2
“Wow.”
Oops. He didn’t mean to say that out loud.
Jordy made a sound kind of like the one Rowan had made a minute earlier. Rowan was pretty sure that was agreement. Then he grabbed a handful of Kleenex from the bedside table to clean up.
And this was the part where it got awkward, right? Rowan knew the drill. Time for Jordy to disentangle himself from Rowan’s bedsheets and make his excuses.
Jordy tossed the Kleenex box down onto the bed beside Rowan and then keeled over.
Rowan mentally reevaluated the amount of time until Awkward. While he did that, he wiped the evidence from his stomach. Well, he tried. Jordy had been… enthusiastic. Rowan would need a shower.
He was still trying to make his brain make words when Jordy leaned his head against his shoulder.
So if it wasn’t like that , Rowan thought, then it was like this . “Probably shouldn’t have done that, but I kinda want to do it again.”
Slowly, Jordy raised his head until Rowan could meet his eyes. He cleared his throat. “Only kinda?”
“Well…,” Rowan hedged. “I mean, I have notes.”
The lust faded from Jordy’s eyes. He narrowed them. “ Notes ?” he repeated, half incredulity, half amusement.
“I didn’t even get to touch your dick,” Rowan pointed out. “ And you ignored my repeated requests to rail me into the mattress—”
Jordy propped himself up on his elbows. Rowan was impressed. He didn’t even have circulation back above the neck yet. “I was saving them for later. Good things come to those who wait.”
“So we are doing this again.”
“Only kinda,” Jordy deadpanned. “I have notes.”
Rowan laughed, still breathless. “Oh my God, let me go get a pen. I want to write this down—”
He rolled to try to get out of bed, but Jordy caught him with an arm around the waist and dragged him back toward Jordy’s body. “First note,” he said. “No books in bed. So rude.”
As if Rowan wanted to leave his embrace in the first place. He turned back around to face the music, suddenly serious, and met Jordy’s eyes. “If this were something other than… what it is… I’d be negotiating for that.” His heart thudded painfully in his chest, but it would be worse to hold this in than to say it out loud. “But I think we’re pretty clear, yeah? I can’t commit”—somehow he managed the word without throwing up—“to someone who could move away at any moment.”
Jordy reached for Rowan’s hand and laced their fingers together. It made Rowan think of Ryan and Nico in the back room at that bar, matching rings and matching grins. “And I can’t promise to stay.”
Right. So that was clear. Rowan made himself take a deep, steady breath instead of the short, sharp one he wanted. “Still,” he said, desperate to lighten the mood, “I think you’ll find there’s plenty of wiggle room.” He glanced pointedly between them and then added, “Well… I’m confident we can make room, anyway.”
Jordy shoved a pillow over Rowan’s face.
THEY LEFT Rowan’s bed for a shower and food. Jordy needed calories and a rest if he was going to pound Rowan through the mattress.
“No matter what my libido says,” he murmured after a filthy kiss, “my body actually needs a break before round two.”
Rowan groaned in exaggerated disappointment but let Jordy pull him into the shower, then the kitchen.
They ate leftovers on the couch while watching CSI , and if their usual smack talk got a bit flirtier and they inched closer after the plates were set aside, no one else had to know.
As the episode finished and Jordy crowed his murder-guessing victory—he only won because Rowan was distracted—he turned hot eyes and smirking mouth in Rowan’s direction and all but melted him into the couch cushions. Rowan would not admit out loud how hot the smugness made him. Especially since sex apparently dialed it up to eleven for Jordy. He’d never looked so much like a douchey frat boy after winning their game before. Fuck. Why was Rowan into it?
Minutes later, when he was pinned to the couch under Jordy’s weight, Rowan decided he didn’t care.
Jordy had just slipped a large hot hand under Rowan’s T-shirt when his phone rang.
“Who even calls? Who has their ringer on?” Rowan whined after Jordy hoisted himself off the couch. The climate-controlled room felt freezing without his hockey-player blanket.
“Parents have their ringer on,” Jordy mumbled, though he didn’t look any happier about the interruption. But his sulky expression turned to a frown when he saw his screen, and he answered quickly. “Hello?” His expression softened, and Rowan didn’t have to wonder who was on the other end of the line. “Hi, peanut. What’s wrong? … You did? Oh no.” He shot Rowan a longing look. “Hmm. Yes, I can do that. See you soon.”
He hung up and let out a deep sigh. Then he looked at Rowan, who was still laid out on the couch, though he’d propped himself up on his elbows, and gave him another hungry look—one that normally would have Rowan dropping to his knees, or parting them, but he couldn’t think about that now.
“What’s up?”
“Kaira forgot her stuffed Piglet.” Jordy rubbed a hand over his face. “Which is of course her very favorite, and she can’t possibly sleep without it.”
“And she’s six and having an exciting but maybe a little bit scary sleepover with her aunt, so you can’t tell her to not worry about it,” Rowan finished. Disappointing, but, well—if he were honest, he wouldn’t like Jordy half as much if he weren’t the kind of man who’d drop everything for his daughter.
Jordy sighed and looked at the clock. “It’ll take me at least an hour, probably closer to two, to do the drive and make sure she’s settled. Which means even if things go smoothly and she doesn’t permanently kill the mood for the night, I don’t think we’ll have time for that promised railing.”
He was right. Rowan had an appointment to fill out paperwork at the university first thing in the morning. As much as he wanted to stay up all night fucking, showing up looking like he’d been ridden hard and put away wet would not make a good impression on a new job.
Rowan allowed himself a dramatic flop back into the cushions.
“Sorry,” Jordy started, but Rowan wasn’t having that.
“No. Don’t apologize for putting your kid before sex. I will survive. I will get by the same way I’ve been for the past few weeks—I’ll go to sleep after I give my hand, or maybe my vibrator, a workout.” Rowan wasn’t sure he would, honestly. The idea of a teary, distraught Kaira was better than a cold shower. But telling Jordy that felt weird. Also, maybe he wanted to tease the big tease a little.
Suddenly Jordy was looming over Rowan and kissing him hungrily, filthily. “I… am going to go rescue my kid. But soon. Soon I’m going to plow you like you’ve been begging.”
“Yes please,” Rowan said maybe a bit too sincerely, then pushed him away with a gentle shove to his chest. “Go. See your kid. Play hero. And I’ll see you tomorrow.” Jordy pulled away with gratifying reluctance. “Need help finding Piglet?”
“No,” Jordy grumbled from the hallway. “I can see him by the front door.” Because of course.
In the silence left behind, Rowan finally rose from the couch, cleaned up their dinner mess, tidied their snogging disarray, and got ready for bed.
He didn’t jerk off, but he did have some rather lovely, inspiring dreams.
JORDY HAD hoped Rowan might return home before Kaira and Emma did, so that they could take advantage of the last hour or so of an empty house, but it was not to be. Three or four hours ticked away, and Emma and Kaira burst in with wet hair and demands to be fed. Jordy swept Kaira up in the air, tossed her little body, caught her again, and blew a kiss on her cheek. “So demanding. How do you feel about lasagna?”
Emma answered for both of them. “Feed us, Jordy.”
There would always be tonight and tomorrow. Kaira went to bed early. Jordy and Rowan would have time.
When Rowan returned, Kaira and Emma—well, mostly Kaira, with Emma occasionally chiming in—were regaling Jordy with stories of their adventures.
“Rowan! Rowan! Guess what?” Kaira launched herself at him when he entered the kitchen.
“Um,” Rowan pondered as he scooped her up. “You bought a pet elephant?”
Jordy’s heart thudded. Rowan loved to indulge her, and it did terrible, painful things in Jordy’s chest.
“No!” she shrieked.
“You went to the moon?”
“No!”
“You… ate broccoli for breakfast?”
“No! Rowan! We went swimming!”
“Swimming?” Her hair was still damp. Rowan could not have missed it. “I never would have guessed.”
“We did! There was a waterslide, and Aunt Emma said I couldn’t go on the big one alone, but I got to go on the little one by myself, but then Auntie Emma took me to the big one and we went down it so fast!”
“That sounds amazing. You had a good time with Auntie Emma, then?”
“Yes. Rowan, why do you say her name funny?”
“What? Auntie Emma’s?”
“Yes, you say it funny.” Kaira giggled.
“No, you say it funny,” Rowan countered.
“No!”
“Yes. Where I grew up, everyone says awnt . No one says ant unless they’re talking about bugs.”
“But why?”
That was one nice thing about having another adult around, Jordy decided. He didn’t always have to answer the difficult questions. But he felt like he had to intervene or he’d just sit here all day watching them go back and forth and Emma would take one look at him and see he was completely besotted. “Because Rowan grew up in another country, peanut. I know we talked about this already. Saying awnt ”—Jordy’s accent was adorably atrocious—“is just like how he says boot instead of trunk , or bin instead of trash .”
Kaira considered this, then shrugged, apparently satisfied.
“We’re just finishing up lunch,” Jordy told Rowan. “Plenty more on the counter if you want some.”
“Ooh, yes, please. I’m famished.” He found the pan of lasagna and plated up a healthy portion.
“How was the visit to campus?”
“Good. It turned into a tour and tech visit, though, so it lasted longer than anticipated. But at least I won’t get lost first thing Monday morning.”
“Campus?” Emma asked.
Damn. Jordy had thought maybe their little domestic play could go unnoticed or at least unremarked upon, but judging by her smile, it was a futile hope.
Jordy cleared his throat. “Yeah. Rowan’s starting work at U of T on Monday.”
Emma cast him a sideways glance. Jordy carefully avoided her gaze. He’d consciously told his family very little about the situation with Rowan, which in retrospect was kind of a giveaway. He’d been happy to regale them with details of Kaira’s adventures with Janice, but with Rowan, Jordy often partook in the same adventures. He thought that might give them the wrong impression.
If he’d been more forthcoming, they could’ve teased him about his crush and he could’ve started sleeping with Rowan weeks ago. But that would probably make things worse when they ultimately broke up.
“Wow,” Emma said with her mouth, to Rowan. “You’re a little young for faculty, aren’t you?”
I have many embarrassing follow-up questions and I’m going to laugh at you , Emma said with her eyes, to Jordy.
Rowan snorted, apparently oblivious to Emma asking obliquely if Jordy was robbing the cradle. “God, uh, thank you, I think? But no, I’m a librarian. I—” He’d made a move to grab cutlery, but he didn’t get very far, because Kaira had pulled her limpet routine.
Worse and worse. She’d never done that to Janice. Jordy had never seen her do it to Rowan either.
“Excuse me,” Rowan interrupted himself. “I think I stepped in something. Let me just— oh ! It’s Kaira!”
Jordy didn’t even want to know what his face was doing. Maybe he could suggest they get takeout and then hide in a menu? Except who even had paper takeout menus anymore, and also they’d already eaten and Rowan was heating up the leftovers right now.
Kaira giggled wildly as Rowan dragged her around the kitchen. “Anyway, I was saying—that’s where I met this little legwarmer. But it was only covering for a mat leave, so… here I am.”
“Here you are,” Emma agreed. “Well, it’s great to meet you. Obviously my niece is, aha, very attached.”
“Oh, the feeling is mutual. And—I guess the attachment is mutual too, although I’m not sure how Kaira would get around if I glued myself to her leg—” He gave a little shake and Kaira made a show of letting go, rolling across the floor as though Rowan had kicked her, laughing manically all the while.
Freed from his shackle, Rowan shook Emma’s hand. “Anyway. Hi. Sorry, I’m absolutely famished.”
“And probably thirsty too,” Emma said, all innocence. “It’s sticky out there.” She batted her eyelashes at Jordy. “My brother should get you a drink.”
Oh my God. Jordy was going to crawl into a hole. Right after he got Rowan the promised drink, which would at least let him turn his back on Emma long enough to stop blushing.
He realized the mistake as soon as he was putting the can in front of him. The label clearly read pineapple . And as Jordy had not revised his totally correct opinion about pineapples, now Emma knew he kept those on hand just for Rowan.
Or—or maybe he could convince her Rowan had bought them. It didn’t have to mean anything, right?
Jordy probably should’ve realized his feelings when he kept buying pineapple-flavored things, he thought. Overall he’d been very willfully blind and now he was paying for it.
“Um,” Rowan said into the sudden silence. He had to be aware of the way Emma was watching Jordy right now. The thirst comment wouldn’t have slipped by him either. “Thanks.”
Jordy cleared his throat. “You’re welcome. Anyway, part of the reason Emma is here—” He paused to give her a dirty side-eye of his own. “—is because we have to take this little peanut back-to-school shopping.”
Rowan raised his eyebrows. “Left that kind of to the last minute, no?” School started on Tuesday.
“It’s first grade,” Jordy pointed out. “It’s not like she needs binders and textbooks. She needs clothes and a lunch bag.”
“I want one with armadillos!” Kaira enthused.
Emma cracked an enormous grin. Rowan raised his eyebrows higher.
“Okay, that might have to come from Amazon,” Jordy conceded. “But the point remains.”
Emma leaned on the counter next to him and offered up a smile. “You’re welcome to join us. Technically you’re also going back to school, right?”
Rowan’s face couldn’t entirely drain of color, but all expression went out of it, and he paused midchew with his eyes bulging. Finally he swallowed. “Oh sh—shoot, uh, yeah, I probably should actually get some grown-up work clothes. The public library was pretty casual.”
Jordy wasn’t fooled—Emma definitely just wanted the opportunity to discover more ammunition to ruin Jordy’s life—but it didn’t matter. Having another adult on hand to wrangle Kaira when she got tired of trying on clothes after ten minutes could only make the situation less awful.
And it turned out he was right. Being able to trade off Kaira duty—by which Jordy meant alternately sending her to the bookstore with Rowan and the Lego store with Emma—made dividing and conquering the mall decidedly tame, if domestic. But it turned out Jordy was good with domestic.
A fact Emma wasted no time pointing out that night, once Kaira was in bed and Rowan had excused himself, allegedly to organize his closet but more likely to give Jordy and Emma private time together.
“So.” She sipped her wine, which was weird. Jordy knew his baby sister was old enough to have given birth to his kid, but somehow being old enough to enjoy a glass of wine was a totally different mindfuck. “Playing house?”
Jordy huffed through his nose. “Who’s playing?”
Her eyebrows went up. Her wineglass went down. She set it on the table next to her. “So it’s serious, then? I kind of thought we’d have heard about him if that’s the case. Plus there’s the whole, you know, separate bedrooms thing.”
“It’s complicated.”
She threw her head back and laughed. “Big brother, do you have any other kind of relationship?”
“Hey!” Jordy didn’t think that was fair. “Sanna wasn’t complicated.”
“Yeah, well, maybe if she had been, you wouldn’t have gotten divorced. Love’s supposed to be messy.”
It was embarrassing to get love-life advice from his younger sister. The wisdom of her statement only made it worse. “He just got a job in Toronto,” Jordy said meaningfully.
Emma played dumb. Apparently she wanted Jordy to say it. “So?”
“He’s a good friend, and maybe if my job couldn’t send me to live in California or Florida or BC tomorrow, or maybe if he had a job he could take with him, then sure, maybe I’d ask. But his life is here and mine is….” He shrugged.
“For how long, though?”
“What?”
“Come on, Jordan, how much longer are you going to play? Will you be subject to bouncing around the continent? I mean, you’re not planning on pulling a Jagr, are you? I’m sure you could figure out how to manage long distance or whatever for two, three, five years tops.”
“Gee, thanks for putting an end date on my career,” he grumbled to avoid answering the rest of her question. That was a lot of uncertainty to put a relationship through, even if he didn’t plan to play into his fifties.
She poked him in the ribs. “Fine. We don’t have to talk reasonably tonight.” She sighed and then, with a twinkle in her eye, added, “But do tell me more about this fake date at a gala.”
Jordy groaned theatrically but gave in and told her about his run-in with Rowan at the charity ball and their mutual agreement to use each other as cover. It was a good story, so he spared no detail and had her laughing into the cushions.
Later, when she left to find her bed, she kissed the top of his head and murmured, “Just remember, you deserve to be happy too. That’s all I want for you.”
Which was a ridiculous thing to say. Jordy was happy. He had a great career and a great kid, and he couldn’t imagine anything better.
Except maybe someone to share it all with, but Jordy couldn’t just will such a person into being.
Maybe because he’d just seen Baller the other day, but he thought about how Gabe Martin was now following Baller around the continent. Baller had played in three different cities in the past four years, and Jordy didn’t doubt that Gabe was the one managing their home life, organizing moves, building their new homes, dealing with their daughter when she threw temper tantrums over having to leave their lives behind.
And their situation was so different. Gabe was retired; he’d had his career, and he had more than enough money to be a stay-at-home dad. Plus, with an Olympic gold and a Stanley Cup, he had pretty high career satisfaction. Then there was the fact that Gabe was Reyna’s parent—they had adopted her together, after being married for years.
All of which meant that Gabe wasn’t new. He wasn’t a twentysomething at the beginning of his career contemplating a new relationship. He was a retired married man who had probably made the decision to support his husband’s career this way even before he stopped playing hockey.
Sighing, Jordy tidied the living room and the kitchen and then headed to bed. If he paused for a moment near the closed door of Rowan’s suite… well, no one was around to witness.
BUT BY the next afternoon, Jordy was half-convinced he and Rowan were cursed.
Emma was safely dropped off at the airport, and judging from Kaira’s current behavior, the day was already successfully tiring her out and preparing her for an early bedtime. Everything had been progressing perfectly. Jordy had perhaps zoned out once or twice thinking about all the ways in which he could ruin Rowan tonight. Sure, Rowan had begged to be fucked, but there were so many paths and positions to achieve that goal.
And now those plans were going up in flames thanks to the updates in the team chat.
To help us all cope with the tragic loss of our favorite most-Canadian and wisest veteran—sorry Sully and Jordy—we are taking advantage of this preseason trade to raise a glass with our A one last time.
Jesus Brady. He’s been traded, not assassinated.
laying it on thicc brah!
Drinks drink drinks!
As I was saying! You’re all invited to Overpressure on Bloor at 7pm for drinks, snacks, and thorough roasting of Hiller.
Well, fuck. Jordy had always liked Justin Hill. He was pushing thirty-five, so it wasn’t exactly surprising that the GM had sold him to another team for a younger prospect. Still, he was the kind of guy everyone always called “good in the room”—he kept the rookies on an even keel and was unflappable in the face of all sorts of bullshit goonery.
Even if Jordy felt like he could skip out on such a team event, he wouldn’t want to. Usually trades happened midseason and fast. Players often had to be in their new city the next day for a practice or a game. Sometimes they flew out in the morning to hit the ice that night. Or they happened in the off-season when players were scattered around the world, on vacation, or visiting home. Teams couldn’t often gather for a farewell party after the news hit.
Sighing, Jordy gave a thumbs-up to the group to show he’d be there and headed off to break the bad news to Rowan.
KAIRA AND Rowan had one last day to themselves on Labour Day. Jordy, however, had no such luck.
“Bye, Daddy!” Kaira said that morning as he left for training camp. She wrapped her arms around his knees. “I love you! Skate hard!”
Jordy leaned down so she could kiss his cheek.
“Bye, Jordy,” Rowan echoed dutifully. He felt like he should add something else, but he didn’t know enough about hockey.
Fortunately Kaira came to his rescue. “Rowan, you gotta tell him you love him and give him a kiss for luck.”
Jordy looked up, startled, met Rowan’s eyes, and then quickly looked away. After a beat he cleared his throat. “Peanut, it’s just training camp. We should save the luck for when I’m playing games.”
Rowan was impressed he could hear anything over the pounding of his heart in his throat.
Kaira made an exasperated noise. “Daddy, kiss luck doesn’t run out .”
“Maybe Rowan’s does,” Jordy said, voice admirably even. Why did Rowan feel like there was a whole second conversation going on here? “We wouldn’t want to use it all up before the season starts.”
Before Rowan could formulate an answer or even decide if he could kiss Jordy on the cheek in front of his kid, Jordy went on. “Besides, I don’t make you hug anyone you don’t want to, right? So we can’t make Rowan do it either.”
Rowan couldn’t believe he was going to be alone with Kaira the whole day with no time to himself to have a breakdown. “What about if I blow him a kiss instead?” he suggested.
Or I could just blow him, but not with you standing there.
Kaira accepted the compromise, and Jordy pretended to catch the kiss and put it in his shorts pocket.
He was such a dork. Rowan was going to die.
“Home in time for dinner,” he promised Kaira with a kiss to the top of her head. Then he winked at Rowan and blew him a kiss back, picked up his gear bag one-handed, and slung it easily over his shoulder. “See you guys later.”
You do not have time for this crisis , Rowan reminded himself. He and Kaira still hadn’t had breakfast, and a special one would provide a welcome distraction. He turned to his charge and asked seriously, “How do we feel about waffles this morning?”
Kaira felt great about waffles. Her enthusiasm extended to a walk to the park and a picnic lunch in the backyard with Clem.
Then he left, and when she fell asleep on the floor in the living room, the panic Rowan had successfully kept at bay by cramming his brain with responsibility rushed in to fill the sudden void.
What the hell was wrong with him? Why did he think sleeping with his friend/roommate/boss was any kind of good idea? Especially when he knew he was destined to catch feelings? Rowan had taken one look at a hot sweet dad and his heart had screeched DANGER, WILL ROBINSON. But then he’d not only moved into Jordy’s house, he’d done the equivalent of shoving a block of kryptonite into his mouth like an alien squirrel.
He lay on the floor next to Kaira, who was sound asleep with her mouth open and drooling on the carpet, and breathed.
Okay, Chadha. Walk back the panic. This is actually fine. You can handle this.
If you thought about it, he was doing pretty well, considering. Tomorrow he’d start a new job—a career —with good pay and benefits that would let him start putting down the roots he’d longed for and start building a home . He’d find a nice apartment—an above-ground one, even!—and get a houseplant he couldn’t kill, and….
And he’d get over Jordy eventually.
He was just drifting off when his phone vibrated on his stomach.
Gem: Dinner tonight. My treat. 8pm at La Trat.
Rowan had two options. One, decline the invitation on the chance that he and Jordy could find some time together after Kaira went to bed, and then deal with Gem’s intrusive questions tomorrow when she inevitably showed up at his workplace.
Two… he once more pushed back having his brains fucked out in favor of an emergency crisis intervention.
Rowan: Yes please you benevolent goddess. I love you.
He let himself have five more minutes to stare at the ceiling. Then he woke Kaira—because if she spent the afternoon napping, she wouldn’t go to bed at a reasonable hour—and suggested they bake cookies to take in tomorrow’s lunches.
GEM DID not drive in Toronto. This was for the safety of others, not because she was a poor driver but because other people were and Gem did not suffer fools.
Although she might have to change her mind tonight if Rowan came clean about everything.
Even knowing he wouldn’t be around to eat, Rowan had made dinner for Kaira and Jordy. Accepting Gem’s invite felt a bit like running off with his tail between his legs, and he didn’t want Jordy to get the impression that Rowan had regrets. He did , but he wasn’t changing his mind about anything, and Jordy might if he realized Rowan was in his head about it.
So he made himself sit with them while they ate and Kaira grilled Jordy about all the hockey he’d done today, most of which made no sense to Rowan, and then he read Kaira a story so that he could be waiting out front at seven forty-five when the car Gem ordered for him pulled up.
Rowan was so used to meeting her at the restaurant when she did things like this that he slid into the back seat without looking and almost jumped out of his skin when Gem said, “Oh good, you’re sleeping with him.”
Rowan yelped and let go of his seat belt to clutch at his pounding heart. “Good grief, woman! Do you need a bell?”
Tutting, Gem reached over and fastened him in so he couldn’t get away. “Don’t be ridiculous.” She smoothed the strap over the lapel of his coat. Awkward creases simply would not do. “And don’t change the subject.”
Rowan eyed her as the car glided smoothly into motion. “I’m neither confirming nor denying.” Technically there had been no sleeping involved.
“Translation—you jumped him the moment you had another job lined up. As predicted.”
He gaped soundlessly for a moment before he managed, with the desecrated remains of his dignity, “This is why people don’t like lawyers, you know.” He wouldn’t put it past her to have arranged that job falling into his lap simply to be able to hold an I-told-you-so over his head.
She patted his knee. “A spring wedding is always nice, you know. Just as the trees are flowering and leafing out. Although I suppose that would require the Shield to flop out of the playoffs early again. Not unlikely , but a bit unromantic to plan on it.”
“We’re not getting married,” Rowan protested, having finally found his tongue underneath an enormous pile of Gem’s audacity.
She smiled, sharklike. “But you are together.” When he didn’t answer right away, the smile disappeared and exasperated dread took its place. “Rowan. You’re together, right ? You haven’t fallen into bed with a lovely man who was handcrafted by the gods to turn your insides to jelly without defining your relationship , right?”
The back seat of Gem’s hired car was very plush, but unfortunately not plush enough to swallow Rowan and protect him from Gem’s judgment. “It’s complicated?” he offered meekly. The alternative was to admit that Jordy had not yet had the opportunity to liquefy his insides, which seemed like too much information even for Gem.
Gem muttered a curse, either on Rowan or the aforementioned hockey-thigh-crafting gods, and closed her eyes. “I swear to Christ you’re going to give me ulcers.”
“Do we have to talk about this?”
For a moment the only sound was the muted rumble of tires on asphalt. Finally Gem sighed, opened her eyes, and pasted on a brittle smile. “No. I’m sorry. Not if you don’t want to. Tonight is supposed to be celebrating your professional achievements.” She paused for dramatic effect. “Not your personal flaws.”
He blinked. “Wait, seriously?”
Gem exhaled a gusty breath through her nose. “Darling, if you’re not ready to stop sabotaging your own happiness, there’s nothing I can do to force you. Trying would only spoil my appetite. And you know how I feel about La Trat’s wine list.”
Okay, then. “I feel like I’ve got away with something,” Rowan admitted.
The car pulled up to the curb outside the restaurant, and Gem gave him a pointed look. “Oh, we’ll revisit this when it blows up in your face,” she promised. “Which it will. But for now—celebrations and wine.”
Rowan didn’t know what he appreciated more—the reprieve, the night away from Jordy to try to get his head on straight, or the friendship he hardly deserved—but either way, he wasn’t going to take it for granted. “Well, in that case—” He popped open the car door and climbed out, then offered his hand. “—I think our table awaits.”
JORDY DIDN’T want to admit that he was dragging his feet with the whole replacement nanny thing. He wasn’t not looking, but it was possible he’d been overly critical of the profiles the agency had sent his way and hadn’t agreed to interview anyone.
Unfortunately, Rowan was starting a new job, and even though school had started and Kaira was registered in the aftercare program on the days Jordy couldn’t pick her up at three, it wasn’t fair to ask Rowan to keep working two jobs.
But Jordy didn’t actually want anything to change. He didn’t want to hire a new nanny who would need the suite for their own use, which would push Rowan out of it. And though he had guest rooms aplenty for Rowan to use, Jordy didn’t think he could talk Rowan into staying in one of them when his new job would give him enough funds to find his own place.
It was selfish, but just because Jordy couldn’t give Rowan long-term didn’t mean he couldn’t keep him just a little while longer.
Training camp had finished and now the preseason was only a few days away, so Jordy should be putting all his energy and concentration into hockey. But even at practice, whenever he stopped to hydrate or rotated out of a drill, his thoughts went to Rowan.
Somehow they still hadn’t managed to make good on Jordy’s promise to rail him into the mattress. They hadn’t had much time together at all this week, and any time they were together, either Kaira was wide-awake or one of them had somewhere else to be. Rowan had gone out Tuesday evening and then gone to bed early on Wednesday and Thursday, derailing any possibility of intimate encounters. Thinking about it now, it seemed odd, considering how eager Rowan had been last Friday.
Jordy dropped his forehead onto his gloved hands, which he’d rested on the butt of his stick. The last thing he needed this practice was to give himself more Rowan-related turmoil. Rowan was not being weird; he wasn’t avoiding Jordy. It was perfectly legitimate to not want to have sex. Jordy should know. He’d spent most of the last decade not having sex with other people.
In their stalls after, as they were taking off their on-ice gear, Sully grinned and pulled off his chest protector. “So, are you excited for today’s riveting session about off-ice behavior?”
Jordy figured his eye roll said enough. Plenty of the younger guys needed lessons on a variety of topics, but the annual refresher courses grew wearisome, especially since teams tended to forget all about them after the preseason.
After the Don’t Be a Douchebag in Public, and Yes, That Includes Social Media seminar and before the special teams strategy meeting, Jordy checked his phone. There were no new texts from Rowan. Jordy hadn’t realized how much Rowan, and by extension Kaira, had been texting him until Kaira started school and Rowan started his job, and now no one sent him updates.
Sully handed Jordy one of the Clif Bars he had swiped on his way back from the restroom. “So, thoughts on the Don’t be a Douchebag session this year?” He crunched into an apple like a college student debriefing after a lecture.
Jordy slid his phone back into his pocket. “Same as always.”