The Alpha’s Cursed Queen (Eternal Oath Saga #1)

Chapter 22

Darian

When I show up at the carnival holding a bag, Alice looks confused. “You don’t have to bring her a new toy every time you see her.”

“It’s not a toy,” I say as my daughter leaps into my arms. “I wanted to get her something to wear.”

“She has clothes.”

I look down at the emerald scarf my daughter is wearing, and I touch it gently. “I was sure you would have thrown this away.”

Alice opens her mouth and then shrugs one shoulder. “Mira likes it.”

From the way she doesn’t meet my eyes, I wonder if it’s only Mira who likes it. Or is Alice holding onto something from the past because of the memory attached to it? All I know is, she’s not going to give me a straight answer if I ask.

“I’ve never had the opportunity to buy her things. Clothing and other necessities, I mean. And I can’t exactly go shopping for baby clothes now, can I? So, I got her a jacket. Do you want to see it, Mira?”

The little girl jumps in excitement. “Is it purple?”

“Well, no. Why don’t you open it and see?” She digs into the bag and brings out a faux fur jacket, the exact shade of green as the scarf wrapped around her neck. “I thought you would like it to match.”

Her eyes widen. “How did you know I was going to wear this scarf?”

I grin, putting a finger on my lips. “It’s a secret. Do you like it?”

She nods excitedly. “Can I put it on?”

“Sure.” I take off her jacket and help her into the new one. “What do you think?”

“So soft!” She presses her cheek against the sleeve before twirling around. “Do you like it, Mom?”

Alice nods. “It’s very pretty, Mira. What do you say?”

“Thank you.” She looks up at me, beaming. “Can I also get green shoes to match?”

“Mira!” Alice chastises her, but I nod happily.

“Let’s go shopping for them together.”

Alice sighs. “Sorry about that. She gets carried away.”

“I’m her father. She should get carried away.”

“She has a lot of shoes. She keeps losing them. Don’t get her anything expensive.”

“I’ve seen the things you have in your apartment for her, Alice. Don’t lecture me.”

Alice looks away, flustered.

“Can we go?” Mira holds out both her hands, one for me and one for Alice, and my heart warms. When she wraps her small hand around mine, I can’t stop myself from smiling. How is it possible to love somebody so quickly?

Mira is a bundle of energy, pulling us from stall to stall. She wants to try out all the rides, and I have to put my foot down when she points at one of the treacherous-looking roller coasters.

“Absolutely not.”

“But it looks like so much fun!” she insists, trying to drag me over to the line and failing.

“You just had two corn dogs. You’ll throw up—and that’s not as much fun as it looks.”

However, she’s not interested in listening to me. “Mom?”

Alice shakes her head. “I have to agree with your father. That’s too dangerous for you.”

Her lower lip begins to wobble, and I see Alice frown. I quickly point at a stall that has a fishing game. “Why don’t we try that out first?”

Fortunately, children are easy to distract. The carnival has plenty of games, and I help Mira hold a gun as she tries to shoot at moving targets. Her aim is way off, and when I try my hand at it, I’m no better. It’s a little embarrassing to fail so miserably at what should be an easy task, especially in front of Alice. I consider bribing the carny for the large panda bear that my daughter has her heart set on, but Alice lowers my hand as it’s on its way to my wallet.

“There’s a trick to it,” Alice explains, pointing at the multiple targets. “You aim at the second target, and you get the third. Aim at the third, and you get the fourth. The targets move very quickly.”

“Because you’re an expert?” I scoff.

“Alright, hotshot.” Alice puts a five-dollar bill on the wooden counter. “Let me show you how it’s done.”

The carny hands her the gun, and she takes aim carefully before shooting. She gets all ten targets, much to my dismay and our daughter’s delight.

Setting down the gun, she raises her eyebrows at me. “What were you saying?”

“You’ve had practice.”

She hands the panda to Mira. “Of course. The carny and I are in cahoots, aren’t we? He gives me secret training lessons at night.”

“Aha, so you admit it!”

She looks down at Mira, shaking her head in exasperation. “Your father is ridiculous.”

“You’re a bad shot, Dad.” Mira rubs salt in my wounded pride as she hugs her new bear.

I narrow my eyes at the two of them. “That was a fluke. I can still score you some toys.”

Mira giggles. “Mom always wins me the big ones.”

“Well, your dad is going to get you even more.”

“You couldn’t even win her a bear,” Alice taunts me.

I glare at her. “You’re going to eat those words.”

An hour later, I’m the one eating my words as I carry around Mira’s new plush collection that her mother has won at every game. Alice is laughing. “Must be fun to be right all the time.”

“This whole carnival is rigged.”

She licks her ice cream. “Of course it is. Because you can’t be bad at something.”

I mutter under my breath, and she cups her hand at her ear. “What was that? Was that you admitting that you’re not good at every single thing?”

Mira giggles.

“Should Dad buy us a nice dinner now, Mira?” Alice asks, grinning.

The girl nods. “The Pizza Poo! I want to go to the Pizza Poo.”

I stare at her. “That doesn’t sound like a very hygienic restaurant.”

“Poo is the name of the mascot at this pizza place. It’s close by. We can walk.”

Spending time with Alice and Mira, relaxed and teasing each other, is something I never would have imagined. By the time I take them to their car, Mira is sleeping in my arms. Her new plush toys are in Alice’s arms.

“It’s been a long time since I could enjoy myself like this,” I say lightly before glancing at Alice.

“Mira had a good time. I’m glad.”

“How about you?”

As we stand by Alice’s car, she meets my gaze, her own looking troubled. “We have a long way to go, Darian. But I’m willing to meet you halfway for Mira’s sake. You’re a good father. I want that for her.”

“I don’t think just being Mira’s father is going to be enough for me,” I admit. “If you were cold to me all the time, I could understand, but you’re not. I’m not asking you to forgive me. I’m asking you to give me a chance. I messed up. I know what you went through was horrible. Not just the events of that night but every day after that. I’m sorry. I know I’ve never properly apologized, but I am apologizing now. I’m sorry you went through that because of me and my actions. I wish I knew how to fix everything. Whatever you say, I’m willing to do. But I’m not willing to walk away from you again, Alice. I don’t think I could survive walking away from you a second time.”

She looks away from me, her eyes wet. “I don’t know if I can move past that night, Darian. It still haunts me. It clings to me, and when I look at you, I can’t help but be reminded of who I was and how I was treated. I’m trying to be civil to you because of Mira. Why can’t you be happy with that?”

When she drives away a few minutes later, I stare after her car.

I can believe many things, but not what she just said. She’s not being civil to me because of Mira. If that were the case, she would be setting more limits.

She feels something for me. It’s up to me to bring those feelings out.

*****

Spending time with Alice and Mira becomes a frequent occurrence. I also get to see Alice during meetings with Katherine’s company. Her attitude toward me is softening, and I’ve noticed that she likes to feed me. I don’t know if she realizes that this is something mates do for each other. Even if Alice hasn’t accepted me, her wolf has.

It’s something that gives me hope, but I’m not going to shoot myself in the foot. I have no intention of telling her the meaning behind her actions. However, when she gives me some of her lunch or forces me to eat something, I never turn her down.

My team of lawyers always watches in morbid fascination when Alice speaks to me in a casual but disgruntled voice. None of them would dare speak to me in that tone. In fact, over the years, I’ve developed a reputation as a little bit of a tyrant. My attitude toward my own wife, Willow, is harsh enough that rumors about my personality have begun to spread.

Dinners at Alice and Mira’s home have become even more frequent, and I enjoy them. I’ve noticed that when I don’t push Alice on the topic of us, she relaxes around me. It is at one of these dinners, after I have put Mira to bed, that I come back out to see Alice washing the dishes in the kitchen sink.

“Make yourself useful and start drying.”

As I pick up the towel she points at, I remind her, “Just so you know, if anybody else were to order the king of the Wolf Kingdom to dry their dishes, it would be a punishable offense.”

She shrugs. “Go ahead. Punish me.”

Her simple taunt has my blood rushing to my cock. I can feel the hardness strain against my pants, and I wonder how she’ll react if I try to bend her over the sink. The idea has me visualizing various scenarios, none of which end up going well for me.

“Whatever you’re thinking, stop.” Alice glares at me. Her cheeks are flushed, and I realize that she can smell my arousal. “I’m sure it’s extremely inappropriate.”

“As your fated mate, I’m allowed to fantasize about you.” I put one of the clean, dry glasses in the cupboard. “And my fantasies about you are always inappropriate.”

“Darian!” Alice growls at me, but I can smell the faintest hint of her own arousal, and it makes me feel smug. She’s still attracted to me. All these protestations are pointless when I know her panties are getting damp as we speak.

“I was just wondering what it would be like to bend you over this sink, pull down those sweatpants, and fuck you slowly while you wash the dishes,” I comment idly.

The plate Alice has been washing slips from her hands and crashes in the sink. At the same time, the sweet fragrant scent of her arousal explodes into the room. However, she doesn’t turn around to face me; instead, her body stiffens.

“Go do something else,” she orders abruptly. “If you can’t behave yourself, then go home.”

I could do that, but I can see the way she’s struggling to control herself, and my own body reacts to the sight. I set down the dish towel and come to stand behind her, my arms on either side of hers, my hands covering hers as she grips the sink. “Behave myself? You must think I have tremendous self-control to be able to behave myself when you’re standing here, smelling like you want my cock inside you.”

She doesn’t push me away. If she did, I would back off. I’m testing the waters, and it seems that Alice is having a hard time ignoring her body’s desires.

My lips descend upon her nape, and she shivers. “I m–mean it, Darian. You’d better leave before I start throwing things at you.”

Her voice is breathy, and when I kiss her neck, I hear the broken moan, the scent of her arousal overpowering now. I’m not the only one who has been pent up for years. Lovers, my ass! She never took any lover.

“Go ahead,” I whisper against her ear before biting down on the lobe. Her hands grip the sink ever harder as she tries to swallow her gasp.

I expected her to be more resistant to me, but her body has craved mine for years, just like mine has needed hers.

I don’t waste time. My cock is hard and throbbing. I slide my hand under her shirt, cupping her generous flesh, molding it in my hand. Her breasts are fuller, softer than they used to be. I want her sprawled under me as I taste them, as I mark the pale flesh and suck the pink nub. I still remember how sensitive her breasts are. The right amount of handling and she can come from them alone.

Her body is still, but she’s not telling me to stop. Finally, she says, “God, you’re a fucking jerk!”

Hearing her curse has me growing even harder. She turns around in my arms, lightning quick, her eyes filled with a raw, animalistic hunger that has my wolf eager to play. My hand is still on her breast, and as I pinch her nipple, she grabs me by the collar, whispering hoarsely as she does, “This doesn’t mean anything,” and then pulling me down to her lips.

The kiss is desperate, clumsy, the act of a woman who doesn’t know what she’s doing but doesn’t care. Her mouth moves against mine, and I remove my other hand from the counter, gripping a fistful of her hair and adjusting her to get better access.

Her mouth is hot, tasting of red wine and chocolate. I suck on her tongue, swallowing her wanton moans. My actions are frenzied. We don’t have much time, but I need her. I need to feel her pussy wrapped around my painfully hard cock. I need to be inside her. I need to map out her entire body with my lips, my hands. I need to mark every inch of this beautiful body of hers.

I need Alice. My wolf needs Alice.

There’s no sense of deliberation in our actions anymore. As soon as she kisses me, my mind goes blank with need. I pull off her sweatpants and toss them aside. After quickly undoing the zipper of my pants, I push inside her.

She’s tight. Her legs wrap around my hips as I thrust into her, my mouth still exploring hers. She’s wet and dripping as my cock moves in and out of her. The sheer relief of having her is like a drug to me. It’s like coming home. My heart aches, and when I come up for air, I bury my face in her neck, needing her scent.

I’ve been so utterly lonely without her, and having her here in my arms… How can I ever let her go? I won’t survive another day without her.

She’s clutching me, her claws digging in my back, drawing blood. I relish the pain, the marks that will be there in the morning, reminders that she needs me, even if it is just physically. I can give that to her. I can give her anything she wants as long as she doesn’t leave me again.

My mouth is dangerously close to her neck, and as she cries out into my chest, her muscles contracting around my cock, pushing me over the edge along with her, I try to turn my face, but my wolf rises to the surface, sensing the urgency of the timing.

No!

But my mouth opens, and my teeth sink into Alice’s neck as my wolf marks her.

The mating bond snaps into place, and I feel her body jerk a second time as she shatters once again in my arms.

Oh, fuck!

*****

“I already said I’m sorry!” I sit on the edge of the bed as Alice paces before me. “It was the heat of the moment, Alice. I wouldn’t—I tried to stop it.”

She stops in her tracks, turning around to point a finger at me. “The heat of the moment? You shouldn’t have put your hands on me in the first place!”

“Woah, woah, woah!” I hold up my palms. “You weren’t exactly saying no, either!”

She glares at me. “I’m not the one who gave you the mating mark, Darian! If you have such poor control over your wolf, you had no business doing all that to me!”

“It wasn’t on purpose!” I attempt to pacify her, trying really hard to feel bad about what I’ve done and not succeeding. “Alice…”

She’s pacing again, her expression ranging from frantic to angry to upset. My heart sinks.

“Do you really despise me that much?”

She turns to face me a second time, her lips parting. I brace myself for whatever cruel words will spill from her tongue, but she snaps her mouth back together as if she doesn’t quite trust herself to speak. I watch and wait, and when she finally does say something, her shoulders droop.

“You have no idea of the position you have put me in, Darian. Why? What did I do to you? Why do you always have to corner me without leaving so much as a way out? Why can’t you just let me live my life?”

Her eyes are sparkling with tears, and I feel like a monster.

“Alice, I’m sorry.” I’m on my feet now. Placing my hands on her shoulders, I try to plead my case. “I didn’t do it deliberately. My wolf was desperate. It seized the opportunity. I tried to resist, but there was nothing I could do. But I learned my lesson the first time around. I want to win you back, but not like this. Never against your will.”

“But now, you’ve tied us together for life.” She looks up at me, a tear spilling down her cheek. “I don’t want to go back there. I want my normal life, where I have some control. I worked hard to get here, Darian. You took everything from me once, and now you’re taking it again. Where am I supposed to go at this point? You got what you wanted, and like always, I’m the one who has to bear the consequences.”

My heart breaks, and my voice is uneven. “I just thought, when I came here tonight, that maybe the two of us could finally be happy. I didn’t—You don’t have to come back with me. I won’t force you. I promise. You can stay here. You and Mira both.” I stagger away from her, my wolf finally realizing that she really doesn’t want me. “I thought—I didn’t know your hatred of me ran so deep.”

I can’t look her in the eye. I’ll break if I do. To be hated and despised by my own fated mate to the extent that the bond, which should have been a source of happiness for us both, is distressing her to the point of tears makes me feel sick to my stomach. I should have resisted harder.

“I’ll figure out a way,” I say roughly. “I won’t disrupt your life, Alice. You have my word.”

It feels like everything has slipped from my grasp, like sand through my fingers. All the plans I was laying out in my head, the hopes I was building of the chance at a new life with the woman I love, seem like a faraway dream now. I want to blame my wolf, but I can understand why it acted the way it did. It didn’t want to let Alice get away a second time. At its very core, my wolf is a beast. It understands animalistic instincts.

Wolves mark their mates and spend a lifetime together. The females follow the males. My wolf wanted that. How could it have accounted for the fact that Alice’s hatred of me would make her resist the bond?

Alice just looks at me, and I walk out of the bedroom, numb.

She doesn’t stop me, and at this point I no longer expect her to.

I was so cocky, so arrogant to assume that there was a chance to fix things. But what does this mean for us? What does it mean for me?

Will I spend the rest of my life alone because I gave in to Willow’s threats so many years ago? Will I constantly pine for Alice, knowing that no matter what I do, I will never be able to carve a space in her heart for myself?

I exit the apartment, needing to think, needing to grieve.

My mate doesn’t want me.

In trying to protect her, I pushed her so far away that even if she’s within my physical reach, I can’t touch her, I can’t draw comfort from her.

And if that isn’t the loneliest existence imaginable, I don’t know what is.

Outside, in front of her building, I stand under the streetlight. The night is dark and empty. Tilting my head back, I feel the hole in my heart grow larger and colder.

This is my existence now.

Because, as I’ve learned, not all damage can be undone.