28
Zander
Stranger Danger
I BOLTED UPRIGHT IN BED.
Blinking in the dark, I froze. What woke me? What had I heard? Adrenaline ensured I was ready to fight an intruder or leap from a burning building.
Fumbling with my bedside light, I scanned the industrial loft feel of my bedroom. Nothing had fallen. Sailor wasn’t screaming. No wind or rain or thunder.
So what?
Something howled, tiny and miserable.
“What on earth?”
Slipping from my sheets, I plucked my glasses from the table and padded in my boxer-briefs downstairs.
I didn’t bother turning on any lights, knowing the corners to avoid and managing to get to the back door in the conservatory without stubbing a toe. The howling came again, interspersed with a sad little meow.
Unlocking the door, I swung it wide and peered into the cloud-covered garden. No starlight or moonlight. Everything was hazy with mist.
Something warm and tiny bumped against my bare ankle, wrenching my gaze down.
“Penguin?” Bending over, I scooped him from the deck and held him up. “How did you get out here?”
He meowed again, his eyes dull and tail tucked.
He looked lost and alone and—
Panic shot through me.
Sailor.
“What happened to Sailor, Peng?” Holding him tight in one hand, I glowered at him as if he could tell me everything. “Where is she?”
He meowed and hung his head.
“Is she in danger?” Clutching him close, I bolted over the grass to the fence palings.
Then froze.
If I went over there as Zander—in my boxer shorts, no less—I might do more harm than good if she was having another nightmare.
But if I took the time to go as X…could I afford the ten minutes?
Fuck it, no time for hair dye and contacts.
Peng squirmed and meowed as if he agreed with me.
Racing back the way I came, I scaled the deck steps, and careened into the kitchen where I grabbed my motorcycle scarf and black baseball cap. Dumping Peng on the sideboard where my keys and mail lived, I quickly yanked both on, left my glasses on the countertop, raided the laundry rack holding a pair of black sweats and a t-shirt, and dressed as fast as I could.
Once decent and disguised, I scooped up the little kitten and ran out of my house without locking up.
The fence palings tried to snag me again. Peng whimpered as I squished him a little too hard. I raced over Sailor’s lawn then plopped him onto his tiny paws to push up the lavender pot, claim the spare key, and unlock her back door.
Nothing.
No scream.
No cries.
Where is she?
My legs ached to chase through every room and find her, but I couldn’t leave Peng outside. Replacing the key back under the pot, I grabbed the kitten and dumped him on the floor in the dining room. The kitchen window was open, hinting that was his escape route.
Closing it, I spied a saucer with some leftover food and shoved it under his nose. “Eat. I’ll come check on you once I know your mistress is okay.”
Leaving him to munch, I marched through the house, as familiar with this floorplan as I was with my own.
I didn’t find her on the bottom level.
Taking the stairs two at a time, I charged down the corridor and into Melody’s old bedroom. I’d almost slipped the last time I was here and praised Sailor’s wallpaper choice. It’d modernised the room a lot from the pale lemon lace that Melody had favoured.
But the door was open.
The bed empty.
My heart went berserk.
“Sailor?”
Where the hell is she?
Striding back the way I came, I arrowed to the bathroom across the hall.
Just as empty.
“Sai—”
Fuck.
X knows her as Lori, you idiot!
“Lori?”
No reply.
“Answer me. It’s Z—eh, X.”
Wow, you’re on a roll tonight.
Swinging open the study door, I peered through the shadows of stacked furniture looking like abandoned soldiers in the dark. The only other door was Sailor’s old bedroom.
With my heart in my mouth, I swung the door open and peered into the blackness.
A sniffle made my chest clench.
Shoving my way past a dresser and almost tripping over a tower of boxes, I managed to navigate the room enough to reach the bed tucked up against the wall. The window where I used to watch her let in just enough light to find her buried beneath a mountain of covers.
She stiffened into a tight ball as I slowly sat on the edge of the mattress.
She trembled so hard the entire framework shuddered as I tugged part of the sheets away, revealing her sodden, tear-streaked face.
A dagger cut right through my vital organs.
“Hey…it’s okay. I’m here. You’re safe.”
I didn’t know if she was still trapped in whatever nightmare made her cry or she still held a grudge toward me for buying her a dildo, but she curled up even tighter and buried her face in her pillow.
I had no idea what I should do.
Comfort her?
Leave her?
Am I making this worse or better?
I could ask, but I doubted she’d give me an honest answer. I just had to hope we had enough of a connection and trust that I wasn’t severely messing her up.
Forgive me if I’m doing this wrong…
Pushing her toward the window, leaving some space on this side of the bed, I brushed off the grass stuck to my bare feet, then swung myself into horizontal position behind her. The second I wound my arm around her middle and tugged her into me—spooning her like we had the other night—she went terribly quiet.
“It’s just me,” I whispered into her ear, pressing the softest kiss on her cheek. My mask absorbed the kiss, pissing me off that I couldn’t taste her skin. “Just me.”
It took a while.
It took an eternity.
But slowly, the stone in her bones thawed, and she unravelled her tiny ball just enough for me to scoot her a little closer and hug her a little tighter.
“X?” Her voice hitched with silent tears. “W-What are you doing here? I thought you were away for work.”
All kinds of lies came to mind: I was let off early. I came back quicker than I planned.
I couldn’t say any of them.
All I could say was the truth. “I missed you.”
She sniffed and shook her head. “But…how did you know I needed you? I haven’t been outside tonight. You don’t have cameras inside.” She groaned as fresh tears wobbled her voice. “ Please tell me you didn’t lie and truly do have cameras inside.”
“I don’t.” I kissed her hairline. “I would never.”
“Then how?”
This question I did have to lie about. And I had no idea how to be convincing. “I came to check on you. Your cat was caterwauling. I figured you hadn’t locked him outside on purpose, so something might be wrong.” Nuzzling her neck, I breathed, “I used your key to get in. But I can go if you want. Now that I know you’re okay.”
Sucking in a breath, she stiffened again.
I waited a few seconds before whispering, “You’re not okay…are you?”
She turned to stone again before finally shaking her head. “No…no, I don’t think I am.”
Wrapping my arms even tighter around her, I didn’t care I might be bruising something. I needed her to feel the sincerity of my feelings. The truth of just how hard I’d fallen, even if she had no idea who I was. “Do you want to talk about it?”
She scoffed with a sob. “Not really.”
“That’s fine, you don’t have—”
“I tried the gift you bought me.”
It was my turn to freeze. I didn’t say a word, just in case I interrupted whatever she needed to say. Resting my chin on her head, I claimed one of her hands under the blanket and brought it to her stomach. Running my thumb over her knuckles, I just waited.
“I…I’ve never been good at that sort of thing.” Tears escaped and poured freely. “That’s not true. I used to be able to…you know. But when Milton found my vibrator and said it undermined him as a man, he forbade me from ever doing it again.”
My jaw clenched.
I had a few choice words to say about that bastard, but I held my tongue.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know how I didn’t see the type of man he was before it was too late. I don’t know how I allowed him to chip me away, piece by piece. And I don’t know how to glue myself back together again.” Her tears cut her off.
Nuzzling behind her ear, I cursed my damn mask as I kissed her fluttering pulse point and waited.
“I thought I’d made a significant improvement today. I was happy for the first time in ever so long. Peng has done wonders for my mental health. Just having something to talk to, to be with…I wasn’t aware how much I needed that, but…” She shifted in my arms, not trying to get away but to slot even closer against me.
I made space for her.
Dropping my legs a little, I slid her back until my hips were firmly lodged against her ass.
I wasn’t hard—how could I be when the woman I wanted was in tears because another man had hurt her?—but I wasn’t shy about letting her feel me.
Feel our size difference. Our power imbalance.
And then I loosened my arms, telling her without words that she could escape if she wanted to. That I held her this fiercely because I wanted to protect her, not dominate her, and every single moment of this was her choice.
Exhaling with a watery breath, she clutched my hand and tugged me. I understood her request and returned to squeezing the hell out of her.
With her trapped in my embrace, she spoke again, hitched and hesitantly. “I used your gift. It was hard at first. So hard to get past those memories. But then it got a little easier, and I thought…okay, maybe I’m not as broken as I feared. But the minute I got anywhere near potentially coming, I…I—” Her voice shattered into sobs.
Her grief tore me apart.
Rocking her, I pressed my forehead against her shoulder and held her while she broke.
I didn’t know how much time passed, but eventually, her sobs turned to hiccups and the doctor in me wanted to grab her a glass of water to rehydrate and perhaps some antacids for the churning in her stomach, but she hooked her foot around my ankle, ensuring I couldn’t go anywhere without some serious untangling.
“X…”
I sighed heavily. “Yeah?”
“Why are you here?”
I had no strength left to fake anything. “Because I hate that you’re hurting, and I can’t make it better.”
There’s no pill I can prescribe.
No surgery I can perform .
Only time and that made my skills as a healer utterly useless.
She went quiet, but not the quiet I’d grown used to. This one was prickly and poised with anticipation.
“What?” I whispered against her nape. “What is it?”
“You could, you know…at least try.”
“Try what?”
“To make me better.”
My eyes flashed wide. “Anything. Tell me what you need, and I’ll do it.”
The second I said it, I saw her trap.
Damn, I walked right into that one, didn’t I?
Her hips arched backward, rocking against me.
Immediately, I went to shift away, but she moved with me.
“I know this is super forward of me and wrong on so many levels,” she whispered. “I know I’m being manipulative and owe you a thousand apologies. We don’t know each other. I don’t know your real name. I don’t know where you live or what you do or why you truly approached me, but I do know I can’t do this on my own. And I can’t move on until I claim my body as mine again. You were kind enough to be there for me and I’m weak enough to ask for something you’re not willing to give. But only because I’m so sick of feeling him punch and kick me whenever I look at certain people. I hate feeling this lost, this broken. My bruises are fading, but the walls are only getting higher.”
I clung to her. “I’m so sorry.”
“Sorry enough to help?”
I groaned and buried my face in her hair. “You’re determined to kill me, Lori.”
Her hips rocked again, waking up the parts of me that were ready and very, very willing to serve.
“Do you find me attractive?” she asked on a shaky breath.
I laughed torturedly. “Do you really have to ask that question?”
“If you find me attractive and admit you have the same crush, then…why did you turn me down when I asked you to sleep with me?”
My teeth ground together. I didn’t have to fake my growl to cover my usual baritone—it was a thousand percent real. “Because I refuse to take advantage of you.”
“But isn’t it me taking advantage of you ? Like I said in our messages, aren’t I the one asking you to do this? Aren’t I the one in the wrong? Do you…” She trembled; fresh tears wobbled her voice. “D-Do you think I’m a slut?”
I reacted before I could think.
Pushing her away from me, I grabbed her chin and pinned her on her back. I didn’t know where such a move came from. I hadn’t meant to do it. But she gasped as her eyes popped wide, then shuddered as I shifted on top of her. With my spare hand, I hitched her higher up the bed and slipped between her spread legs, trapping her beneath me.
For a heartbeat, I feared I’d gone too far. This wasn’t me. This wasn’t who she needed me to be. But then her eyes melted into molten, scorching blue.
I couldn’t stop staring at her.
With my free hand, I made sure my mask still covered my nose and mouth.
At least the room was dark. My hat had stayed low over my brow. She wouldn’t be able to tell my hair or eye colour.
Hopefully.
“If he was the one who called you a slut, he’s a motherfucking asshole. You aren’t. I’ve never thought that. Not for a single moment.”
She tried to nod, forcing my fingers harder against her cheeks.
Pulling my hand away, tingles sparked from touching her. “Sorry…I didn’t mean—”
“It’s fine.” She attempted a tragic smile. “I’m not afraid of you.”
“I’m glad.” My gaze fell to her mouth. To her perfect lips. Her perfect, kissable, delicious lips.
All the blood in my body arrowed between my legs, leaving me with the intelligence of a rock.
Shifting, I attempted to get off her, but she placed her hands on my lower back. Her soft touch kept me from going anywhere.
Our eyes met.
The room, the night, the world all bled away like watercolour illusions.
We didn’t speak for so long, but our hearts thundered to the same chaos. Finally, finally , she studied my mask and whispered a single word.
One word that undid me.
One word that made me hers.
One word that ensured I gave in.
“Please…”