Chapter 23
CHAPTER 23
ARRIANA
A unt Lucy and I sit in the semidarkness in her and Nico’s living room. There aren’t any photos of them as a couple on the walls, and there are no signs of a relationship, like a half-finished puzzle or an opened bottle of wine. The apartment has a strangely cold feeling.
“He thinks we’re going to hate him,” Lucy mutters.
“I could never hate him,” I reply earnestly. “Has he told you about us?”
Lucy smiles sadly. Her expression has a shell-shocked quality to it. I don’t have to ask to know that her short time with Dominic hasn’t exactly been fun. Talk about the biggest understatement of the century.
“He didn’t have to. It was obvious from the start. Nico’s always been able to do a passable job at pretending to be my husband in public, but it’s difficult for him. His upbringing wasn’t easy. Later, when he became an enforcer to save his parents, he often talked about it taking pieces from his soul. It hardened him. With you, Arria, he stopped being so hard.”
Pride blossoms in me and something else—something love-shaped, maybe. “It’s funny. Mostly, we’ve been texting. I never thought about texting like this before, but there’s something magical about it. It lets us skip all the awkwardness, the self-consciousness. We didn’t hold back as much as we would have in person. I know cell phones are the enemy, whatever, but not to us. For us, they made…” Love . “Uh, us , possible.”
Lucy narrows her eyes, and I’m sure she knows what I was just about to say. “He’s taking a gigantic risk for us. If anybody ever finds the bodies of those two men and links them back to him, he’s going to be in danger.”
“When will we know if we’re safe?”
“It will take time. Months, maybe. One day, we’ll all be together, you and Nico, Rocco and Sandy, me and…”
“Giancarlo?”
“Nico told me you saw us,” she says hesitantly.
“I was so confused. I thought you were cheating on Nico. Then Nico and I kissed, and for a brief time, I hated myself. I thought we’d cheated on you, too. Two wrongs don’t make a right.”
“It wasn’t cheating. We were never together.”
“That’s why he told me,” I tell her. “He didn’t want me to beat myself up about it. That’s what makes him a good man. He’s capable of bad things, lying, hurting people, but he always has a good reason.”
“Make sure you remind him of that after this,” Lucy mutters. “He’s going to beat himself up. He never enjoyed his time in the mob. He hated being an enforcer. Before you came along, Arria, he was cold, closed-off. He focused on his pro bono work, and that was it.”
“I will,” I tell her. “I won’t let him hate himself. He doesn’t deserve that. He deserves… well, love. I’m not saying from me.”
Another brittle, sad smile touches her face. “From somebody else, then?”
“No,” I snap, suddenly jealous. “I didn’t say that. I’m just not sure people can fall in love by texting. Plus, Dad’s seriously against anything happening with us.”
“Your dad’s worried about you, that’s all. Deep down, he knows Nico is a good person. I think he’ll come around. If not…”
“Are you saying I should pick Nico over my family?” I ask.
“I’m just saying that sometimes, you have to make your own decisions.”
“Do you mind if I take a shower?” Lucy asks about an hour later. “I want to wash…” she shudders, “ Him , from me.”
I take her hands. “Nico told me what sort of person Dominic was. I’m so sorry for what you had to endure, Aunt Lucy.”
She clenches her jaw as tears shine in her eyes. “I won’t tell you what he did. What I will say is I hope he rots in hell, and Nico should never feel bad about what he’s done tonight.”
Lucy leaves. I text Mom, telling her I’m staying at Lilly’s. Lilly will freak out if I ever tell her what happened after the standoff in the club. I probably won’t—the fewer people who know about this, the better.
My phone vibrates. It’s Nico.
Nico: It’s done. I won’t say specifically what, but you know what I’m talking about. It’s over. I hope.
Me: Where are you? Come home.
Nico: I am home . I’m sitting in the parking lot, staring down at my hands, these hands which have done terrible things. These hands make me wonder if I will ever touch you again. I’m wondering how you could ever let me. You’re so pure, Arria, so good. I call you my angel because you’re angelic.
Me: Please, just come upstairs. Or I’m coming down.
Nico: You won’t be able to find me. I’m in darkness.
He’s not just talking about the position of his car.
Me: They were terrible people.
Then, I delete the message. Nico doesn’t want to talk specifics.
Me: Earlier , y ou said you were done with the savior, but that’s not true. Anything you’ve done has been because that’s who you are deep down. The world has tried to drag you into the filth over and over, but you’ve never let it. You’ve always done the right thing. Just think, Nico. You’ve earned the nickname twice in two different fields .
It feels odd calling mafia enforcing a ‘field,’ but I’m not sure how else to describe it.
Me: Twice, people have widely agreed that you’re a good person.
Nico: I don’t care about people. I care about you.
Me: I’m not judging you. I care about you, Nico. More than I can understand. More than I should be able to. I cared about you the moment I walked into that cafe—every word you’ve sent me, every text, every touch, every smile. Every time my heart beats faster when I see you or think about you, I’m reminded of just how much I care. I want you. I need you.
“I love you,” I whisper.
Me: So get your butt up here!
Nico: We can’t pretend it’s going to be plain sailing. What about your dad?
Me: I’m not talking about the rest of our lives. I’m talking about tonight. I hate the idea of you sitting down there, beating yourself up. You don’t deserve that.
Minutes pass. I send him another text.
Me: Nico?
“I’m here,” he whispers from behind me.
I gasp and leap to my feet. He’s changed his clothes since the last time I saw him. That makes sense, considering what he’s had to do. He’s wearing a T-shirt, his chest heaving, outlining his strong, muscular shape. He steps forward, his green eyes glinting in the semidarkness, the silver in his hair catching the light. His expression is heartbreaking. It’s like he thinks I’m going to run away from him.
Instead, I run toward him, throw my arms around his shoulders, and pull myself close. “You had to do it,” I whisper passionately, squeezing into his arms. “There was no other way. You saved Lucy, Nico. You’ve saved so many people by doing what you did tonight.”
He moans, smoothing his hand over my back, pressing down so that our bodies are as close as they can be when we’re clothed. Then he presses his face into my neck like he wants to escape from the world.
I lead him to the couch, sit down, pull his head into my lap, and stroke my fingers through his hair. He shudders, touching my hand.
“You’re stronger than me, Arria,” he says.
“I don’t know if that’s true, but if it is, it’s lucky I’m here for you, right?”
“Is Lucy okay?” he says after a pause.
“I think so. She’s getting there.”
“Before Dominic—before I… you know. He rubbed it in my face. Some of the stuff he did to her in the short time they were together. This is a fucked-up world, angel. It’s beyond dark. It’s depraved in all kinds of ways. I’m never going to let anything like that happen to you. Even if the universe pushes us apart, I’ll always be there, watching, protecting.”
“Texting,” I whisper.
He laughs dryly. “That should be corny, but it’s not. Texting is special for us, isn’t it? It always will be.”
“I was telling Lucy that. I’m not sure she gets it. I’m not sure anybody else would except for us. What do you want to do, Nico?”
“Nothing,” he says. “Just lie here with you. Just be with you. What time do you need to go home?”
“I texted Mom earlier and told her I’d be staying at Lilly’s. So I can be here all night. In the guestroom. Or maybe…”
He looks up at me, his eyes burning with green, hungry fire. I’ve never felt so wanted, so desired. I never knew a woman could even feel this way. “Technically, I’m still your uncle,” he murmurs. “Dominic’s man works fast… but not that fast.”
“Technically,” I say. “That’s an interesting word. To me, it might as well mean, ‘not really.’ You and Aunt Lucy were never together.”
“My life is one of titles. Uncle, Savior, Nightmare, Barbarian.”
“You don’t have to be any of those,” I tell him. “Tonight, you can just be with me.”
“I can think of some other titles,” he says. “Lover, boyfriend, husband. Father.” His tone gets wistful. “I know I’m rushing ahead. But the world doesn’t seem so dark when I think of myself with those labels.”
I lean down and kiss him on the lips. He groans and sits up, pulling me closer, kissing me passionately—heat blossoms between us.
“What about my nicknames, huh? I can’t just have angel .”
“Lover, girlfriend, wife. Mo…”
I kiss him before he can say, Mother . I know why he needs to talk like this. He wants to imagine a future far brighter than the present, a world where he can be normal. I can’t let him say it, though. I can’t commit to that. Even committing to the other stuff is something I’m not sure about.
“Okay, then,” he says, his warm breath tickling over me. “What about Snapshot, my perfect photographer? That’s what you gave me when I first saw you—a snapshot of what my life could be.”
I put my hand on his chest. His heart has never pounded so hard. He’s clearly still in fight-or-flight mode from what he’s had to do tonight. “Snapshot sounds perfect.”
“Let’s go to bed,” he says. “Don’t worry. I won’t pounce on you. I just want to hold you. When I take your virginity, it won’t be with this shadow hanging over us.”
I try to hide my natural response—unfair hurt. Doesn’t he want me? He’s been through so much tonight. It’s not fair for me to expect anything. But I feel closer to him than I ever have before. He’s crossed a line for me and Aunt Lucy. Nobody but my savior ever would.
“I want to be held by you,” I whisper, standing and taking his hand.