Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Gia
“ I want to talk about Bettina.” I eyeball him so he knows he’s not getting out of this conversation.
“She is the last thing I want to talk about.” He blows on his hands and averts his gaze.
“Which is exactly why you should.” I touch his arm again. I seem to be unable to help myself. I have this irritating urge to be near him all the time. It’s only getting worse, and it pisses me off as much as it excites me. A shrink would have a field day in my head at the moment. “You need to unburden yourself, Joshua. I didn’t realize how much you’re still hurting over her until last week. You’re carrying so much anger and pain.”
“So?” He shrugs, stabbing me with a harsh look.
“Don’t.” I cup his face in my gloved hands. “Don’t put your shield back up. Talk to me.”
“Why?” His hand lands on my hip over my coat. “Why do you even care?”
I swallow a bout of nerves. If I’m asking him to be vulnerable in front of me it’s only fair I return the favor. “Because I care about you. And I hate to see you suffering. I want to help. I know it might not seem like it, but I’m a good listener, and I promise I won’t judge.”
He stares at me for an indeterminate amount of time, and I wish I knew what was going through his head. His eyes lower to my mouth, and my heart kicks off, going crazy behind my chest cavity. Warmth heats me from the inside as he clasps the back of my neck in one large firm hand and draws me toward him. Our eyes connect, and we hover on the precipice of something monumental as we hold still with our mouths a hairbreadth from one another.
He's so beautiful. Can you say that about a man? All I know is it’s true. Joshua is shielding nothing from me now, and staring into his gorgeous deep-blue eyes is like staring into his soul. Joshua is good. It’s innate, but he’s buried it so far inside it rarely surfaces. He’s been showing me glimpses, and I’m reminded of the boy he used to be—sweet, kind, considerate, and he always had a smile for everyone. He smoothed Caleb’s rough edges and jumped in as peacemaker so many times.
“This isn’t a smart idea,” he says, his warm breath fanning over my face.
“I know,” I whisper.
“But I need to taste you, Gia. I need it more than I need air to breathe.” He bridges that final gap and presses his hot mouth to my lips.
I expect him to devour me. To brutalize my mouth with punishing kisses and pent-up need, but he gives me the opposite. His lips are tender, worshipping, respectful as he moves them against mine, and I’m floating on air, melting against him, sucked into his warmth and his strength and his virality. Enveloped in the confidence that comes from slow, sensual kisses when it would be far easier to give in to our baser desires.
It’s everything.
I never want him to stop kissing me, and it scares me.
Eventually, we pull apart before we both develop lockjaw. Warmth blankets me from head to toe despite the chilly night. My lips are swollen, and my heart is careening around my chest.
“You terrify me, Gia,” he says, tucking a few stray strands of hair back into my hat. His eyes are shining with emotion as he peers into my face. “The things I feel for you terrify me.”
“I share that sentiment,” I truthfully admit, dragging my fingers slowly through his silky, blond hair. I’ve been dying to do that for weeks. “This has hit me out of nowhere. I have never felt this way about any guy before.”
“I had feelings like this before, and I got burned.”
I sweep my thumb across his cheek. “I’m not her.”
“I never thought she’d betray me. She was so sweet, and she seemed happy. She was happy. We were happy.” His eyes glaze over as he remembers the past.
I release his face and take his hands in mine, urging him to continue with my eyes.
“We were together four years when she started sleeping with Cruz DiPietro behind my back. She was eighteen, and he was thirty-three and married.”
“I suspected it might be Cruz that day at the market.” I rub his bare hands with my gloved ones. “Is that why Caleb fucks Anais?”
He nods. “He targeted her deliberately in retaliation.”
I have all kinds of feelings on that, but my focus is Joshua.
“My brother always has my back. He’s one of the few I know I can count on.”
Despite their vastly different personalities, there is no denying how close the twins are. They have a tight bond, and they are always there for one another. To come at one is to come at both, and woe betide anyone going up against the Accardi twins. Few live to tell the tale. I’ve seen it countless times over the years.
“You won’t want to hear this, but Bettina could be a victim,” I say. “Cruz may have targeted her on purpose. Groomed her to be his whore. How long was he married to Anais before this happened?”
“About four years, I think. I might have believed that theory back then but not now. She’s a grown woman. She could walk away anytime, and she doesn’t.”
“She could be trapped. We don’t know what he’s holding over her or what kind of shit he’s telling her to keep her by his side.”
“Or she’s just stupid enough to believe a married man’s lies.”
“That could be true, but what if it’s not?”
“I don’t care! I don’t give a fuck about them!” he snaps, yanking his hands back.
“But you do,” I quietly reply. “It hurts you she’s still with him when the truth is if she hadn’t cheated you two may have broken up anyway.”
“I can’t say what would or wouldn’t have happened. I loved her. I wanted to marry her. And she chose him.”
“So, you cut yourself off from feeling anything, and you keep women at arm’s length now. You’re letting her restrict your choices, and you don’t even know why she did it. You don’t know if it was a choice or if she was forced into this.”
“You heard her the other day! She said she couldn’t help falling for him.”
“That doesn’t mean she wasn’t manipulated.” I stand and face him, knowing it’s risky to push him like this, but he’s not facing up to it, and it will continuously hold him back in life until he does. “Are you hurting because she left you for him or because you think you failed to protect her from him?”
“I hate her for discarding everything we shared like it meant nothing. I hate her for throwing my love back in my face like it didn’t matter. I hate her for all the lies and the deceit, for how foolish she made me look. But most of all, I hate her for changing me. There isn’t a single part of me that feels even a tiny shred of guilt. She made her bed; now she can rot in it.”
“That’s not what I meant. I?—”
“Drop it. I’m done talking about that cunt.” His Adam’s apple bobs in his throat, and he grabs fistfuls of his hair. “I can’t do this. I can’t do this with you. Tonight was a mistake. Forget it happened.” Before I can reply, he’s walked off, looking like he’s carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders.