Chapter Nine
Seraphina
When Tyler kissed me, everything shifted. It was as if a dam had burst, unleashing a tidal wave of emotions. In that fleeting moment, the world around us melted away. Warmth ignited every nerve ending in my body. That heady contradiction of feeling both at home and on the cusp of an extraordinary adventure caught me up. My heart raced as I fought to understand the strange emotions coursing through my veins. The place in my chest thrummed with a haunting familiarity—a soul-deep connection that whispered we were destined for one another.
Yet, my heart raced with panic. I had severed our mate bond. This shouldn’t be happening. How could I still feel this intense attraction toward him? And why did the fire in my veins burn hotter with each lingering memory of that kiss?
After that moment, I retreated by throwing myself into my healing work with desperation. Every day, with dawn’s light creeping through my window, I dashed out. Breakfast became a granola bar so as to escape encountering Tyler at breakfast. For both lunch and dinner, I stayed at the infirmary, sharing staff meals with Kelly and Laura.
Yet still, there were snippets of the day when Tyler’s presence still found me—when his broad shoulders filled the doorframe of the infirmary and when his deep, thoughtful gaze was focused on one of the recovering packmates. Each encounter sent shards of longing through me, cracking the hardened resolve I desperately clung to. My wolf stirred restlessly beneath my skin, howling for the connection we once shared. I clenched my fists to suppress the urge to reach out, to close the yawning chasm between us. Despite the physical distance I continued to build, every stolen glance ignited a spark within me, the commanding yet gentle of Tyler’s bright blue eyes threatening to defeat all of my resolve. I balled my hands into fists, willing myself to ignore my wolf’s demands and the yearning swirling within.
The temptation for news about how the hunt for the traitor was going was great, too. Yet, even in that, I forced myself back. Tyler had told me to focus my energy on treating the sick. He was the one searching for the one who had betrayed us. Prodding him for information would only lead us down the rabbit hole of entanglement again—something I was terrified of happening. My stomach flip-flopped at the memory of our kiss and how close I’d been to giving into my feelings until he’d uttered that word, ilak —mate.
Night was the worst time of the day, when thoughts of Tyler so close and yet so far from me, tormented me. I tried to harden my resolve, reassuring myself that where I was was temporary. Once I’d cleared my parents’ names, I’d leave here for good. Every night, I cleared my mind through meditation and smudged white sage, desperate for peace. But no matter how I prepared, restorative dreams evaded me.
Instead, one night after a prolonged meditation, I found myself staring into a deep pool. The surface shimmered with the essence of the Moon, and as the image clarified, I realized my appearance had changed—my skin emanated a luminescence, a milky-white glow that mirrored the moonlight flooding down.
It wasn’t my reflection I was seeing, I realized, but Igaluk, the Moon goddess’s. Her luminous green eyes sparkled with the hope of early spring buds, yet beneath that beauty surged powerful, otherworldly energy.
“Restore the bond, Seraphina. Restore what is meant to be,” the goddess urged, her words rippling with intensity.
My pulse quickened, dread stealing through me. “I can’t,” I gasped, shaking my head. I had always drawn strength from Igaluk’s presence, but this? I couldn’t accept it. So much had happened between Tyler and me—pain and betrayal. Besides, I hadn’t returned to the Silver Moon Pack for Tyler. I’d only come back here for my parents. Tyler belonged to a past that I desperately wanted to close.
“I respect your decision,” Igaluk said, her tone rich with understanding yet laden with gravity. “But listen well.”
My heart thudded painfully as trepidation hung between us. “Every wolf shifter should have a fated mate,” she continued, her voice resonating, each word an ominous stone sinking into the lake’s depths. “Fate has already arranged everything for you. Do not worry. You will eventually see your true heart.”
At dawn’s first blush, consciousness returned. As I awakened, anticipation and anxiety twisted within. I felt the mate bond that I had desperately fought against threatening to dissipate. Like a flame flickering in the breeze, it quivered, then was… gone. I’d once severed the bond before, but this time it felt different. I recognized that the bond had disappeared completely. For a moment, I searched for it again in my chest, feeling the tide of my panic rising as if a piece of my very essence had slipped into the ether. My heart felt hollow in a way I had never experienced before. I felt the lack like a piece of land that once held life, but it had been uprooted, the space now barren and scarred.
In that agonizing moment of clarity, awareness struck me like thunder. If I felt the loss of our bond so acutely, then Tyler would, too. The thought sent another wave of panic crashing through me. I couldn’t face him. I dashed to the bathroom.
A heartbeat later, Tyler’s soft knock echoed through the door. “Seraphina?” His voice held a thread of concern that tugged painfully at me.
“Yes?” I replied, forcing my voice into a semblance of steadiness though my insides quaked.
“Are you all right?” The weight of his concern settled heavily on my chest, the sincerity of it making tears spring to my eyes.
“I’m fine,” I insisted, but the words felt hollow against the backdrop of my fraying emotions.
“I thought I felt…” he trailed off, an unspoken question hanging between us. Did he know? Did he feel the same depth of loss that I did?
I moved away from the door, grateful for the barrier between us. Could he read the guilt radiating from me? I couldn’t face his piercing gaze. It would unravel me completely.
“Look, Tyler, I need to shower and get to the infirmary, okay?” I attempted to sound neutral, to project indifference as if nothing had changed between us.
Silence stretched out, thick and suffocating, the ragged beat of my heart pounding in my ears.
“Okay.” His voice was low. “Just know I’m here if you want to talk.”
A single tear slipped past my defenses, trailing down my cheek—a stark reminder of the ache lodged deep within me. I felt his presence, steady and unwavering, yet I turned away, retreating further from him.
I undressed and stepped into the spray of hot water, closing my eyes and willing the water to wash away my guilt and longing for Tyler, something that still echoed through me despite the bond being gone.
Thankfully, I ducked out of the house without seeing him. I rushed through my morning, feeling strangely robotic as if on autopilot—a pattern that continued daily. Each dawn, I leaped into my work, brewing teas to fend off the illness that was still holding the Silver Moon warriors in its grip, losing myself in the world of herbs and healing.
Despite doing everything I could to help the ill Silver Moon packmates, the pack’s resentment remained as entrenched as ever. One morning, as I hurried through the crisp morning air on my way to the infirmary, I spotted a pair of Silver Moon warriors—Justin and Hudson—changing shifts for their patrol. Their hackles rose in unison as they passed, casting me icy glares that sent a shiver racing down my spine. Such reminders that I was still an outsider, shunned by most, were constant.
Yet, as I came into the infirmary, a chipper voice reminded me that not everyone was the same. “Morning, Seraphina!”
“Hey, Tara,” I replied with a smile. The young warrior of just eighteen sat at Neave’s bedside, one of the patients still afflicted by the illness. My heart lightened as she beamed at me.
She’d been dropping in to visit the Silver Moon warriors regularly. She was part of the patrol, one of only two females along with Neave, whose strength and training had been honed to the point where she was a valued member of the warrior wolves.
Tara had told me that Neave’s encouragement had led her to aspire to the patrol. I knew Tara had moved in with Neave and Ollie when she’d been orphaned at a very young age. Tara was like family to them, I supposed, in a similar way I was to Tyler. I knew she empathized with me in a way that hardly anyone else could, having experienced losing both parents, too.
“Would you let me practice a new hairstyle on you?” Tara asked, her eyes filled with friendliness.
The request caught me off guard, but warmth blossomed in my chest. Over the last couple of years, I had cherished the moments spent with Selina, who would brush and braid my hair, a common pastime for females of any pack, mimicking the grooming rituals of our wolves. And before Selina, it hadn’t been since my mom brushed my hair that I’d experienced that kind of bond.
“Sure, I’d love that,” I managed, a smile breaking through the fog of my lingering sadness.
Late that afternoon, another friendly face dropped into the infirmary to see me.
Elder Carl entered with a smile for me. “That new texts we requested from Silver Moon University have arrived, Seraphina.”
In addition to my work in the infirmary, I’d been spending most evenings in the library, hoping to find a long-term herbal remedy that might cure the pack of this illness. Elder Carl had been helping me request books. I was still affiliated with Silver Moon University, but it was only elders and alphas who could request the more ancient texts that I suspected were where a cure might be found.
A thrill shot through me. “Amazing. Thank you, Carl.”
Carl waved my thanks aside with a hand. “You’re the one who should be thanked, my dear,” he said, a twinkle lighting his aged blue eyes, his wrinkled and weather-mottled face, making me think of the old books and their worn parchment I couldn’t wait to see.
Elder Carl joined me, and we swiftly navigated our way to the library. The scent of aged paper greeted me like an old friend, igniting memories of my teenage years spent pouring over the books housed in our pack’s modest library. The glow from the soft green library lamps illuminated the pages cursive script as we poured over the books together.
Hours passed in a blur of study, my gaze drinking in the lines of ancient herbal wisdom. Finally, I came across an account detailing a herb that had cured an illness spread with dark magic in a shifter community in the nineteenth century. Hope pounded through me. I looked at the picture of the herb more carefully and felt a prickle of recognition, remembering a trek that Mom and I had taken up the Nuvuja Mountains in my childhood. This rare plant, known as jedra, grew on the forested slopes of our mountain.
“I found something!” I exclaimed, elation ringing in my voice.
But my celebration was short-lived as I looked up to catch sight of Logan—his hulking form lurching out of the stacks at my exclamation. He glowered at me, his scrutiny stark against this newfound hopefulness in my chest.
I could see from Logan’s alert body language that, as usual, he suspected I was up to no good. No doubt, he’d want to follow me. With that thought in mind, I excused myself from Carl loudly. “I better go tell Tyler about this.”
As I hurried back through the snow, thoughts of going off and handling this by myself took root. I could pick up some supplies and slip off to the mountains before anyone missed me. The night was only just falling, and I knew I could pick up my harvesting stuff, pack it away in the bag Selina gifted me, and take off in wolf form up the mountain. I was returning earlier than usual, and with any luck, Tyler would still be out on pack duties, too.
But, opening the door, Tyler was seated at the kitchen table, a steaming mug warming his hands while he scribbled in a notebook. His bright blue eyes widened in surprise, and he shot to his feet.
“Are you all right?” he blurted out, worry quickly blanketing his handsome face.
He’d gotten so used to me returning late that he assumed only trouble would bring me back early. A mixture of frustration and guilt washed through me.
“Everything’s fine,” I assured him.
He looked at me quizzically, his gaze brushing over me, and I knew there was no way I was going to be able to slip out with my bag of supplies without an explanation.
I forced myself to explain, “I’ve had a good breakthrough in the library. Elder Carl requested some texts to research herbs that might contain more long-term curatives for the Silver Moon warriors. We think we’ve found a potential herb.” I swallowed hard, my pulse quickening under his watchful gaze. “Jedra—it grows on the mountains. It’s rare, but I’ve found it in the forested peaks with my mom years ago.”
Tyler’s expression transformed, determination igniting in his cerulean eyes. “That’s great news! If we set out soon, we should make base camp before midnight,” he declared, his steps and movements already purposeful as he carried his mug to the sink.
Alarm bells rang in my mind. I didn’t want him to come with me. “I’d like to search for the herb alone. I only came back to grab my harvesting supplies,” I insisted, striving to hold onto my resolve.
Tyler’s expression went rigid as he turned around to face me. “Absolutely not.” His voice was firm and unwavering. “I’m going with you, Seraphina.”
“No,” I said, my heart pounding, refusing to step down despite the waves of authority that roiled off Tyler’s tense figure. The last thing I wanted was to be alone with him.
“I won’t allow you to wander into the wilds alone when a traitor is lurking in the shadows,” he pressed, a hard edge creeping into his voice.
I bristled, irritation battling against reason. “If I leave immediately, I’ll be back without anyone noticing—”
“I’m coming with you. That’s final,” he interrupted, his tone making it clear that there was no room for debate.
I inhaled sharply, torn between anger and an inexplicable longing. Tyler’s protective instincts—albeit annoying—were sensible. But that only deepened my frustration.
Just then, the memory of Logan shadowing me in the infirmary, his ever-watchful gaze full of suspicion, filled my mind.
“Okay,” I finally relented, a reluctant accord settling between us. “But let’s take Logan, too.”
Tyler’s brow knitted. “Logan?”
“You and I leaving town will hardly go unnoticed,” I countered. “It’ll be easier to keep watch if we have someone else with us, especially if we run into trouble.”
With someone else present, I hoped to retain control over my emotions. My heart raced as I faced the prospect of an adventure into the mountains. Logan’s instinct to shadow me could at least provide protection from the real danger—my own feelings. I knew the mate bond had disappeared, but my attraction to Tyler was still very real, and I understood that my affection for him was more than just the remnants of that connection.
As the shadows of the night fell, I packed for the unexpected journey ahead. All the while, the pull of the Moon goddess gnawed at the edges of my resolve. She had spoken of fate. Would this be the turning point? Would I find guidance, or would the shadow of my past dictate my future?