Chapter 15
The night before the wedding
Ella
It was customary forthe groom’s family to host the rehearsal dinner, and the Stichts had chosen Elio’s, one of the nicest restaurants in town. It had an outdoor courtyard area reserved for parties. Light bulb strings artfully created the illusion of a canopy, and several ornate fountains provided privacy with their trickling white noise. A gnarled ancient oak tree also festooned with lights created a centerpiece at perfect odds with the sharply dressed waiters who buzzed around it. And of course, Elio’s was downtown, so passersby could look enviously in upon the diners while also being restricted from access by a solid half-wall.
The weather was perfectly balmy, and the lengthening summer days meant the bridal party had arrived at the cusp of sunset, the town coming alive around us as twilight grew.
My mother hated it.
“I don’t see why they couldn’t have just had everything at the club,” she muttered.
“Maybe they wanted to give you the night off,” I offered. “So you could sit back and enjoy everything without worrying.”
Mom made a disgruntled noise as she picked up a folded cloth napkin and inspected it, no doubt noting the competition’s laundry service. “Where’s Charlie?”
Charlie and I hadn’t spoken much since I’d tried to call off the wedding, but even at a distance, I could tell he’d been at hummingbird level since this afternoon. If anything, he was even more excited to throw an event than Mom. Which, I reminded myself sternly, was one of the skills that had made me want to marry him in the first place. Even if I was not feeling it right now.
The wedding party had just spent the better part of an hour practicing how tomorrow’s ceremony was going to go down: musical cues, blocking, how to walk. It made the whole production feel like a play. A fantasy.
But as soon as we’d gotten through the fake I dos, Charlie had pleaded the need to race to Elio’s to help with setup so it would be perfect when I got there.
Waiters slipped through the crowd, offering champagne. The out-of-town guests had been invited as well, so there were maybe thirty-five people here already. Others trickled in as they worked their way through valet. No Charlie, though.
“You look absolutely...” one of Charlie’s aunts began. Her forehead furrowed as she trailed off. Clearly, she’d intended to give me a compliment about being a blushing bride, glowing or whatever. But she couldn’t lie to my face. “Honey, are you well?”
No,I wanted to tell her. This is the final fuckup in a long series of mistakes, but it’s gone too far, and I don’t know how to escape, because if you knew me at all, you’d know I have serious baggage when it comes to embarrassing my family. And if you knew Charlie at all, you’d see he wasn’t above a little blackmail to keep this wedding on course.
“Fine!” I chirped and swigged too much champagne. “Just looking for the hubs-to-be. Have you seen him?”
“Uh...” She pointed vaguely to the kitchen, the worried look still on her face. Maybe Charlie was with Mary. Maybe his aunt knew. I wished I could put her at ease: I don’t care who Charlie loves!
Instead, I nodded appreciation and made my way toward the kitchen.
Inside, a flurry of waitstaff prepared bread baskets and salad courses. No Charlie. I moved through the kitchen, all the way to the back exit. I pushed open the heavy delivery door. No Charlie.
Instead, in the parking area, lifting a large boxed item that was probably the groom’s cake from the back of a service van, were Jack and Hailey.
I wanted to gasp, I was so startled, but I forced myself quiet, not wanting to surprise them into dropping the cake. The two shuffled and grunted, hard at work to maneuver the box onto a rolling cart positioned near them. Anyone could see they had chemistry, encouraging each other, moving together as both two people and one unit.
Jack noticed me first. He froze. Hailey turned to stare at me over her shoulder. Suddenly, they looked so much like trash pandas caught raiding a dumpster that I had to laugh, and when I started, I couldn’t stop.
“So...sorry,” I tried, getting a stitch in my side, the laughter unstoppable. It wasn’t funny. It was terribly painful. They were loading up the groom’s cake. My groom was probably right now off on a sordid, last-minute tryst with the girl he actually loved. The laughter was entirely self-pity. This was my fault, a mess of my own stupid, prideful design.
“I can set it up inside. It sits on a gold cake platter—” Hailey said nervously as she rolled the cart toward the door.
“Can I see it now, just with you?”
Her face puckered with sadness. With a big sigh, she opened the bakery top so I could peer in.
It was only my excuse to be near them, in a dark alley, alone. Not in the kitchen, where I had to act the bride for anyone who might see.
The groom’s cake was elegant and deceptively simple, with a gold and brown mirror glaze and golden filigree work around the edges. My duty was to choose the wedding cake. Charlie had requested this one, so seeing it was a total surprise.
“It’s too beautiful to eat,” I breathed out.
“We’re getting married,” Jack said.
“What?” For an instant, I imagined he was proposing, that he was going to sweep me off my feet and rescue me as if I really were a princess. That’s why he and Hailey were here with a van—to throw me into the back and kidnap me, to do toe-curling things to my body until I agreed. Even imagining the possibility made it an instant Number One on my spank bank fantasy list. I wanted that. I wanted them to make me do what I wanted to do but was afraid to.
“We’re having a baby,” Hailey said shyly, and their bodies swayed toward each other.
Heart. Break. My hand literally came up to my chest, as if to protect that stupid organ from the sheer, unbelievable pain.
“Uh, wh...what?” It wasn’t just my heart, apparently. All systems had gone down, my brain included. “I’m sorry, what?”
“I’ve been taking tests for three days straight,” Hailey said in that same red-faced, pleased way. Omigod, that’s how Charlie’s aunt had expected me to look. “This morning it finally showed on the early detection kit, but it was there. An extra pink line.”
I shook my head. This? What? Brain.exe not found.
“I think... It lines up with the night the three of us were...” Her voice feathered into breathless, eyes shining.
That was my baby.I was there when it was made. It wasn’t how biology worked, but I felt it so strongly I couldn’t deny it. I swallowed back tears. “Really?”
The urge to not merely get kidnapped but to jump headfirst into Hailey’s cake van and beg them to take me was overwhelming. Sadness made me laugh. They were getting married. I was still in love with them, but Jack and Hailey were starting their own life without me. Who could blame them? Not me as I sat on the stoop on the eve of my wedding.
Here was the other thing: they hadn’t come here to rescue me or even ask me to join them. They weren’t asking my opinion. They weren’t asking, period. Why should they? This wasn’t about me. It was about them.
“I’m so happy for you,” I managed, hugging Hailey, catching her off guard. She went stiff in my arms, then slowly melted, hugging me back. I kissed the side of her head, tears squeezing from my squinted eyes. “Congratulations.”
The urge to bury my face in her hair and trail kisses along her neck overwhelmed me, and I felt like the worst kind of pervert, the sort of person I’d been according to those PATG camps, the way I’d felt under my parents’ disapproving gazes. So I forced myself away. What had I expected would happen? That I would get married and the rest of the world would remain frozen, never changing?
I’d thought leaving them would be the most painful thing I’d ever do, but that was wrong. The most painful thing was them leaving me.
“Congratulations.” I turned to embrace Jack. He caught me in his arms and hugged me tight.
“Ella.” His voice had gone hoarse. “Ella, I got you something. It’s actually for you and Hailey to share. I’d like to give it to you at your wedding if that’s OK.”
I nodded, a little sob hitching out, and I had to pull away so I didn’t entirely lose my shit, fall to my knees, and beg them to rescue me from the mess I’d made.
He caught my hand and squeezed. “Ella, it doesn’t—”
“I would love for you both to be there tomorrow,” I said in a watery, hot-mess voice.
It served me right; I had strung them both along, afraid to offer them anything greater than being the open in my open marriage. They deserved more than that. Even though my heart was breaking, I was still happy they had fallen in love with each other...but I also wanted to curl up in a ball and die.
I had this sudden epiphany: even if I lost them because of my foolishness and cowardice, I never wanted to hide who I was again.
“I have to go in and, uh, and find Charlie,” I said, looking to the sky and blinking. I needed to tell him right away. And I suppose if I found him and Mary together, the conversation would just be that much easier.
* * *
While Jack and Haileyfinished the cake delivery, I went in search of my soon-to-be husband. I found him out on the patio, in the center of a circle of our family and friends, raising his glass in a toast.
“Perfect timing!” he called as his eyes found me. “To Ella, my beautiful bride, who has made every day since I met her brighter than I can express. My darling, I want you at my side, as my partner, forever. Tomorrow is our day! Cheers, everyone: to Ella!”
The crowd raised their glasses and toasted. I did not but smiled graciously as I wove through friends and family, passing my brother and a group of his buddies from high school, a state representative who would officially declare tomorrow Ella and Charlie Sticht Day (something he’d do for anyone who made a significant campaign donation), and Charlie’s tiny, wizened grandmother who had flown in from Florida two days ago.
I wended through the crowd, the warm summer breeze curling around me, until I got to Charlie’s side. By the smell of him, he was quite drunk. Because everyone was looking, I linked arms with him.
“Charlie,” I murmured into his collar. He didn’t seem to hear, so I tugged him closer and demanded, “Charlie!”
His eyes slid over my cleavage then bopped up to my face as he smiled drunkenly. “There you are.”
“Charlie, we need to talk.”
“But everyone’s sitting for dinner,” he complained, waving a free hand to the diners who were taking their seats and saying hello to their tablemates. “You have to toast. We have to thank everyone, and we need to give out the wedding party gifts—”
“This is important, Charlie.”
He scoffed. “What’s more important than this? I’ve been waiting all week to try the lobster medallions.”
I scowled at him. He put his hands up in surrender, one of which was still in my armlock jail. “OK, OK. Whatever Princess wants...”
“Don’t call me that,” I barked as I led him...where? Not to the back alley. Jack and Hailey might still be there. Not outside the restaurant, where the very public downtown sidewalks would offer no privacy. Inspired, I dragged him into the women’s bathroom and locked the door behind us.
“I said six weeks of no sex, and I meant it.” Charlie leered drunkenly as I turned on him.
“We can’t get married.” No point in sparing his feelings; he was probably too drunk to catch anything but the most straightforward discussion.
“Because of Mary? Don’t worry, I broke it off with her,” he slurred a little.
“You what?!”
“Relax. Now it’s just the two of us. So no more open anything.”
“Charlie, what happened?”
He shrugged, face slack. “I couldn’t face her,” he said at last, and it seemed to sober him up. “I felt like a coward, asking her to be my mistress, to put up with all this.”
“Chuckles,” I said, relief washing over me, “listen to me. Let’s call off the wedding—”
“You’ve just got cold feet.” There he was, back to being drunk off his ass.
I patted his breast pocket, trying to soothe him. “Then you can be with Mary, and I can... I can be with who I’m supposed to be with.”
I thought again of Hailey’s pregnancy, how it felt like mine even though it wasn’t happening in my body. Probably, this is what men felt like when their partners caught.
“No!” he shouted, the sound bouncing off the walls and making me flinch. “Don’t you think I thought of that? Don’t you think I’ve been over this? Look...shhh, look I’m sorry I yelled.” He went all Elmer Fudd, whispering about hunting rabbits. “Think about all the people you know and love who are out there right now. Everyone who is anyone to me will be watching us tomorrow. Please, please, Ella, don’t humiliate me, don’t leave me at the altar. Look, what happens between us can be completely nonromantic. We can be business partners who live in the same house. I have tickets to Hawaii for our honeymoon on Sunday.”
“I’m not in love with you.”
He raised his hands a little higher, like I was robbing him at gunpoint. “We have a few laughs, and if you feel the same after all these wedding jitters are over, I...uh, let’s see. I promise to separate in eighteen months. We spend a year apart, then file for a no-fault divorce. A few years, Ella. That’s all I’m asking. And you help me convince your dad to leverage Rolling Green.”
He raised his eyebrows and lowered one hand to point a finger in my face. “In return, I won’t call you out for being a cheating, kinky dyke on social media. Thirty months and you’ll be back to doing whatever, or whomever you want, and so will I. But come on, Ella. Do you really want another public disaster on your hands? Do your parents deserve to get humiliated in front of everyone they care about? If you leave me the night before the wedding, I’m going to have to retaliate and make it all about you and your fuckups. From what you’ve told me, that’ll probably get you disowned. Or you could say two little words at the altar tomorrow, get a vacation out of it, and in less than three years, a fresh start.”
“My parents—”
“Shhh...” He put a rubbery finger against my mouth. “If they were here, they’d vote for a quiet divorce in three years over a very public, dramatic flounce by their only daughter who already has a reputation for messing things up.”
“But—”
“I am being sooo good to you right now, and you are not compromising at all. Look at what I’m giving up.” He stuck out his thumb. “I’m not demanding you get pregnant, which is a big thing for me...although at least my dad will get off my back about it while we’re married,” he muttered under his breath. “You’re whining about...whomever, with no appreciation that I’m suffering too. Mary is pissed, but did I complain? No. And another thing—I need someone who knows how to run a hospitality—”
“I don’t want to do this, Charlie. I’m in love with someone else.”
He shrugged. “So am I. This has nothing to do with that. Come on, Ella. This is about you not ruining the wedding. It’s just a day. You and I can get through it, and it’ll be like it never happened, I promise. I even promise,” he leered, “not to have sex during the honeymoon...unless you ask for it.”
“Ew, Charlie.” I tried to push past him, needing to get away. He blocked the door.
“I promised. Now you promise too.”
“Charlie, I don’t know...” I wheedled. What he’d said made sense, but it felt wrong.
“I didn’t want to have to do this Ella, but...” He sighed. “You’ll marry me tomorrow, or I’ll do a hostile takeover of Rolling Green. Yeah.” He widened his eyes in a taunt. “It’s been sitting on the market for over a year. If you humiliate me, Monday morning I’ll leverage my other holdings to acquire Rolling Green flat out. My agents tell me your dad is underwater on it anyway, so I’m gonna lowball him until he cries. I’m going to take your family’s precious little shit club and turn it into Sticht West. And the whole time I’m doing it, I’ll tell everyone I left you at the altar because I found out you were a huge, cheating, skanky whore. And guess what? They’ll know it’s true because they’ve heard that story before.”
“You’re drunk.” I pushed him to the side to get to the door.
As I passed by, he pushed me back, hard, and I knocked into the wall. His lip pulled back with satisfaction, then his eyes cleared.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, coming over to help me upright.
“Don’t touch me.” I unlocked the door, my shoulder smarting, and flounced out of the bathroom.
Charlie followed me out. Curious stares followed as well as knowing smiles, probably imagining we couldn’t get enough of one another and had banged one out in the restroom before dinner. The idea made me want to vomit.
Instead, I walked back out to the dining area and took my seat at the head of the table. When guests clinked their glasses madly and Charlie kissed me, I gave him my cheek and pretended to smile. But the whole time I was there, I only had eyes for the sweet couple standing next to the bachelor’s cake, preparing it for serving.
Eighteen months and I would be free. I could keep my reputation intact. I could prevent re-creating the horrible scandal that had hurt my family so badly. I was going into an open marriage, which meant I could spend those eighteen months begging Hailey and Jack to take me back.
I told myself I could do it, and that was a familiar refrain. Just as familiar as my shaky stomach and my breaking heart.