Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
Gia
J oshua dropped me off a block from the apartment. It was on the tip of my tongue to ask him to come home with me because I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts. But I held back. He’s right. We need to keep things strictly professional between us until I’m finished with my assignment.
I take a shower and try to think of anything but what happened in the basement earlier tonight. But my mind refuses to let me forget it. The first tear falls as I’m leaning my head back, rinsing suds from my hair. They continue falling as I get out, run a towel over my body, and blow-dry my hair. I brush my teeth four times and use half a bottle of mouthwash rinsing my mouth, but I can still taste his disgusting cum tainting my insides. By the time I’m dressed in my comfy long-sleeved pajamas and I have crawled under the covers, I’m completely under siege. Wracking sobs rip from my chest as I curl into a ball on my bed and totally lose it.
I clutch a pillow to my body as I expunge pain, grief, humiliation, and fear.
I don’t even feel the bed dipping behind me at first or have time to panic that someone got in my apartment without me noticing. “It’s me, Gia. I’ve got you,” Joshua says, carefully turning me on my side to face him.
I’m in too much pain to shelter my emotions from him. I don’t care how weak I must look. I can’t do anything but give in to the deep-seated pain battering me from all sides. Tears pour from my eyes like a waterfall, and I can barely see him through my blurry vision.
“You should have told me. I’m so sorry you had to endure that tonight.”
I almost choke over the sobs as anguish tears me apart on the inside. “Hold me,” I rasp in between sobs, needing someone to make it better.
His arms wrap around me without hesitation, and I sob into his chest. He’s still wearing his dress shirt and pants, and I drench the crisp white cotton with an avalanche of tears. The entire time, he holds me secure in his strong embrace, dotting kisses into my hair and encouraging me to let it all out.
Eventually, I run out of tears. I close my eyes and press my face to his shirt, inhaling his comforting scent and sinking into the protection of his arms. “Don’t leave me,” I whisper. “Please stay.”
With the tenderest touch, he tips my chin up so our eyes meet. “I’m going nowhere, and you don’t have to beg. Not where I’m concerned.” He dusts his lips lightly across my brow, my cheeks, and the tip of my nose before softly kissing me. When his eyes lift to meet mine again, I see nothing but concern and compassion. “Did he hurt you physically, Gia? Did more happen than we heard on the tape?”
I shake my head. “All my pain is inside.” I cringe at how hoarse my voice sounds. “Actually, that’s not quite true,” I add, feeling a throbbing ache in my hips and along my back. Alarm blazes in his eyes. “Not because of Liam. From the car ride to Jersey. The driver had the skills of a sixteen-year-old who just got his learner’s permit. I got thrown around a bit.” I didn’t feel it before because my internal pain overrode everything else.
“I’m going to take care of you.” He kisses me again, and it’s a feather-soft touch of his lips against mine. “I’ll be back,” he adds, rolling off the bed.
After he exits the bedroom, I sit up against the headrest, ignoring the spasm of pain the motion produces. I scrub at my stinging eyes and shove messy strands of reddish-brown hair behind my ears. I’m exhausted from my crying stint but I feel lighter too. I needed to vent that.
Joshua returns with a mug and a tube of arnica cream. Sitting on the side of the bed, he hands the drink to me. “It’s honey and lemon. It’ll help. Mom used to always give it to us when we had a cold or a sore throat.”
Fresh tears prick my eyes for a different reason. “Thank you.” I take a sip, and the liquid is like a balm flowing down my throat.
“I’m going to kill him.” He says it real matter-of-fact as if we’re casually discussing the weather.
“If anyone is killing that prick it’s me.”
“We’ll do it together,” he says. “I’ll help, and you can deliver the kill shot.”
“Deal.” A small grin slips over my mouth in between sips of the sweet citrusy concoction.
“You’re not going to his place tonight. It’s far too dangerous now.”
As much as the thought of it disgusts, enrages, and terrifies me, I’m not bowing out. I can’t fail, and I can’t fall apart at the first true hurdle. I shake my head. “I have an assignment to complete, and we’re finally getting somewhere. I can’t back out now.”
“Please, Gia.” He sweeps his fingers across my cheek, leaving a trail of fire in his wake. “I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
“I’ll use the sleeping aid. I’ll put it in his food or his drink. I can make it look natural, so he won’t suspect anything.”
“I don’t want you going near him again.”
“It’s my job, Joshua,” I softly say, finishing my drink and setting it down on the bedside table. “If I was a man, would you ask me to step away?”
A muscle strains in his jaw. “This isn’t because you’re a woman. It’s because you’re you.” He gently clasps my face in his hands. “It’s because I care. I won’t see you hurt on my watch, and it’s too dangerous now. He thinks he owns you. He’s liable to do anything.”
“It won’t come to that.”
“It did tonight.”
“Because I was caught off guard, and I acted recklessly.”
“That’s my fault.” He averts his eyes, clenching and unclenching his jaw.
“It’s not. I was the one having a hard time separating personal from professional. If I’d been thinking straight, I would have gone home to get changed before going to the bar. Then none of it would have happened.”
A harsh laugh escapes his lips as he turns to look at me again. “Honey, it really wasn’t anything to do with what you were wearing. He wanted to exert his control over you with an audience. If it wasn’t the dress, he’d have found another excuse. Don’t think he didn’t plan it, because he did.”
I reach for him, needing his solace again. Joshua leans back against the headrest, mirroring my position, and hauls me against him. “I ruined your shirt.”
“I don’t care. I have forty-nine more like it in my closet.”
“That’s a very exact number.” I peek up at him.
“I keep an inventory of my wardrobe.” His sheepish expression tells me he knows how that sounds.
“There is nothing wrong with being coordinated and well prepared. You could probably teach me a thing or two.” I crack a grin.
“I don’t know how you can joke after everything you’ve endured tonight.”
I trace circles on his hard chest through his damp shirt. “Crying helped. Having you here helps too. And if I don’t laugh, I’m liable to fall apart, and I refuse to let that bastard turn me into something I’m not. He thinks he’s broken me, but he hasn’t.” My eyes bore into his. “It’s why I need to finish this. I’m not bailing on this assignment.”
“So brave.” He kisses my brow as I yawn. “Let me freshen up in the bathroom, and then I’ll put some cream on your back, and you can sleep.”
“Sounds like a plan.”
When he returns a few minutes later, I have removed my pajama top and I’m lying on my stomach with my back exposed. “How bad does it look?” I ask, glancing over my shoulder. I gulp as I trek my gaze over his semi-naked form. Joshua sets his neatly folded pants and shirt down on the chair before sauntering toward me in only his boxers.
He says something, but I don’t hear it. I’m too busy ogling the smooth expanse of skin stretched tight across defined muscles. He’s got abs to die for, those V indents at his hips, and his arms are shredded, way more so than they look in his clothes.
He chuckles, and the most disarming smile spreads across his face.
“You’re beautiful,” I blurt. “So fucking beautiful.”
His smile expands as he climbs onto the bed. “I don’t think I’ve ever been called that before.”
“Well, that’s a travesty because it’s true.”
“You’re great for my ego, Gia.” He flashes me a smug grin as he uncaps the tube of arnica cream.
I roll my eyes before putting my head back down on the pillow. “Your ego does just fine without my compliments.”
“I think you’re confusing me with my twin.”
I snort out a laugh. “I’m not, but I get the point, and I completely agree.”
“I’m going to put this on now, okay?”
I glance back at him. “Yes.” His tender concern is doing funny things to my insides. I flinch when his cool fingers land on my back.
“Relax. Take deep breaths.” His large palms glide carefully over my back as he applies the anti-bruising cream.
“Is this our thing now?” I say in a sleepy voice.
“I sincerely hope not.” He massages the cream in with confident strokes. “I don’t like seeing you hurt.”
“They’re only bruises.” I’m hurting way more inside, but I don’t share that sentiment. He doesn’t need me to anyway.
“Turn over.”
I lift my head and look back at him.
“I’m not trying anything, Gia. That is the last thing you need tonight, and I will never take advantage of you.”
I mock pout because I wouldn’t say no to some sexy time, but he’s right. It’s been a testing day, and it’s not the best time to make those kinds of potentially life-changing decisions. I already know sex with Joshua is going to be transcendental, and I’d rather wait until I’m not emotionally wrought and in pain. “I know you wouldn’t. You’re a good man, Joshua Accardi,” I say as I turn over, exposing my tits and my stomach.
“I’m not a good man, but I can be good for you.” His eyes drill into mine, and he purposely avoids looking at my chest, gently rolling the waistband of my pajamas down until my hips are exposed. He’s diligent in applying the cream and avoiding looking at my intimate parts. It only makes my heart beat harder for him. His touch warms my skin, sending delicious tremors skating across my flesh as he works the ointment in. I can’t stifle my whimper in time. I’m a strange combo of sleepy and aroused, and my core is pulsing with the need to feel his fingers in me and on me.
“There. All done.” His voice is gruff, his pupils are dilated, and he doesn’t hide when he adjusts his erection behind his boxers.
Tension crackles in the air as we stare at one another. Leaning down over me, he presses a passionate kiss to my lips. Our chests brush in the process, and my body is totally down for this. But he pulls back, grabbing my top and helping me back into it. “Not tonight, honey.” He lies down, guiding me to his chest. “I don’t want our first time to be tarnished with the things that happened tonight. And you need rest.” He kisses the top of my head. “Sleep, darling. I’ve got you.”
I nestle into his side and fall asleep way too fast for my liking. I would have preferred to savor the joyful memory of being held and adored by him as we slept side by side for the first time.
When I wake, Joshua is already gone. His side of the bed is still warm, so he hasn’t been gone too long. There’s a note beside my bed explaining he had to attend an emergency meeting of The Commission and confirming he left breakfast for me in the kitchen.
The fact I’m smiling as I crawl out of bed is all thanks to Joshua. He transformed one of the worst days of my life into one of the best. I know I’m falling for him, and as I survey the decadent breakfast awaiting me in the kitchen, I can’t find a single reason why I shouldn’t.