18. Novak
Chapter 18
Novak
I pulled away from the microscope and rubbed my eyes. If I looked at any more tissue samples tonight, I’d surely go blind.
Enough work for tonight. Dawn was an hour away.
I switched off the light on the microscope and stretched my arms overhead as I crossed my office. The bottle of wine in the sitting area tempted me, but it was the one made by Amy’s friend. I’d much rather share it with her.
She’d probably be finishing with the Sapien repairs by now. I wondered how it went, if she got what she needed from the visit.
My cell phone lay dark and silent on my desk. Should I text her, or would that be too much? We’d been tentatively crossing more touch barriers lately. I was enjoying our growing closeness, and it seemed she was too. But Amy was still figuring herself out, and I didn’t want to overwhelm her.
She never mentioned coming over after finishing in Sapien, but I hoped she would. Even after just a few hours apart, I found myself missing her. A lot.
I returned to my desk, deciding on sending her a casual, friendly checking-in text, when I heard the doorbell from downstairs.
Hope lit up my chest as I left the office and hit the stairs. I could barely feel my feet, I was practically floating.
“Sir?” Lourna hesitated in the foyer when she saw me coming down.
“I’ll get it, thank you.”
She smoothed the look of surprise on her face quickly. I never rushed to answer the door. I’d never been excited to receive visitors until recently.
I pulled the door open and the rush of joy at seeing Amy gave me a lightheaded feeling. She had just been here the night before, but it still felt like too long.
“Hey, come in. I was just about to text you.”
She walked through, crossing the foyer silently. The poor thing was probably exhausted after doing manual labor all night. She probably needed blood. And maybe another foot massage. Or a shoulder massage. I wasn’t picky. I only wanted to touch her and to listen to her voice.
“Are you hungry? Jo said you could raid the fridge, so she left things in there for you. I still have Tavia’s wine from the other night if you want to split it. Amy?”
My joy at her presence turned to worry. Something wasn’t right. She was never this quiet.
I moved in front of her to see her face. Her expression was completely blank, just empty. Her eyes were vacant, unfocused and off somewhere else.
“Amy?” I took her face in my hands, concern hitching my breath. Even that first day we met, at her lowest possible point, she was expressive. Emotional. Whatever this was, it wasn’t her.
“Akra, what the hell happened?” My thumbs stroked over her temples and the apples of her cheeks, trying to pull her attention from wherever her mind was. “What is it? Please tell me.”
Dozens of scenarios ran through my mind. Thorne did something, threatened her maybe. Maybe he sent her over here to end our friendship for good. The cruel fucking bastard, I’d kill him for this.
Finally, Amy’s eyes focused. She blinked as dark tears started to fill her eyes. Her brow pinched with tension and her jaw clenched, lips wobbling like she was holding back a tidal wave of emotion.
“Novak?”
The pain in her voice broke my heart and fired me up with rage. “Yes, I’m here.” A tear began to spill from one of her eyes, but I caught it with my thumb. “Please, you’re killing me. What’s wrong?”
My questioning seemed to make everything worse. Her eyes squeezed shut, spilling more tears as a great, gasping sob wracked her whole body.
Alarm and confusion rang through me. Amy took my hands away from her face, turning away like she didn’t want me to see her, so I pulled her back into my chest. She cried into the privacy of my shirt, the muffled sounds breaking off pieces of my heart one by one. My lips rested against her hairline as I held her, just listening to her sobs as my mind ran wild.
This was so much worse than that first day we met. Back then, Amy didn’t know how to cope with her second chance at life. Right now, she was so deeply wounded that she probably felt like she was dying again.
I held the back of her head with one hand, the other running up and down her back. Lourna entered the foyer, looking just as worried as I felt. She opened her mouth to speak, but closed it when I shook my head. Amy needed to feel safe to process whatever happened. For some reason she trusted me, and she didn’t need an audience.
“Going upstairs,” I mouthed to Lourna before leaning down to whisper in Amy’s ear. “I’m going to pick you up.”
Amy barely had to move. I just crouched low and scooped her up behind her knees, then took the stairs slowly to not jostle her. She curled up small against my chest, her sobs quieting, though her breaths were ragged and distressed.
On the second floor, I passed the guest room and took her directly to my bedroom suite. The window shutters had closed with the onset of dawn so the room was already dark. After kicking off my shoes, I sat on the edge of my bed and turned to lie on my side with Amy still in my arms.
“I’m sorry… ” Her voice was so small and choked with tears.
“Shush. Don’t be.” I pulled her close, bringing her face to my chest to cry there if she needed to. “You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. Whoever made you feel this way is the one who should be fucking sorry.”
Her body shook with more sobs and hiccupping breaths, but she clung to me like a lifeline. Despair thrashed wildly inside me. I was desperate to know who hurt her this badly, but wouldn’t push her to talk until she was ready.
I stroked her back, her hair, her cheek. My touch seemed to soothe her even if my words didn’t. The crying seemed to come in waves, slowing for a time before starting up again. I didn’t know what else to do besides hold her through it. What I would give to know what she was thinking so I could fix all the hurt.
After some time, she quieted again, pulling in deep, shuddering breaths. I didn’t know if all the crying had exhausted her or she had truly exorcised what had caused her so much pain. Whichever the case, I was content to hold her in the dark. It was surely daytime now, but the lack of light in the room gave the illusion of night. Fatigue made me drowsy, but I would not leave her.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I asked after a long stretch of silence.
Amy sighed and the air from her mouth felt like a caress against my throat.
“It’s stupid,” she said quietly.
“Don’t do that.” My lips brushed her forehead and before I could overthink it, I pressed a kiss there.
“Do what?”
“Reduce your pain to that word. What you’re feeling isn’t stupid, it’s important.”
She let out a dry huff. “Important? Me?”
“Yes, you.” I drew back to see her face clearly. Those galaxy eyes were puffy and tinged with red, the dark tear tracks on her cheeks like watered-down ink. “You’re important to me.”
“Why?” The word came out as barely a whisper. Her mouth formed the word and her bottom lip began to tremble like she was about to cry again. She genuinely didn’t know why and that baffled me.
“Because you’re strong, curious, and brave. You’re so honest and forthcoming. You’ve dealt with your own life and death with so much grace and maturity.”
She laughed bitterly. “I think you have me confused with someone else.”
“I don’t.” I brought her face closer and let another kiss linger on her forehead while I gathered the nerve for what I’d say next. “And you’re so achingly beautiful, even when you’re sad.”
Amy went eerily still for a moment before shoving against my chest, creating distance between us. “Don’t lie about stuff like that. It’s cruel.”
“What?” I’d struck a nerve, clearly. She was crying again as she shoved me away, but I held onto her straightened and locked arms. “Amy, I’m not lying.”
“Just stop, Novak.” She tried to roll to her other side, facing away from me but I wouldn’t let her.
“Why do you think I’m lying?” I demanded. “I’m ridiculously attracted to you. How could you not know that?”
“How can you be attracted to eyes like this?” She pointed at hers.
I took the opportunity to pull her close again, so close that my forehead and nose nudged hers.
“I love your eyes,” I said. “I always think of them as two galaxies. There’s so much depth and beauty to them.”
Amy’s breath shuddered as I wiped more tears. “I was dead , Novak. A literal corpse that came back to life. How does that not gross you out? How can you think I’m anything but monstrous?”
“Vampires are already monstrous in the eyes of humans, for one.” I stroked my knuckle across her cheek. “Half of Sanguine believes I infected my own clan with Rathka’s Curse. If we’re going off of what other people think, I’m ten times the monster you are.”
Amy blinked and sniffed. “But that’s not true.”
“Neither is the fact that you’re anything but beautiful.” I placed a kiss between her brows. “As for the other part, Temkra spoke to you and brought you back. She decided you weren’t finished with life. Our goddess chose you, Amy.” I traced her lips with my thumb. “And I can’t help but think she wanted us to find each other.”
Amy didn’t respond. But she stopped crying, and her gaze fixated on my mouth, hovering only inches away from hers.
I closed the distance with the intention of making the kiss gentle, comforting. But the first taste of her hit me like the first drop of blood after a long drought. No, she tasted better than blood. Even through the flavor of salt from her tears, she was Amy. Pure and sweet and mine.
She went from pushing me to pulling me, her hands diving into my hair as her mouth opened, deepening the kiss. Our tongues surged and explored, our fangs adding a level of pressure that only elevated my desire. She rolled to her back and I followed, refusing to disconnect from her for any reason.
Her body fit below me like she was made for me, warm and responsive. I lowered enough to feel her without crushing her, needing contact with every beautiful swell and curve.
A tiny prick of pain bloomed on my lower lip, and Amy broke away abruptly. “Oh, I’m sorry.” She covered her mouth as if ashamed of her fangs, the culprits that nicked me.
I took her hand and pinned it to the side of her head, hovering my mouth just over hers. A drop of blood fell from my lip to hers, and watching her tongue lick it away was almost too much to bear.
“Don’t ever apologize for drawing blood,” I whispered. “It’s what we do, what we’re made for. Use those cute little teeth on me all you like. If you want a taste of me while you kiss me, then take it. Take all you need, akra.”
Amy turned her face to the side, breaking eye contact, but the bashful smile and lack of tears told me she was feeling better. I kissed her cheek and the corner of her jaw, fighting the urge to move lower to her neck. I would not be able to keep my fangs out of her veins, and she hadn’t given me consent to drink from her yet.
“You don’t actually think my teeth are cute,” she said.
“Yes, I do.” I kissed her temple. “They’re smaller than vampire fangs and I think they’re adorable. I love when you laugh because that’s when I can see them most clearly.”
I tickled her ribs, earning a bright peal of laughter. She faced me again with that smile that I loved, and some of the brightness in her eyes had returned. Her hand came around my nape and I lowered my mouth to hers, lost in kissing her again.
She licked the already-healing cut on my lip, drawing a moan from deep inside my chest. I wanted her blood and her body so fucking badly. Her pulse hummed in my senses, just as much a comfort as it was a distraction. It wasn’t enough. I was desperate to have her across all of my senses, to just drown in her.
But this was not the time to take what I wanted. She needed me to give. I still didn’t know what happened in Sapien, but it was abundantly clear that she needed to be seen, appreciated, adored.
Even loved.
“I do have a confession to make,” I said when we parted for a breath.
Amy’s brow pinched, looking worried. Her hands on my back stopped moving. “Okay. What?” She looked like she was bracing herself for a rejection and that broke my heart.
“Akra is not actually your name in my language.” I kissed the bridge of her nose. “It means something else.”
“What does it mean?”
“It’s a term of endearment, sometimes between family but most often between lovers.” I brushed a piece of hair off her forehead. “The English equivalent would be like, darling or sweetheart.”
Her brow furrowed deeper like she was confused. “But you’ve called me that since the beginning.”
“I know.” I kissed her brow until it relaxed under my lips. “You were dear to me then. Ever since you told off Blood ‘til Dawn for searching me like a criminal. Probably before that, actually.”
She let out a little snarl. “They were assholes for that.”
I brushed my mouth against hers with a chuckle. “There’s my akra.” Her lips pulled apart with a smile and I kissed her again before attempting a question. “Were they assholes to you tonight?”
I tried to keep my tone light, desperate to keep her from spiraling into sadness again despite the pent-up rage boiling inside me. No matter what, I’d find out who made her cry. I’d find out who made her feel like she was less than divine and undo the damage until she believed it herself.
Amy let out a shaky sigh. “No. They were… nice, actually.” Her eyes remained dry when they glanced up at me. “I’m almost afraid to say it, but Blood ‘til Dawn might not actually be so bad.”
“What?” I fell to my side, clutching my chest as if I were wounded. “Akra, how can you say such things?”
She laughed, rolling into me as she grabbed my hand. I laced our fingers together as I kissed her again, grinning and making her laugh some more. That smile with her adorably tiny fangs was my weakness and I could never get enough.
I also filed away the knowledge that it must have been the humans of Sapien, not Blood ‘til Dawn, that caused her tears. And I honestly wasn’t surprised. Short lifespans apparently made certain species idiotic.
Amy broke our kiss, resting her forehead against mine as her fingers dabbed at my shirt. “Sorry for crying all over you and ruining this.”
“Yes, it’s such a shame.” I brought her knuckles to my lips and kissed them. “I don’t have any other shirts to wear. Not a single one.”
She laughed and shoved at my shoulder. I let her push me over until I sprawled on my back, tugging her down with me. Amy nestled into my side like she was created to fit against me. Her head came to rest on my shoulder with a gentle sigh, her breaths no longer shaking.
“Are you feeling any better?” I kissed her forehead, knowing I hadn’t been able to keep my lips off her the moment I started.
“A little.” Her hand skimmed across my torso, resting near my opposite shoulder. “Thank you, Novak.”
“Always, akra.”
Amy’s grin started to fade as her eyelids drooped. “Is it morning?”
“Mm-hmm. The sun is rising as we speak.”
Her eyes fluttered open and I saw distress in those two galaxies and tears welling once again.
“What’s wrong?” I turned on my side, ready and willing to let my shirt catch her tears once more.
She pulled in a shaky breath. “When night returns and we wake up, will you still want me like this?” She wiped at her eyes and sniffed. “Will you still want to kiss me and hold me like you are now? Or is this just… I don’t know.”
I slid both arms around her waist, bringing her tightly against my torso. “I have been dying to hold you and taste your kiss for weeks. Every night since I first met you, I’ve been hoping you come over, or that you’re already here when I come home. This isn’t ‘just’ anything, Amy. I miss you every moment you’re gone, and every moment you’re here makes my life brighter.”
I kissed her hard, catching her mouth in a tight lock and not releasing until I felt the aching need for air. “So yes, I’ll still be here at nightfall, akra. And I’ll still want you with every blood cell in my body.”
Her eyelids drooped again, exhaustion and nocturnal instincts pulling her toward sleep. “I want to believe you, Novak.”
“Believe me. I have never meant anything more sincerely in my life.”
She nodded once, lips parting as her eyelids fully closed.
I eased her onto her back, then carefully pulled the duvet and sheets down and back up over her. She was already asleep by the time I removed my damp shirt and settled in next to her.
My nerves were rattled. I still wanted answers. But her breathing and her strong, steady heartbeat slowly lulled me to sleep.