Chapter 36
Molly sucked in a breath and smiled at her dad. ‘Let’s go.’
She took his arm and carefully walked down the steps to the gravel path winding round the side of the back garden. ‘Where are we heading?’
‘You’ll find out soon enough,’ her father murmured, eyeing the trailing cameras warily.
‘Don’t worry about them; you get used to being filmed. Most of the stuff isn’t used.’ Her pulse scrambled as she saw a glimpse of … something ahead. ‘Ben chose to have it by the summer house,’ she stated softly, memories of what happened there making her heart flip flop.
Her father looked at her, but thankfully made no comment.
The closer they got, the clearer the scene became. ‘Are they … stepladders?’
‘That’s what I asked.’ Again she felt her dad’s gaze on her, this time full of concern. ‘What are you thinking? Because if that bugger has in any way disrespected you?—’
‘He hasn’t.’ A wide grin spread across her face. ‘Oh my God, he definitely hasn’t, Dad. He’s…’ Damn it, tears welled in her eyes again. ‘He’s somehow managed to come up with exactly what I’d have chosen.’
‘Oh, okay.’ She felt the tension leave his body. ‘You’re still planning on saying no, though?’
I want to say yes. For the first time, that thought drowned out all the others. But it was stupid, because Ben wouldn’t be saying I do. ‘I think so.’
‘You think?’ Her dad came to an abrupt halt. ‘I thought you said he won’t marry you.’
‘He won’t.’ She swallowed, trying not to listen to her heart, which was jumping up and down in her chest and saying, wow, look what he’s done, the care and thought he’s put into it. See how well he knows you. The butterflies in her belly began to flap manically.
This wasn’t the work of a man who would bail on her. It was the work of a man who loved her.
But she wanted marriage, didn’t she?
Want, she realised. She’d said want, not need.
‘I’m glad you’re still thinking clearly.’ Oblivious to her epiphany, her dad began walking again.
‘You don’t like him, do you?’ she asked sadly.
‘It’s hard for me to forget what he did to you.’
‘I know, but I’ve forgiven him for it, and so should you.’ She pressed a kiss to his cheek. ‘His reasons for ditching me were good ones, Dad. Trust me on that. And it wasn’t all on him, because he did try and contact me, but I deleted his messages without reading them.’ What would her life be like now if she’d read them? If they’d met up again a year later. Would they still be together?
Her thoughts scattered as they drew closer, the sight in front of her demanding all her focus. Their guests were seated on crates, furnished with plush red cushions. The aisle between the crates was covered with rugs, all different, but the colours a blend of reds and browns. The edges of the rugs were lined with flickering tealights, set in jam jars. At the end of the aisle was a magnificent arch made of green painted ladders, entwined with red roses and white voiles which fluttered in the breeze.
And in front of the arch, standing with his back to her, was a tall, dark-haired figure, a leather jacket stretched across his broad shoulders … holy cow. Emotion ploughed through her as she realised it was the jacket she’d made him.
As if he sensed her, Ben turned, and when their eyes met, her heart nearly exploded out of her chest. His mouth curved upwards, the smallest of smiles, but combined with the adoration on his face, it was like being wrapped in a warm, fuzzy blanket of love.
She was no longer the toffee. Her parents, the ones that counted, loved her. In his own way Duncan had, too. And even though he didn’t want to marry her, Ben loved her.
It was more than enough.
Just then the music started, and as she heard Louis Armstrong singing ‘We have all the time in the world’, she almost melted.
‘Ready?’
Swallowing down the boulder of emotion in her throat, she nodded vigorously. ‘Definitely.’
Joy suffused her as her father led her slowly down the aisle. She was glad of his support because her legs felt unsteady, yet despite that, she suspected she’d have raced down the aisle and into Ben’s arms if her dad hadn’t been there to hold her back.
Hazel eyes watched her all the way, so intense, so mesmerising, she couldn’t possibly glance away.
When they reached the makeshift altar, her dad squeezed her hand once and then stepped back, she assumed to sit next to her mum, but she couldn’t look. All she wanted to do for the rest of her life, she realised with absolute clarity, was to gaze into this pair of swirling brown and green eyes.
‘You look unbelievable.’
Ben’s husky voice sent delicious shivers skating down her spine. Smiling, she gave him a careful study, taking in the leather jacket that still moulded perfectly to his trim form, the red tie and matching red rose in his lapel. His chiselled jaw was freshly shaved, and the utter handsomeness of the man caught at her throat, even as those magnificent eyes held her captive. ‘You look very dashing.’
He smiled, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. ‘Is this…’ He nodded towards the flower-entwined ladders. ‘Is it okay?’
That’s what was worrying him? ‘It’s better than okay,’ she reassured him. ‘It’s perfect.’
A real smile split his face and she found she was unable to do anything but smile back. For a few moments they just stood there, grinning like fools.
The registrar cleared her throat. ‘Molly, Ben, are we ready to start?’
‘Oh yes, sorry, we were just catching up.’ She beamed, feeling so happy it almost hurt. ‘It’s been soooo long since we saw each other,’ she added, giving Ben a sidelong glance and receiving a soft laugh in return.
‘Well, if you’re both ready, let’s start.’ The registrar glanced over her shoulder. ‘Who gives this woman to be married to this man?’
Oh shit. She’d forgotten her dad would be asked to give her away. She turned and gave him a beseeching look and he nodded, but his expression remained severe. ‘I do. As long as he promises not to hurt her again.’
Ben went rigid.
Ooookay. It could have been worse.
‘Now, as you’ll be aware I’m going to ask you both to deliver your responses to my question at the same time.’ The registrar caught her eye and smiled kindly. ‘Do you, Molly Harris,’ – he turned to look at Ben, whose jaw muscle was jumping, he was wound so tight – ‘and do you Ben Knight, take each other to be husband and wife, respectively. To live together in matrimony, to love each other, to honour, to comfort, and to keep each other in sickness and in health, forsaking all others, for as long as you both shall live?’
Ben’s hand gripped hers, and when he squeezed it, warmth flushed through her and everything else seemed to melt away. There was just her and the man she loved. The man who made her hormones dance, her body sing.
The man who, with just a touch, could make all her jittery molecules realign.
She didn’t need the paperwork. She didn’t need the public promise. Didn’t need marriage at all. Taking in a deep breath, she turned to Ben and smiled. ‘No.’
But just as the word left her mouth, she heard him speak loudly and clearly. ‘I do.’
What? A gasp escaped her – or was that from the guests?
Frozen in shock, she stared back at him. ‘That wasn’t what we agreed.’
‘I know. I thought...’ He swallowed convulsively. ‘I’ve got this wrong, haven’t I? Fuck.’
Clearly agitated, he looked around at the cameras, and as she watched the most confident man she’d ever met begin to tremble and retreat into himself, she grasped his hand. ‘Come with me.’
* * *
Ben stumbled as Molly almost dragged him out of the way of the cameras and the shocked eyes of the guests, and into the summer house.
The place he’d brought her to orgasm with his fingers, where she’d taken him in hand, her soft hands wrapped around his dick.
Fuck.
If he’d had his revelation then, instead of while he was standing at that blasted altar, would he have still had a chance with her?
There were not enough fucks in the world for what had just happened.
He wrenched the door of the summer house open and lurched to the small sofa, burying his face in his hands.
‘What on earth, Ben?’
He jolted upright, gaze raking her pale, stunned-looking face. He wanted to get down on his knees, beg her to change her mind and marry him. But he was also angry, damn it. At himself for not having this discussion with her before he publicly humiliated himself. And at her for leading him to think she wanted to marry him, when it was clear from her horrified expression at the altar that it wasn’t the case. ‘You’re choosing Duncan then?’
His tone was far too harsh for a man who should be pleading with her to choose him instead.
She slid her hands onto her hips. With her flashing green eyes and mismatched dress that should look odd but managed instead to look uniquely gorgeous, just like her, he’d never been more in love with her. Or felt she was more out of his reach. ‘Why do you say that?’
‘You said you wanted to get married. You clearly don’t want to marry me, so I assume Duncan is the lucky man.’ He couldn’t keep the bitterness out of his tone.
‘Whoa.’ She put up her hands, as if trying to calm a wild animal. And he felt wild, untethered, unhinged. Like his whole life had been turned upside down. ‘You told me this wasn’t a wedding; it was a ceremony.’ She emphasised the word. ‘Did you really expect me to still say “I do” after you’ve spent the last two weeks telling me over and over again how anti-marriage you are?’
His anger deflated, and with that no longer there to focus his mind, his heart splintered ‘No.’ He lifted his gaze to hers. ‘But I hoped you’d be happy that I changed my mind.’
Her expression softened and she slipped onto the sofa next to him. ‘Who said I’m not?’
He told himself to ignore the dart of hope. ‘You didn’t look happy. You looked?—’
‘Shocked,’ she filled in for him. ‘Because that’s how I felt.’
He let out a strangled laugh. ‘I blindsided you again, and I promised I wouldn’t do that.’
‘You did.’
She gave him a level look, but when her lips began to curve into a smile the hope began to blossom. ‘Do you…’ It was a struggle to speak through the boulder of emotion that had lodged itself firmly in his throat. ‘Do you want to marry me, Molly?’
Her eyes searched his, giving nothing away. ‘Before I answer that, let me turn the question back on you. Do you want to marry me? Or are you doing it because you’re afraid if you don’t, I’ll marry Duncan?’
He huffed out a laugh. ‘That was definitely part of my thought process.’ He’d been given a chance to convince her. Now was not the time for half measures. ‘I love you, Molly. I want you however you’ll have me. For as long as you’ll have me.’
The green in her eyes glittered and for the first time he began to think maybe he hadn’t completely wrecked his chances, after all. ‘Go on.’
He inhaled a deep breath, dug deep into the feelings in his gut, his chest, his heart, and tried to find the words to match them. ‘My aversion to marriage was never about you. There was never any doubt in my mind that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. But Helena thought marrying me would be the answer to making her happy, and it wasn’t. I wasn’t.’ He took a risk and brushed a thumb across the soft skin of Molly’s cheek. ‘I couldn't bear the thought of not being the answer for you, either. Of letting you down.’ His heart leapt when her hand came to rest over his.
‘What changed your mind?’
‘I haven’t changed my mind, not entirely.’ Christ, it hurt to say this, but he had to get the words out, make sure she knew everything. ‘I’m still scared shitless that I won’t be enough for you, that I’ll be less than you’re hoping for, but Rachel helped me to see that this time round it would be totally different.’ He wrapped his hand around hers and drew it against his chest. ‘You don’t need me to fix any parts of you. You’re fucking perfect already.’ He gave her a wry smile. ‘Then Jack reminded me that saying I couldn’t marry you was bollocks. The only thing stopping me, was me. And that made me question why the hell I wasn’t plotting to bind you to me as close as was humanly possible, why I wasn’t planning to put a ring on your finger to make it clear to everyone that you were mine.’ He raised her hand to his mouth, kissed her knuckles, and felt his heart thump against his ribs as he looked into her eyes. ‘Are you mine, Molly?’
The smile she gave him was one he would never forget. It radiated love, happiness and a promise for the future. ‘Yes, I’m yours, Ben. I have been ever since I met you the first time.’ With her free hand, she cupped his face. ‘But I don’t need to marry you.’ Though his heart jolted, the warmth of the fingers that gently pressed against his face helped to reassure. ‘For a long time I was so terrified of being alone, of being left again, that I was consumed by the idea of legally tying myself to someone.’ She smiled into his eyes. ‘But the confidence I’ve gained from coming on the show, from being with you, has made me realise I don’t need a man to take care of me, to provide for me. If I have to live by myself, it’s okay. I can have a good, happy life knowing I’m loved by my adopted parents, by my friends. And that I have a purpose, which I hope will be upcycling clothes, but who knows? Something else may come up. The important thing is, whatever is in my future, I can deal with it.’
Knowing the journey she’d been on, his heart filled with pride, yet he still didn’t feel on firm footing. ‘Am I in your future?’
Her laughter filled the summer house. ‘After the wedding you just designed for me, you’d better believe it.’
Suddenly he was the one needing words. ‘What are you saying? Can you spell it out for me, because all I heard was you don’t want to marry me, but I might feature in your future?’
She wriggled out of his hold and clasped both hands to his face. ‘I don’t need to marry you, but I love you to pieces and I want to marry you. If you’re still offering.’
‘Yes, fuck … yes, a million times yes.’ Heart untethered now, bouncing around his chest like a helium balloon, he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. And kissed her again, until they were both gasping for air. ‘I’m going to put you in charge of organising it though,’ he whispered between feathering kisses along her jaw. ‘Because I had no clue what I was doing, as is patently evident. Jack and Sam ribbed me so much this morning when we were painting the ladders I told Rachel to find me somewhere else to hold it. She refused.’
Molly moaned, tilting her head so he could kiss down her neck. ‘Well, I’m glad she refused, because it’s exactly what I wanted.’ She grinned. ‘And it’s even better now I know you were painting it this morning when I was trying to recover from my hangover.’ Suddenly she leapt to her feet, almost upending the sofa. ‘You know what, sod it. Let’s do it now.’
‘It?’
Her eyes sparkled, her face radiated such joy it nearly slayed him. ‘Let’s go back out there and get married.’