Chapter 8
Zara
We make love untilthe early hours of the morning and when we’re both completely spent, we lay in each other’s arms.
I don’t want this night to end. There’s only two more nights before he leaves and while I knew it was coming, I still don’t want to face my reality.
I trace circles on his chest, and he pulls me closer against his side. “Are you looking forward to going home?” I ask. I need something to talk about, something to extend this night further and keep him awake. I don’t want us to slip into sleep and wake up another day closer to Monday.
My heart’s a tangled mess. What have I done?
“No. Not particularly.”
“Me either. I wish we could stay in this little bubble forever.”
Brad doesn’t say anything, but his breathing picks up speed.
“Don’t you?” I shouldn’t ask but I want to know. Post orgasm glow isn’t glowing right now, instead it’s fueling my emotions.
“Yes, but unfortunately we can’t.” His tone is more serious than his usual light heartedness.
“I know.”
“I’m sorry. I’m bummed about leaving. But I can’t ruin our time. That’s not fair to either of us.” Brad hooks a finger under my chin and lifts my face. He kisses my lips. “This has been the best week of my life. That scares the ever-living shit out of me.”
I melt in his arms, his vulnerability and emotions on full display. “Me too.” I whisper.
“There’s something I need to tell you, Zara.” His voice softens yet his gaze remains strong. The butterflies descend anyways, and I brace myself for what he might say. “I came here because I needed to escape my life. Six months ago, my entire world flipped upside down.”
I wait for him to continue though the silence is deafening. But I don’t want to stop him from opening up, from trusting me with his life’s private details.
“I was engaged to my high school sweetheart. We’d been dating so long, it felt comfortable. Familiar. Stable. My parents loved her and so did I. But as time went on, the flame fizzled. I’m a sucker for love and man, did this have me questioning myself. How could the flame die out with the girl I believed was my soulmate? Love wasn’t supposed to be disappointing. So, I told myself I needed to try harder. That it was all in my head. Allison was the girl for me. After my oldest brother got married, I figured it was the next logical step for us. I proposed. The flame reignited for a short time, mostly due to wedding planning and her excitement, but it fizzed again, and I was left feeling depressed. I wasted months trying to decide what to do when finally, my brother sat me down and said if I don’t love her, I need to let her go. It’s not fair to anyone, but especially not to either one of us. It took me a while to work up the courage. I didn’t want to hurt her. But it had to be done. I asked her to meet for dinner on a Tuesday. It was early October and had been storming all day. I waited for an hour, thinking she got caught up at work or the traffic was bad, but I was wrong. A drunk driver slammed into her headfirst. She died instantly.” Brad’s voice dips and when I lean up, he’s wiping a few tears away. “It’s been hard. A lot of guilt, you know? I never told her parents I was going to call off the engagement. One drunken night I confessed to my own parents, and they were understanding. You can’t help how you feel, right? I know it’s not my fault that night, but I still can’t shake the guilt. Since then, it’s affected my daily life. I lost my faith in love.”
A tear slips down my cheek as I listen to him pour out his heart and soul. Oh Brad...
He clears his throat. “That is...until I met you. You make me feel alive again. Happy. Carefree. I wish I met you in Pensacola. Not here.”
More tears leak down my face and drip off my chin. It’s my turn to confess now. “You’re not the only one trying to escape their life. Hell, I’m running from mine.”
He waits for me to continue like I did for him.
“My parents are sort of well off. Family business money or whatever. My brother and I grew up in a large house inside a gate community, a very elite community. We attended all the best schools and my parents spent most of their free time hosting parties and basking in their memberships at the country club. I always hated the blatant displays of wealth. I liked the simpler things- the beauty of nature, of the world around us, of creating and learning. I kept to myself a lot and tried to keep myself humble. But then a new family moved to town. My parents took a liking to them and soon they were best friends. They had one child, a son, named Neil and he’s exactly what you’d expect from our world-cocky, spoiled, and entitled. I’ll admit he won me over at first. Made me feel like a queen. Paraded me around like arm candy. I was dumb and naive and fell for it and him. Our parents couldn’t be happier.”
I take a breath and prepare myself for the part I hate to remember. “But then I saw him fucking another girl in the janitor closet at school, just weeks after I let him take my virginity. I felt like a fool. I cried to my parents. But they didn’t care. They wanted us together. Married. Having babies. Infidelity was a part of marriage sometimes. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I looked up to them, to their marriage, and now they say cheating is okay? My foundation was shaken but my parents acted as if nothing happened. My father told me if I didn’t continue dating Neil, there’d be consequences. I did what I was told. Until I went away to college. I broke up with Neil, moved to college in Tennessee, and didn’t come home for four years, no matter how much my parent’s begged. They promised me Neil was out of the picture. They just wanted me home. So, after graduation, I packed up and moved home. I missed my friends and my brother, my hometown. When I arrived home, there was Neil, standing amongst my friends and family, welcoming me back. My friends were just as flabbergasted as I was. I played nice but refused to talk to him. Yet they keep pushing him on me. They broke my trust. But they’re my parents, what can I do? It’s been two years since I’ve moved home and started teaching, and Neil is still around. He brings me flowers, sends me gifts, and tries to take me out. He’s relentless yet my feelings for him are gone. So once summer break came, I left and came here. I told them I had to get away. I already know there’s no way in hell I’d ever marry Neil. But will my parents accept it? I don’t know.”
“Z, wow. I’m sorry. You don’t come off like a rich girl at all. I can’t imagine my parents controlling my life and always meddling. That’s not fair to you.”
“It’s not, but they’re my parents. My family. I couldn’t imagine them not in my life. I just wish they let me live how I want to.”
“As they should. Hopefully they’ll come around. It’s kind of ironic, huh? We’re both running from our lives. Another thing we’ve got in common.” Brad teases.
“Can’t we run away together instead?”
“I wish, Z. I really do wish.”
* * *
Our last two days togetherfly by. I enjoy every second but there’s a cloud lingering, following us around. I want to scream and run the other way.
When Monday morning arrives, I cry in the shower. I don’t want to say goodbye. I don’t want to be alone. And I sure as hell don’t want to go home.
Why didn’t I stop this before? I ignored the alarm bells, ignored my gut, and now I’m more confused than ever.
But why? Why does it matter? I’m still in the same position as when I got here. Brad was a quick little detour on my road to figuring shit out.
Yet it does matter. Because as I wash my tears away, I realize I’ve fallen in love with him. I can’t tell him. I need to let him go.
As we stand in front of the hotel entrance, I hug him tight and whisper a thank you against his neck. He kisses me lightly and we hug more.
“Thank you, Z. For healing my heart and making me feel like myself again.”
His words pierce my soul. I swallow past the lump in my throat and will myself not to cry. The words I love you are on the tip of my tongue, but I hold them back.
We kiss one more time and then he’s gone.
I run straight to my room, the tears already rolling down my cheeks. What a fool I am. How could I fall in love with someone so quickly? How could I fall in love when I knew he was leaving?
Life makes no sense.
The hotel phone rings. My heart lifts. Maybe it’s Brad. Maybe he’s changed his mind. He’s back for me!
“Hello, Miss Leavitt? You have a guest here. His name is Neil Bennett. Shall I send him up or would you like to come down?”
I drop the phone.
“Hello, Miss? Hello?”
The room spins.
Why the fuck is Neil here?!