3
“No,” Rowan said reasonably, “because it is not a date. Jordy does not date. And I have sworn off men. I’m going to the zoo with him and Kaira and her friend because she made puppy eyes at me in a café after maligning pineapple upside-down cupcakes. Let’s focus on my financial and professional future, please.”
Taylor made a derisive noise. “We can do that later. Right now let’s focus on how you got parent trapped into looking after children on your day off.”
Rowan squawked. “Your claims are accurate and hurtful.”
“I know,” Taylor said, and then said nothing while she waited for him to break and fill the silence. Why was Rowan surrounded by so many perceptive and confident women?
“There is nothing else to tell! I ran into Jordy and Kaira, and she thinks I should rectify my lack of firsthand knowledge of armadillos posthaste. So now I’m off to the zoo.”
“Right. So you’re not going just so you can stare at Jordy Shaw’s ass.”
“That’s just a bonus.”
“Some bonus. Zoos are full of sticky, screaming children. Why are you agreeing to go on your day off from sticky, screaming children?”
“Excuse me, children do not scream in my library. My shushing skills are unparalleled.”
He could hear her roll her eyes. “I’m sorry, sticky, quietly noisy children.”
“I’m sensing a lot of hostility toward children right now. Is there something you need to get off your chest?”
“Har har. I am just someone who knows that regular breaks are essential for maintaining composure around children.”
Rowan couldn’t deny that. And yet he was looking forward to his trip to the zoo, and not just because of Jordy’s aforementioned lovely bum. He actually wanted to see Kaira and watch her reaction to the armadillos and hear her lecture about the animals.
“I should hang up,” he admitted. “They’ll be here in fifteen minutes, and I’m not fully ready.” He bit his lip and looked at the envelope once more. He had time to read it….
“You going to open that letter first?” Taylor asked, not unkindly.
“No, I don’t think so. No. I can’t. Not knowing is definitely the lesser of two evils.”
He was tying his shoes when a knock came at his door. He checked the peep hole and then opened it to Jordy’s terribly handsome if inscrutable face. Rowan was not going to be ashamed of his shithole flat. He was not.
“Hi! I’m ready to go. Just let me get my keys.”
He grabbed them off the shelf, stepped out, and locked the door. His lack of shame didn’t mean he wanted to give Jordy a tour.
“Weren’t you bringing a couple people with you?”
Jordy motioned over his shoulder, and Rowan could see his point. His large SUV sat a few feet from where they stood. “Kaira wanted to come too, but I figured you probably didn’t want two six-year-olds poking around your stuff for the next half hour.”
Definitely true. Rowan’s place wasn’t kid-proofed. Maybe he should consider a locked container for his adult-only toys.
If Rowan thought the drive to the zoo would be awkward, he hadn’t accounted for excitable children. Kaira and Clement talked the whole way, wandering between their plans for the day and various other topics of interest. Rowan loved how their little brains jumped from creating a detailed zoo-visiting battle plan to “my favorite show is Bluey ” to “look at that doggy!” to “Mr. Rowan, have you ever eaten an ice cream cone with chocolate on it?”
At the zoo, Jordy seemed to have a definite plan of his own, and he navigated the parking lot decisively, as though he’d been here enough to have a favorite spot. Once he got both kids out, he slung a backpack over one shoulder, locked the car, and said, “Hands,” firmly to both kids. Kaira and Clement interlocked hands. Then Clement took Jordy’s left and Kaira took Rowan’s right.
At the gate, Jordy led them through the prepaid aisle with tickets on his phone and handed Kaira and Clement one of the free maps. Only once they’d moved well into the park and away from the busy entrance did he pull everyone into a huddle and ask, “Where to first?”
Unsurprisingly, Kaira wanted to see the armadillos first, which made it a done deal. Rowan had only met Clement five seconds ago, but it was clear that Kaira was in charge. She studied the map with an officious manner, grabbed Clement, and then pulled him down the path.
“I guess we just follow, then?” Rowan asked, already moving.
As they fell into step, Jordy smiled. “Pretty much. In case you weren’t aware, that is what you signed up for today.”
Rowan had to hand it to Kaira and her obsession—without hesitating, she marched them past enclosures designed to mimic the Australian outback and a woodland filled with snoozing wolves.
“She’s really into armadillos,” Rowan observed, with a longing look at the sign for the polar bears. Maybe they’d head that way later.
“She’s really into armadillos,” Jordy agreed. “Her aunt gave her this book a year ago, Bilbo the Armadillo .”
“I’m familiar with it,” Rowan said. It was a decent picture book with a couple of sequels.
“Of course. Well, it started the obsession.”
“Because she’s a fan of alliteration and rhyme?” Picture books tended to feature both heavily, but Bilbo the Armadillo really leaned into it. Bilbo lived in Amarillo and washed with a Brillo and ate picadillo. “Or because it’s from an aunt?” Rowan was nosey about their family dynamics, and the mystery of Kaira’s mother intrigued him.
Jordy hummed thoughtfully. “Probably both.” Rowan bit his tongue and waited. “Emma sent it for Christmas. She couldn’t visit until February. Kaira took the book as a promise, I guess.”
Rowan could picture it. Kaira wandering around a large house with a book clasped to her chest and asking for repeated rereads all hours. “Wore out the book in a month, huh?”
Jordy huffed a soft laugh. Rowan was starting to adore Jordy’s understated reactions. “Almost wore out my patience.” He shot Rowan a look, like he was about to spill a secret. “I had to buy the sequels just to save my sanity.”
God, that was adorable.
“So now she loves armadillos. Has Emma apologized yet?”
Jordy snorted. “She sends Kaira something armadillo every chance she gets. Just sent a stuffed toy for her last birthday.”
“Ah, an enabler, then. I think I like her.”
“You probably would.”
“Armadillos!”
The kids stood at a fence, staring into a wooded enclosure with a couple of lumbering gray rocks. One of them seemed to be feasting near a log.
“Look, Mr. Rowan!”
“I’m looking,” Rowan said as he stepped closer. Unlike Bilbo, this armadillo appeared to prefer insect salad to picadillo. According to the sign on the fence, her name was Alice, or possibly Arnold. He couldn’t tell its gender or, for that matter, distinguish its facial features. “What do you think? Which one is this?”
Kaira squinted at the little plaque with the animals’ pictures and names and proclaimed, “That one’s Alice. ’Cause she has eight bands, see? And Arnold has nine.”
Next to Rowan, Jordy covered a laugh with a cough. Well, Rowan might have expected she’d be better at identifying armadillos than he was. “Not Bilbo?” he teased.
He was surprised when Clement spoke up from his other side. “Mr. Rowan, that’s not Bilbo the armadildo—”
Oh Lord. Oh no. The laugh caught in Rowan’s throat, so high up he thought he might choke on it. Helplessly, he looked from Clement to Jordy, who was biting his lips, his cheeks an adorable pink.
Help me , Rowan tried to say with his mind. I don’t want to hurt this kid’s feelings!
Jordy’s expression said pretty plainly that Rowan was on his own.
“—Bilbo the armadildo lives in Amarillo.”
Finally, after several hitching breaths, Rowan managed to speak, squeaking out the words past the laughter he was holding at the top of his lungs. “Ah yes.” It felt like laughter was going to start leaking out his eyes. “Silly me! How could I forget?”
Kaira only shook her head at him. “You’re funny.”
Now the laugh did escape. “ You’re funny,” Rowan shot back, poking her in the side, making her giggle too. “Now, where’s Arnold, then, hmm? Do you see him?”
Jordy stepped up on Kaira’s other side, and they all peered into the enclosure. The sign indicated armadillos were generally solitary unless they were mating or it was wintertime—even armored mammals liked a good cuddle in the cold, apparently—so Rowan concentrated on the farther reaches.
“There?” He pointed.
Jordy leaned closer to follow the line of his arm. “That’s a rock.”
“How can you tell?”
Jordy gave him an amused look. “There’s moss growing on it.”
So there was.
Kaira’s little face was set in concentration as she scanned for her beloved Arnold, but it was Clement who said, “I see the armadildo! It’s in that hole!”
Oh bollocks. Rowan desperately tried to clamp down on the laugh, but when it couldn’t escape his mouth, it came out through his nose with a kind of burning sensation. He could feel the fence they were leaning on shaking in time with Jordy’s shoulders as he stifled laughter of his own. “Right you are, Clem. That must be Arnold.”
By mutual agreement, Rowan and Jordy stepped back from the enclosure then, far enough that they didn’t have to hear the kids’ conversation and the kids wouldn’t hear theirs. Rowan put a hand over his eyes as he hiccupped through a fit of giggles. “Fucking— armadildos ,” he gasped as he finally straightened.
Next to him, Jordy let out a very loud snort. “Shhh, you can’t—you can’t let them know it’s funny,” he whispered. “They’ll never stop repeating it.”
The idea set Rowan off again. “I know,” he hissed. “God, how do you do this parenting thing full-time?”
“I’ve got a nanny,” Jordy said dryly.
Rowan wiped a tear from under one eye and finally managed to stand up straight. “Whew, okay. That’s not the kind of exotic animal I thought we’d see at the zoo, you know. Next it’ll be leather bears.”
Jordy looked at him sideways. “Cougars?”
“Anacondas.”
A beat. Then Jordy suggested, “Mandrills?”
Rowan hiccupped again. Jordy grinned, almost boyish, pleased with himself for making Rowan laugh. Or… well, okay, Rowan was probably projecting a bit, but he liked that they could have a good time together, even if it was a platonic outing at the zoo with a pair of six-year-old chaperones. Rowan could always use another friend.
They stayed for another ten minutes as a zookeeper brought Alice out closer to show off how good she was at finding food—she navigated quite a few obstacles in her search and then quickly realized when the goodies were gone and waddled back to the meal she’d been eating before.
Apparently the kids took this as a signal, because they turned away from the enclosure like they shared a hive mind. Kaira immediately put her hand in Jordy’s, while Clem gave Rowan a somewhat distrustful look before taking his. “So,” Rowan said cheerfully, “where to next? I think it’s your turn to pick, Clem.” He hoped to any god listening the kid didn’t say horny toads .
“Let’s look at the map first,” Jordy suggested before Clem could answer.
Right. Because they didn’t want to traipse all the way across the zoo between every exhibit.
It took until they finished exploring the Americas Pavilion, where Rowan fell in love with a pair of frisky river otters who seemed as enchanted by their audience as the audience was with them, before the reality of being out in public with a famous person intruded.
They were just heading toward the Canadian Domain when a young couple with a kid in a Shield T-shirt stopped them. “Sorry, I know you’re here with your family”—the man gave Rowan and Clem a curious look—“but could we get a selfie?”
Jordy’s momentary hesitation made Rowan step forward. “Here, why don’t I take it?” That would draw less attention and be a better photo besides. He could see Jordy glancing around, gauging the interest around them.
After he handed the phone back, he slid his arm through Jordy’s, keeping hold of Clem in the other hand, and steered them all toward the nearest gift shop. “So I think,” he said, “that we need to find you a hat. For sunburn reasons.”
Jordy frowned but didn’t resist. “I’m wearing a hat.”
“Yes. An Under Armour hat. Very under the radar. Let’s get you a safari hat. A nice big one with a wide brim.”
Once Kaira realized the plan, she was fully on board and insisted they each get one. Luckily for Rowan’s plan and Jordy’s introversion, the zoo had a family set of safari hats. After some light tomfoolery, Kaira settled them in front of a mirror so she could assess their look. Thanks to the matching hats, Kaira’s and Jordy’s matching hair, and Clement’s darker skin tone landing somewhere between Kaira’s and Rowan’s, they really did look like a modern nuclear family, ready to grace a progressive advert for the zoo. It was adorable.
Jordy paid for their hats with a black credit card, then stuffed the hats they had arrived with into his backpack. After a brief interlude to hand out water and granola bars, they resumed their tour.
A few animals later, it dawned on Rowan that onlookers’ gazes had changed. There was a flavor of indulgence now, as if Rowan wasn’t the only one who thought they looked like an adorable family. He tried to see their group from outside eyes. Two men following two children with soft smiles, sharing looks whenever the kids did something especially adorable. Kaira was taller than Clem and bossier, which he supposed outsiders might interpret as an age gap greater than it was—Kaira had keenly explained that she had been six forever but Clem’s birthday had been only last week—and see two siblings. Strangers saw a family, a unit.
Rowan didn’t hate it.
“Look!” Kaira squealed. “Moose!” She grabbed Rowan’s hand and dragged him to the fence. No, Rowan didn’t hate this at all.
“Moose,” Rowan agreed. The alarmingly large animal, with a head full of antlers big enough to sit in, stood several feet away, slowly munching on vegetation. Rowan had never been so close to one before, and he was starting to question the sanity of anyone who tried to build settlements close to their habitats.
“Did you know that his antlers will fall off ?” Kaira’s tone wavered between disbelief and ghoulish delight.
“What?”
“They do. Daddy says so.” Her tone suggested some doubt as to Daddy’s honesty.
“So they fall off, huh. That’s pretty… a-moose-ing.”
Kaira giggled. “A-moose-ing.”
Clem and Jordy had caught up by this point, and Kaira turned to them to share Rowan’s highly original joke, which was apparently new to Clem as well. He giggled and repeated the word.
“I think it’s time for a lunch break,” Jordy said softly. “Clem’s dragging.” He and Jordy had taken longer than expected to catch up.
“What’s the plan for lunch?”
“I figured we’d grab something up ahead.” He nodded to the sign pointing the direction to a Tim Hortons.
“Wow. They really are everywhere in Canada.”
Jordy smiled. “Everywhere is helpful with kids. They like familiar.”
They did indeed, if their delighted squealing was any indicator.
“Can I get a chocolate muffin?” Kaira wanted to know.
“I want a sprinkle donut,” Clem announced, and after a pause, “Please?”
Smiling, Jordy herded them to the restaurant and bought them each their dessert treat, which he held hostage until they each finished half a sandwich. Rowan tried to buy his own lunch, but acquiesced under Jordy’s very flat look.
“My kid dragged you here. I can afford to buy you lunch at Tim’s. What do you want, Rowan?”
Rowan wanted tea, a sandwich, and a sour cream donut.
Jordy insisted that they sit to eat, which Rowan was thankful for but which brought its own challenges as the kids grew bored with their meals and wanted to wander. Kaira slumped dejectedly under Jordy’s unimpressed, no-nonsense arched eyebrow. Rowan probably shouldn’t find that adorable, but he did.
As was the realization that Jordy was equally prepared for this. He tucked the leftover food into some bags he’d brought with him and put it all in his rucksack for later.
The day continued in a similar fashion, with the kids leading the charge and Jordy and Rowan following. Food was just what Clem needed, apparently, because he had no trouble keeping up with Kaira as she led them through the African park.
As the sun climbed higher and the day got hotter, Kaira announced the need for something cool to eat, and they stopped for popsicles. Rowan wasn’t sure if he’d angered or pleased the gods, but he must have done one of them, because nothing else explained the low-level torture that was watching Jordy wrap his lips around a round rocket popsicle.
Throat suddenly dry, Rowan tried to focus on his own creamsicle and not on Jordy’s reddened lips.
The gods were probably not on his side, Rowan decided, because he was a bad man. He was on a not-date outing with children. He should not be adding fantasies of Jordy to his wank bank.
But he couldn’t help but imagine Jordy on his knees with that same look of quiet concentration as he pinned Rowan’s hips to the bed and swallowed his cock.
Certain that his cheeks were turning red, Rowan turned away and forced his libido down.
The process became much easier when Kaira put her sticky hand in his and asked if they could go see the monkeys now.
An hour or so later the outing came to an end. Clement was rubbing his eyes, and Kaira had gotten obstinate and argumentative. Her lip quivered when Jordy announced that they only had time to visit one more animal, but her slumped shoulders suggested she was relieved by the decision.
“Probably a wise call,” Rowan said in an undertone.
Jordy grimaced. “I should have called it half an hour ago.”
“Maybe,” Rowan agreed. He reached out and touched Jordy’s nose. “If only to save yourself. You’re looking a little burnt.” Rowan grimaced himself and gave an apologetic shrug. “Sorry for not noticing earlier.”
Jordy touched his nose, winced, and sighed. “My fault. Too focused on the kids.”
God, this man was endearing. And still unfairly beautiful even with a burnt nose and safari sun hat.
Kaira took them to the tigers and didn’t fight Jordy’s five-minute warning or his call to go home.
Both kids were dragging their feet by the time they got to the car, and it didn’t surprise Rowan to see them both slumped over and sleeping before they reached the highway.
He couldn’t blame them. They weren’t the only tired ones. Rowan slumped in his seat and let the ride pass in silence except for the low hum of Jordy’s music.
When Jordy pulled up to his building, Rowan took his cue.
“Thanks for today,” he said, feeling suddenly like he was following a first-date script.
Jordy hummed. “Thanks for indulging my kid and giving me adult conversation.” Well, maybe not quite a date stereotype.
“My pleasure.” Rowan tipped his safari hat. “See you Sunday at the library.”
Jordy nodded and waved goodbye as Rowan got out of the car. He didn’t let himself feel warm and fuzzy when he noticed that Jordy didn’t drive away until after Rowan got inside.
Sighing, Rowan closed the door and leaned against it. For a brief moment, he allowed himself the fantasy of the day finishing in a different way. Of following Jordy home and getting to know him better. Then he shook himself and stepped away from the door. It was a pointless fantasy, not least because Rowan was taking a break from men and romance.
It was time for food. He scrounged up leftovers and put them in the microwave, and as he stood waiting, he spotted the letter, still unopened, on the kitchen table.
Curiosity got the better of him, and he opened it. When the microwave beeped a minute later, he didn’t hear.
… the final date of your contract has been confirmed….
Rowan chewed his thumb and stared at the date stamped on the page. August 27.
Bollocks. He’d been hoping for better news—an update on his application for a more permanent position. He’d been lucky Pamela’s maternity leave had started within weeks of Cindy’s ending, so he’d gone from one mat leave to another. But he didn’t think his luck could hold out for a third, which was why he’d been sending applications for more permanent contracts.
The microwave beeped aggressively, reminding him of his dinner. He tossed the letter onto the table and turned back to his food. As he ate his curry, he contemplated what to do next. The longer it took him to find something stable, the longer he had to stay in this flat. He knew Gem would rescue him if he asked, but that wasn’t what he wanted. What he needed. Rowan didn’t just need the stability of something long-term, a home to call his own. He also needed to prove to himself that he could do it without relying on others. He wanted to be independent of the bullshit of his parents’ lives, and he couldn’t do that if he let Gem—or anyone—take their place, financially speaking.
Plate empty, Rowan opened the dishwasher to unload the morning’s clean dishes—
And cursed when water gushed out over the floor.
“Fuck!” What in the world? The bottom of the dishwasher held standing water three inches deep. Well, less now that some had flowed out. Rowan groaned. He’d called the landlord weeks ago about how slowly it seemed to drain. The slumlord said he’d take care of it.
Rowan had put that out of his mind, but apparently he should have harped. What a mess. It wasn’t only clean water either; there were bits of food in it. Disgusting.
He didn’t have the wherewithal to deal with this tonight. It required the services of a professional, and he could take the cost of the repair out of next month’s rent. He snapped a bunch of pictures and texted them to his landlord, then whipped out Google to find a plumber.
IT HAPPENED every year, and yet every year it took Jordy by surprise when July gave way to August and he realized his days at home with Kaira were coming to a close.
It had been a good summer. They’d had two weeks in Minnesota right after school let out, another week on a beach in Aruba, and still plenty of time for library group and the zoo with Clem… and now Jordy needed to start training in earnest, because in a few weeks, camp would start, and then the preseason. And Kaira would start first grade.
God, that made him feel old. Old and—something. Wistful? Before he knew it, Kaira would be all grown up, leaving the house to go to college or travel the world with her friends or both. Jordy wanted that for her.
He didn’t want to think about where that’d leave him in twelve years—in a big house with no Kaira to fill it.
“You’ve got a frowny face this morning,” Janice commented when she popped her head into the kitchen. “Coffee?”
“Time machine?” Jordy countered.
Janice chuckled and slid him a mug. “Bit outside my area of expertise, I’m afraid.”
“Doesn’t hurt to ask.”
She put her hand over his on the counter. “It happens. Kids grow. Believe me, I know.” She gently plucked the fridge magnet he’d been staring at out of his fingers. The photograph showed him and Kaira two years ago, on her fourth birthday. She was laughing hysterically, her baby-fat cheeks smeared with chocolate ice cream, as Jordy attempted to put her hair into a ponytail to keep it out of the mess.
He took a sip of coffee. It helped a bit. Janice refused to use a conventional coffee maker or even a French press; she had a little pour-over kit. Jordy was ruined forever.