Chapter 16
CHAPTER 16
PIPER
“ I t was the most beautiful thing anybody has ever said to me,” I tell Ruby, sitting cross-legged on her bed. She’s on her computer chair, shifting from side to side. “He said he’d been asleep all his life until me, us, the kiss. The whole time, I wished Elliot wasn’t my brother or they weren’t best friends. Logan only survived his childhood because of Elliot, and vice versa. It’s such a mess, Rubes.”
Ruby chews on her lips.
“Is something wrong?” I ask.
“I just want you to be happy,” she says.
“Okay, so let’s say we tell Elliot. He loses his best friend and his sister in one big, ugly mess. Is that going to make anyone happy?” After a pause, I say, “Are you sure it’s okay if I stay?”
“Huh?” She looks at me like I’ve lost it. “You don’t have to ask me that.”
“Sorry. You seem a little distracted. Logan said he was almost certain they wouldn’t come after me. I think he’s just worried. He wanted me out of the apartment. I think he’s a little paranoid.”
“He’s not paranoid. He’s in love.”
I roll my eyes. “I wouldn’t go that far, Rubes.”
“Well, I would. I think he fell in love with you the moment he kissed you. And I think you’ve loved him for just as long.”
I shake my head. “You’re being silly now…”
“Maybe. Maybe not. But anyway, I’m not worried about them .”
“But you’re worried about something.”
“Uh, no…” She presses the lever on the computer chair, causing it to lower in level. My gaze naturally follows the movement. That’s when I spot it resting on the floor.
Elliot’s vape pen. I know it’s his because of the Do It All sticker—unless Ruby happens to have the same one.
“Uh, Rubes, why is Elliot’s vape pen here?”
Ruby looks at the floor, looks at me, then bursts into tears. She buries her face in her hands, her shoulders trembling as she sobs loudly.
I walk across the room, putting my hand on her arm. “Hey, talk to me.”
When she keeps crying, I kneel, taking her hands in mine and lowering my gaze until she’s looking at me. She stares with red eyes, her lip trembling as she tries to hold back another round of tears.
“Ruby,” I say, massaging her arm and hoping I’m offering at least some small measure of comfort. “I mean it. We can talk about this. You don’t have to suffer on your own. You don’t have to keep this locked inside. Tell me what happened.”
“Why aren’t you storming out of here?”
“Because I want to learn about… whatever this is. I’m not going to rush to judgment. You’re my friend, and, newsflash, you’re a good person. Don’t assume I’ll hate you just because you’ve been with my brother.”
She looks at me with pure shock on her face. “Seriously?”
“I want him to be happy. I want you to be happy. So…”
She rubs her cheeks, sitting up. I sit on the edge of the bed and offer her my hand. She wheels the computer chair closer and takes my hand. I squeeze her supportively.
“It started about a year ago,” she murmurs, looking down at the floor, then risking a glance at me as if she’s waiting for me to blow up.
“Go on…”
“I didn’t plan it. I went to his apartment to pick up that book, remember?”
I nod. “When I was at college. Yeah, I said you could swing by and get it.”
“Elliot was there, and we started talking about books and business and…” She smiles, then wipes it away like she’s guilty of something horrible. “A bunch of stuff. Nothing, everything. It was easy. It was weird how easy it was. It just sort of happened. He asked if I wanted to stay for dinner. He said it like it was the most natural thing in the world.”
“Was that how it felt for you?” I ask.
“Yes,” she murmurs. “The whole time, I was trying to get myself to stop. I knew it was wrong.”
“Why?”
She laughs in disbelief. “What do you mean, why ?”
“Why was it wrong?” I challenge.
“Because I’m your best friend.”
“On paper, fine. Maybe it should be wrong. But now that I’m hearing it, I can’t find it in me to be angry. I’m not angry. That’s the truth. Not if you’re happy.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes,” I say, then laugh. “I’m shocking myself, actually. I should be angry, shouldn’t I?”
Her smile is shaky and nervous. It’s like she thinks there’s an explosion coming. It’s just a matter of time. “Well, yeah, you should,” she murmurs. “You should hate me.”
“But why?” I laugh again. “Is Elliot happy?”
“I think so,” she says softly. “We’ve been spending a lot of time together. Obviously, he’s stressed because of the mob stuff, but things have been great apart from that. We play video games together.”
“You do?”
Her smile gets more confident. “Yeah, cooperative games. I was no good to begin with, but your brother is very patient. He taught me his so-called ‘elite skills.’”
I can hear and see Elliot saying it when she does air quotes and mimics his voice. We laugh together, and then Ruby softens. “Are you honestly not mad at me? I thought you’d hate me. I’ve wanted to tell you for so long, but I’ve been terrified.”
“You’re happy. Elliot’s happy.”
“Yes,” she whispers.
“I don’t think I can be angry,” I say truthfully.
“Are you sure? Maybe you’re in shock.”
“I am in shock,” I admit. “But I’m not angry. I’m happy for you both. How crazy is that?”
“It’s pretty crazy… I’m still waiting for you to realize what I’ve said. You know I’m talking about Elliot, right, your big brother? You’re aware of that?”
“Yes,” I say.
“But you’re still smiling.”
It’s crazier than that. My smile gets even wider. “Yes.”
“I think I’m going to die if I don’t hug you.”
She stands up. I stand and throw my arms around her. She clutches tightly to me and sinks her face against my chest, sobbing softly.
I look inside myself, asking a brutal and necessary question.
Am I reacting like this because I hope Elliot will react the same if I tell him about me and his best friend?
There’s another layer of crazy, as I realize… nope. It has nothing to do with that. It all comes down to what I just said. I’m happy for them. They’ve found somebody they care about, and I can’t imagine standing in the way of that.
“You’re amazing,” she whispers. “Do you think I should tell Elliot that you know?”
“That’s up to you,” I tell her. “But if he’s not ready yet…”
“I’m so relieved. You have no idea.”
“I think I have some idea,” I whisper.
Later, after watching a movie, I lie on Ruby’s foldout couch bed with my cell phone in my hand.
Piper: You can’t tell Elliot, but I learned something mind-blowing today. Elliot has been in a relationship with Ruby, my bestie, for a year!
Logan: Whoa. That’s wild. How do you feel about it?
Piper: Ruby thought I was going to totally freak.
Logan: That’s a fair assumption. Most women would.
Piper: I know. You’re right. But I’m happy for them. I keep waiting to be angry, but I’m just not. I can’t see any downside to it. Elliot’s happy. She’s happy. What is there to be pissed about?
Logan: Maybe if they break up, you’ll be forced into an awkward situation. I’m not trying to rain on your parade. Your soul is as beautiful as your appearance. You never stop surprising me with your deep emotion, Hardcover, but maybe that was where Ruby was coming from.
Piper: Hmm, you’ve got a point. I guess she seems so obsessed with him. I didn’t even think about them breaking up.
Logan: People break up all the time. In my book, though, if Elliot’s happy, I’m happy for him. But you need to be careful. Just because you feel this way, it doesn’t mean he will.
I sigh.
Piper: I know you’re right. For now, I think it’s enough to be happy for him.
Logan: And that’s wonderful. But don’t let it make you believe things that might not be true. Elliot’s a good person, but when it comes to somebody’s little sister, it’s different from being with somebody’s friend.
Piper: He’s MY brother, remember? It’s not that different.
Logan: But you didn’t raise him. He raised you. He’s going to feel protective. I’m sorry, angel. I’m not trying to kill your good vibes. I just want to live in reality.
Piper: No, I get it. But like I said, this isn’t about us.
Logan: You’re a better person than me because all I can think about is us. Maybe this won’t change anything, but it might. It could give Elliot perspective. It could make him understand we didn’t do this to hurt him any more than he started a relationship with Ruby to hurt you.
Hope flurries through my chest, bright and tempting.
Piper: They’ve been together for a year. Think of all the dates, all the experiences. They’ve probably even talked about what a future together would look like.
Logan: Why do I feel like you’re hinting at something, my gorgeous texting girlfriend?
Maybe it’s silly, but it feels significant when he calls me his girlfriend.
Piper: Maybe I am. Maybe I’m wondering what a life together would look like.
Logan: I thought you college chicks lived in the here and now. I thought you lived for the next party, the next exam, the next essay. You don’t want some old grump boring you with his dreams of the future.
Piper: Call yourself OLD again, and it’s not the mob you’ll have to worry about.
I add a woman emoji, a knife emoji, and a laughing emoji.
Piper:
He replies with three laughing emojis.
Logan:
Logan: I won’t lie. I’ve thought about what it would be like. But it’s a dangerous place to let my thoughts stray to. It would make me want it too badly.
Piper: Well, I’ve got a new idea for an app. It’s called ‘what if’. It’s a way for people to sort out their future aspirations without putting too much pressure on themselves. It starts with discussing what they want while knowing it may not happen.
He sends a heart with his next text.
Logan: . I know what you’re trying to say, but LOL, how is that an app?
I giggle.
Piper: Okay, smartass, it would be a cruddy app. But you know what I’m saying.
Logan: I think you forgot to send me your favorite emoji. For the record, I was referencing the time you sent those to me. I’d never be so callous as to send you anything like that.
He adds a bunch of middle fingers.
Logan:
Piper: I know, Mr. Boss. I’d go straight to HR if you did anything like that. But please don’t avoid the question.
I add a laughing emoji with a kiss.
Piper:
Logan: I’m almost scared to think about a life with you. The second I put it out there, it becomes real and so much more difficult to resist because of that. But if you want to hear it, we’d do what we’ve always done. Make the best of what we have. Only this time, we wouldn’t be ‘making the best’ in the cynical sense. We wouldn’t struggle to make something decent out of the darkness where we started. We’d start with romance, with desire, with heat, with connection, and things would only get better from there.
Piper: Are you saying you’d be more attracted to me after years of being in a relationship than before? That’s not usually how it works.
Logan: I know for a fact that’s how I’d feel. We’d build a life, Beautiful. You’d keep working and keep making me proud. Eventually, you’d work your way up in the company. There would be no handouts – you don’t want them; you don’t need them – and when you take your place at my side like the queen you are, it will be wholly earned.
Warmth bubbles through me as I mentally clutch onto his words. He knows me so well already.
Piper: I’ll finally be successful at something.
Logan: You were already a success before you interviewed for my company.
Piper: Ha, good one.
I add a winking emoji.
Piper:
Logan: I’m serious. You tried two college courses. You put yourself out there. Then, you had the courage to accept that college wasn’t for you and chose a different path. You were LIVING, Piper, which is more than many people do. You should be proud of that.
I clutch my hand around the phone, my smile making my cheeks ache, but deep down, there’s a dark pit inside me. I want to make love to this man. I want to see what the future holds. But I can’t deny what he said about Elliot.
Would it be hypocritical for Elliot to judge me for being with Logan when he’s with Ruby? Sure, maybe… But is it outside the realm of possibility?
Absolutely freaking not.
Piper: Maybe you want to think twice before you commit to a whole life together.
Logan: I don’t need to think about anything. I know what I want, WHO I want, and it’s you, Hardcover. It’s been you ever since our first kiss.