35. Chapter 15
Chapter 15
Angela took a deep breath and inhaled the scent of Zoric. It was tinged with panic, anger, and something else she didn't want to try and identify just yet. And it was better than the best cologne she'd ever smelled.
Cuddling into him while he held her made Angela feel oddly feminine. That he was letting her hide her face from a room of potentially hostile people was even better. She didn't know why but she felt like she'd been rubbed raw inside and out.
"Private McBride?" Ae-cha called and Angela realized they'd asked her another question.
You can say you're not up to it, Zoric sent.
Not up to what? she asked him, reluctant to admit she had been smelling him instead of listening.
To letting Ae-cha search for triggers in some of your memories without having to go through the process with Dr. Phillips involved.
Oh. She didn't want Ae-cha rooting around in her head anymore.
If she's cutting out the doctor, she's trying to get away with something, the voice in the back of her head insisted. You can't let her do that. She'll hurt you.
"I'm not sure I'm up for it," Angela said, putting all her exhaustion in her voice. "My brain is still kinda raw and I didn't get near enough sleep."
"And sounding the warning took a lot out of you," Zoric agreed.
"Have we heard if the base was actually attacked?" Angela asked. "I know it followed us for a while but have we heard if it doubled back and hit the base?"
"We'll have to ask the Colonel when he returns," Dr. Phillips said. She sounded exhausted but the ever-present edge of anger was no longer in her voice.
"Do you think it's likely?" Ae-cha asked. "None of the rest of us noticed the vibrations when you did which speaks to it being something you're likely to have more information about than we will."
It wasn't an accusation but Angela could suddenly feel the walls closing in on her. Did they think she was faking it? Warning them about something that didn't exist? The Colonel had evacuated them from the base and watched the disturbances in the sand from the helicopter with her. Whatever they thought she had done, Angela knew he believed her.
"I could feel the wall shaking while I was asleep," she said, defensive. "Colonel Schuh said they'd caught something on the instruments but it didn't look like anything they recognized."
"Then it wasn't in your imagination," Zoric told her.
"Of course," Ae-cha said. "We all heard the explanation. And we believe it. We just have less experience with that kind of disturbance."
Her people have tunneling technology that my people could only dream of, Zoric told her across their Bond. And they know what it looks like on human systems because they cheat and look.
Angela suppressed a smile but sent the amusement she was feeling back to him. He returned the sentiment with a hug and a warm feeling of acceptance and an emotion she wasn't willing to name. Not yet. Maybe not ever.
"Be that as it may," Dr. Torres said. "I still think it would be helpful if Ae-cha could look for more triggers, maybe try and find a pattern to them. A psychic fingerprint? Whatever it would be that would set apart the malicious commands from the more benign ones."
"Agreed," Dr. Phillips said. "Though I worry about taking some of the controls off the process. We had observers for a reason."
"I'm an observer," Dr. Torres said. "We don't have cameras but I can be considered a reliable witness and I'm willing to record my observations. And Dr. Phillips can still direct the questioning."
A wordless wave of panic and revulsion at the suggestion rolled through Angela and she had to fight her desire to stand and flee.
"Maybe, instead of looking for more triggers, we test what Ae-cha is planning on something more benign. A memory? I can use my Bond with Angela to make sure she's safe and Ae-cha can ask her to remember something that couldn't possibly have a trigger attached to it." Zoric's voice cut through the panic and she wondered what, exactly, she'd missed.
What does Ae-cha want to do? she asked him.
She wants to look at your brain as a whole and try and find the signature of the command to stop breathing when someone asks you a question that you're not supposed to answer. Instead of asking you leading questions and making you say them out loud, she wants to trigger a memory that will let her into your brain, so she can get deeper.
I don't want her poking around in my brain with no limits or controls. It's why I worked so hard last time.
I know, Zoric sent, along with a wave of reassurance. I'll be there to keep her from things you don't want her to see. It will be my energy keeping your boundaries up, not yours. It should be less taxing for you to deal with everything that way.
Do you think I should do it? She felt so small, asking him like that. As though she wasn't an adult who could make her own decisions, have her own agency.
I think what Ae-cha is proposing is interesting, and Dr. Torres has some good questions. I don't want you to feel pressured into any of this and I will defend your right to say no to my last breath if you don't want to.
It wasn't an answer but it made her feel better.
"What Zoric said," Angela told Ae-cha. "With the caveat that we stop the minute Colonel Schuh returns."
"As soon as it is safely possible," Ae-cha corrected. "An immediate cessation might be dangerous and I won't risk it. But I'll disengage as quickly as it's safe."
"Alright," Angela said. "Where do I need to be to do this?"
"You can stay where you are but Zoric will need to turn so you're facing me. Dr. Phillips and Dr. Torres can move so they can see us both," Ae-cha instructed. "If there's space," she amended when they struggled to move their chairs.
"Do you need the light turned off?" Dr. Phillips asked. "There's only one."
"No, that will be too dark," Ae-cha said. "Angela can focus on my eyes and my voice with the lights on, can't you Angela?"
The lizardwoman caught her eyes and nodded. Angela found herself nodding along with her and took a deep breath. Zoric steadied her with an arm around her waist and a brush of his presence along the back of her mind.
"Alright, Angela, I want you to relax and we're going to see one of your memories. What do you think we should look at?" The question was directed at Angela but Dr. Torres answered it.
"Her first MRI," he suggested. "That should have been a strong memory for the age she had it."
Ae-cha tried not to show her irritation but Angela could feel it, along with Zoric's amusement. He considered Dr. Torres a brilliant professional with a one track mind. Of course he'd want to know about her first MRI.
"Does that work? Can you remember your first MRI?" Ae-cha asked.
Angela nodded and, suddenly, she was there, though the edges of the memory were hazy. It had been softened with time and distance, but also a certain benevolent hand had eased away much the pain and fear that she knew must have accompanied it.
Angela curled her bare toes against the cold linoleum and ignored the adults around her. She couldn't really hear what they were saying over the noise of the computers around her anyway.
Her gaze was fixed on the scene through the window in front of her.
The machine lurked on the other side of the door. Ominous shadows filled every corner and flickered with one of the dying overhead lights. The hospital smelled wrong - like the cleaning supplies Uncle Saul never let them use at home because they burned his nose. She wished he was here now. He always smelled like pine needles and mountain air, even in winter when everything else smelled like snow.
The thin hospital gown wrapped around her, doing little to cut the chill from the air conditioners. Her jaw ached but she couldn't relax her clenched teeth enough to make it stop.
"We're almost ready to start, Mrs. McBride," the woman staring at the big computer screen said.
"Can't you wait a little longer?" her mother asked, the worry in her voice pushed Angela's heart into her throat.
"Ma'am, there are other people who need this machine," the woman said. "I need you to have your daughter lay down so we can get her started."
"Saul is on his way," her mother explained. "We can't start until he's here."
Everybody knew you didn't do doctor's appointments without Uncle Saul, even if you drove three hours to the emergency room because you fell and cracked your skull. He usually insisted they go to the charity clinic halfway down the mountain from their home but they had to send her to the city for the machines. She knew he'd be there.
Uncle Saul had always been there for doctor's visits, just like he'd been there for Grandma Mae's visits, and Great-Aunt Jenny's before that. Angela had seen the pictures in the old album - Uncle Saul standing next to Great-Great Grandma Sarah on her wedding day, looking exactly the same as he did now. When she'd asked about it, her mother had just smiled and said some people aged better than others.
Angela wondered that the woman was willing to go ahead without him.
"Is he her doctor?"
"No."
"Her father?"
"He's my uncle."
Angela thought about that. Didn't everybody have an Uncle Saul?
"Ma'am, if he's not a doctor, we don't need to wait for him."
The door to the room with the machine opened and one of the nurses who had been moving around the room placed a hand on her shoulder.
Angela dropped to the floor in a screaming, angry heap. Her body thrashed and fought while her mind stayed oddly clear, like it always did when she needed Uncle Saul. She could feel him coming, like a cool shadow moving through the mountains toward her. His shadow never quite matched his shape when he moved that fast, stretching longer and lower to the ground, but nobody else ever seemed to notice.
She was aware, in a vague way, of the nurses lifting her from the floor and into her mother's lap. She kicked and hit at them, at her mother, at the chair and tables nearby.
Her entire body hurt and sharp spikes of pain radiated from the head injury that had necessitated the trip to town in the first place.
A calm voice cut through the screams that were making her throat raw and Angela hoped he would get to her soon. She wanted to stop and rest but she knew she couldn't until Saul told her.
A cool hand on the back of her neck brought blessed relief to her overheated body. Through her tears, Angela saw Uncle Saul's human shape settle into place, like ripples smoothing on a pond. His skin was always cool, no matter how far or fast he'd traveled to reach them. The other adults drew back without seeming to realize they were doing it - Uncle Saul had that effect on people.
"Calm yourself," Uncle Saul said, his soft voice echoing through her mind.
Angela stilled, her limbs suddenly too heavy to move, and Saul lifted her from her mother's battered arms.
"Why didn't you wait for me?" he asked, and Angela could feel the whip of disapproval in his words. Her mother flinched.
"We tried," she said, her voice choked with tears.
"I don't know who you are, mister, but we've already delayed too long. There's a-"
Uncle Saul growled in a voice Angela had only heard a few times in her life. She watched his fingers flex against his leg, his nails just a little too sharp against the fabric of his pants. She'd seen those nails longer once, when he'd scaled the cliff behind their house to rescue her kite. But like the strange ripples in his shadow, nobody else ever seemed to notice these things about him.
"I do not care about who is waiting. Your desire to rush, your refusal to wait, has damaged my niece."
"She's here because her injury is urgent," one of the nurses protested. "Waiting for you could have killed her."
"Refusing to wait for me almost has," Saul snapped.
"Who are you, then? Why did it take you so long to get here? Why did we have to wait for you?"
Angela could feel her uncle turn to look at the woman.
"I'm Uncle Saul," he said, his voice filled with poisoned honey. "And you wait for me because anything that puts her in danger, I will be there to deal with the consequences."
"What does that mean?" the nurse demanded.
"It means," Saul said. "That we should get Angela into the machine. And after that, we'll discuss whether or not this is your last day here."
Uncle Saul lifted her from her mother's arms and strode through the doors. He laid her down on the bed in front of the machine and caught her face between his hands.
His eyes shifted to a shining, solid green, and the rest of the room faded into shadows.
"It is not time yet, little one. Relax and have no fear. Nothing in here can hurt you."
Angela didn't nod, she couldn't, but she knew Uncle Saul could feel her desire to behave. He smiled and leaned forward to kiss her forehead.
His eyes shifted back before he turned to talk to the nurses, but Angela caught a glimpse of scales along his neck, shimmering like dewdrops before smoothing back to skin. She'd learned long ago not to mention the things she saw when Uncle Saul changed - it was their secret, like the way he could speak in her mind when she was scared.
Uncle Saul was there, his hand cool against her forehead, his shadow stretching protectively over her like wings.
Everything was going to be alright.