Chapter 10
Alice
Love is a strange thing.
Does spending one night together with the man I care for so deeply mean I’m in love with him?
Sitting on the bench enjoying the cool breeze, I let my thoughts wander.
I like Darian. I trust him.
I trusted him enough to give him my body. I may not have had a plethora of wolf shifters vying to bed me, but I have had plenty of human men who were interested. I simply never wanted to be so vulnerable with anybody. But when Darian kissed me, when he held me to him, I wanted him to be the first. In my dimly lit room, I wanted to know what it felt like to be with someone who cared about me.
He kept me up till dawn. I expected him to be there when I woke up this afternoon—or at least, I hoped he would be there—but he was long gone. The idea of looking Mary in the eyes had haunted me till I discovered that she had gone off with some girls on a picnic. She had left behind a note for me, explaining her absence. To my surprise, even Jimmy was no longer guarding the door when I peeked out.
Darian did tell me that the garden the east wing overlooks is a safe area to be in, so that’s how I find myself here. I can’t stay in that suite all day long. I didn’t bother to dress up, putting on a simple blouse and a pair of jeans. My red hair is tied in a braid that is resting on my shoulder. My stomach rumbles, and I ignore it.
Is this how it’s going to be, with Darian giving his attention to other women in the daytime and then coming to my bed at night? For how long? What if, once we are mated, his father forces other women on him? What then?
I want to tell Darian to stand up to his father and defend me, but my voice dies in my throat at the mere thought. He’s already doing so much for me, someone who is not worth even this much effort. How can I ask him to do more? Sighing heavily, I tilt my head back and stare at the blue sky.
“Is someone like me even allowed to be happy?” I whisper to the breeze, the loneliness in my question making my heart ache. What does Darian even see in me aside from our fated mate bond?
Every time I ask myself that question, I can’t come up with an answer. There’s nothing special about me. In fact, I would say that I’m lacking in almost every way. Willow wasn’t wrong on that account. There is nothing I can offer the royal family that would make me stand out as a candidate for queen. If Willow weren’t one brain cell away from being a sociopath, she would make an excellent queen. She’s got the breeding and the education. Her father gave her every opportunity he could think of.
To ask Darian to do more than what he is already doing for me doesn’t seem right, considering all this. I should be grateful that somebody cares about me the way he does. It’s still a foreign feeling to have someone look out for me this much or talk to me with such affection. There are times it simply doesn’t seem real.
Lost in thought, I don’t notice the cracking of a twig until a gasping sound follows it. I look over, alarmed. I can’t see anything because there are hedges everywhere to give the people walking in the garden some privacy.
“Hello? Is somebody there?” I call out cautiously.
There’s an extreme coughing fit, and I jump to my feet, looking for the source of the sound. I soon find it.
It’s an elderly man, wearing a white shirt and dark-colored pants. He’s on the ground, spitting up blood.
“Let me get help!” I cry out, horrified. But he shakes his head, trying to whack his own back at the same time. “Let me do that.” I gently thump his back, and he coughs out more blood, but after a few seconds, the tremors in his body cease. “Let me get you some water. Stay here,” I instruct him, trying to remain calm. The sight of the blood is terrifying. “Please don’t die while I’m gone.”
I rush over to the bench where I placed the bottle of water I’d brought along with me. It’s still unopened, and I quickly remove the cap before tilting it against the man’s lips.
“Don’t worry about spilling. It’s fine,” I reassure him.
He takes a few sips, and when he coughs, the blood from his mouth is almost pinkish this time around.
“Thank you, dear.” His voice is hoarse, and he takes my offered hand, struggling to get to his feet.
“There’s a bench right over here,” I tell him. “You should sit. I’ll go get some help.”
“No need,” he murmurs, still sounding weak. “Just stay here with me. I’ll be fine.” He walks with great difficulty, and once he’s sitting on the bench, he lets out a sigh of relief. “My knees don’t move the way they used to.”
“It’s okay,” I reply, smiling at him. “As we age, our bodies go through a lot of wear and tear. I suppose I’ll be in this same position one day.”
He pats my hand tiredly. “I hope not, child. I used to be so strong in my youth. And now, look at me. I can’t even walk around without a cane. I never foresaw this.”
The man seems familiar, but I can’t place him. “Are you a gardener here?”
He glances at me from the corner of his eye, looking genuinely shocked. “What?”
“I saw the shears next to you, so I assumed. You seem familiar, though. Do you work in the east wing? I’m sorry. I’m terrible with faces,” I explain.
He lets out a quick laugh. “Familiar, you say? Yes, I must seem that way. You seem mighty familiar to me, as well.”
I don’t know why he looks so amused, but at least he’s not coughing up blood anymore.
“Should I get you something else to drink? There’s some cold juice in my room. It might make you feel better.” I’m already halfway off the bench when he shakes his head.
“No. Your company is enough. But I thought all the young ladies were out on the picnic today.”
I recall the event on the itinerary. “They are.”
“Why aren’t you with them?”
I shrug. “I don’t fit in. And I don’t mind staying here.”
“Don’t fit in, eh?” He settles his hand on mine and gazes at the garden, his expression weary. “So, you’re hiding out here?”
I nod. “My fated mate is already having a hard time. I don’t want to add to it.”
“Is he?” The old gardener looks at me. “Why is that?”
I give him a small smile, kicking my feet. “Let’s just say I’m not the most suitable of mates for him. But he seems to like me. I’m grateful for that much, at least.”
I don’t know why I’m telling him so much. Maybe my heart is so heavy that some of the hurt is spilling out.
The old man is quiet for a few moments, and then he says, “You should be more confident in yourself.”
I want to laugh at his words. “That’s easier said than done. I’ve never been given an opportunity to practice that. Imagine being told your whole life that you deserve to die for merely breathing. Then tell me I should be confident.” My outburst has made me start shaking, and I rub my hands over my face to try to stop. My body feels cold. “Sorry. I guess you caught me at a bad time. I should go. I’ll send someone to help you. I’m so sorry.”
When I move to stand up, he grasps my wrist and stops me. “Sit. It’s alright.”
Reluctantly, I sit back down beside him. “I’m afraid I’m not very good company right now. I’m dealing with some things.”
“We all are, child,” the man replies quietly. “But you get one life. You shouldn’t spend it hiding from yourself just because the world wants to be cruel to you. You are only as weak as you believe. Consider it the advice of an old man who has seen far too many years on this Earth. Do not let anybody dictate your self-worth. You are the only judge of that.”
I give him a small smile. “Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.”
After a brief period of silence, he asks, “You said your fated mate was having a hard time. Who is he?”
I consider the man for a moment. Does he really not know? It could be that he doesn’t. After all, Darian and I haven’t spent any time together in public, and no one in the palace knows that his fated mate is residing here in the east wing.
I don’t want to give away his identity, though. “He’s from a good family, and it seems they don’t approve of me. I can understand that, but I can’t help him. I don’t want him to be at odds with his family because of me, but I also care about him.”
“Why doesn’t his family like you?”
I look away. “I’m not good enough for him.”
The man makes a tutting sound. “There it is. You are questioning your worth again. If your fated mate is standing up against his family for you, that means he sees something in you that nobody else does, perhaps not even you.”
“Maybe,” I whisper. “I sure wish I knew what it is, though.”
The man squeezes my hand. “I’m sure you’ll find out in time. Why don’t you come with me to the entrance of the garden? I should be getting back.”
I help him to his feet and walk with him, keeping my pace slow. “I hope you don’t mind me troubling you with my problems. I don’t normally—That is to say—”
“I understand, dear. Sometimes things get to be too much to bear all alone. I don’t mind lending you my ear. I quite enjoyed your company. If I’d had a daughter, I would have liked to comfort her in this manner.”
We reach the garden gate, which leads to a path that goes all the way to the next building. I suddenly remember the shears I saw where he had fallen. “Wait. Let me go get you your shears.”
He gives me a half smile. “Those must belong to the gardener. It was lovely meeting you. I made the right decision to come here.”
I blink, confused. “They aren’t yours?”
“Oh, my dear.” His smile brightens. “I’m not the gardener.”
He walks away slowly, and I stare after him. If he’s not the gardener, who is he?
I retreat toward the bench, feeling confused, and suddenly come to a standstill.
Hold on.
No.
My head whips around, and I rush back to the gate. I look down the path, but he is gone.
Surely not.
Was that the king?
I never got a good look at him during either of the events I attended. I was too busy looking at Darian.
What would the king be doing here, though? Maybe I’m wrong. Darian told me how much his father opposes our mating. There’s no way he would sit and chat with me. I have to be wrong. I know I’m wrong.
The king would never come here. He has no reason to.
*****
That night, I wait for Darian.
Mary goes to bed sulking. There was a dance event this evening, and she discovered that if I didn’t attend, she couldn’t, either. She kept insisting that I go with her, but when Jimmy refused to let us leave the suite, she finally went to bed with a pout on her face. I can’t blame her. She wants to enjoy herself. She had a grand time at the picnic today, and I’m glad for that. It does make me a little envious that I have to sit things out, but then again, I probably wouldn’t enjoy them the way she does.
I wait till the early hours of the morning, but Darian does not show up.
The next night is the same. No Darian.
I ask Jimmy, but all he tells me is that Darian has been called away by the king for diplomatic purposes and is simply not around. I try to text him, but my messages don’t go through.
There’s only one more event left.
“You’re overthinking,” Mary tells me as she helps me into the light green dress. “The white witches arrived this morning. I heard they would be attending the last event. He must’ve been busy with them. You know how much importance the Wolf Kingdom gives to the white witches’ coven.”
As I put on the jewelry that Darian gifted me, I recall the sweet words he whispered to me in the early hours of the morning after our night together. He meant them. We talked about the future and all the things he wanted to show me, the places he wanted to take me. He spoke of wanting an enormous family.
I smile brightly.
I need to have more confidence in myself. He’s just busy. This is not the time to feel insecure.
There’s a guard waiting for us outside.
“Where’s Jimmy?” Mary demands.
“He got called away by the prince,” the guard explains. “I’ve been asked to escort you two ladies to the ballroom.”
There’s a thrum of excitement in the air when we enter the ballroom. I can understand it. Tonight, the fated mate couples will announce their engagements. Those who have chosen other partners will do the same. Despite everything, I can’t help but feel a little excited, as well. Today will mark the beginning of the rest of my life. Spending my life with Darian is beginning to feel like a wonderful dream. I’m happy, I realize, more so than I ever have been before.
As the event begins to unfold, the king and Darian arrive. One look at the king has me feeling faint.
It was him. He was the man in the garden.
He looks in my direction, and his lips curve kindly. I quickly lower my eyes. When I sneak a glance at Darian, he’s not looking at me. His expression is stiff.
I frown. What’s wrong with him? As he walks past me, he doesn’t even acknowledge my presence, and it worries me. I hope he’s alright.
“He looks a bit tired,” Mary observes.
“You’re right,” I whisper back to her. “Maybe he was busy with the coven.”
Mary nudges me, smirking. “Look at you, being all concerned.”
My face feels hot. “I am not—” I pause. He’s my fated mate. I have every right to be worried about him. “Stop messing with me, Mary.”
She laughs. “I’m just so excited for you. It’s not every day my best friend gets engaged to the prince of the Wolf Kingdom. Everything you’ve suffered so far in life has led to this. Nobody will ever be able to look down on you after tonight, Alice.”
I wet my lips, looking in Darian’s direction. “I don’t think that’s what matters to me. I just never thought I would get the chance to fall in love with somebody or have somebody love me back. It was one of those dreams that seemed too far out of my reach. Now that it’s happening, I still have a hard time believing it.”
My friend’s eyes glisten with emotion. “Well, it is happening, and if you need help believing that this is not a dream, I am more than willing to pinch you.”
“Keep your hands away from me,” I warn her, giggling.
The king gets to his feet, and I suddenly feel nervous. “All the young couples have had their time with each other, and tonight we announce the engagements,” he announces. “Young men, you may begin.”
Apparently, it is custom for the males to announce their chosen female. The practice seems a little archaic, but then, the Wolf Kingdom is big on tradition. One by one, the men start walking over to their fated mates and taking their hands. As they do, they announce the female they have chosen.
My heart is pounding. Darian is last, and when he finally steps forward, my whole body trembles. Warmth blooms within me as I recall the words he spoke to me that night, the dreams he showed me, and my heart feels like it will burst from joy.
He walks toward me, and I can see no one but him. I begin to smile as he approaches me. He’s just a few steps away, and I move forward, lifting my hand…
But he walks right past me.
For a moment, I stay frozen in place, bewildered.
“I, Prince Darian Kassel, take”—I turn around to see him holding another female’s hand, and it’s not just any female—“Willow Elvin as my future mate.”
“I don’t understand,” I murmur. Reality hasn’t sunk in yet.
What is he doing? Why is he saying Willow’s name? Why is she leaning against him like that, smiling?
“Darian?” My voice is small as I try to make sense of what is happening.
He doesn’t look at me. His eyes are on Willow, and cold comprehension forms within me.
He was toying with me.
All this time, he was only toying with me. That night we spent together meant nothing to him. Was it all just another way for him to gain my trust, or had getting me in bed been his end goal all along?
Suddenly it makes sense that he never got in touch with me again after that night. I feel nauseated as I stare at him. Mary’s fingers dig into my arms, and I let the pain center me.
Willow is looking at me now, smiling triumphantly.
I wish I could control my expression, but I don’t think I can hide the devastation in my heart. For the first time, I truly wish my parents had killed me instead of giving me away. I wish I had never met Darian. I wish when Cyrus shoved me off the roof, I hadn’t survived. I wish when Thomas beat me within an inch of my life, he had completed the job.
Is this what it feels like to have your spirit break completely?
Silence falls across the ballroom as all eyes turn toward me. I stand there motionless, Mary’s hands holding me steady. There’s a growl in her throat.
I hear the king’s voice boom from across the room. “Will you explain to me why you have a chosen another aside from your fated mate, Prince Darian?”
I don’t have the strength to turn and look at the king, but for a moment, it sounds like he’s not very happy. I’m apparently quite good at imagining things, though, so he’s probably thrilled. Maybe he orchestrated this whole thing. But then, why would he ask? Why would he care? I’m nothing to anyone. Or maybe both father and son want to put me in my place for even daring to consider myself worthy of standing next to the prince.
My heart is aching so badly that it feels like it will collapse. There are no tears in my eyes. I’m trying to gather myself, but I don’t know how. I’ve been so badly shattered that it’s as if I’m standing in an eternal darkness, shards of the person I used to be scattered around me in a thousand pieces.
“I asked you a question, Prince Darian,” King Edward demands. “The royal family has always taken fated mates, if you recall. I hope you have a good reason for choosing another female as your intended.”
My eyes lift from the floor to look at Darian as everyone waits for his answer. He still has the same face, I muse to myself dully, the same handsome features, those startling green eyes that held so much love and laughter in them.
Yet, I don’t recognize the man standing a few feet from me. I’m looking at a stranger right now, as he finally meets my gaze. There is not an ounce of affection in his eyes, none of the warmth that always existed when he looked at me.
No. All I see is disgust.
“I do not want my fated mate,” he says tightly. “I reject my fated mate based on my discovery of what she is. She does not have a wolf spirit.”
His words hit me like a ton of bricks, crushing me.
My knees buckle, and I would fall to the floor were it not for Mary holding me up.
I feel a strange sensation building inside me. I’ve never experienced it before. It’s like a fire within, something stirring, waking up from a long sleep. Emotions that are not my own course through me. Anger, rage, incredible hurt, outrage. It’s like there’s another being in there.
It’s not me. These feelings are not mine.
Something stretches inside my mind, something sleek and graceful, something furious.
I always wondered what it felt like to have a wolf spirit. But feeling this other creature residing in my mind, watching through my eyes, is not how I imagined it. I don’t know how I know this is my wolf spirit. Perhaps it is instinct. I just know.
I don’t lack a wolf spirit! That’s another shocking blow.
But why now? Why show up when my life is breaking apart?
A small, desperate voice within me whispers wistfully, “Would Darian still reject me if he knew I do have a wolf spirit?”
That sliver of hope is crushed instantly by the small flicker of pride I have left.
“Alice Lane is not who she claims to be.”
Darian’s words make me numb. Then, the whispers surround me.
“I knew it.”
“He’s been escorting Beta Thomas’s daughter ever since the dance.”
“They make a better pair.”
“No wolf spirit? What was the girl expecting?”
“Did you see the way she was smiling at him, like she thought she actually had a chance?”
“How embarrassing! How deluded does one have to be?”
Just then, the doors of the ballroom are thrown open, and five hooded figures walk in. They’re wearing white robes, the hoods concealing their faces. All attention falls upon them.
“Where is Alice Lane?”
I take a step back, and Mary immediately comes to stand in front of me protectively.
“What is this?” King Edward growls. “Why are the white witches interfering in a wolf shifter event?”
One of the white witches speaks up. “We were informed by the prince that Alice Lane carries the bloodline of the dark witches.”
Shocked gasps erupt from everyone around me.
What? But I’m not a—
I can’t help but start to shake in fear. I look at Darian, who is staring at me. Why did he lie to them? How deep does his hatred of me run?
The witch is not done speaking. “She carries the mark of the dark witches on her ankle. The prince has confirmed it.”
I flinch, recalling the way he stared at my foot when we were in bed together. But he had continued on with our lovemaking instead of telling me the significance of the mark. Did he decide right then to reach out to the white witches and brand me as some sort of dark witch? Why?
“That’s her!” Willow declares, pointing at me. I’ve never seen her look so happy.
As the white witches approach, I retreat more, and Mary spreads her arms in front of me. “Alice is not a witch. She’s a wolf shifter—”
“Nonsense!” Willow cries out, her voice shrill. “She doesn’t even have a wolf spirit! I knew something about her was wrong the day I met her. She’s a dark witch!”
“She’s not a dark witch,” Darian corrects her, his voice cold. “But those who carry the mark of the dark witches are not accepted by the Wolf Kingdom. I brought the white witches here to perform a sealing spell on Alice Lane so that she does not pose a threat to the Wolf Kingdom. She will be exiled after the sealing, and no wolf pack will be allowed to give her refuge.”
I look at him, my insides churning, and I feel lost. Where did this version of Darian come from? Where did such hatred come from?
“Just kill her!” some of the shifters shout out. “Get rid of her!”
“I don’t think that’s fair.” A voice speaks up from the crowd, and I look past Mary to see Jason walking over. “She hasn’t harmed anyone. If she truly carries the mark of the dark witches, I would like to see it before she is punished for it.”
I don’t have the opportunity to so much as blink before two of the white witches grab me by the arms. I see Mary’s eyes turn amber, and I know she’s about to shift.
Willow notices the same, and her voice is filled with anticipation. “If you defend her, you are also a traitor. The healer is siding with the dark witch!” There’s a wealth of glee in her voice. “She must be working for the dark witch!”
Panic fills me. “Mary, stop! Let them do what they want to do. Get away from here!” My friend freezes, and I continue, frightened. I don’t want anything to happen to her. “Just go! I don’t need your help!”
She stumbles backward, her eyes changing back to normal. There are tears in them. “But—”
Jason quickly grabs Mary, holding her steady.
The witches lift up my skirt, hiking it all the way to my waist such that the entire bottom half of my body is revealed. I feel the sting of humiliation, but there’s nothing I can do. I am being judged for something I’m not guilty of.
“She carries the mark!” the white witches declare.
“Even so,” Jason intervenes, “she has not hurt anybody. This is the first I’m hearing of the dark witches’ mark. Your Majesty, are you going to let one of your people be executed because these witches say she’s a threat?”
“She doesn’t have to be executed. She doesn’t even have a wolf,” Darian says coolly. “Seal her magic.”
The white witches exchange a look before nodding. “Very well. But after, she will also be branded so that we can keep an eye on her.”
Branded?
My body is shaking in fear. What are they going to do to me?
They release my arms, and I slump to the floor, my legs too weak to hold me. The five witches surround me, point their hands at me, and start to chant. My ankle begins to burn, and as it does, an excruciating pain courses through me.
I try to tolerate it, still not understanding what is happening. But it’s like tiny knives slashing my insides. And with each breath, the agony intensifies. It feels like acid is been thrown on me.
That’s when I begin to scream.
I can’t bear it. They’re flaying my skin. Peeling it off. They’re ripping out my heart.
I grip my head and curl into a ball, trying to hide from the pain, but it doesn’t stop. It just doesn’t stop.
I’m crying, screaming, my face wet, my body writhing in agony.
“Stop!” I beg. “Please! Just kill me! Darian!”
My pride goes out the window as the pain shoots through my legs, up to my pelvis, exploding into a blinding whiteness. Sobbing, I implore him as he stares at me with a stony face.
“Kill me! I beg you! I’m sorry! I should never have looked at you! I shouldn’t have wanted to be with you!” I’m willing to say anything, do anything to make this end. “I’m so sorry! I’m so sorry!”
But he just stares at me as if I’m nothing more than an insignificant insect. I can hear Mary’s shrieks, but I can’t think straight.
Someone end this. Somebody help me. Why isn’t anyone helping me?!
I tear at my own skin, trying to stop the pain, trying to replace it with something else. I feel my claws extend, and I rip into my wrists, trying to end it, but nothing works.
“Darian, please! I’m sorry! I’m begging you!”
But no matter how many times I plead with him, he doesn’t even blink. I try to crawl to him, but Willow kicks me in the face, and I fall back. Blood spurts from my nose, and I curl up again, barely breathing.
My heart is shriveling inside me. I have never felt as alone as I do in this moment. They’ve reduced me to something that doesn’t deserve any sort of dignity, any pity. I am nothing.
I can’t even scream anymore, strained gasps leaving my mouth, my body twitching. My muscles have gone limp now.
I feel empty. My wolf is fading.
That’s right. You should go, too. Abandon me. Like Darian, like my pack, like my parents.
I should have believed my pack. I don’t deserve even a lick of happiness. They always told me that, but I never wanted to believe it, still living in a fantasy that one day I would be happy, that all my problems would go away.
But now I’m going to die. I know it. I want it to happen. Just let it all be over with. All the dreams I had, the hopes I built up, none of them took place. I lived a miserable life, and I died a dog’s death. Is this what my parents wanted for me?
My eyes meet those of the king. His face is pale. Confidence in myself? Is that what he said to me? I’m no better than an insect in his eyes. He must be having a grand time right now.
Soundless laughter bubbles out of me.
What a fate! Despised to this extent. What a life to live.
My eyes are only half open as I stare at the brightly lit chandelier above me. I can’t move anymore. I can’t scream anymore. I can feel my body growing cold. Is this what death is like? Will I finally be at peace now?
The pain stops.
I close my eyes, wanting to laugh miserably. Why is it that every time I am on the cusp of death, I am not allowed to die? Even now, I’m still breathing.
Why?
Someone is holding me to them, lifting me up. I hear Mary’s cries. “Alice! Alice, look at me!”
I open one eye, but I can’t focus at first. I don’t want to focus. I want this to end.
“The sealing is complete. We will brand her now. Step aside, please. We are going to remove her clothing.”
“That’s enough!” I hear Jason say angrily. “She’s been through enough. You can do that later!”
“Your Highness—” I see the witch closest to me turn toward Darian.
“Does she have to be stripped of her clothes for the branding?” Darian asks calmly. It’s almost as if he’s unaffected by the agony I just underwent. Of course he is. He orchestrated this.
“Yes,” the witch insists.
He’s going to agree, isn’t he?! He wants me to suffer. Having me naked and branded like an animal, like livestock, would be the last nail in the coffin.
I can feel my mind begin to fragment.
Hide me.
Hide me where I can stop feeling.
“Your Majesty!” Jason raises his voice again. “Even if the prince does not care about his fated mate, she’s still a young girl. There’s no need to subject her to such humiliating torture. She has done nothing. If the branding is absolutely necessary, it can be done later, once she has recovered, and in a private setting.”
“Why are you trying to save her?” Willow retorts. “She’s not a shifter. She’s a dark witch—”
“Shut up!” Jason snarls at her. “I am not talking to you!”
“Are you going to let him speak to me this way?” Willow demands of Darian.
My fated mate, the man who so skillfully manipulated me, stirs at the insult to his intended. “Willow is to be the future queen. Watch your mouth, Alpha Marrock.” His tone is harsh.
“Supposed to be,” Jason snarls. “And I was talking to your father, not you. Your Majesty, please!”
“I agree with Alpha Marrock,” King Edward says, his voice uneven. “There’s no need to humiliate the girl. Take her to her room.”
“The ritual has to be completed!” the white witches protest.
“And it will be,” the king responds sharply. “But not here. And not till she recovers. She looks half dead. I do not appreciate this. Take Miss Lane to her room now!”
Someone is picking me up, but I don’t know who it is. Jason’s face swims into my vision, and I use the last bit of my strength to whisper weakly to him, “Kill me. Please.”
His eyes soften, and I see the pity in them. “I can’t do that.”
My arm falls limply to my side.
I feel myself fading in and out of consciousness, my awareness declining. At some point, there’s a bed underneath me. A wet cloth is being rubbed gently across my face. I can hear someone sobbing.
Why?
Why waste tears on me?
I feel the warmth of healing magic, but it doesn’t have the impact on me that it usually does.
I’m relieved.
Mary’s voice is shaking. “Alice. You can’t give up. My healing magic isn’t going to work if you lose your will to live. Don’t do this.”
My eyes remain closed. Lose the will to live? That sounds about right.
I try to chase the darkness. I feel safe there.
I hear somebody crying softly, but it doesn’t bother me. Nothing bothers me. I can see the end approaching. It’s just a waiting game now. I’m tired of reality. I’m tired of having to face it all.
What is there to live for, anyway? I’ve been called a dark witch. I’m going to be branded like livestock. And I’m sure Darian has other plans to torture me. Why should I stick around for that?
The door creaks, and then I hear a familiar voice. “How is she doing?”
“She’s not—She’s in and out, Jason. I’m trying, but she doesn’t want to live.”
“There’s someone here to see her.”
Silence, and then Mary’s shocked voice. “Your Majesty! Why are you here?”
“I wish to have a word with Alice.”
The shock is followed by anger. “If you’re here about the branding, don’t bother.” Mary’s voice is thick with tears. “She doesn’t want to live. Look at her. Her body is rejecting my healing magic. I can’t force her to live. I made her come to the mating gathering. She didn’t even want to be here. This is all my fault. Everything is my fault. I told her that Darian—that he—”
“It’s not your fault, child. Please give me some time with Miss Lane. I wish to speak to her, even if she is unconscious.”
“Come, Mary.” Jason’s voice is firm. It feels like I’m floating in the room, but everything is dark. However, I can hear each and every word.
The door closes, and then the bed creaks. “This isn’t what I wanted for you.”
Why does the king sound regretful? He should be happy.
“I know you can hear me, Alice. Open your eyes. I can hear the shift in your heartbeat.”
Open my eyes? I can barely function.
“I don’t want you to give up.” His tone is hard now. “Your life isn’t over. I made a mistake once, and I will not repeat it. I want you to live, Alice. I want you to have a happy life. Your world hasn’t ended just yet. Your life has just begun.”
My eyes flutter open, but my vision is blurred. I can’t make out the king’s face, but I can see where he is.
There’s something I want to say to him, just one question I need to ask him.
My voice is hoarse. “I didn’t d–do anything to you. Why did you d–do this to me?” Getting those words past my throat is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.
He takes my hand in his, but I still can’t discern his features. “This wasn’t my doing. I promise you I am going to facilitate a way for you to leave. Alice, you will not be branded. You will not suffer. I will make sure nobody gets to you. Consider this my gift to you. I wish I could have done more.”
He gets to his feet, and before I can stop myself, my hand reaches out to grab his sleeve. But my grasp is weak, and my hand falls back down. He notices and wraps his withered hand around mine.
“Do you want to say something to me?”
“Why won’t you let me die?” I gripe, forcing the words out.
He’s silent, and then he strokes my hair so gently that tears come to my eyes. “It’s a selfish reason. You remind me of someone precious. Live a good life, Alice. And remember, you are not weak, and you are not worthless. I meant what I said. You don’t owe the world anything.”
I watch him leave. I don’t owe the world anything? The world doesn’t seem to think that way. It’s collecting some sort of vicious debt from me.
I find myself fading away again. The next time my eyes open, I’m in the back of a car. I hear someone panting, and then I hear Jason say, “Don’t give up. Just a few more minutes, and we will be there.”
Mary’s voice is strained. “Her heart is quitting. I’m trying to hold on!”
Jason’s voice is hard. “Just a few more minutes.”
The world fades to black again.
The next thing I see is that I am in some sort of hospital room. My body feels stronger, but I am so tired. I look at the ceiling wearily. Exhaustion fills me.
“Why am I still alive?”
My voice is whisper-soft, but it wakes up the person sleeping in the chair beside my bed. Mary jumps to her feet, and when her face flies into my field of vision, I realize that I can see clearly now.
“Oh, thank God, Alice. I thought we lost you!” Mary sniffles, taking my hand in hers.
“Where am I?”
“A private clinic. How are you feeling?”
“Why did you save me, Mary?”
My friend looks at me, her eyes welling with tears. “You are very important to me, Alice. I don’t care if the whole world is against you. I believe in you. And I can’t lose you.”
Her words should make me feel better, but I just feel tired. “They called me a dark witch. Darian—He orchestrated it all. He told me—” I don’t want to think about it. “But I was nothing to him. He crushed me like a bug under his shoe. I just don’t want to—I know you must think I’m weak but—”
“I don’t think you’re weak,” Mary says fiercely. “I think you are incredibly strong. And you have to be even stronger now. You have to recover and live the life you wanted to live.”
I sigh, a hollow sound.
Mary grips my hands, her expression grim. “There’s a reason you have to live now.”
That’s when I notice the blood on her hands.
I look over the side of my bed and see a woman lying there, dead.
“Mary?” I ask cautiously.
My friend swallows. “There’s something you need to know.”