5
Sailor
Silence is Sometimes Deafening
“OH, GOOD GOD, YOU GAVE ME SUCH a fright!”
Lily’s high-pitched voice sailed through the open back door. I’d left it ajar to let the slowly setting sun spill inside, encouraging it to chase away the shadows and the memories.
Eighty-three-year-old Jim must’ve not only rearranged my fallen furniture but cleaned too. The scents of pine and lemon invaded every room, overshadowing any lingering smell of Milton’s musky aftershave.
I made a mental note to bake Jim two cakes. No, ten cakes.
The fact that I couldn’t smell Milton anymore, even in my bedroom, helped keep the awful flashbacks at bay.
Mostly.
I hadn’t been prepared when I’d stepped into my bedroom and saw yesterday play out in crystal detail. How I’d been standing by the window thinking up a new hand lotion recipe, deep in thought, when my neighbour, Dr Alexander North, had strolled into his bedroom, glistening with water droplets, dressed only in a white towel.
I hadn’t been looking.
It was pure coincidence I was standing there when he’d appeared.
Unfortunately, that was when Milton appeared too.
He’d caught me staring gobsmacked and cheeks on fire as Alexander padded toward his dresser. His hands went to the towel. It came undone. I squeaked and went to move, to give him some privacy. Only a fist yanked my head back so fast, I’d fallen to the carpet with one pull.
“So this is what you do all day when I’m at work? Fantasise about your neighbour fucking you?”
His spittle had covered my face.
I’d been too shocked to move.
And then black spots and agony robbed me of the ability to run as he punched me.
“Sorry, that wasn’t my intention.”
I froze as Alexander’s voice spilled like the twilight into the kitchen where I stood, cutting through my memories and giving me something else to panic about.
“It’s all good. I was just coming to hang with Sails. I didn’t know she had company.” Lily’s voice held a hint of suspicion.
“She doesn’t even know she has company. I just got here,” Alexander replied. “I figured she might not have anything for dinner, so…”
“You’re being a good neighbour and bringing supplies?” Lily lost all sounds of being wary. “Wow, that’s incredibly nice of you. Come on. I’m sure she’s not far away. That smells delicious, by the way. What’s under the tinfoil? Barbecue?”
A crinkling sounded followed by a gruff, “My friend always cooks too much. We have enough for the entire neighbourhood.”
“Well, that’s handy as I’m sleeping over tonight, and I have to say, it smells too good to let Sails have all of it.”
Alexander didn’t reply.
I imagined him struggling with something to say. We’d never said much to each other, but I got the feeling he was rather set in his ways and didn’t like many people.
Which I got.
He dealt with so many at his job. He held so many lives in his hands that when he came home, I could understand the need to be quiet and recharge rather than being chatty with the people who shared the same street.
Putting down my water glass, I padded with bare feet toward the back door. My jeans and white jumper ought to be too warm for the lovely summer evening, but I couldn’t seem to equalize my temperature. Plus, long sleeves and pants hid a lot of what Milton had done.
I didn’t know how I’d cope having a shower tonight and seeing all my bruises and cuts.
I forced myself to put on a brave face.
I’d come inside to get a glass of water.
Most of the afternoon, I’d sat in the garden reading, or at least trying to read.
I’d tried to stay inside after Lily left to deal with her open house, but the minute she’d gone, the walls had closed in, and claustrophobia clawed. Without her, I couldn’t stop my mind from going to dark places, so the sun had become my babysitter.
I’m so glad she’s back.
I was so lucky to have her.
She’d been such an angel this morning.
While I’d straightened out the remaining out-of-place things downstairs, she’d marched upstairs with a black bin liner and removed every single piece of clothing, toiletry items, and phone chargers that’d been Milton’s.
He’d moved in a couple of months ago despite the little voice warning me not to agree. The sob story he’d fed me of his awful roommate who’d kicked him out with no notice ensured I’d said yes over my reservations. After all, we’d been together almost a year. It didn’t matter that not all of that time had been happy. It was the next progression in our relationship.
And up until then, he hadn’t done anything cruel.
Sure, he’d become a master at passive-aggressive comments. Sure, he criticised the fact that I’d turned into a ‘flower child’ and sold homemade wares at a local market instead of going into the city every day and working for people who sucked my soul dry. He didn’t care that I kept my promise to Nana to do something I loved while also keeping her customers supplied. And sure, he called me lazy, thanks to my inheritance that ensured I was debt free and had savings in the bank that meant I could live off the interest comfortably for the rest of my days. The red flags were there but I’d been blind—
God, enough, Lor.
Shaking my head, I marched from the house and almost tripped down the two steps as Alexander froze on the bottom one. Our eyes lined up with his taller height. His vibrant green gaze snapped to my lips before shooting back up.
For a second, I couldn’t catch my breath.
He was so close. Too close. Every instinct recognised him as someone who could hurt me even though he’d only ever been kind.
But he had hurt me. In a horribly unfortunate way.
Inhaling hard, he took a step backward and winced. “Sorry, I…I came by to give you this.” He practically shoved the platter of delicious-smelling food into my hands.
I grabbed it automatically.
My pulse skyrocketed that he was so close.
“Drooling over him again, I see. How about I rip out your tongue next?”
I almost gagged on the viciousness of Milton’s voice inside my head.
I swayed and clung to the platter, hoping to God I didn’t drop it.
Get a grip.
Another gush of adrenaline had sweat running down my spine.
No matter how much common sense I tried to cling to, my body drowned with terror it couldn’t shake.
Squeezing the back of his neck, Alexander looked nothing like the self-assured doctor in the ER yesterday. Nerves collided in his gaze, and lines bracketed his mouth as if he wanted to be anywhere else but here. Then his eyes narrowed behind his glasses. “Sailor? Are you okay?”
I tripped backward.
Lily rushed up the steps and grabbed the plate from me before setting it down on the deck chair and wrapping her arm around my waist.
She managed to find twenty bruises to press on, but I sagged against her anyway.
My mind buzzed.
My heart raced.
Sweat broke out on my temples, and sickness rushed up my sore throat.
“Sailor—” Alexander reached for me.
“He’s touched you, hasn’t he? How many times has he fucked what’s mine?”
Milton’s red-splotched face replaced Alexander’s kind concern, and I choked on a scream.
He wrenched back just as Lily pulled me against her. “She’s fine. Just…it’s a lot being back, you know?” She squinted against the setting sun. “She’ll be okay, though. Won’t you, Sails?”
I nodded quickly, hoping like hell I didn’t offend him.
He’d done something so sweet in bringing food over, and all I could do was look at him like he’d been the one to strangle me. Remembering my manners and cursing my awful black eye, I dipped my chin and went to speak.
But only pain came out.
“No, no, don’t try to talk.” Alexander flinched in commiseration. “Just rest.”
Lily hugged me tighter, making me grunt in pain. Her voice adopted the polish of her real estate training. “It was so nice of you to drop off food for Sails. Thank you so much, Dr North.”
He scowled but didn’t look at her. His eyes never left mine. “No need for titles. Call me Zander.”
“Well, thanks for the dinner, Zander.” Lily nudged me not so subtly toward the back door. “I’d welcome you to eat with us, but you said you have a friend waiting?”
I winced again at her not-so-subtle hint for him to leave.
I tried to speak. To apologise. To explain I wasn’t afraid of him, even if my panic said I was.
But he shook his head and held his finger to his lips. “Don’t talk, remember?”
My eyes locked on his mouth.
Heat scalded my cheeks for no reason whatsoever.
His shoulders tensed as the moment dragged uncomfortably. Clenching his jaw, he focused on the black and blue swelling of my cheek. “Before I go, are you sure you’re alright? Do you need anything? Did you pick up a prescription for pain meds? What about Dr Klep? Did she give you her number in case you need to talk to someone?”
Something deflated inside me all while my fear kept stalking.
This man was a doctor.
He wasn’t here because he wanted to raise our acquaintance from occasional hellos. He was here because he was fabulous at his job and took every patient seriously, even if I wasn’t technically his patient.
Forcing a smile, I nodded.
I didn’t try to speak this time and was actually grateful that I couldn’t.
I had no doubt that I’d make a complete fool of myself trying to cover up my irrational fear, all while confused over the quick inflation of my heart followed by the rapid deflation of reality.
You are seriously messed up, Lor.
Lily gave me a look. A look I knew well and a look that would come with many, many questions once he’d gone.
For now, though, she had my back and held me through my trembles. “She’s okay. I took her to get the prescribed pain relief, and I’ve ensured the card from Dr Klep is on the fridge if she needs it.” She smiled sweetly. “You’re amazing for going above and beyond. I can’t believe you made a house call, but truly, it’s not necessary. She’s got me, and she’s strong.” She flashed me a smile. “She’s got this.”
With a terse nod, Zander backed up another step. “Glad to hear it. In that case, I’ll get going. Like you said, my friend is waiting for me.”
Another twinge caught me unaware, just as sharp and agonising as my fear of him.
Was his friend a woman?
I’d never seen him bring anyone home, and he lived alone, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t seeing someone.
My chest squeezed to say something.
Anything.
But with another lingering stare, he smiled, nodded, and marched through the gate without a backward glance.