That Bubbling Feeling: A Feel Good Roommate Romance Novel

Chapter 23

Jonah

I sat on a spinning chair in the studio, bent over my knees with my face in my hands. I should’ve known Justin would pull some shit like that. I’d seen the way he’d been looking at her lately. I should’ve at least watched from afar when he pulled her aside, or insisted I go with her, or fired him the first fucking time he commented on June’s low-cut shirt or Tiff’s glasses. I could’ve stopped this. I should’ve stopped this. Oh god, this was so preventable, and I just… I let this happen.

Noah sat on the floor by my feet, his legs crossed around my ankles and his arms reaching to my back to comfort me while Oli stayed in the hallway with Justin. I just hung in my misery, unable to pull myself out of it. I thought and thought and thought until my mind blistered from the pain.

By the time I lifted my head, Oli was back in the room, assuring us that Justin wouldn’t be coming near us again any time soon. I didn’t ask how he knew that. Oli wasn’t violent, but his father was a very powerful lawyer and an asshole to boot. I was able to draw my own conclusions.

To say I was upset was a gross understatement. I could only imagine what the fuck Justin had done to Kai. I could only imagine what this would do to her. I didn’t even want to think about it, yet I needed to know every detail. I couldn’t look at her as she yelled at me, demanding I get a grip. She was so disappointed to see what I’d done, and I was disappointed in myself for letting it go that far. But, fuck, how I wanted to destroy that guy.

I let myself ruminate, process it, and replay it as many times as I needed until I could sort it out in my own mind and relax enough to face my beautiful girl. Before going home, I stopped at the store and picked up a tub of vanilla frosting. It was my best chance at seeing her go to sleep with a smile tonight, and my best chance at earning her forgiveness if paired with the apology of the year I was about to deliver.

She was seated upright on the unfolded futon when I found her. Her fingers twisted in front of her chest and her shoulders poked out from her black tank top. The pieces of hair that hung around her face flicked as she jerked her head toward me, her messy bun bouncing with the movement.

“We need to talk about what happened,” I said quickly, entering the bedroom.

“I don’t really want to,” she whispered. She stared at me in a way that created distance between us, and I hated it. It was as if in mere seconds I’d altered the way she’d seen me for the last twelve years, and there was nothing I could do to go back.

“I understand.” I dropped my things on the floor and ripped off my sweatshirt. With a spoon and frosting in hand, I approached the futon and lowered to my knees beside her, staring into those sweet eyes, praying to a God I didn’t even believe in that she’d forgive me. “We don’t have to go over…that. At least not until you say so. But I do want to talk for a minute. Please.”

I handed her the carton of sugar and the utensil, searching for approval in her eyes. She just nodded.

“I want to apologize,” I continued. “It’s not… You know I’m not really an explosive person. He just… He had it coming for a long time, and when I thought about what he might’ve done, Kai, I just couldn’t control it. I know it wasn’t right. I—”

Her dark eyebrows scrunched inward. “Why are you apologizing to me?”

“For subjecting you and the girls to that guy. For losing it. Honestly, he deserves a lot worse. But I could’ve handled it better, and I didn’t mean to make you upset.”

My chest cracked in two when I saw the way her eyes widened. They sparkled, though I read it as a sad glimmer. I propped my elbows on the edge of the futon and let my face fall to my palms.

“It was kind of hot.”

I snapped my head up. There was suddenly a hint of a smile on her sweet face. “You’re not mad?” I was hardly able to acknowledge the fact that she’d referred to me in such a way, though I took note of it, because two seconds ago I was fully convinced she hated me, and now...now this. “You were yelling at me. You looked terrified of me.”

She shrugged. “Mostly because I didn’t want you to get hurt or get into trouble, but I feel better now. I know you’re not a fighter. I was just feeling a little charged given the heat of the moment, and I didn’t want it to blow up into some silly drama.”

“Silly drama, Kai? It is not silly drama.”

“You don’t know what happened, Jo. Believe me. It was silly.” She waved a few dismissive fingers in the air.

“Don’t downplay this. I saw your face when you walked into the studio.”

“It was silly,” she said sharply, pinning me with a glare.

I sighed. “Just…tell me what happened.” She rolled her eyes and looked at the wall, her fingers rubbing over the tub in her hands. I knew what she was thinking. In the midst of her situation, she was worrying about our team dynamic. I found that really fucking annoying, though I reassured her just the same. “It’s okay, Kai. Noah’s cousin is going to step in as a replacement, and we’re all overjoyed with the change. You know we couldn’t stand that guy, so don’t worry about that. You are the most important thing right now.” And always.

Her eyes flicked back to mine. She stared right through me, looking into me yet seemingly seeing something behind me. That vacancy I’d glimpsed so many times before was a full-on black hole. She whispered like she didn’t want anyone to hear her. “He just…wouldn’t let me walk away. And then he…” She tilted her head. “He held me there while he kissed my neck and grabbed me all over. I didn’t do anything. In the past, I’ve tried to argue. I learned it’s best not to. So, I just… I didn’t do anything. But then I thought of you.” She blinked twice, and her focus honed back on me. “I’m less worried about what happened to me, Jo, and more worried about the fact that I don’t give a shit. It happened a couple hours ago, and I’m already over it. I should care more about myself, shouldn’t I?”

“You flinch whenever someone touches you, Kai. Forgive me for pointing it out, but… You do give a shit, and you do care about yourself. You just don’t acknowledge it.”

Her eyes widened either with defensiveness, or confusion, or shock that I’d even noticed. “I flinch because I’m scared of what I would let happen if I had to. Because I know how I am. Sometimes the feelings get so overwhelming that I have to just tune them out. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Nothing’s wrong with you, Kai.” I desperately wanted to hold her face in my hands, but I refrained. What I wanted more was my best friend back, the one without these scars, so she could flourish and live as she always had. I had absolutely no problem sitting with this version of her, but she deserved to be free.

“I did better today.” She nodded, her face tightening with determination. “I want it back, Jojo. I don’t want to let it go.”

My gut rolled just listening to her, but I didn’t quite understand that last part. “What do you want back?”

She pressed her lips into a weak smile. “Can we talk about this another time?”

I nodded and placed my hands on each of her shoulders before immediately retracting them. Maybe she didn’t want to be touched, and I was the asshole who had never really asked. Not once in over a decade. And today, when she screamed at me—don’t touch me!—my heart absolutely shattered. It was the first time I’d ever seen her appear to be feeling unsafe with me.

“You can touch me,” she said as if she’d read my mind. “I like it when you touch me. I like to be close to you.”

Noted.

She peeled off the top of the frosting and set it on my nightstand. The spoon dove in and pulled out a giant lump of sugar which she stuck between her lips. I loosened a sigh and pulled her into me, letting her snuggle in as she ate another spoonful under the protection of my arms.

“It really hurts, you know,” I said, undoing my hold so she could sit up straight as I took her mind off of things. “Punching someone.” I touched my own knuckles, which were raw and bruised from the impact of Justin’s fake nose.

She giggled. “I know.” I hardly wanted to know how. “First time?”

Obviously. “No.” I cleared my throat and lowered my voice to a cold irony. “No, I fuck up dudes all the time. It’s just a standard Tuesday for me.”

“It’s Friday, Jojo.” She took another sugary bite and put the container on the nightstand.

“I’m a famous musician, Kai,” I said in my typical tone. “Other people usually do the thinking for me.” If only. Thinking, overthinking, seemed to be the only talent I couldn’t stop exercising if I tried.

“Ah, right.” She shoved one of my shoulders with a set of stiff fingers, brandishing her white teeth. “I forgot. You don’t run on clocks, you run on rock and roll.”

“That’s right.” I chuckled as I stood and placed myself behind the closet door to change into my pajamas. I pulled off my T-shirt and replaced it with a cleaner one. Scratching my hair and running my hands over my face, I took a second to breathe in the silence, shielded from Kai’s view. Today was the most exhausting day I’d had in a while, and it was days like these I found it hard to regulate myself, but her presence helped.

“Thank you, Jojo,” she said from behind the wood.

I stared at the hanging shirts in front of me; some mine, some hers. “For?”

“For today. And for everything, always.”

“Of course, Kai.” I stripped off my jeans and replaced them with my pajama pants, standing in the dark coolness of the closet a moment longer as I adjusted the drawstring.

“I kinda wish…” She paused. “I just kinda wish he wasn’t the last person to touch me.” She chuckled, and I could hear the smile in her voice. I hated it, but I couldn’t judge her for how she processed this. “I wish someone would kiss my neck all over if only to erase him. Maybe that’d…” I peeked out from behind the door to find her looking down at her lap, picking at her nails. “Maybe that’d help.”

I hid myself once again, stealing a few more moments in my place of solace. “Maybe.”

She puffed a breath, and I knew she was laughing to herself as if she believed her feelings to be silly. This was a perfect example of how much she cared and how little she’d let herself recognize it. I was glad, though, that she at least felt like she could talk about it in front of me.

“Maybe you should do it.”

It was my turn to laugh. What a ridiculous thought. “Yeah.” If I ever want to drive myself insane by getting a taste of something I could never truly have, I’ll let you know. I shook my head and smiled as I finally stepped back out into the room, approached my bed, and got under the covers.

She grinned at me. “What?”

“You’re such an idiot.”

She giggled and perked up. “What?! Is it so bad? The thought of kissing me?”

I couldn’t help the snort that escaped me. She’d officially lost it. Kissing her was my ultimate dream, so it was amusing to hear her think I believed it anything less than a miracle. It was even more amusing that she made such outlandish jokes about it. Me kissing her? Yeah, sure. Right after I became president and dyed my hair blonde. I wasn’t enough of an idiot to take this for anything more than it was, a joke.

“Oh, fuck you,” she said at my lack of answer. Her teeth were on full display. “You should be so lucky.”

“I should be so lucky?” I leaned up on my elbow to lock my gaze on hers from my reclined position. “I’m a famous rock star, Kai. Haven’t we established that? You’d be the envy of girls everywhere.” Lies. Any fan who came within three feet of me in real life would quickly realize I leave much to be desired.

“Sounds like a win-win.” She cocked her head and stared at me with a look so sweet, I almost disintegrated. “My neck gets patched up; we get to piss off the masses. What’s there to lose?”

“Ha!” I lay down fully and clicked off the light on my nightstand. Maybe she was on a sugar high from the frosting or something. Wild girl. “Besides our friendship and our sanity?”

“Hey, turn that light back on!” she whined. “I can’t convince you to kiss me without the help of my good looks!”

I cackled, and I could hear her reactionary hum.

“But really,” she continued. “Turn that back on. It’s way too early to sleep.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did you have plans to kiss me until midnight?”

“Not since you rejected me.”

I immediately leaned back up and flicked the light on as quickly as I could. Her smile took up half her face, and I couldn’t contain my own. What a silly little brat. “I did not reject you.”

“You laughed at the prospect of kissing me.”

“All right, smart ass.” I folded my hands in front of me and lifted my eyebrows, waiting patiently. “Go on, then. Do it.” I knew she wouldn’t, obviously. If I thought for even a moment that she would, I never would’ve put myself in such a dangerous position. But the girl actually got up. She got up from her fucking bed and approached me slowly. I leaned back with gaping eyes. “Kai?”

She just sauntered closer.

Trap. This was surely a trap.

She fell to her knees at the edge of my mattress and took my head in her hands. The soft curve to her mouth and the amusement in her eyes reminded me that this was a game, I just wasn’t entirely sure where the game would end.

My heart beat so rapidly in my chest, I worried she’d hear it. “Kai. What are you doing?”

Her shoulders rose and fell “Nothing.” She put the tip of her nose between my eyebrows and dragged it down until her lips aligned with mine. My throat ran dry as I forced myself to swallow. This joke was becoming less and less funny with each passing second.

“Kai.”

“What? I’m not doing anything. I’m just hanging out here. I never said I’d kiss you, remember? I told you to kiss me.”

“You little brat.” I wrapped her in my arms and slammed her down on the bed next to me, wrestling with her. To what end? I wasn’t sure. I just knew I had to win somehow.

Before I could, a loud thump sounded on the door. It swung open to reveal our two roommates, who stopped short at the sight of me and Kai. We were tangled, tussling in the sheets, laughing with long hair tossed every which way over our faces. We both leaned up to see Oli and June in.

“Oh my god,” Oli said, immediately covering his eyes and turning to exit the room.

June stared at us with her mouth wide open. “Don’t stop on our account.” Oli’s hand shot back through the doorway and tugged on her wrist.

“Wait, wait, wait!” Kai said with a giggle. “It’s just a friendly wrestling match, and I was so winning.”

“Untrue!” I scooped her back in my arms, but she kicked and wriggled away, falling onto the floor with a shriek and a thump.

She quickly stood with her bottom lip tucked under her teeth, scurrying over to June and Oli and lifting her middle finger behind herself. I shook my head. We were way too old for bed wrestling, but I can’t say I cared very much just now. Considering it took our minds off this horrible, horrible day, I could only be grateful.

“We were just coming to say it’s very early,” June said, glancing between Kai and me. “It’s been a long one, and we thought you two might like to do something fun, but it seems you already are.”

“We’ll do something fun!” Kai said, jumping up on June piggyback style. “Let’s drink wine and talk about our celebrity crushes. The boys can stay here and be boring by themselves.” She stuck her tongue out at me.

“Need I remind you, Kai, that I am her celebrity crush?” Oli said as June bounced out of the room with Kai hooked around her shoulders.

“Oh my god, June, did you see that new photo of Oli Awad, the drummer of…?” Kai’s sarcastic, gossipy question trailed off as the two girls got farther away.

Oli remained in my doorway, crossed his arms, and stared me down fiercely. His eyes were asking me a whole lot of questions, and I couldn’t tell if he was amused or just flat out exhausted.

“What?” I asked, pulling my blankets over my lap.

He cocked his head and lifted a thick eyebrow.

“What?”

“A friendly wrestling match, Jonah?”

I bit my lips back sheepishly and shrugged.

He rolled his eyes and began to turn toward the hallway. “Get up and come be social. The night is far from over.”