21. Amy
Chapter 21
Amy
“ Y our heart is beating so fast.” Novak’s free hand rested on my lower back as we entered his house. “Are you sure about this?”
“Yes, I’m sure.” He set aside my bags, took my coat, and as soon as my hands were free, I toyed with the neckline of the dress I wore to dinner. The dress he just bought me. “I’m excited but a little nervous I think.” I smiled sheepishly at him. “It feels kind of like a first kiss, only with less sobbing into the only shirt you own.”
Novak’s eyes were just as dark with desire as they had been in the restaurant. He wanted my blood, that much was clear. And maybe other things, if the last time I fed from his wrist was any indication. I could hear his heartbeat too, slightly elevated but still calmer than mine.
But I trusted him, and only him, to feed from me. There was no other person I wanted to share this experience with. Maybe I was romanticizing something that was a normal, biological need for vampires, but there was no mistaking the blatant want in Novak’s red eyes as he crossed the foyer toward me.
“This is going to be a lot more intense than just a kiss.” He took my hand, interlacing his fingers with mine. “If you want me to only take your blood and do nothing else, tell me now.” He brought his other hand to my cheek, leaning his forehead down to mine. “Because feeding is not the only way I want to devour you.”
“I’m not opposed to that. I just…” A shaky breath left my lips. “Can we go over some things first?”
“Of course, akra.” His lips pressed to my forehead, warm and reassuring. “Let’s sit down.”
He led me by the hand, even though I knew his home’s layout at this point and immediately knew our destination.
Novak’s home library was a thing of wonder. Floor-to-ceiling built-in bookshelves stuffed with volumes of every size and subject. And considering he had fifteen-foot ceilings, the shelves naturally had rolling ladders.
I actually hadn’t spent much time in here since Novak was usually in his study, and I always wanted to be where he was.
“There’s my mother’s collection.” He pointed to a shelf with glass doors, the worn paperbacks arranged neatly inside.
I followed him to a gigantic chaise lounge that could easily fit both of us. “Your mom’s books are the only ones behind glass.”
He shrugged, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind. “They’re all I have left of her, so I want to preserve them. They’re important to me.” With a soft groan, he eased us down to the chaise together. “Far more important than my family’s history, records of battles or wealth or any of that other bullshit.”
I spun in the cocoon of his embrace to face him. “You’re very sweet, you know that?”
A smile tilted his mouth. “I know that you’re the only person who thinks I am.”
“Lucky me.” My arms looped around his shoulders. “It seems this sweet side doesn’t get shown to very many people.”
Novak stared at my lips, his gaze slowly running down my throat and across my collarbone.
“I don’t want to be sweet to you right now.”
My skin tingled with anticipation. “Does it hurt?”
“No.” Warm fingers caressed my shoulder and the side of my neck. “From me, it’ll never hurt.”
I believed him. The weight of his words felt like an anchor. Grounding, solid, and true.
“What does it feel like?”
“Remember when you took from my wrist? It will probably be similar to that.”
I swallowed, heat rushing to my face. Aside from kissing him, that was the most physical pleasure I’d ever experienced.
“And if I want to feed from you at the same time? Is that a thing?” I couldn’t explain why, but the idea of mutually feeding from each other was incredibly satisfying.
Novak hitched in a breath, his voice going even lower and huskier. “It is most definitely a thing. You can bite me anywhere you wish. Take my wrist, my shoulder, anywhere you can reach. I’m yours to take from, just as much as you are mine.”
I nodded, my focus going to the strong, proud column of his throat.
He angled my chin until our eyes met again. “Any other questions?”
His fangs were so long now, dangerous weapons behind extremely soft lips. “No, I don’t think so.”
“And you’re okay with me touching you beyond what’s necessary to feed?”
“Yes.” I was practically panting already, my leg sliding over Novak’s hip. I couldn’t imagine wanting anything more. “Yes, I would like to… do more.”
“You should probably give me some kind of signal if you want me to stop.” His hand slid from my knee up my thigh, letting the material of my dress fall away and expose more skin.
“I trust you,” I insisted. “I won’t want you to stop.”
His hand rested halfway up my thigh, thumb caressing in small circles. “Tell me if that changes at any point, okay?”
I nodded, inhaling sharply when he leaned in to kiss me. He stopped short, and when I tried to close the distance, he held me in place with a firm hand around my nape.
“Tell me with your words, akra.”
My pulse beat wildly, lips aching for contact while he hovered a hair’s breadth away. He was commanding a response, not giving me what I wanted until I did so. And still, his other hand caressed my leg in small circles with so much tenderness.
“I’ll tell you,” I whispered, “if I want you to stop.”
“Beautiful.”
Before I could figure out if he was pleased with my answer or complimenting me, his mouth fitted against mine with delicious, tantalizing pressure. Our bodies shifted as we found a rhythm in the kiss, moving to a reclined but slightly upright position in the chaise. Novak’s knees nudged my legs apart, sending my dress higher up my thighs.
Time was lost as I explored his mouth properly, without tears and crushing despair in the way. I traced his fangs with my lips, becoming familiar with those curious points.
“Why are yours so much bigger than mine?” I asked before pulling on his bottom lip.
A laugh burst out of him. “Ah well. You were born human, so I’m guessing there are limits to how big your fangs can be.”
“What? No dirty jokes?” I kissed him through my smile. “I gotta say, I am disappointed.”
“I’m a little distracted, I have to admit.” He turned my face with a gentle nudge of his hand, kissed my cheek, and then the corner of my jaw.
After a kiss below my earlobe, he dragged the points of his fangs down the side of my neck. Goosebumps and shivers wracked my whole body, the anticipation winding me up.
“Fuck, Amy.” Novak kissed the juncture of my neck and shoulder, his mouth lingering like he was savoring the taste of my skin.
“Please,” I whispered, my heart hammering.
He kissed me there once more, tongue flattening against my pulse. My eyelids fluttered closed, breath caught in my chest as I waited.
I felt two sharp points of pressure, but no pain. The barrier of my skin broke and Novak sealed his lips to my skin, his chest against mine with a gentle weight like a blanket.
He moaned with the first pull on my vein, and the sensation sent my head falling back, my whole body arching into him. I had been feeling good while kissing, but within seconds, I ratcheted up from good to holy-shit-I’m-so-turned-on-and-I’m-going-to-come-if-he-doesn’t-stop.
Each draw of his mouth came with a blast of sensitivity on my clit, hitting me in just the right way that sent pleasure coiling in me tighter and tighter. He wasn’t even physically touching me there, but I felt the rocking shifts of his body, his hips canting forward like he wanted to thrust into me.
Novak kept moaning against my neck, settling more of his weight on top of me until our torsos were flush together. His hand slid up my waist, palming my breast over my dress as he drank from me. My thighs locked around him, holding him in place because every cell in my body never wanted him to leave.
My open, panting mouth felt too empty, too dry. I wanted to be kissing him, tasting his tongue and skin and fangs. Or his blood.
I grabbed his hand that rolled over my breast and brought his wrist to my mouth. Biting into him was as instinctual as breathing, easy as resting my forehead on his chest for comfort. Novak’s body jerked when the first drop of blood hit my mouth, and his groans against my neck grew more guttural, animalistic, and desperate.
The taste of him somehow soothed my aches and heightened my senses into a frenzy. My clit was so sensitive, it was near painful. Our hips rolled against each other, chasing pleasure and release. Novak fit so well between my legs, the friction of his hard length adding another layer of dizzying sensation to the pulls of his mouth. He felt so good in every imaginable way. Tender and rough. Safe with a touch of danger.
I came in a heady rush that stopped my breathing for a few seconds, my whole body locking up like I’d been turned into stone. The tension released and I floated on pulses of sensation, my heart kicking against my ribs like a caged bird.
Novak’s fangs left my neck, making me shiver as he soothed the bite with his tongue. I did the same to his wrist, a little clumsier, and licked up a trail of blood that ran down his forearm.
His torso lifted away from mine, and I immediately missed it. The weight of him, the press of his body against me was a source of comfort and safety I never knew I craved until now. His forehead rested on mine, chest heaving with his panting breaths.
“Good?” he rasped. “You okay?”
“ So good.” I lifted my lips toward his, tugging him down toward me.
His kiss was warm and indulgent, but he kept his hips away. “I…have to clean up.”
My brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
Was he blushing? His skin had a warm, flushed tint, maybe from my blood. And his smile took on an endearing, sheepish curve.
“You made me feel just as good as you did.” He laughed, eyes casting away bashfully. “In terms of… below-the-waist things.”
I stared at him. “Below-the-waist things?”
“I came in my pants, okay?”
“Oh!” I swallowed my laughter and must have made a weird face.
“It’s fine, laugh. It’s your fault, anyway.” His crooked smirk returned, knuckles stroking my cheek. “You’re so fucking beautiful, my body just couldn’t handle it.”
His eyes shone with pure adoration and wonder, like I was something to marvel at. But my post-orgasm clarity had returned, along with my self-consciousness. “So, my blood tasted okay?”
“Okay?” He scoffed out the word like it was an insult. “Did you miss the part where I just told you I came in my pants?”
I let the laughter free that time, and he went on.
“Your blood tastes incredible, akra. Sweet, rich, hot, and so velvety smooth. If my tongue could orgasm, I’d be a far bigger mess right now.”
His praise was like sunshine to a light-starved plant. I wanted to bask in it for hours, to feel it strengthen me where I had been so weak before.
“You poor thing,” I said with a glance at his crotch. “Although I must say I’m flattered.”
“You should be. This has never happened to me before.” He stood awkwardly from the chaise, but still held his hand out to me like the perfect gentleman. “Come wash with me? We can try out those four shower heads.”
I took his hand and allowed him to pull me up, because how could I not? He kissed my knuckles with a smile that was both affectionate and suggestive. We could continue our fun, doing more below-the-waist things, as he put it. I was addicted to how he made me feel, how confident and sexy, but also sweet and considerate he was. He was only interested in doing more with me if I was enjoying it too, and knowing that made me feel safer and more confident than I had ever been with a man before.
I wanted to let loose with him more than anything, to be free and uninhibited to enjoy myself and him fully. But I felt like there was a barrier inside me, a brick wall that wouldn’t let me cross into that zone. It was the same barrier that blocked me from looking at my body in the mirror.
I knew it was irrational. Novak was attracted to me, genuinely liked me, and some scars on my stomach weren’t likely to change that. But fears weren’t rational, and I still couldn’t get Tom and Robin’s horrified expressions out of my mind. If Novak looked at me with any amount of disgust, it would shatter me beyond repair.
Because, I realized at that moment, I was falling for him.
We climbed the stairs together and approached his bedroom, my panic heightening at every step while I tried to think of possible excuses. At the threshold I stopped short, resisting when he walked in.
He turned to me, curiosity on his face. “You all right, darling? You don’t have to wait for an invitation to come in.” He chuckled, pleased with his vampire joke as he kissed my wrist.
“I just… I already showered earlier tonight.” The excuse felt like a lie, a betrayal. “I’m actually a little worn out, so I might just go to bed if that’s okay.”
“Of course it is.” He framed my face with his hands, kissed my forehead, and then brought his lips down to mine.
I sighed into his kiss, which was lingering and sweet. My arms went around his back as I leaned into him. Guilt gnawed at me as he kissed me tenderly again and again. He was so giving and patient while here I was, still holding back.
“Does this mean you’re spending another day here?” Novak’s gaze was excited, hopeful. It boggled my mind that this perfect man wanted even more time with me.
“Is that okay?”
“You really need to ask?” He kissed me again, smiling against my lips before pulling away. “My closet is through the double doors across from the bathroom sinks. Put your new clothes in there. I should have extra toothbrushes and things in the sink drawers.” He kissed me once more, then walked backward with a slight grimace. “I’ll join you soon. Things are getting sticky down here.”
I laughed and watched him speed-walk awkwardly to his insane four-headed shower. The water ran while I changed into a baggy T-shirt for bed, and his automatic shutters came down to cover the windows with the onset of dawn.
This felt normal in the best way. Easy. How it should be, living with a partner. Lots of kisses and a bedtime routine. I climbed into bed and got comfortable as I waited for Novak.
This would be so perfect if I could let my guard down with him. I pictured it behind my eyelids like a distant fantasy. Being brave enough to let him see me naked, to shed my clothes without a care and see nothing but lust and desire in his expression. In my head, I saw it play out like a movie. Our bodies entwining with no barriers or shyness between us. I saw my lips move, forming fearless words as I told this gorgeous vampire that I was falling hard and fast for him.
But my heart had been battered enough to know that I shouldn’t expect fantasies to become real.