That Bubbling Feeling: A Feel Good Roommate Romance Novel

Chapter 4

Jonah, Sophomore Year of College

Somehow, I once again found myself in a dorm room, sitting on a rickety wooden chair that this university so generously offered us. I had survived freshman year by the skin of my teeth. Oli and I were able to throw ourselves into music over the summer, offering me a two-month reprieve from only some of my worries. But now, we were back.

I had to leave the majority of my music gear at home. The bed in this fucking dorm felt like a piece of Styrofoam wrapped in a type of plastic that should never come in contact with human skin. And Kai. Oh god, Kai was still not fucking here. I was a year older than I had been when she left, and not an ounce better.

I nearly jumped out of my seat as the door swung open, putting my brooding session to an end. Something crashed, and I whipped around to see. It was Oli. His unzipped backpack was tossed on the floor, books and papers exploding from it. He stood there breathing heavily, holding his right hand in the air with two fingers extended higher than the rest.

“Oli, what the fuck?” I asked, rearing my head back at the expression on my friend’s face. He looked as if he’d seen a ghost. A ghost that made him angry, perhaps? Terrified. Furious. I couldn’t quite pin it. But stiff, he was definitely stiff. “Are you okay?”

“That fucking girl,” he grumbled.

“Ah.” I smirked as a smidge of my anxiety pushed itself aside to make way for a sliver of amusement. I knew exactly who he was talking about. “June?”

“Her name is Juni.”

“She prefers June.”

“Do not sympathize with her.”

I couldn’t help my grin. Oli was returning from yet another study session with his horrible history project partner, June. According to him, she was the most infuriating woman on the planet and never cut him any slack. In other words, he was completely in love with her, though he’d never admit it aloud.

“She is so…” He tried to speak once again but never finished his sentence. Instead, he closed his eyes and exhaled deeply, pushing out a weighty gust of air. His right hand remained lifted.

“What’s wrong with your hand?” I asked, my forehead sinking in confusion. It was such a weird gesture to be making and it contrasted oddly with his composure.

His brown eyes shot open instantly in a way that suggested I probably shouldn’t have asked. “She was stressed out.” His gaze held a watery depth I didn’t understand. He was clearly upset, though it was hard to tell if it teetered more toward anger, sadness, confusion, or fear.

“Okay? And what does that have to do with your hand?”

He closed his fist tightly in answer, leaving the two stiff fingers fully erect in the air.

My mouth dropped open. “Did you…?”

He nodded his head gravely. “In the library.”

I let out a genuine giggle, covering my mouth with one hand. Laughing at a peeved Oli was nothing short of a death wish, but his anger, plus what he’d just insinuated, plus the entire rigidity about him was honestly hilarious. Besides, he rarely lost his cool, so this was a phenomenon. “Care to elaborate?”

“She’s the most frustrating person I’ve ever met,” he said slowly, “and she’s been getting on my nerves. I’ve…kissed her a few times over the last couple of weeks.”

“You’ve what? You didn’t tell me!” That asshole! They’d been project partners for weeks and the only titbits I’d heard out of him were that she was terrible, annoying, and all-around impossible. He never mentioned any kissing.

“It just didn’t feel like something I wanted to gossip about. But she just rode my fucking fing— The way she came for me, I…” He cut his sentence off to swallow hard, forcing himself to stop divulging such information. He wasn’t one to overshare personal details, so it was honestly surprising he’d even said that much. “I’m going to take a few minutes in the bathroom. Get dressed. We’re going out.”

“Out?” The smile immediately fell from my face. I’d hardly even gotten the chance to laugh at the fact that this girl had pissed him off so badly he was about to masturbate in a dorm bathroom before he ruined all the fun. “Oh, come on.” Out was the only place worse than in. I hated being in this dorm room, but at least the walls didn’t try to make useless small talk with me or invade my personal space. I knew whatever Oli had in mind would involve both of those things.

He held up his palm. “I’m going to the bathroom to think about what I just saw. When I come back, you will be dressed.”

“Can’t we decide when you come back?” I teased. “Surely, you won’t be as tense then.”

He turned to walk out of the room, shooting me one last searing glare and slamming the door behind him. I sank into my seat laughing for the first time in a long time.

Kai.

I had to tell Kai. Surely, she’d be awake. She was awake all night every night. I swung my phone out of my pocket and texted the group chat.

Me:New update. Oli is in love.

Kai Rockz :P:Omg! Oli, who is it?

Kai Rockz :P:Tell me all about them. Boy? Girl? N/A? Dinosaur? Hair color? SSN?

Kai Rockz :P:Details, I need details!

Oli Awad:Not now.

Me:Ah, right. Hold on, Kai. I’ll text you separately. Oli is in the bathroom “thinking” about her. I don’t believe he wants to be bothered right now.

Kai Rockz :P:EWWW HAHAHA

Oli Awad:Jonah Alexander, you are no longer my friend.

I snickered as I navigated to my private chat with Kai.

Me:Girl, not a dinosaur, brown hair, SSN unknown.

Kai Rockz :P:Jojo, tell me everything!

Me:It’s June.

Kai Rockz :P:The girl from history class that he “hates”?

Kai Rockz :P:FINALLY.

Me:My thoughts exactly.

Me:Except now he’s pretending to be pissed about the whole thing and insists we go out. I think he needs to blow off steam.

Kai Rockz :P:I thought he was already doing that in the bathroom.

Me:I can’t imagine I’ve just helped the situation by telling you that.

Kai Rockz :P:It’ll be fun. Boys’ night out :)

Me:Save me, please.

Kai Rockz :P:I’ll be waiting to hear all about it tomorrow. Go be social.

Me:Or I can stay home and we can video chat while I finally pick up the dreaded clothes pile on my floor?

Kai Rockz :P:Nice try. Go, Jojo. Love you!!!??!?!!?

Damn. I really thought that would get her.

◆◆◆

Oli seemed much lighter than before, though still quite pensive. We kicked around on the street with our hands in our pockets as he led me to wherever the hell he was taking me. All I knew was that I was not tucked away safely in our dorm room readying myself to sleep, but instead exposed to the cool evening air that threatened to keep me conscious against my will.

“What are we doing?” I asked, dragging my toes as I walked.

“We need to get out, man.” He didn’t even look at me as he spoke. He just kept his gaze forward and shook his head as if he were tired of repeating things like that to me. “It’s been over a year since we got here and the most interesting thing that’s happened to us is that I hooked up with my project partner in the library.”

I stuck my hands out to the sides. “What do you mean, Oli? That’s incredibly interesting. That’s the whole college experience, isn’t it? That’s enough for the both of us, so I say we turn in.” I had no idea why he was being such a dick about the whole thing. He could pretend to hate June all he wanted, but I knew the truth the second he first mentioned her name.

“Jonah, I don’t want to be here any more than you do. But we need to try and have some fun while we are.”

And there it was. Neither of us wanted to fucking be here, so why were we forcing it? “Oli, man. Honestly, I think we turn in. Not to the dorm. I mean…turn in.”

He stopped in his tracks, his giant body lurching forward in anticipation of the next step that never came. We stood on a cement walkway in the middle of campus, making our way through a green space that was lit only by a few lanky lamp posts. It was terrible, truthful lighting that amplified the reality of our situation.

“You want to drop out?” He glanced at me.

“Uh, yeah, Oli. I do.” We’d only talked about it a hundred thousand times. “You do too. You just never saw it as an option. Our music is good, Oli. You, Noah, and I could make, like, a real band. Everyone’s online these days. Let’s make an official band account and go for it.”

“I’m not leaving June,” he said quickly. It seemed he regretted saying that the second the words left his lips, but I was already giving him an annoying grin. “No.” He corrected himself. “I mean…our project.”

“That’s your only reason?”

He stared at me as if he was truly considering it. As if this, the millionth time I’d suggested we drop out, might actually be successful. Hope bloomed in my chest. This was the closest he’d ever been to agreeing, and I could see just how much he wanted it. He almost looked like he was finally going to let himself have it. “That and the fact that my father would never speak to me again. But he hardly does anyway, I guess.”

“Finish your project,” I said with wide eyes. “I’ll handle the logistics of the band stuff for now. I figure Noah won’t drop out, but by the time we’re home for the holidays, you and I could be free. We’ll work around his schedule. We can find an apartment in the city and go for it.”

I would’ve done anything to be out of here. Anything to be able to hole up in my room and drown in my music and not have to do anything else.

He thought about it for a silent moment. A moment that felt like a year. Cliché, I know, but it was a feeling I was used to. I felt it every time I begged Kai to come back, which was at least once a week. The interaction would always go the same way. I would mention her return, she would flick a smile at me, then her expression would slowly fade, and she’d look away from the camera before changing the subject.

Oli was looking down at the ground. I expected him to change the subject and continue on his way, but instead, he nodded. “Under one condition.”

“What’s that?” My heart began pounding in my chest. Odd. I hadn’t felt that in a long time.

“You try to have fun with me tonight.”

My eyes somersaulted. God, him and Kai both. I sighed. “Does my success have any influence in the matter?”

He rolled his eyes back at me, shaking his head. “No.”

“Fine.” Fine. I could handle one night out if that truly meant we were leaving. I held up my hand to high-five him. He gripped my thin fingers and tugged me into a hug.

“We’re out of here, man,” he said with a promising pat on my back.

For what felt like the first time since Kai left, I relaxed my shoulders. I hadn’t even noticed they’d been tense, but suddenly, they were some two inches lower than usual. I let my lungs indulge in a deep breath which cut right through the persistent nausea in my chest. The thought of being able to focus on things I actually liked, like music—okay, thing that I liked, I should say—without being in this uncomfortable environment instantly made me that much calmer. The slight relief was so sudden and so abrupt. I still wasn’t entirely happy about the way my life was at this particular moment, but there was no more peanut butter in my throat, and that was progress.

With our new agreement solidified, I followed Oli to try to have fun with him tonight. He brought me to a dilapidated townhouse on the edge of campus. The white paint peeled off the building as if someone had taken a cheese grater to it, and the screen door was practically off its hinges.

What a nightmare.

According to Oli, some kids from his American Lit class lived in there and they’d invited him over a few times throughout the semester, though he was always too busy studying to take them up on the offer. Unfortunately for me, he decided on tonight to finally accept. What people our age enjoyed about standing in a run-down house surrounded by idiots, I did not know. But I did know that I was about to get stuck doing it too.

Upon entering, Oli pushed through the crowd, my little body following close behind him as his stature carved a path through the people. There was so much noise in the place, so much pushing. The music didn’t help and the people much less.

It was moments like these, when I stood in a swirling sea of strangers, that I desperately needed Kai nearby. Crowds overwhelmed her too, but she was better at faking it. She was the perfect person to have close because she’d cling to me to keep herself calm, unknowingly pacifying me as well, but she also knew how to navigate the situation so I didn’t have to.

Oli didn’t mind socializing. For some reason, he actually liked learning about other people. He certainly didn’t want me hanging on him like a grumpy child as he did his best to make a decent impression.

Finally, after five solid minutes of pushing, we made it to a kitchen. A clearing. Oli grabbed a beer and leaned casually against the counter. I did the same and leaned by his side, crossing both my arms and legs tightly and letting my critical brow settle in a bit deeper. My brain fixated on the throbbing starting to grow behind my forehead and the icy glass on my fingers.

“Why are we here, Oli?” I muttered.

“Because we need to get out.”

Liar. If that were the case, he would’ve brought me to one of these stupid parties the first or even the fifth time his classmates asked. “You gonna give me a real answer?”

He paused. “Because I can’t stop thinking about June, and she’ll never want to be with me.”

He was an idiot. My best friend was a fucking idiot. If he didn’t see how much he got under that girl’s skin then, quite frankly, he was the biggest dumb-ass I knew. The two were obsessed with each other. I could see that and I’d only really met her for a few minutes before. Not a word left either of their mouths during the entire interaction that wasn’t a scathing insult, and Oli was never a mean person.

“Why would you say that?”

“Because she hates me.”

“She hates you, but you’ve been making out in the library. Right.”

I was surprised to see the broken look on his face as he turned to me and said, “Nothing I do will make her hate me any less. Believe me. I could see that today when I left her. I tried to be delicate with her, to make her…happy. And she just… It’s like she’s terrified of me or something. She’ll only get close to me when we’re fighting, and then the heat dies down, and she… I try to… I keep my cool, but I’m worried that’s all I am to her.”

I didn’t believe a word he was saying, but what did I know? Relationships were never exactly my forte. I’d had a whopping total of zero in my lifetime, after all. The least I could do was be there for him. “So, what? Did you come here to get a girl or something?”

“What?” My question offended him. His fault for confiding in me about these types of problems. They were much better suited for Kai. “You know I’m not doing that. I don’t want that. I just… I don’t know. I just don’t want to think right now.” He shook his head and looked past his crossed arms at the floor.

Before I could say anything else, a voice sounded from the entrance of the kitchen. “What’s up, guys?” The man behind the voice was broad and handsome. The typical jock type that I had absolutely nothing in common with. The type that threw team parties and listened to loud, terrible music. I quickly learned that the jock was Max from Oli’s class and that his question was directed at us.

“Hey, Max,” Oli said with a quick lift of his beer.

I just pressed my lips together in a flat smile. It was my best effort.

“Hey!” Max said, signaling to me with his chin. “I know this guy!” He put his hand on my shoulder, which immediately tensed back up to my ear. “This is the little dude from your Instagram pictures.” Oli’s acquaintance was evidently drunk, though I could tell I wouldn’t have been a fan of him even if he weren’t. “You two are always hanging around with that chick.”

“Max, man,” Oli said, casually taking charge of the direction of the conversation. It seemed he had an idea of where Max was going with that last statement, as did I. “This is Jonah. We grew up together.”

“It’s cool to meet you, John. But Oli, man, you should bring that girl next time. She is…” Max held his hands up in front of himself and mouthed the word wow before keeling over with laughter.

To say I was fed up with the interaction would be an understatement, and it only took about two sentences to get me there. As I stared straight ahead, arms pressed so hard across my chest they were practically pulling at each other, I could feel the muscle in my jaw jumping. I really must have been a dick in a past life, because this was some sort of weird torture. Life was some sort of weird torture.

“That’s Kai,” Oli said. I shot him the sharpest glare I could muster. He gave me a look back that felt a little bit like an apology and a little bit like a plea for me to lighten up. It was a look he gave me often. “She’s our friend from home, but she lives in Spain now.”

“I don’t think your friend likes talking about her.” Max giggled and swayed on his legs, sticking his elbow out toward me. “That your girlfriend, bro? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude. Nice job though. She’s hot. I guess the geek really can get the girl.” He flashed a finger gun my way while I wondered if this was a real interaction or if I was being pranked. “Anyway. Oh, did you guys watch last night? Man, what a game! You guys are into football, right? Yeah. Rogers is gonna take us all the way to the championship. Rogers! Woo, woo!”

Following Max’s chant, a chorus of men’s voices arose to repeat him from different rooms of the house.

The tension released from my face, falling from anger straight to the inability to comprehend the person in front of me. Everyone in this building was an idiot.

It was taking an enormous amount of effort for me not to express verbally just how little I cared for Max and just how terrible I thought the party was, but I couldn’t do that to Oli. Instead, I escaped to the bathroom. I observed myself in the mirror as I had many times before. Nothing had changed. My black hair was tied into a low, messy bun. I was still wearing the T-shirt I’d been wearing since yesterday, and the jeans I wore had been in my arsenal since freshman year of high school. Not that I cared, but it was no secret to me that I was the least good-looking person at the party. Probably the least sociable too.

Oli was good-looking. I mean, he was no supermodel, but he had his own thing going on. He was big, tall, and bearded. That’s really all he needed. He didn’t really hook up, besides June, apparently, but at least people showed some interest in him from time to time. I didn’t necessarily care if people showed interest in me, but god, it would’ve been nice for someone to say I looked good.

One person, in particular.

Finally, I gathered up my strength and exited my water closet solace. Much to my surprise, Oli was waiting right outside the door, leaning on the wall with his arms crossed.

“You were right. This stinks,” he said. He bent over closer to my ear and lifted the side of his open flannel, whispering that magic word. “But…” He brandished a bottle of whiskey hidden inside his shirt. “Let’s get out of here.” He quickly folded his arms over his stolen treasure.

I sighed with relief. “Oh, thank god.”

That was one thing I could always count on. As much as Oli tried to socialize, he was still my best friend, and that wasn’t for nothing. He could get out, sure, but he was quick to see if an outing was worth it or not. I never gave it the benefit of the doubt, but he did, and he nearly always came around.

We snuck back to the dorm with our free alcohol and hid away. Nothing mattered. Just over one more month and we’d be out of here for good.