Texting My Mafia Savior (Text Me You Love Me #11)

Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17

ARRIANA

T he following morning, I sit on the porch in my coat, one hand wrapped around a steaming mug of cocoa, the other on my cellphone. Part of the lake is iced over. Even with the fire flickering in the grill, the porch is cool. But I need the iciness to wake me up. The frosty blue of the surroundings and the snow in the trees remind me of Nico. Of his calm demeanor.

Me: Did you get any sleep?

Nico: A little. I think I may need to become a man you’ll hate if I’m going to get us out of this.

My belly goes tight and hot. Even hotter than my hand on the mug. He said he would be good and stick to his promise to Dad, but he couldn’t. He can’t. All the reasons he laid out last night about why we can’t be together are valid. But we still can’t stop.

Me: I could never hate you.

Nico: It’ll mean becoming the Nightmare again. The Barbarian. Do you understand what I’m saying?

I swallow.

Me: I think you’re saying you’ll have to do bad things to bad people.

Nico: It will mean we can never be together. I’ll probably end up on the run or in prison for the rest of my life. We need to end this, Arria, but any time I think about being the honorable one, the mature one, your uncle, I remember seeing you at the cafe. I was sitting in the window seat, and you stopped to take pictures on your cell. A sea of pedestrians, hundreds, it seemed like, and only one beautiful, enthusiastic, gorgeous soul stopped to look up and experience the miracle and the majesty of the city.

My breath comes faster, my body buzzing with his words. People look down on texting. Bonding, caring, and loving through simple words on a cellphone—it can’t be possible, can it? But with each sentence, the warmth in me expands.

Nico: Do you know what I thought? I found myself attracted to a woman for the first time I could recall. I remember thinking about going out there and trying some sort of line on you. But I didn’t know what to say. I’ve been married for a long time, but I’ve got no experience with relationships. Then you walked into the cafe. I thought—maybe it’s fate. But then you approached me. Terror gripped me. I knew who you were. I knew why it could never work.

Me: Don’t say that. No relationship ever happened without bumps in the road.

Nico: These are more than bumps. These are mountains.

Me: Then we’ll climb them together. See? The Arria from before we started texting would’ve thought that was cheesy as hell. But I don’t care. It’s true. We can do this.

Nico: The only way I can do this is to make myself cold. In my life before, when I had to ‘do things,’ I never had somebody I cared about. I never had somebody I desperately needed to see again. I never had somebody who made me afraid to die. But now I do. Your dad will hate me for this. But I care about you, Arria.

Me: Dad will come around. When he sees that we are real.

Nico: What does it mean, though? I haven’t even been able to take you on a date.

Me: Real is what you described in the cafe. Hearing Destiny talk about you and knowing you’re the best man I’ve ever met is real. Real is knowing that you never stopped being 'The Savior’ because you never stopped being capable of doing the right thing no matter what it took. Real is the fact you risked everything to stand up for me when nobody else, nobody, would’ve done the same. That’s real, Nico.

Nico: I’m not Nico anymore. This morning, I’m Nightmare. Barbarian. The man you care about—I can’t let him exist. Only contact me if there’s a problem now.

Me: Nico?

But he doesn’t reply. I stuff my phone in my pocket and take a scalding sip of cocoa.

What the hell is he going to do?