all night?” Tavi whispered.
“Nothing happened,” I insisted. “We just talked. And he gave me blood before I left.”
“Amy… ” Tavia shook her head, clearly disappointed. “Why?”
“I like him.” I shrugged. “He’s nice and easy to talk to.” His blood was also the best thing I’d ever tasted, but I wasn’t ready to admit that to her yet.
“He’s an enemy of Blood ‘til Dawn,” Tavia pleaded. “If Thorne doesn’t want you seeing him, it has to be for a good reason.”
I rolled my eyes. “Apparently it’s a reason so good, no one can tell me what it is. Novak has been nothing but kind to me. I consider him a friend.”
“Just a friend?”
I licked my lips, remembering the taste of his blood and all the lustful feelings I’d been having right before drinking it. “Yes.”
Tavia shot me a look like she wasn’t buying it. “And you want to bring him to my mating ceremony. Why? They could kill him on sight!”
“Not if you don’t let it happen,” I argued. “And I want him there because I don’t want to be alone while you’re up there.”
“You won’t be alone. Bea will be there.”
I sighed. “Don’t get me wrong. I like Bea, and I appreciate everything she’s done to help me as a fellow brusang. But she’s your friend. I’m sure I’ll get there with her eventually, but Novak is the first friend I’ve made here on my own.”
Tavia groaned, dropping her head into her hands. “Even if I want to say yes, this is going to cause trouble with the clan. It won’t put Cyan in a good light.”
“Who says the clan has to know? Until he shows up, of course.”
Tavia dropped her hands and gave me a withering stare. “You know I can’t do that. I can’t convince Cyan to do that.”
“Why not?” I challenged. “I just want Novak as my plus-one. It’s not like I’m trying to sneak him into the compound for clan secrets or whatever.”
My best friend sighed as her head fell back. “I don’t know, Amy. This feels like it’s inviting so much more trouble than necessary.”
“Novak will behave himself. He’s just going to sit with me. As long as Blood ‘til Dawn doesn’t act out, there will be no trouble.”
Tavia leveled her gaze on me again. “You’re so different now. I used to be the troublemaker, and you were the peacekeeper. What happened?”
“I guess things change when you’re sacrificed to a vampire and I wake up from the dead as one.”
She huffed out a soft laugh over a sip of coffee. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
Nothing was said for a few minutes, and after some deliberation, I decided to lift the biggest weight sitting on my chest.
“Look, I miss you,” I said. “I miss… how we used to be.”
Tavia’s smile was tinged with sadness. “Me too. I feel… responsible for fucking up our friendship.”
“Well I certainly didn’t help.” I took a deep breath. “I’m really happy for you and Cyan. Seriously, I’m glad you two found each other. I know things will never be exactly the same between us, but I still want us to be… you know, good.”
“Thanks, Ames. That really means a lot.” Her smile brightened. “I want us to be good too.”
I steeled myself with another breath. “I’m excited to watch your ceremony. I can’t wait to be there and support you. But Novak is important to me too. It would really mean a lot to me if you allowed him to come.”
Tavia sighed again, but there was noticeably less exasperation in the sound. “I can’t promise anything, but I’ll do my best to convince Cyan.”
My heart soared with relief. “Thank you, Tav. I appreciate that so much.”
“He better be worth it,” she grumbled with another soft smile.
“He is,” I said. “I think if you got to know him, you would really like him.”
“I do hope I get that chance.” Her smile widened. “Who knows, maybe this gesture will go toward healing whatever centuries-long grudges the two clans hold against each other.”
“Wouldn’t that be nice.” I sipped more coffee, relaxing for the first time since we started talking. “So, blood mates. What’s that like?”
Tavia laughed softly, a blush darkening her neck and cheeks. “Oh my God, how do I put it into words? It’s the craziest, most intense feeling of rightness I’ve ever felt. It’s so passionate and strong, but secure and solid too. It’s always there, which is comforting, but it’s exciting too. It’s constant butterflies mixed with this deep knowing that he’s devoted to me and will never stray.” She paused, laughing again. “Does that make any sense?”
“Sounds like romance novel stuff,” I teased, then cackled at the look she tossed my way. Tavia had never been a romance reader, while I devoured hundreds of those pulpy paperbacks long into the night. Thinking about those books made me realize they were my only possessions that I missed from my previous life. They were so much fun to flip through and escape into.
“You might be right,” Tavia admitted with a dreamy grin. “I can’t believe this is my real life sometimes. That he’s really mine.”
“What does blood mates mean exactly? Is it something about your blood in particular?”
She nodded. “So it turns out my blood is like, custom-made for Cyan. That’s how I think of it, anyway. My blood fits all of his nutritional needs perfectly, so that flips some kind of switch in a vampire’s brain. It makes me taste especially good to him, and all other blood will taste terrible, like vomit-inducing. It’s some kind of vampire survival thing that keeps them hooked on the blood that will benefit them the most.”
“Wow.” I didn’t know what to expect, but it definitely wasn’t that. “So it’s actually scientific.”
“I guess so.”
“I have so many questions.” My fingers flew to my temples. “What if you find a blood mate but you can’t stand that person? What if the blood mate dies? What if you’re gay but your blood mate is an opposite sex person, or vice versa?”
“I don’t know entirely how it works.” Tavia laughed, her blush deepening. “But I will say, between Cyan and me, there was a strong… chemistry. Not just blood, but you know.”
“ Sexual chemistry.” I shimmied my shoulders and waggled my eyebrows until Tavia snort-laughed. Finally, our old dynamic seemed to be finding its way back. One of my favorite parts of our friendship was how unabashedly silly we could be together.
“Not just that,” she said once recovered. “But just… regular chemistry, you know? He was easy to talk to. We got along as people just existing together, you know?” She grinned dreamily again. “If your blood mate is out there, I hope they make you feel the exact same way.”
“It does sound nice,” I admitted. “But it’s super rare, right?”
“Oh yeah. Bea said the last one was twenty years or so ago.”
I nodded, sinking into the couch cushions with my hands around my coffee mug. As lovely as it sounded, I had no expectations of such a thing happening to me.