Chapter Thirty-One
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
NOW
I WAS GOING TO skip my run today, but after the news that Noah just dropped, I need one. I need time to think—time to process—time away from the others. Before I can pull my sweater on, Elizabeth walks into the room without warning, and her eyes are immediately drawn to my bare chest. When she finally looks up, her cheeks turn bright red, caught. “G-going somewhere?”
Finally pulling my sweater over my head, I nod. “Gonna head down to the beach for a run.”
“How about a walk and some company, instead?” She bites down on her lip before offering a shy smile. I want to say no. I need this alone time—it’s the little bit of peace I get away from the craziness—but somewhere deep inside, there’s a voice screaming yes . Telling me I shouldn’t miss out on this chance, the one I’ve been hoping for. The chance to smooth things over between us before we end up making family events awkward for the rest of eternity.
“Sure.” The word is a little skeptical, a little colder than I meant for it to be, but I’m still not set on letting her come.
Elizabeth runs into the closet and returns, pulling an oversized sweater over her head, and whether she realizes it or not, it’s one of mine. The Chadwick University design has faded substantially over the years, but it’s still unmistakable. She adjusts her ponytail, slips her feet into her sandals, and grabs her camera from its bag. This is the first time I’ve seen her with it all weekend; normally, it’s hanging around her neck like another appendage as she snaps photo after photo to preserve the memories. When she’s finished adjusting herself, she stands at attention. “Ready!”
I can’t help but chuckle, opening the door to let her go first.
We’ve been walking for almost an hour and it has been mostly silent, aside from the occasional snap of her camera shutter and the beating of the waves against the cold, wet sand. She left her sandals back at the house, letting her toes sink into the sand with a sharp intake of breath, and I laughed as she did a small dance, trying to get adjusted to the cool grains. Thankfully, the sun had finally managed about twenty minutes into our stroll, winning the fight against the clouds and fighting off a bit of the chill in the air.
There’s a lot we need to talk about, but I don’t know where to start.
The snap of the camera captures my attention, and looking over, I see the lens pointed straight at me.
“Sorry.” Her voice is soft like the smile on her lips. “It was the perfect shot. I couldn’t resist.”
My tongue pokes out to wet my lips, and I swallow my reply. I can’t remember the last time she took a photo of me that wasn’t forced—family photos at the holidays and such. It had been well over a year. Shit, maybe even closer to two. Instead of offering a response, I put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. Hands shoved deeper in my pockets, I try to think of the best way to start any conversation, but I don’t know what that is. I just don’t want this to turn into another argument. I don’t want to spend the rest of our lives fighting. We’re going to have to figure this out. Eventually, we’ll have no choice.
“Josh, I’m sorry.”
Her words catch me off guard. I guess that’s one way to start it.
I clear my throat, which suddenly feels extremely dry. “For what?”
Elizabeth sighs. “Everything.” She covers her eyes with sleeve-covered hands. “This isn’t easy on either of us, and I know that I haven’t made it any easier on you. I feel bad about that, but sometimes…sometimes, I get so…so wrapped up in my head, and...” Her sudden pause begs me to say something, but I wait. “And it’s not fair to you. I went about all of this the wrong way. I know that. But—”
“You did what you thought was best.”
A slight tug in the corner of her mouth.
“I don’t fault you, Elizabeth. I just wish…” The words get stuck in my throat. Do I really admit it? Right here, right now. Will it change anything?
“You wish what?” She pushes.
Meeting her gaze, I make the decision to push the boundaries. What can it hurt? She’s already divorcing me. I say, “I wish we could’ve ended on better terms.”
Elizabeth deflates a little at my admission. Was she hoping for something else?
C’mon, Josh, be a fucking man. Just tell her the truth.
“We don’t have to end on bad terms,” she says quietly.
“No?”
Elizabeth lifts her camera, pointing it toward a small house that sits at the edge of the dunes up ahead. When she’s satisfied with the shot, she drops the camera from her face, but her hands still grip the sides. Her fingers absentmindedly tinker with the buttons.
“Elizabeth,” I say gently, and her eyes lift to meet mine.
“Well, I just mean…We’re stuck together, considering we’re bound by marriage outside of this…us.”
“Avoiding each other would be futile,” I say. Her sudden change of heart is somewhat shocking. We’ve had this conversation before, barely two months ago on Halloween—hell, just last night—and she seemed set on the idea that we couldn’t be friends. There was no chance of it happening despite our bond through Nick and Nina. “You seemed pretty set on not being friends on Halloween. What made you change your mind?”
She shrugs, chewing on her bottom lip and looking out toward the water. Tears brim in her eyes, and the sight chips away at my heart. I hate seeing her cry. I hate knowing I’m part of the reason for her tears. I pull her into a tight embrace and without pause her arms wind around my torso. Her hands clutch the fabric of my sweater as she buries her face into my chest. Resting my chin on the top of her head, I close my eyes, relishing the feeling of her in my arms because I know I’ll never get to experience this again. The sweet, floral scent of her mixed with the sea air fills my lungs, and it’s enough to soothe my racing mind, if only for a moment.
I don’t know how long we stand there, wrapped in each other, but after a while, I kiss the top of her head, and she untangles herself from me. She wipes under her eyes with a small sniffle before readjusting herself.
“It’s okay, Sugar,” I say. “We’ll figure it out. May not be today or tomorrow, but we’ll figure it out.”
“We’re in this together?” Elizabeth asks and her words tug at my heartstrings. She pulls the sleeves of her sweater down over her hands and tucks them into the crooks of her arms against the breeze.
I shrug, tucking my hands in my pockets. “How’s Ryan going to feel about us being friends?”
“Ryan is…He and I are…I don’t know. It’s complicated.” Elizabeth sighs.
“Want to talk about it?”
Her brow cocks. “You, my soon-to-be ex-husband, want to talk about my relationship problems with my current on-again, off-again boyfriend?”
“That’s what friends do, right?”
Elizabeth laughs, shaking her head. “You act like Nick hasn’t told you everything already.”
“Nick hasn’t told me anything.” Actually, Nick has told me next to nothing about her and Ryan. “Is there something he should’ve told me?”
Elizabeth’s lips pull into a thin line and her gaze narrows. “We should probably head back,” she says, catching me off guard.
Glancing at my watch, I realize we’ve been gone longer than I thought. The others have probably already had lunch at this rate. I nod, but neither of us makes the first move. I don’t want to go back, not yet. I want to keep going. To find out the real reason she changed her mind about the future of our relationship, to find out what she thinks I already know…but I can already see some of her walls being rebuilt before my eyes. Fuck, I’d do anything to stop that from happening. To get a little more time as Josh and Elizabeth, not Josh and Elizabeth, before this weekend comes to an end.
“C’mon, Sugar,” I say and I wrap my arm around her shoulders, pulling her close again. I kiss her temple before beginning our walk back. If this weekend is truly our last hoorah, I’m going to make the most of the time left and enjoy these final moments while I can.