36. Chapter 36
Chapter 36
Charlotte
‘ A nd then what happened?’
I smirked. Becky’s outrage had given way to intrigue and apparently her piqued curiosity was enough for her to overlook the fact that I was only telling her about all of this “four days late.”
‘And then he left,’ I said with forced ambivalence, shrugging my shoulders. I wasn’t ambivalent. Not even a little bit. Each passing day with no call from Aiden seemed to reveal another layer to what I was feeling. Friday night? Disappointment. Saturday night? Rejection. Sunday night? Embarrassment. Monday night? Confusion. I felt like an overwhelmed onion. That was why I’d waited so long to call Becky. I’d wanted to figure it all out before inviting even more questions. But I’d figured nothing out and so, desperate and suitably contrite, I’d called her. I needed someone to help me peel away these layers and reveal something good… like clarity, or even peace of mind. That wasn’t asking for too much, was it?
‘He left?’ Becky asked flatly. ‘He gave you a mind-blowing orgasm, the best ever—and he left?’
‘Yeah,’ I admitted, tucking my chin to avoid looking into the faces of passers-by. That was what I was struggling with the most. He’d been so kind and tentative… he’d seemed so into it. But then when we’d finished—well, when I’d finished, it was like he couldn’t get away fast enough. I’d gone to bed that night feeling… icky.
‘That’s it?’ Becky asked, sounding equal parts offended and astounded. ‘Nothing else?’
‘Well,’ I said, checking for oncoming cars before stepping out into the street. ‘He said he’d call.’
‘What were his exact words?’
‘I’ll call you.’
‘And it’s been what? Two days since then?’
‘Almost four.’ I winced, ducking into a side street.
‘Ugh,’ Becky’s frustrated groan echoed down the line. ‘Men!’
‘Yeah,’ My head drooped, and I scuffed the toe of my loafer against the pavement. ‘I just—’ I cut myself off, unsure of how to continue.
‘You just what?’
‘Nothing… it’s stupid.’ I shook my head.
‘Come on, tell me,’ Becky coaxed. ‘I promise I’ve done worse.’
‘Fine,’ I exhaled, wrapping my coat more tightly around my waist and continued. ‘It just… felt a little “change on the nightstand-y.”’
‘It was just so abrupt… I mean, we’d just—or I’d just—and then he left.’ I sighed, tilting my head back and towards the greying skies. ‘It just felt so good in the moment and then after it felt… weird and not good.’
‘Oh Charlotte,’ Becky said softly. ‘That’s not stupid.’
‘No?’
‘No.’ Becky’s confirmation loosened the knot that had formed in my stomach after Aiden had left, growing tighter with each passing day. ‘Not at all. I love you, Charlotte, but you don’t really do casual—with friends or romantically. You’re an all-or-nothing kinda girl. So, I can understand how something like Friday night could be confusing.’
‘So,’ I asked tentatively, ‘you don’t think I’m making a bigger deal out of this than it is?’
‘Eh,’ Becky teased, ‘I said I understood, not that it made sense.’
‘Becky!’ I whined, making my way back to the main street and heading towards the small coffee shop at the corner of the next block. Her responding laughter soothed away what remained of the knot in my stomach and I pushed open the door to the coffee shop, feeling lighter than I had since Friday.
***
The familiar ‘ping’ of an email drew my attention back to my monitor and away from the window. Sliding my coffee out of the way of my keyboard, I pulled up the email.
Hi Charlotte,
Great chatting with you yesterday. If you’ll just confirm that you’re happy with all of this, I’ll send it up the line.
Best
Amina
My stomach twisted with apprehension as I opened the document. After three reschedules and a sick day—hers, not mine—we’d finally fit in my career call yesterday. And it was… fine? I glanced over the notes, taking a long pull from my coffee in an attempt to settle my stomach. I’d shared my wholly predictable and entirely unoriginal goal of becoming a partner, only to be floored when Amina followed up with a polite, ‘Why?’
Which had floored me. What did she mean “why?”
I shook my head, trying to dislodge the image of myself, my mouth opening and closing like a guppy, unable to answer what should have been a simple question. I wanted to be a partner. I had always wanted to be a partner. That’s what I’d been working for since I was sixteen years old. My skin prickled with frustration. What did it matter “why?”
Firing off a quick response to let her know I was happy for her to proceed. I dragged Amina’s email over to my “Development” folder and filed it away. Mentally filing that stupid “why?” alongside it.
A few hours, and one panicked call from a trainee, later and I was packing up my things. It was only seven, so I was shutting down a lot earlier than usual, but we were in one of those rare lulls where the past couple of days had been quiet. Things would inevitably pick back up, but until then, I was forcing myself to take what free time I had and revel in it. I hummed quietly to myself as I flicked through the Rolodex of possibilities in my mind as I came up with a plan for the night.
Mentally weighing up the contenders for my next read, I slid the zipper shut on my bag and turned away from my desk only come face-to-face with Ben. I hadn’t seen much of him since the wedding. In fact, after our… interaction at the bar, I hadn’t seen him again that night. Then again, my focus had been elsewhere.
‘Charlie,’ Ben breathed, the sickly smell of his aftershave forcing its way up my nose and into my mouth.
‘Ben.’ I nodded, moving to side-step him.
He moved too, cutting me off. His right hand reaching out to rest on one of the desk dividers beside me. Ben’s posture was relaxed, his shoulders loosened, his weight resting on his right hip, and there was a smile curling the corners of his lips. To anyone who walked by it would appear as nothing more than an easy conversation between colleagues. But we both knew better.
‘Ben! There you are!’ a voice called out from the direction of our floor’s kitchenette. My eyes snapped to the direction of the voice, coming to rest on the friendly grin of Sam Townsend, a senior associate in the employment team.
‘Hey Charlotte,’ he said, his eyes crinkling when they landed on me.
‘Hi Sam,’ I breathed a small sigh of relief. My eyes flickered to Ben’s hand on the divider, to the hand that had been closest to my arm, and I watched his knuckles turning white as I took a step towards Sam and away from him. ‘How are you?’
‘Oh good, good,’ Sam nodded. ‘Holding it all together until the holidays.’
‘Aren’t we all?’ I said, taking another step away from Ben, who turned to face Sam, a casual smile on his face and his hands buried in his trouser pockets.
‘You coming to The White Horse then?’ Sam asked, looking from me to Ben. ‘We were heading over together to meet up with some of the others.’
‘Not tonight.’ I shook my head, offering him a polite smile. ‘Actually,’ I continued, glancing down at my watch. ‘I’d better get going…’
Offering him a quick wave goodbye, I spun on my heel, walking swiftly to the central elevators. I hoped I hadn’t been rude. I liked Sam well enough—even if his taste in friends left something to be desired. My neck prickled with awareness as I slipped into the elevator just as the doors were closing, and I didn’t need to turn around to know that Ben was still watching me.
***
I shoved a hand into the body of my briefcase, rummaging around for my keys and cursing myself for haphazardly throwing them into its depths. Blowing a strand of hair out of my face, I lifted the bag so that I was now elbow deep in it. At last, my fingers closed around the cool metal disc on my keychain.
‘Finally!’ I muttered, wrenching my hand free from the organised chaos. Stepping out into the hallway, my eyes narrowed on the bulb flickering just outside the elevator—creepy. My steps quickened as I pushed away images of masked men and chainsaws. Stupid over-active imagination. Shaking my head, I lifted my gaze from the floor and froze as my eyes landed on a person leaning against my door.
‘H-hello?’
‘Charlotte! Hey!’ The figure bounded towards me, her blonde hair bouncing as she brandished a bottle of wine and a wicked grin.
‘Louise.’ I relaxed into a smile, my eyes drifting over Louise’s shoulder to find the rest of the hallway empty. ‘Uh, Aiden lives one floor down,’ I said, pointing at the floor.
‘Duh,’ Louise said, her head dipping back in a laugh as she reached out to take my free hand. ‘I’m here to see you!’
‘You are?’ I blinked my surprise as Louise dragged me towards my own front door.
‘Well… I am now,’ Louise confessed. ‘I’m staying with Aiden for a few weeks while my housemate’s parents are in town. And he had to work late so… here I am.’ She held her arms out to her sides in a ‘ta-da’ kind of gesture, complete with a wiggle of her eyebrows.
I nodded, eyes wide as I took it all in, my heart still offering the odd spasmodic twist as my nervous system realised we would not need to fight-or-flight it.
‘Is that okay?’ her voice came out softly, her eyes focused on the space on my forehead that I was sure was now crinkled by a frown.
‘Yes!’ I exclaimed, relaxing the tightness on my face and looping an arm through hers as slid my key into the lock. ‘So long as you’re good with takeout.’
‘God yes,’ Louise groaned, her compact frame relax into my side. ‘We can find something that’ll pair well with whatever this is.’ She thrust the bottle of what I could now see was red wine out in front of her as we entered the apartment.
The wine, it turns out, was Aiden’s. Aiden, who had made me come harder than I ever imagined I could. Aiden, who had promised to call and hadn’t. Aiden, who I couldn’t stop thinking about and whose sister was now in my kitchen. That Aiden.
‘He won’t mind that you’ve taken it?’
‘Pffft.’ Louise scoffed, pouring two generous measures into the glasses I held out. ‘He doesn’t drink much anyway. He may not even notice it’s gone.’
I worried my lip between my teeth. I didn’t know what was going on between us, but whatever it was, I didn’t imagine that theft would endear me to him. Not that I wanted him to find me endearing or anything, but it would make conversation less awkward if he liked me a little.
‘Now,’ Louise said, bringing my attention up from where it had been focused on the cream-coloured kitchen tiles. ‘Where’s this Oscar that I’ve heard so much about?’ She strode out into the living room, her bright eyes roving across the apartment as she stooped to peek under tables, peered over the back of the sofa, and pulled back the curtains in search of my cat. With a bemused smile, I set down our glasses and went in search of my roommate.
‘Hello, you,’ I murmured to the fluffy mound hidden between the pillows on my bed. I reached over and gave the fuzz a gentle pat, satisfied to hear the familiar groan rumble through the cat’s frame that showed that he was still alive. Oscar had the unnerving ability to lie absolutely still while he slept, which had caused me great anxiety when I’d first brought him home. Anxiety that had lessened over the years but never totally disappeared.
‘Here kitty-kitty! Pss! Pss! Pss!’ I shook my head and smiled, listening to Louise’s cooing and coaxing. It would never work; in this house it was Oscar who summoned people and not the other way around.
‘Come on you,’ I grunted, slipping a hand under the mound of fur, using my other hand to balance as I leaned over the bed to reach him. A disgruntled “meow” emanated from within the pillows, and I felt Oscar’s body tense. ‘I know, I know,’ I reassured him. ‘But you’ve got to come say “Hi,” she’s dying to meet you.’ With a groan of my own, I hauled the cat into my arms and turned towards the door.
‘Ready or not, here we come,’ I called ahead, and Louise responded with a squeal.